Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Angel the series.

Synopsis: It's that fateful night where Cordelia is going to meet Angel and she actually gets there! Of course, things don't go well, but when do they? Revenge can be oh so calculated. Oh and Holtz isn't dead.

Chapter One

The sky reflected back the water of the ocean. Deep velvety blue with a sprinkling of stars. With a soft breeze coming up and over the rocks it was, to all senses, a relaxing scene. Except for the large pacing vampire on the rocks. Angel was nervous. He couldn't remember the last time he was so nervous, anxious. Cordy had been kind of nervous herself, and vague about why they needed to meet. His heart had leapt at the idea of what it could be. All right, so it didn't actually leap, but it would have, if it was beating at all. He had only gotten more nervous when Lorne had all but told him that she felt the same.

He was being a coward, he realized, and when he was sure she was going to be there any minute, he resolved that even if she didn't say it, he would. He wasn't going to wait anymore, he wasn't going to justify to himself why it would be better if he kept it to himself. He was going to say it.

"Angel?"

He turned from the ocean and saw her standing there. She stood a fewyards away and she was a vision, dressed in a flowing white gown, the breeze tugging at the nearly sheer fabric panels. It wasn't the tight,sexy outfits she used to wear, it was sensuous, ethereal, and so incredibly Cordelia. He smiled softly and met her eyes. They were glazed with what looked like unshed tears, and her face was set. She was nearly vibrating in place. His own smile slipped a bit.

"Cor? What is it?"

He took a step towards her and she quickly held up a hand to stop him. He could hear, in the distance, a swallow cooing into the dark night as Cordelia shook her head sadly.

"Angel don't. I-I need to say this, and I need you to listen."

If he had needed to breathe, his chest would hurt from holding it. He wasn't anxious now, he was scared. His hands fisted in his coat pockets and all he could do was nod. The silence spread as she took a breath and nodded to herself.

"Angel, I'm leaving."

She didn't get another word out before he pulled his hands from his pockets and took a step forward again, intent this time on reaching her.

"Cor, why, what –"

"Angel! Stop!"

There wasn't anger, but fear in her voice and it made him stop dead. If he had been thinking, thinking of anything other than stopping her, or losing her, he would have noticed. How odd it was, how out of place it was. The thread of fear. It did it's job though and he stopped, going still, the way only a vampire could. Her voice cracked as she continued, hurried, as if trying desperately to get through it all.

"I've been watching and what you did to Wesley, it's got me thinking. We were trying to help you. Help you find a way to make up for all the things you've done. There is no way to make up for it. You're a vampire! You hurt people, killed people, worse. Yet you condemned Wesley, threw him aside. I, I need to leave before you do the same to me. You destroyed people, Angel. Now to make up for it, you are doing the same with us. You are just using us. We are giving up our lives for your redemption and in the end you will just use us up and toss us aside. What will you do to make up for that? Nothing. So I'm leaving before you throw me aside or I get killed. I won't be just another death on your watch."

She had hurried through it, and only now took a breath. Her eyes wouldn't reach his, and he willed her to look at him, to come to him. He couldn't move. Not because of her edict to stay and listen, but because he felt like he'd been gut punched by a Kryziak demon. His head was reeling. Her eyes finally flicked up to his and the pain and fear there didn't register. Not over his own fear. When she quickly turned and started walking away, his whole bodyjerked in response.

"Cor, please. You can't, you can't think that. You said you'd be there, you said I was a man."

Her back to him, he couldn't see her flinch. See the tears finally make tracks down her face. She bit her lip hard enough to draw blood before she could answer.

"I was wrong. Don't look for me Angel. Don't follow me. Forget I exist, and I'll, I'll do the same."

"But, I love you."

He couldn't be sure she even heard him. It had slipped out, a last plea, a last attempt to keep her, to find out it was all a nightmare. It didn't work. She left. He was barely aware as she walked away. He didn't catch the jerk in her step. He didn't hear the quick sob she couldn't stifle. He didn't notice her steps pick up speed as she literally ran from the bottom of the hill. All he could do was stumble back a step. He had just realized how much she meant to him. He knew before that he loved her, but with her abrupt departure his entire world had just fallen to ash. She had become his everything, his glue. She held him together, she kept them all going, made him feel like a man. Now, he realized with despair, all that she saw now was a monster.

AA

Her throat burned. The words felt like they were tearing tracks of lava in her throat, leaving it raw and bleeding. She had heard Angel's declaration of love and it had taken everything in her not to reply, not to turn and run to him. She couldn't. She had to finish this. She had to go. The moment her heels hit the bottom of the hill she ran towards the car parked at the end of the lane, away from street lights. She didn't stop until she was there, until she slid into the front seat. Tears were readily flowing down her face and she wiped at them, realizing that she was openly sobbing, unable to breathe.

"Gee, it not go well?"

Her head whipped up to look over at Justine. The woman just smiled and started the car. Cordelia raised her head and turned in her seat to look in the back. Her eyes softened on Connor. This was worth it. She'd save Connor. Once they hit the freeway she looked over to Holtz.

"I did what you said. Now let him go."

"That was only part of the deal."

She couldn't take it anymore. Since they had arrived at her apartment, had brought a bound and gagged Connor, she had felt her chest contract. She had felt trapped, unable to breathe. Every agonizing moment had been stretched to an eternity. Her mind focused on breathing, on getting from one moment to the next. On giving the performance of her life. The one that, as far as she was concerned, would end her life. What would her life be without them? It was all for them though. For Angel, for Connor. For them, she'd do anything. This proved it.

Her shoulders slumped and she sat forward again. Eyes closed, and she felt well and truly defeated. Catching her breath, she sounded as beaten and used as she felt. All emotion was gone, she was wrung dry and the numbness stealing over her was actually a relief.

"I told you, I'm not going to change my mind. I won't see him again, any of them. It's over, just, please, isn't' this enough?"

Justine snorted back a laugh and for some reason, Cordelia felt a cold finger go up her spine. There was something about that laugh that sickened her. She shivered once, hard, and looked out the window. With a frown she checked the signs. Panic lit in her chest and she shook her head, turning to stare at Holtz behind her again. She knew better than to ask Justine, as the woman only followed orders, that was all. It was Holtz pulling the strings.

"Where are we going? I don't live this way."

"No you don't."

She watched as Holtz undid the gag, and then took the restraints off of Connor. She wanted to reach for him, a small smile starting and then freezing as Connor smiled at her and straightened up in his seat. That smile, she'd seen it before. On Angelus. Connor nodded to Holtz and then tilted his head to look at Cordelia.

"You aren't going home."

"Connor?"

"It's Stephen. Demon."

Cordelia's face twisted in grief. All else fell away, and she ignored the grin spreading on Justine's face. She ignored Holtz playing with the edge of his knife. Her eyes were only on Connor. Her Connor. Her Connor filled again with hate, with vengeance. It hadn't yet dawned on her that she could be in more trouble than she knew.

"Connor. Why?"

He nearly leapt over the seat, and she flinched for the first time. That was all he needed and he grabbed her by the hair, pulling her face up to his own.

"It's. Stephen. The only reason you are still alive is because you are useful. For some reason, you were gifted with visions and we need those. Father thinks that there may be a way to save you."

Cordelia winced but didn't pull away, instead she raised a hand to his face and his other hand snapped up to grab it before she could touch him. She cried out as bone ground on bone.

"Ahh! Connor, he is not your father! Angel is, and he loves you! He would never –"

"Shut up Demon!"

Connor let go of her arm and reared back to punch her in the face. She went out immediately and he dropped her in the seat before sitting back. Fuming, and perhaps pouting a bit, the boy stared straight ahead sightlessly. Holtz was smart enough to know there were second thoughts running through Stephen's head and took action.

"You must never let the Demon's words get to you. She works for him; she is loyal only to him. From what you told me she was human and choose to become a demon. For a vampire. She is tainted."

When Connor finally moved his head in acknowledgment, Holtz glanced up to Justine and nodded, she returned it and got off the freeway.

"We'll be home soon, son."

AA

Angel entered the Hyperion in a daze, a dark cloud surrounding him. Fred jumped up with a smile but it quickly faded as he stomped past her up to his room. She turned, just watching him and then turned to the door, as if waiting for Cordelia to come behind him. Turning back to the stairs she called after him.

"Angel? Where's Cordy?"

"Gone."

The door slammed and she jumped. With a frown she looked at Gunn who hadn't moved from his video game. He finally stood up and put the controller down and walked over to her. After staring at the stairs questioningly for a moment, he looked back at Fred.

"What was that about?"

"I-I don' know. Somethin's not right though. Cordy loves him and I know he loves her too. It's Kyerumption!"

"Fred, babe, you keep saying that, but you know maybe they just, don't feel that way."

Fred shot him a look and he sighed. With his hands extended to ward her off, he grinned but stopped from actually laughing out loud.

"All right, all right. You're right. Something's wrong. Should we call her?"

Fred bit at the tip of her thumb and thought about it a few minutes then sighed and stepped into him with a grin.

"Let's let them both cool off tonight. I'll call in th' mornin' if she doesn't come in. Wanna go get somethin' to eat?"

Gunn laughed and put an arm around her as they headed out to let a vampire brood alone.