Supremacy Part 15
For the second time in three days I pace around the room. Too bad it's not for the same reasons. My head is pounding, and my stomach is queasy. I know the head is from the alcohol. My stomach, I'm pretty sure, is from knowing that in about 20 minutes Kitty's gonna be here.
I'm glad Santana didn't insist on staying the night here, instead going back to her own room. I don't know if I could of dealt with her body touching me during the night. Not that there's anything wrong with Santana or her body. Like, she's fucking hot and all, but she's not her.
She's not Kitty.
The second I'd caught my breath I regretted what I'd done. How could sleeping with Santana ever seem like a good choice? I tried to seem as collected as I could, but my mind was running a million miles an hour. What the fuck had I done? I made up some crap about it being a one time thing, experimenting or something like that. She made a comment about making it a two time thing, but I couldn't do it again. I made some act about feeling sick from all the alcohol, she seemed to buy it, and left me in my room.
I'd gotten a text from her this morning, hoping that my hangover wasn't too bad. She was sorry she couldn't come say goodbye in person as she'd overslept and had to leave straight away to make her flight. I replied, saying I was sorry I couldn't have seen her either, even just to clear the air, but inside I was happy I didn't see her.
So, obviously sleeping with San wasn't the smartest idea I've ever had. And I've had some pretty smart ideas.
I guess last night opened my eyes to a few things. Like the fact that I really like Kitty. It's all clicked into place, I have actual feeling for her.
I spent the morning in-between shooting pain through my temples and packing my bag trying to decipher exactly what I feel. It's more than sexual, more than physical. Thinking about her 'dating' Puck makes me jealous. Thinking about the way people sometimes describe her, like snake or devil woman, makes me angry. Thinking about her smile makes me feel all warm inside. These are all feelings you usually associate with the 'L' word.
And this scares the crap out of me. Now it's not just Kitty saying those three words, it's me potentially wanting to say them back.
I worry it's just going to end in more heartache for both of us. No one will accept our... arrangement. All they'll see is numbers. 16 and 19.
There's that same knock on the door as Friday, and I let out the breath I've been holding, square my shoulders and open the door.
There she is, in jeans and a T-shirt, hair down, smile on her face. I don't know if it's the change of clothes or if it's just in my head, but she seems to look even younger. Wetness instantly starts to pool between my legs. Not exactly how I wanted my body to react.
"Hey Quinn." I move aside from the door to let her in. Once she's inside and I've closed the door, she walks up behind me and places her hands on my hips. I lean forward slightly and place my head against the door. Fuck you life, why does everything have to be so hard and messed up?
I turn to face her, and the moment she see my expression her face drops.
"What's wrong?" I take another deep breath and move away from her, deciding to sit down to try calm myself. She stands in front of me, her face covered in concern. I take her hands in mine.
"We can't do this." I watch her face fall even further.
"What? Why?"
"You're 16, you're still in school."
"Yeah, and?" Her tone takes an aggressive turn. She lets go of my hands and her fingers curl up to ball her fists. Ah, I remember being 16 now. The world is out to get you. You're always right, and everyone else is always wrong.
"It's wrong Kitty. I shouldn't be doing this." The only thing she does is set her gaze on me, with I look I know all to well from when I was her age.
"I'm taking advantage of you, I'm using you." She snaps.
"You didn't seem to have a problem with using me two nights ago when you had me bent over and were fucking me until I screamed!" I don't flinch, but that only comes from years of practice and being friends with Santana. Crap, why did I have to think of her?
"What in the world has happened in the last day to make you start thinking this now? This has been happening for two months. You've been fucking me for two months! And now you say it's wrong? What the fuck has changed?"
"You said you loved me." She stops pacing and looks me in the eyes.
"Friday night, after we..." Hell, last week I was sending her provocative messages, now I can't even say the word sex.
"When we were falling asleep. You said you loved me."
"You heard that?" The whisper is so quiet I almost miss it. I nod, and she slowly sits down next to me.
"Do... Do you mean it?"
"I don't know, I mean, I think I do, I've never... I've never had to work out feelings like this before. I just know, I think about you all the time. And not just sex stuff, even though that's the main part." I smile when she smiles. I know exactly what she means.
"I think about what you're doing. I wonder if you're studying or in class, or if you're wondering about me too. I think about sectionals, and regionals, and I... I want you there."
The image forms in my head. I'm sitting in an auditorium, and the new directions are on stage. Kitty is dancing and I feel so proud of her. They win, and as they're celebrating Kitty steals a glance at me, and my chest swells. Afterwards we go back to our room, hotel in my head, I worship her body and treat her to the most amazing orgasm I'm able to muster.
And I'd be damned if I didn't want all of those things too.
What was this girl doing to me?
"I know this isn't, I guess, normal, and I know I'm young, but, I really like you Quinn. I trust you. I feel safe with you." I close my eyes, trying to bring back my resolve. But when she's looking at me like that, so vulnerable and sincere at the same time, I know I won't be able to resist.
"Kitty..."
"I want this Quinn, I know what I'm saying. I'm not an idiot, I know everyone else will probably think it's 'wrong' but these last two months have just felt so right."
And well, fuck, she's right.
"Kitty, I know you're not an idiot. I just don't want you to miss out on anything. You're only 16 once, you need to enjoy everything around you."
"Well, I'm enjoying you, arn't I?"
"That's not what I meant." She knows perfectly well that's not what I meant at all.
"I just don't want you to get hurt."
"Then don't hurt me." Her lips reach mine, and ever so softly kiss me.
She has to know what she's doing to me, right? How easily she can control me? How easily she can get me so embarrassingly wet? How could I ever deny her anything she wanted?
It's perfect, and for those few moments that we kiss I completely forget about last night. But, all to quickly the guilt comes flooding back. I need to tell her, before she inevitably finds out from someone at school. Most likely Tina.
"There's something else I have to tell you."
"I..." God I'm weak, I can't even look her in the eyes.
"I had sex with Santana last night." I sneak a look at her sideways, and all I can see is shock all over her face. She looks from me to the bed, and realization comes across her features. She stands up quickly, as if the bed was made of lava.
"I'm so sorry." She's silent, deep in thought. I bring my elbows up to my knees and rest my head in my hands. After a few minutes that feel like hours, she speaks softly.
"Am I not good?"
"Sorry?"
"Am I not good enough at... you know, that stuff?" How is it that we normally have mouths like sailors, but today we can't even say the words?
"Is it because I don't touch you enough?" Oh god, she thinks it's her fault.
"Kitty..." I stand up, but she's not even focusing on me anymore.
"Or is it me? Is it my body? I know Santana got breast implants. Is my chest not big enough?" I put my hand on her cheek, and make her face me. I don't even think, I press my lips against hers. It's quick and a little awkward seeing as she's not kissing back.
"You're perfect Kitty. Every part of you. We got drunk..." Good work Quinn, blame the alcohol.
"No, I can't use that as an excuse. This was all about me feeling like there's something wrong with me because I like fucking you. I thought if I slept with someone my own age it would snap me out of it. But, it just made me realise how much I really do like you Kitty. It's not an age thing, it's about you." I know that it's kind of not true, the age thing seems to be the major part of how much she turns me on, but this is about reassuring her right now.
I go to kiss her again, but she stops me with a finger to my lips.
"You've brushed you teeth, right?" I nod my head, part of me wants to laugh, that's the thing she's worried about?
"And rinsed, and flossed."
She moves her hand away, our lips connect and slowly she starts to kiss me back. Soon our tongues are sliding against each other, and Kitty moans into my mouth.
"Can I show you? Can I show you how much I want you?"
"I'm not going anywhere near that bed, I don't even know I should be letting you touch me right now." I nod, completely understanding what she means. I take my hand away from her cheek, and also let go of her waist. I don't even remember putting it there. I fucked up, I fucked up big time. How can I expect her to just be cool with it right away?
"It doesn't mean I don't need you to." She takes my hands and places them back on her waist.
That's how.
"Take me home."
And that's exactly what I do. I grab my bag, head down stairs, check out and grab a cab to hers. The drive is silent, and we don't touch. Since we walked out of the room she hasn't said a word, and her expression hasn't even flickered once. I don't know what I'm allowed to do. Can I hold her hand? Am I allowed to kiss her?
We get to her house and I pay for the taxi. Once we're inside her room, I stand nervously near her door. I still don't know what she'll let me do. I don't want to push. I definitely have no say in what happens here. Which also terrifies me. I've always known my place with Kitty. I would lead us, show her, fuck her. But now? No idea.
She turns to face me, and starts to take off her top. Once it's gone she unclasps her bra, and looks back over to me just standing here.
"Strip." Her voice isn't angry or aggressive, but it's commanding. I quickly comply, unzipping my dress before letting it drop to the floor. Bra and panties follow suit, and soon we're both naked, standing about 3 feet away from each over. Her gaze sweeps over me, and I'm frozen. I don't think I could move if I tried. I'm worried that if I do anything without Kitty telling me to it's gonna break this tension and she'll just tell me to get out of her house. I don't even want to breath just in case.
"Lay down." I move to the bed, laying on my back, and Kitty slowly moves to straddle me. I feel her core against my stomach, and she's wet.
"Touch me Quinn." I don't hesitate for a second, my fingers quickly move up her leg to meet her pussy, and I quickly start to stroke her clit. Her hips buck against my hand, and I know what she wants. I slide my fingers forward until they're surrounded by the warmth inside her. I don't dare move any further.
She starts to move against my fingers, slowly lifting her hips back and forth. She hasn't broken eye contact with me since we got on her bed, it adds to the intensity of it all. She picks up her pace, and braces her arms against my shoulders. She's barely made a sound, besides her heavy breathing, which is matched by mine. It almost feel surreal, we've never had sex like this. Having Kitty control me feels strange, the dynamic is so different. It's not bad, but I don't know how to feel about. I want to flip her over and gently fuck her until she comes over and over again.
By this point her body is bouncing against my hand, and I want to reach up and caress her skin, play with her chest, anything. But I stay still. I'm here to do what Kitty needs me to.
Her pussy starts to clamp down around my fingers, and she finally closes her eyes. Her body arches back, her breathing stops and her mouth opens in a silent cry. I stop breathing too, and the quietness surrounding us carries the same intensity that her eyes had.
Slowly she lowers her body to mine, and our skin touches. It feels like it's been far too long. Her lips place kisses over my shoulder, and I finally feel like I can move to touch her. I bring my other arm up around her, stroking the small of her back as her lips move up my neck. The eventually reach my own, and as they press against each other, I feel a tear drop onto my cheek. As the kiss breaks I look up at her face and see a few tears on her cheeks and I quickly wipe them away.
"I'm sorry." Kitty whispers softy as she wipes at the tear on my cheek.
"Why are you sorry? I should be, no, I am the sorry one."
"I'm sorry for getting so emotional. I just… I want you just for me. I know this was, is, supposed to just be sex, but, the idea of you with anyone else makes me so angry."
"I know babe, I'm so sorry."
"Can you… not do it again? Please? I know I can't make you, but I just…" I silence her with my lips. It seems to be the most effective method to make her stop talking.
"I won't sleep with anyone else. I don't want to touch anyone else except you." She smiles again, the same smile that she walked into my room earlier with, and my heart melts.
I know now, and I'm kicking myself that I had to be such an ass to find it out. I know that I'm gonna do everything in my power to keep that smile on her face. Bonus if I get to be the one that puts it there.