Chapter 39

Nimbly, silently, Zorro climbed up to his sweetheart's window. As used to it as he was, he could almost do this without thinking. He knew that path. He knew that façade. He could practically climb it with his eyes closed. Actually, he was almost doing precisely that, now that night was falling on Los Angeles.

He glanced through the window: a candle was lit on the bedside table and on the other side an oil lamp was shedding light on the room.

There she was, sitting in front of her mirror, but not looking at it. With her elbows on the little wooden table she used as a dressing table, her head buried in her hands, she was hunched and didn't move. Was she asleep? Not in this posture!

Zorro knocked on the window. It pulled her out of her torpor; she jerked her head up and looked toward the window. But the deepening darkness prevented her from making out what was on the other side of it, and she saw nothing but the reflection of her light-filled bedroom, an image that now prevailed over the shadow falling behind a glass pane which was slowly turning into mirror.

That same sound again. Like a slight knocking. Discrete, but clear and insistent. Would it be possible that...?

Victoria didn't particularly want to see anyone, that's why she had nudged her latest customers into going back home so that she could finally close her establishment and retire into her room; however, he wasn't really just anyone... Did she want to see him? She didn't really know. Anyway, she did not feel like making small talk. But after all, being with him... snuggling in his arms... yes, maybe.

She wanted to be alone. But perhaps did she also want to be with him... That was a paradox. In fact, she didn't really know what she wanted.

Toc toc toc. Again. And it was becoming insistent. She then went to the window, put her hands around her eyes and pressed her face to the pane.

And she saw it. Two small pale ovals on a black background, and right below, the lower half of a face she was beginning to know rather well. To know really well. This was even quite disturbing. As if she knew this moustache, this mouth, this chin, this jaw even better than she thought she did.

Would she open her window to him? Did she really want to? Torn between her desire to be alone and her desire to be comforted, she was still hesitating when with his only free hand he motioned for her to open.

He was starting to feel really uncomfortable in his position, clinging along the facade, perched on the window ledge. What was she waiting for, why didn't she just open for him like she usually did when the window wasn't already ajar?

She raised her hand to the handle, made up her mind and unlocked the window catch.

"Buenas tardes, Señorita."

"Buenas tardes," she politely replied half-heartedly.

Zorro sensed that her heart wasn't completely in it. She, for her part, barely noted that he had just called her 'Señorita' instead of the now usual 'mi querida'.

She was still standing by the window, thereby blocking his way as he was still clinging to the outside wall, precariously balanced on the ledge. Did she do it on purpose or just absent-mindedly, Zorro couldn't tell. But whatever, he was growing tired in this precarious position and might lose his grip and fall any time now.

"May I...?" Zorro asked, not finishing his question but making with his only free hand the gesture to enter the room.

"Oh...!" Victoria said, seeming to finally notice the uncomfortable position her visitor was in and realising that she was preventing him from getting inside.

She hesitated for a split second, then slowly, still almost hesitantly, she stepped aside to unblock the way, and with a very small gesture she invited him in.

Usually, Zorro's visits always managed to light a little something in her eyes, but he noticed that this time this glimmer was very feeble.

He had come here to draw some comfort and to soothe his aching heart, and now it seemed that he would have to be to one to soothe her and give her comfort! He felt he had neither the strength nor the motivation for it: part of him – the most personal one, the one that would always belong to Diego de la Vega – still resented her for what she had said earlier in the morning and was still mad at her. Even though another part of himself, which belonged equally to the Fox and to Diego, was dying to snuggle in her arms and listen to her repeat him over and over that she loved him and would always do, whoever he was.

Quite the nice lie! he bitterly thought. Right now, Diego probably was the last person on Earth she wanted to hug or whom she wished to talk to.

He had been living a lie for years and years, suffering from it and revelling in it both at the same time. Sometimes he felt he was only living for those moments shared with her, for her kisses and her vows, and when he was wearing that black mask he could even manage to believe it, to persuade himself that this lie he was living was the truth, or at least a truth; and when he was taking his mask off, reality was hitting him right in his face, the lie of this whole situation was coming back in full force, but he didn't have the courage to end it. To give up those few minutes gleaned and snatched here and there with Victoria. Like stolen moments.

Stolen from whom? From the rest of the world, no doubt. From the alcalde, perhaps.

From Victoria, assuredly.

From Diego...? But as uncomfortable as it was, he was basking in this lie, the alternative seeming even worse to his eyes. It was the worst option, except for all the others...

"I... uh..." Zorro began, "I wanted to wish you a good night."

"And risk your life for so little?" she replied, thinking about the risk of capture that each of his visits to the pueblo implied.

He felt a bit miffed by this rather curt and unexpected answer.

"I can leave if I bother you," he said rather coolly.

"No, no, that's not what I meant," she grumbled.

She closed the window.

"Excuse me," she told him, "this was not against you. It's just that... I'm a little bit tired tonight."

Zorro said nothing. He knew very well that it was less tiredness than upset, and he was well aware of what was bothering her that much. And as much as he wanted to see Victoria tonight, he paradoxically had no desire whatsoever to revisit the subject.

But he had been very naive if he thought he could come and visit Victoria without her being affected by the morning's events and her break-up – friendship-wise, that is – with Don Diego. And if he had thought she'd nicely chatter about everything and nothing, all the while whispering words of love, rather than pour out in his ear everything that weighed so heavily on her heart, he'd been severely deluding himself! Tonight Victoria was obviously not in a cuddly mood.

She hesitated for some time, but since she had finally let him in, she chose to tell him about the bitterness that had been gripping her heart since the morning.

"I had a rough day," she said, "I wasn't sure to be glad to see you tonight, but finally yes, if I am. I think that... I don't know, I need to get it out. And perhaps your presence, your words will... I don't know... soothe me... help me feel better..."

Zorro doubted it. He said nothing. After a slightly awkward pause, Victoria went on:

"I... I had... this morning... I had a nasty row with a friend. We sort of... fell out."

Zorro still didn't say anything.

"Or rather, a former friend now," she clarified.

That hurt, Zorro thought. Hurt a lot to hear that.

And to Victoria, saying this word, voicing it aloud had hurt too. She took a deep breath while looking away.

Zorro didn't want to be reminded of the morning's events, so he made the most of this silence to say:

"Yes I know, I heard about that."

Ouch, he immediately thought, mentally kicking himself as he realised he had just made a blunder that might lead to his undoing: the painful scene had taken place in the scullery, with no other witness than Victoria and Diego themselves. And if Victoria hadn't told anyone else herself, then he had indeed given his secret away. His own distress was making him totally reckless and was making him speak without thinking, forgetting about the most basic safety rules.

Luckily, Victoria seemed so lost in her own thoughts that she apparently didn't even note it, and she went on:

"To think of it, such a longstanding friend! Five or six years of friendship... No, even longer than that! How couldn't I..."

She didn't finish her sentence, clenched her fingers on the back of her chair and bit back a strangled sob.

She would have wanted Zorro to come to her and to take her in his arms to support and comfort her, instead of which he remained standing by the window – leaning on it, even – and folded his arms over his chest, telling her:

"Precisely, think about it. A friend you know so well... Do you really think you could have been that wrong about him all these years, or else isn't it rather today, right now, that you are being mistaken?"

Despite the torrent of emotions that was overflowing inside him, the logical side of Zorro's mind couldn't help but note the real irony in his argumentation: for indeed, she didn't really know Diego de la Vega; he had hidden too much to everyone, her included, for her to actually, entirely know him, for her to know everything about him. Starting with the real nature of his affection for her...

"But Don Diego was... he'd been... he... I was there! He was making sure he could... he wanted to... take advantage... of a young woman. I know it seem–"

"Señorita," Zorro interrupted, "had he ever before done anything that might suggest he is the kind of person who'd do what you're suspecting?"

She knitted her brow, searching her memory.

"Nnnno," she finally let out, "but..."

She hesitated. She was after all all too willing to be convinced.

Still leaning against the window on the other side of the bedroom, Zorro finally unfolded his arms to make a gesture to interrupt her:

"Has he ever made any inappropriate gesture toward you, shown any inadequate behaviour, unworthy of a respectable and respectful gentleman? Has he ever been improper or unseemly with you?"

Here, she didn't hesitate:

"No, of course not, but surely he's just not attracted to me! He's just never thought of me that way, that's it!"

Oh, my love, if you only knew!

"Actually," she went on with the hint of a wry and amused half-mile, "I think he's barely aware that I'm a woman..."

How well I've been hiding my true emotions, then, he bitterly thought.

But was it... a hint of slight regret, feebly piercing in Victoria's voice, tone and whole expression?

"You can believe me, mi querida, it cannot escape the notice of any man who has eyes to see, and it is impossible for any of them not to find you eminently desirable, even if he doesn't say anything about that."

For the first time since he arrived he appeared tender and seductive. She blushed at his words, looking down slightly to try to conceal both her trouble and her pleasure at hearing this rather forward smooth-talk.

Zorro for his part inwardly chastised himself, finding the words he had just said a bit too bold: never before had he talked to her about his desire, even in terms as veiled as those he just used. He suddenly dreaded she would take it the wrong way, especially in her current mood, but according to her reaction he didn't have to fear she'd feel offended. For now.

After this short emotional moment, Victoria came back to what truly was her current concern. Perhaps Zorro wasn't totally wrong. Perhaps had she been slightly mistaken. Perhaps had Don Diego not really attempted to take advantage of the señorita. Perhaps hadn't he found any better way to... well... to court the señorita than weakening her defences, making her feel a bit more comfortable before trying to talk to her, without any hidden intent to "take action". A highly clumsy and eminently dubious method, but much less despicable than the other possibility that first came to Victoria's mind. And then, Don Diego wasn't particularly renowned for his skills as far as relationships with ladies were concerned, nor for his achievements in affairs of the heart.

However, this idea was far from making Victoria very comfortable. And if Diego was truly interested in señorita Alacen, he would just have had to ask Don Alejandro for advice on the matter. The latter would be absolutely happy of this initiative, more than enthusiastic at this idea and more than willing to help, but he would certainly not have recommended this kind of method to his son!

No, really, Victoria wasn't totally convinced by this explanation. And without being able to put her finger on why, she wasn't fully comfortable with the idea of Don Diego courting señorita Alacen.

Anyway, the señorita was a bit too young for him, she arbitrarily decided. Hmm...yes, that was the reason why this idea didn't totally fill her with enthusiasm: señorita Alacen was younger than herself, so definitely not old enough to get along with a man of Don Diego's age in the long run. Period.

But whatever, she wasn't convinced of Diego's total innocence and was still worried for the young woman. Luckily, Zorro was there to watch over the innocents and to prevent people's wrongdoings:

"I would... I'd have a favour to ask you", she said.

Zorro tilted his head to the side, in a clear display that she had his full attention.

"This is... I don't know if you've heard, the de la Vegas have a guest these days."

Zorro didn't let anything show, waiting for more.

"A young woman... She's staying at their hacienda for some time... Time enough for her to recover after she fell off a horse and got a fever..."

Zorro still didn't move nor say anything.

"Oh, but come to think of it: where were you these past few days? Felipe was wrongly accused, and thrown into prison, and I thought you would... well..."

This time Zorro showed a sign of impatience and, slightly annoyed by her unvoiced reproach, he retorted:

"All's well that ends well, isn't it? His name was totally cleared, and even officially so! His honour and reputation are spotless, and no suspicion remains. There are some problems that people other than myself are quite able to solve!"

This allusion to Diego and señorita Alacen brought Victoria back to her initial concern:

"Yes, uh... about the de la Vegas... could you keep an eye on Don Diego for me, please? When he is with their guest?"

"When they are inside the house, you mean? You are well aware that only someone who has privileged access to the de la Vegas' hacienda could do so, aren't you?"

He was playing with fire there, and he knew it, but he suddenly found a slightly perverse pleasure in getting her uncomfortable on this subject.

Victoria sighed:

"I know that... the best solution would obviously be to put Felipe in charge of that, but he has a real veneration for Don Diego. He would never believe us. He worships him, he'd go through fire and water for him. And he's almost still a boy: using a young boy to make him one's spy just isn't done.

Ouch. Even without knowing it, Victoria definitely had a gift for pressing right where it hurt.

Doing his best not to show anything, and as if to put a mask on his own guilty conscience, Zorro replied rather curtly:

"Not to mention an argument you're leaving out, Señorita: using a son against his father is hardly glorious, isn't it?"

A little bit ashamed, she suddenly looked down at the tip of her shoes.

"Erm...yes," she admitted. "But to get back to Don Diego," she then said, raising her head, "you'll look after señorita Alacen, will you? Whenever possible, of course. That would help put my mind at rest..."

Zorro stared at her a moment. To completely convince him, Victoria added:

"Please, just to be sure..."

"Sure of what, exactly?" he asked almost accusingly. "Sure that Don Diego does nothing she would not want him to do, or rather sure that they don't do anything you don't want them to do?"

Victoria was gobsmacked. Never before had Zorro talked to her like that. And his barely veiled suggestion made her wonder whether or not he might have completely lost it: how could he believe that her concern in this whole business was about a possible development in Don Diego's affairs of the heart? That was preposterous!

Nonsense. He totally missed the point.

But before she had time to react, he had opened the window and, stepping through it before disappearing into the night, he told her:

"Don't worry, I can assure you that I won't let Don Diego out of my sight."

Galloping on Tornado, Zorro had already left the pueblo far behind him when he realised that not only he didn't get any kiss from Victoria to soothe his sorrow, but they hadn't even touched.