You know what? I take back what I said in the beginning.
Fuck Luka.
Christ, since we talked I can't look Gumi straight in the eye. Me, jealous? Of her?
I know, I know. As absurd as that may sound, I think I found the answer at the bottom of a bottle somewhere, sometime in the evening, the day after I talked with Luka. I had been over thinking her words all day and I decided to just pop one open and hope that the drunken haze would clear up stuff.
And it sure did.
Thinking of it all just made me cry. I know, that sounds even MORE absurd, I know! Me, crying! It sounds like one of Gumi's jokes.
But I realized something quite important. I did envy Gumi's capability to see the bright side of things. She could have fun with jokes without putting people down. And Christ, she has boobs! Big ones! The only time I ever get to escape reality and get to talk about something other than world problems is when I'm filled with alcohol. And I don't even have to tell jokes, because I'd be laughing on my own. And my boobs would look bigger.
So there I was, crying in the kitchen, towards three in the morning, holding an empty bottle of something, thinking why, why could I be jealous of Gumi.
Lo and behold, there she was. She put the bottle away, led me up to my room. She did so quietly, amazingly. The next morning there was a full glass of water by my bed and some painkillers.
She thinks I forgot it, I'm pretty sure. All day we've been avoiding each other, as expected. But when our paths DID cross, I couldn't stop frowning, because she was happy.
Screw it. I like Luka too much.
Fuck Gumi. I won't be jealous anymore.