I can't help but to marvel at the earring – my earring. Claire Standish's earring has been replaced with mine. Mine. It seems such a trivial thing to analyse and elicit some deep meaning from, but it is blatantly there. First referring to me as Simmone instead of my surname, then the kiss and now replacing the earring of a lost lover.
The rumours do hold validity after all. Claire Standish, the pristine and popular girl of Shermer High School, deceived over a hundred different school kids from a range of grades, and all to maintain her popular reputation. Being a bitch is one thing – something known amongst that crowd – but being a bitch and a liar are the two reprehensible traits I never would have expected Claire to possess. Her exterior is kind and she is full of malice like some people from that elite group, but I didn't expect her to deny the truth in such a harsh manner. It isn't just Bender.
It's Brian.
It's Allison.
It's Andrew.
It's all of them – including herself. She has fooled everyone, apart from those five. I know each and every one of those people.
Bender, he stands in front of me now searching for loose change in his pocket, enough to purchase two hamburgers and extra fries smothered in grease. He is the one who felt the burning need to press his dry yet supple lips against mine and carried the yearning out, who decides whether he will cherish one or taunt one, and who was rejected by Claire. Every day he roams the hallway – dark sunglasses masquerading his dark brown eyes, collar of that tattered denim jacket up to signify just how much of a rebel he is. He walks past them – Brian, Allison, Andrew and Claire. With Brian and Allison, he doesn't hesitate to say hello but those will be the only words verbalized in public for a number of days until they see each other again outside History class with Mr Peterson. With Andrew, I've caught onto brief and discreet nods that you wouldn't be able to acknowledge unless focusing on just that quick movement. It's difficult to see as they don't even make eye contact. They just nod and saunter on.
As for Claire, I can tell he avoids her at all costs. If she is in the same class as him, he sits at the back and she sits at the front. There isn't just a physical divide segregating them, but something more serious. They are from diverse classes. Whilst Claire is very much the epitome of the upper class, Bender is that epitomes binary opposite. The love was unrequited according to class. That is the honest truth.
We live in a society where money is worth more than emotions. That very assertion is not being pessimistic, it's reality. Love no longer creates happiness when you've got money to get you a top of the range BMW and a bottle of Chanel No. 5 to keep you smelling fresh and looking cool, and above all, keeps you happy. Sad, but true. Some of us have become immersed in the luxury of materialism, so much that we've lost what was supposed to conquer everything. Personally, that isn't my ideological way of thinking. However, I can say it applies to me. It would be hypocritical if I said 'I love my father very much, even when he doesn't remember to get me a little gift on my birthday'. Everyone would object and declare their love for their parents, but once the same event happens to them, that once vociferous declaration is stifled. Fortunately, my father has never forgotten to buy me a birthday present, even when we are short on money. The main thing to remember is to be grateful for what you get. Claire and Bender are different people. They live on a planet called Earth, but reside in different worlds, different classes. It would ruin her reputation, and apparently, that is more paramount than accepting a person for who they are. But hey, I don't make the rules.
Brian became the chair of the Math League and is currently planning on applying to Brown University and Harvard. I've never met anyone as intelligent as Brian before in my life. Last year in Chemistry he spent an entire hour devoted to helping me solve about five equations. Not only is he intellectually talented, but he has a warm heart. The quiet, reserved kid people trip over in the hallways and coerce into doing their homework is going places. There's one thing the jocks don't understand, and when they do, I'll be buying a first row ticket to watch their reactions and laugh. They don't understand how they'll be working for people like Brian in the looming future. To Brian, that would be the ultimate retribution for all the chaos they have thrust into his life. He's a kind soul, but I've seen how a faint smirk crawls onto his lips when a jock who repeatedly insults him and catapults him into trashcans gets admonished in class for forgetting his homework or chewing gum. He's going places, good places, and I can only wish him the best of luck. He'll make it, I can tell.
The only person I don't know too much about is Allison. She never talks and just sits at an isolated table at the back of English class drawing or noisily chewing on bacon flavoured chips sandwiches, opening the occasional sugar packet to accompany her outlandish meal. She's more comfortable when others are not there to bother her, so nobody does. We all just leave her alone. It makes me think though: do we leave her alone because it is her individual wish or because we find it uneasy to approach her? Either way, most people don't question it and until now, neither have I.
Before I have time to even think about the others, Bender thrusts a greasy hamburger into my hands, flicking my nose a singular time to get me out of this reverie.
"You feeling alright?" he asks, stuffing a few fries into his mouth.
"You're wearing my earring" I reply, nodding to the earring suspending from his ear. Bender shrugs, beginning to walk out.
"I like it, so I'll have it" Oh God, now I know for a fact I'm about to say something incredibly stupid. I stride out, ensuring I get in front of him before he can walk ahead.
"Does that little personal ideology apply to me?" I ask him, raising my eyebrow, which Bender mirrors with a disturbing amount of accuracy "You kissed me, you take my earring, you call me by my first name. What's your game, Bender?"
"What game? That's life, Simmone. You call someone by their name because its the polite thing to do and kiss them when you want them. There's no game at all, just life" With that, Bender fingers the earring – my earring. "As for this, I liked it so I made sure that I got it. That's how a lot of people live nowadays. They want something, whether it be a convertible or a footlong sandwich, and they find the means in which they attain it. Getting something you want doesn't just apply to richies, Simmone. You don't need to have the monetary means to get something you want"
He begins to walk away again, heading towards a bench where a lone pigeon sits, snuggled into his many layers of pale feathers. In order to get rid of it, Bender throws a piece of his bread bun over the bench, the fat pigeon moving at the speed of light to get a taste of it.
"Things I do for animals" Bender sighs and sits down, snagging my arm and pulling me down with a hearty laugh. I, however, possess no reaction and just sit, examining his face. "You think too much, Simmone"
"Some think more than others" I murmur, beginning to massage my temples and move my long hair over to my shoulder. "Why are you doing this to me, Bender?"
"Tell me about your family" he replies, lighting a cigarette and after taking the first drag, he hands it over to me whilst exhaling little silver vortexes. "Then we can talk more about your question"
"I've already told you about my family, Bender" I sigh, watching the end of the cigarette burn vividly with delight as I inhale its smoke.
"Doesn't mean I can't ask again. Tell me about it, your life" he commands, his chocolate eyes intense.
"I was born in Michigan and moved here when I was two years old. My mom, before she died, worked as a journalist for the local paper and owned a little wholefoods store just around the corner from here. We had a pretty good life, until my dad got made redundant in 1975 and Mom's business began suffering as a result of big fast food chains moving into the area." I pause for a moment, recollecting several moments in time. They're only flashes, but in comparison to my whole life, those memories are literally miniscule flashes building up to a momentous event. "She had to close it down. Soon after that, my dad got a new job at another accountancy office. However, paranoid that he'd get made redundant again, he began working hours into the early hours of the morning and as a result, my parent's marriage began to suffer. Mom started to hide away. On the exterior, she was there, but internally, she had gone. She..."
I breathe in deeply, lowering my eyes to the ground. Not wishing to continue won't please Bender. But this isn't for him – it's for me. Learning to accept the truth is harder than it initially looks. When people tell you to accept the truth, they are most likely veiling their inner demons and muffling their merciless roars. No one likes confronting the truth or taking responsibility for it. Truth is, I could have been a better child. Conversely, my parents could have been better parents. At the end of the day, we're human. We idolize our parents, believe they are flawless. As we grow, we begin to realize they are far from that idyllic dream, and in the eyes of a young teenager who lacks experience, they become their worst enemies.
"She started to do things. Like, I'd wake up in the night whilst my father wasn't there to get a glass of milk from the kitchen and turn the lights on to see her banging her head against a wall, as if in a trance. Once my sister woke up and would hear my mom crying in the bathroom, my father fast asleep. She had to convince my mom to come out of the bathroom. At the time, we didn't know what had triggered it. Turns out it wasn't just Dad's job, but they hadn't been getting along romantically for a while, only married because they had my sister to think about. They were planning to get a divorce and didn't want to announce it to us because we were sitting our finals at the time. Both had had a few affairs. A few months before my mom's death, she and my dad seemed to be getting along again, like lovers more than friends. Then it all started again. Then it would stop, then it would start a few days later. It was a cycle of whether they were going to act married or not. My mom wanted to move away to the country, to get away from the city. Her boyfriend lived there. Dad said no, but only because she wanted to take us with him. That argument came a night before she died, and then I kicked off a day afterwards an hour before. I remember at her funeral, the boyfriend actually turned up. My dad just blanked him. Then again, he blanked everyone. Now, he just works. His girlfriend dumped him the moment he decided to focus on work rather than her. So, there you have it. That's a somewhat brief synopsis of my life"
"Makes my life sound like a fucking paradise" Bender mutters, eating a fry and adjusting his new prized possession that hangs from his ear.
"What about yours?" I ask softly, shuffling closer to him and passing back his cigarette, the symbol of our growing friendship.
"I need to answer your other question before you ask another. I'm doing this to you because I've seen you walk around, Simmone. Seen the way you walk hugging your textbooks and not afraid to flaunt your intelligence. 'Cause you are, you're one hell of a smart girl. I've seen you around school with your friends and watch you observe and analyse what kind of life surrounds you. You're observant, analytical, a deep thinker." He answers, stealing one of my fries without facing objection. I would usually, but he paid for it and I'm far too engrossed in what he's saying right now. "You're an interesting character. You could say it turns me on"
At that, I can't help at laugh.
"So, you kissed me because of all that?" Again, Bender shrugs.
"I heard deep thinkers were good at kissing. Call it an experiment" he chuckles, the back of his fingers stroking my flushed cheek. "Your fries and burger are going to get cold if you wait any longer Besides, this weather isn't helping. Kinda sucks when it's cold, huh?" he smirks at me, but there is no allusion in that playful smirk. "Come on, let's go back to my house. I want my coat"
"You've already got a coat" I assert with a monotone voice, tapping his denim cladded shoulder.
"Not once I let you wear it" he chuckles, standing up as I do and taking the fries out of my hand, placing them on the bench before he shields my slim frame with his enormous jacket. "See? Now I have to get my coat"
It is now we begin to walk in another direction. All the while, I can't help but to look at the earring bouncing up and down.