Chapter 24

"I need to leave for a while." Castiel told Dean who was trying to finish off the bottle of whiskey.

"Su-ree." he slurred slightly, drunk enough to feel no pain, but not near drunk enough to pass out.

"Will you be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be right here with my comatose brother." he saluted him with the glass.

Castiel gave him one last sad look before vanishing. He was going back to Heaven and look for Aurora's soul. He wanted to be sure she was there and ok.

Dean was on his feet and running down the hall, when he heard yelling from Sam's bedroom. He bounced off the wall and stumbled into the room to find Sam tossing and crying out for Oree. Dean trapped his arms to his side and tried to get him to calm down. Ellie was whining and growling as she pranced at the side of the bed wanting to see what was wrong with her man-child.

"Sam, hey man, stop it." Dean fussed at him as Sam tried to break his grip.

"Didn't want to, no other way." he cried out staring wild eyed at Dean, his eyes begging for forgiveness.

"I know Sammy, I know." Dean assured him as Sam shook uncontrollably. Dean pulled him up into his arms letting his wet, snotty face rest in the nap of his neck. Sam sobbed silently quickly wetting Dean's tee shirt with his tears. Dean brushed his own tears away while he tried to comfort his brother. Sam clutched Dean's tee in his fists clinging to his brother in desperation. Ellie eased up beside them and butted Sam with her snout wanting to give him comfort too.

"Kill me." Sam finally got out loud enough for Dean to hear as his breathe hitched in his throat. He couldn't accept being alive and his sister dead. He didn't deserve to live.

"Stop it! I don't wanna hear that again!" Dean growled out with so much anger and rage in those words that Sam cringed away from him, a note of fear crossing his mind. Ellie growled at Dean as she tensed ready to protect Sam.

Dean pulled Sam back far enough that he could look into his eyes letting him know he was very serious. "Don't you dare dishonor our sister thinking that way. She sacrificed everything to save us, to save human kind. So I don't want to hear you talking like that ever again." He looked at Ellie and clucked at her letting her know it was alright and to stand down.

"C-Can't live with my-myself." he hiccupped as the tears slowly began to stop. He was so exhausted and defeated he could barely move.

Dean pulled the blanket up on Sam's cold body trying to keep him warm. Sam's heart was breaking and he could feel an emptiness already forming there. He felt Dean tighten his grip on his body as he buried his face deeper into Dean's tee knowing nothing would ever be the same again.

"Dee, I'm sorry for before, shouldn't have left." he mumbled sadly.

"It's okay Sammy, I let you go, it's partly my fault too. We're good, don't worry now, you need to rest." Dean told him getting up from the bed. "I'm goin' put on some sweats."

"You comin' back?" Sam asked hopefully sounding so much like his five year old self Dean would have laughed and teased him, but knew he couldn't.

"Yes." Dean said ruffling his hair. "Just give me a sec."

Sam nodded and wiped his face on the sleeve of his shirt as he pulled the blanket closer around him waiting for Dean to return.

"Here, move over." Dean told him as he slid into the bed and pulled Sam over against him covering both of them with the blankets.

Sam readily accepted the offer and curled into his side seeking the comfort and warmth he needed from his brother. Sam didn't know if he could ever forgive himself for what he did, even if Dean did. Fresh tears formed when he thought about Oree. It seemed like they never catch a break and at least one of them always seems to die to save the damn world. Why was it always them, why couldn't it be someone else who had to sacrifice everything for once? They had lost so much over the past years, it wasn't fair, they deserved some happiness too.

He didn't see how that was going to happen now, not with Oree gone. Exhaustion, drugs and shock finally caused him to drift into a restless sleep. He couldn't get the scene of him stabbing his sister out of his mind. He could still feel the ease of the knife cutting into her flesh. Sam jerked in his sleep only to have Dean tighten his hold on him and mummer soothing words in his ear. Dean was afraid to leave his brother alone in the state of mind he was in. First thing tomorrow, he was putting all the weapons in the Impala out of Sam's reach.

spn

Dean lay still as his brother slept beside him and Ellie slept beside Sam. A million things were bouncing around in his mind keeping him from even thinking about sleep. He was already trying to work out a plan to bring Oree back. The problem was, there wasn't a body for her to come back to, but he wasn't going to give up, not when it concerned their sister. Sleep finally overtook him as darkness crept in to surround the cabin. The noises of the night were subdued and quieter than usual as if in respect for Oree's passing.

The weight was heavy as Sam tried to fight his way up from the depths of sleep. Something was holding him down and he pushed wanting to be free. He fought to open his swollen eyes a slit and saw Ellie raise her head off his legs and chuff at him. He freed his hand and scratched her ears as she whined sadly. Sam pulled himself from under Dean's arm and eased to the side of the bed sitting up slowly hoping the room would stop spinning so he could get up. Dean rolled over as Sam stilled not wanting to wake him up.

Being careful not to fall, Sam stumbled to the bathroom. He relieved him and turned on the water at the sink letting it get hot so he could wash his face. He splashed water on his face gently rubbing his eyes to get the crud out of them. After drying his face and hands, Sam aimed his body toward the living room using the wall to help hold him up. He stopped in the living room and looked around seeing Oree on every surface and in every corner. He hung his head as her last words came back to him again. Ellie trailed behind him watching his every move.

The room started to close in around him, pressing so hard he couldn't breathe. Sam lunged for the door and went to stand on the porch letting Ellie out with him. He watched her lop across the yard and disappear into the woods. His legs still felt weak so he made his way to the swing and sat down letting it move quietly back and forth. The sun would be up soon and a new day would begin; a day that his sister would never be able to experience. Fresh emotions filled his mind causing him to suck in a deep breath. New tears flooded his eyes, so he used the back of his hand to wipe them away. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against chain.

spn

Dean rolled over and felt around finding an empty spot where his brother had been laying. He sat up and looked around the room not finding Sam. He slipped out of bed and checked the bathroom and his room but not finding him there either. Dean headed quickly to the front of the cabin checking in the living room and kitchen. He finally opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch to find Sam sitting in the swing, head twisted at an angle, eyes closed, and mouth hanging slightly opened, snoring softly. He stood on the porch watching his brother sleep.

"Sammy, hey you're goin' to break your neck there, wake up." Dean prompted him giving his shoulder a shake.

"Wha-hu-nn?" Sam grunted trying to wake up. "Dee?"

"Yeah, you okay?" he asked giving him a quick glance up and down.

"Where? What?" Sam asked rubbing his stiff neck and looking around. The coolness of the morning made him shiver.

"You need to come inside." Dean told him noticing his shivering. "You're cold, come on I'll make some coffee."

Sam stood up hugging his arms around his body to try and keep what warmth he could inside. His body trembled as he made his way to the door and inside. Dean steered him to the kitchen and a bar stool. He went back to the living room and pulled the blanket off the couch and took it to wrap around Sam.

"Here, put this around you." Dean said draping the blanket around Sam's shoulders. Sam pulled it closer around him holding it closed with his hands.

Dean busied himself making coffee. He pulled the bread out and dropped two slices in the toaster. Sam needed to eat something, even if it was only a couple of bites. He got milk out and found the sugar to doctor Sam's cup of coffee.

"Here, be careful it's hot." Dean told him placing a cup of coffee in front of him.

Sam cupped his hands around the cup letting the warmth heat his cold hands. He raised the cup and blew across the top trying to cool the liquid. Being careful, he began to sip the coffee. Dean pulled the toast out of the toaster and smeared a spoon of preserves on each slice.

"Try and eat this."

"Not hungry." he whispered feeling his stomach roll just looking at food.

"You gotta eat one bite for me?" he coaxed pushing the plate closer.

Sam tentatively picked up the toast and took a bite chewing slowly. He sipped the coffee hoping it would help the bread go down. Dean watched him closely as he chewed another bite of toast. Sam's complexion was pale. He had dark circles under his eyes that were red rimmed and bloodshot. Even with the blanket and coffee, his hands still shook slightly.

"Think you can talk 'bout what happened?" he asked quietly gauging his reaction.

Sam stiffened then hunkered deeper into the blanket becoming extremely interested in his coffee. He bit his lower lip between his teeth frowning slightly. His mind and his mouth were not cooperating and the words wouldn't come out. He blinked back the tears in his eyes afraid to look at Dean for fear of what he would see, contempt, anger, hatred, pity, doubt. He deserved it all and more for killing their sister. He bit back the bile that was threatening to rise in his throat.

"It's okay, but as you always tell me, it's better if you talk than hold things in. Don't let this eat you up Sammy, let me help you." Dean told him after seeing how upset Sam was getting. "When you're ready, I'm here."