A/N; I have no idea if this is going to work properly because I've never uploaded this way before… but hey ho! So this is a take on my head canon where an escort calendar is released every year for the games. Enjoy!:)

You'll never guess what this is!" Portia shouted to the occupants of the penthouse suite that evening. The 'this' she was referring to was currently being waved around in her well-manicured hand. It was wrapped in a carrier bag, however it was about the size of an A4 piece of paper-maybe A3- and was quite thin.

"A new sketchbook?" Cinna asked hopefully.

"No!" The stylists' voice was bursting glee. "You'll never guess, it's completely un-guessable!" She giggled.

"Then why ask?" Haymitch mumbled. Clearly, the alcohol wasn't working on him yet. He ached for something stronger; thus, explaining his grouchy mood.

"Because-" Portia rolled her eyes at the mentor. "It's fun. And anyway, I want to see your reactions to what it actually is," she was grinning now, her eyes gleaming with joy.

"What's so good about it, that you're practically worshipping it?" Venia said, sourly. She had no clue and Flavius looked lost.

Smiling triumphantly, Portia reached into the bag and pulled out a calendar. Sleek and shiny, the date for the year sprawled across the cover and underneath was printed.

-"'ESCORTS' the hottest, favourites of the capitol. Leading your best Hunger games' victors to triumph."

Metaphorically and also practically speaking, everyone's jaws dropped open. Portia's eyes were gleaming and Haymitch's eyebrows shot up. If this contained what he thought it did...

The Capitolians and Haymitch all gathered around Portia as she flipped through the new calendar. Escorts from 1,2,3 flashed by his eyes, clad in underwear and sexually presented. He also noticed, that like in the tributes parade, their photo would contain something related to their district. For example, district 4's escort had waves splashing behind, and her make-up blue; the same colour as her scarce clothing.

From around him, he could hear the prep team and sometimes the stylist's gasps, moans and praise at each month, and each new escort. Granted, quite a few of them weren't as young as they used to be, but with the cosmetic surgery in the capitol, and the desperation to stay youthful, they were all fairly attractive.

Haymitch found himself wondering why he'd only just found out about this. It would make sense to bring one out every year; 12 months with 12 districts. Plus, the capitol made such an effort to keep the games propaganda going about all year round. Furrowing his brows, he drew his attention back to the shimmering calendar. As the people around him were staring lustfully at district 11's escort, who was shown reaching up to grab an apple, Haymitch braved himself for what was coming next.

Agonisingly slowly, Portia pulled 'November' backward revealing 'December'. The room was filled with gasps and moans, some of which belonged to Portia and Haymitch. However, etched on their faces were also smirks. God forbid Effie were to enter the penthouse at the moment, or even this evening. The teasing would be unbearable.

Effie Trinket, known to the team as being; uptight, a snob, a prude, and above all, manners obsessed- was currently being shown in black lace underwear, completed with thigh high stockings and jet black heels. Her normally, fairly large breasts were pushed upward by her bra, the lighting positioned perfectly in the photo, directing onto her cleavage. She stood with her slender, pale legs open, with her hips at a slight angle. Looking towards the camera with a sly smile on her face. After all, she was still the capitols sweetheart; but apparently their favourite sex symbol.

"Oh my..." Flavius managed to stutter out. Venia and Octavia squirmed uncomfortably, obviously trying to hide their pleasure to the scarcely clad photo of Effie. Even Cinna looked flustered. Portia snorted,

"she looks like a hooker,"

Haymitch grinned but couldn't take his eyes off the calendar. Her smoky eyes (for district 12's coal) seemed to grab his attention and keep him hostage. Needing to cool down he reached for his drink, just as the elevator dinged and heels clapped along the floor.

Everyone automatically hushed into silence, retreating quickly back to their seats. Portia shoved the calendar underneath her dress, making sure to cover it all.

"Hello," Effie greeting the room. As she sauntered past them, Venia groaned, watching her legs as Effie sat down beside her; sighing in pleasure as her feet rested.

Upon hearing Venia, Effie's pretty face, morphed into a concerned frown.

"Are you alright?" Effie asked.

Venia froze. "Of course, why wouldn't i be?" She retorted, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible. The others in the room shot daggers at her blunder. Portia's eyes widened. They were going to be caught...

"Oh, you just sounded like you were in pain, that's all," Effie smiled kindly.

Venia threw one back and Portia could breathe again. Stupid prep tea-

"Portia?" Effie said, pulling her out of her dreaming state of throttling Venia.

"Yes?"

"I need you to collect my dress now, remember? The interviews tonight..." Effie said.

Shit. The collecting the interview dress. That meant standing up. With cardboard under your dress and an oath to never reveal said cardboard to the person standing in front of her, this is a problem.

"Umm, right." Portia didn't move. She was trapped and she could see Effie growing worried or impatient. It was hard to tell which.

"Hurry, if you please- I also have to usher the tributes," Effie said quickly. Impatient. At this point, that trait was probably worse.

"Sure thing your majesty," Portia stood up, to come face to face with Effie's narrowed eyes in response to the moniker.

"Thank you," Effie beamed. Portia reluctantly started walking. Clutching her slightly squared stomach and wincing as the edges stabbed her ribs. Noticing Effie had stood still behind her, she slowly turned around.

"Not coming gorgeous?" Portia asked. Buttering Effie up was the only way out of it now.

"What do you have under your dress?" She asked.

"Nothing," Portia's face was solemn, borderline acting confused. Haymitch's teeth were clenched and he was sure half of the room had stopped breathing by now.

"You're an awful liar, Porsche," Effie whispered, almost seductively, and Portia resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"Promise you won't be pissed," Portia pleaded. Her very last card had been played.

"Promise?" Effie sounded unsure.

Portia closed her eyes as she let the calendar drop from her dress. The adults all watched the pink clad ticking time-bomb bend down and pick the item up. Effie sat down before actually inspecting it and the room waited in anticipation.

She glanced at the front cover, her face expressionless. Slowly, she flicked through it; occasionally slightly smirking, sometimes breathing slowly- as if preparing herself for what she knew was to come.

Staring back at Effie was herself, underwear covered and sexually posed.

"Oh my god," Effie groaned. "How did you get this?" She asked a guilty Portia.

"Well, they sell them everywhere. It wasn't hard to come by," Portia shrugged. Effie slapped her hands against her own face and screamed. Figuring she could have been slapped, Portia tried to make amends, guilt ridden for showing everyone.

"I don't see what the problem is, the whole of Panem know you're by far the hottest esc-" she was silenced by a finger to her lips.

"Shush," Effie pleaded. "Please,"

Haymitch watched as Effie begged Portia not to mention it again, and then retired to her room. The prep team were still talking about how attractive Effie was, and their favourites of her features. Then he realised why she hadn't wanted them to see it. He guessed she had no problem with the capitol seeing her barely wearing anything, in fact she would probably enjoy the jealousy from the women and attention from the men. But, that was all they saw her as, a sex object.

The prep team probably realised she had an actual personality. Annoying, bubbly and bossy as she was- Effie (although he hated to admit it) was actually a nice woman, and she wanted the best for their tributes. However now, they would be brain washed in seeing only her long legs or her round breasts. Shaking his head, Haymitch reluctantly got up to find her.

/

"You know you're supposed to knock upon entering someone's room, especially a ladies..." Effie nagged, tiredly.

Haymitch snorted. "I don't see no lady, Princess, especially with that calendar," he let out a low whistle of appreciation.

Effie tensed. So that's what he was here to talk about, she should have known.

"Oh, go away," she sneered.

"Hey, I was only trying to make you feel better. I don't see you any differently, you've always been a bit of a tease in my eyes anyway," he winked, good heartedly.

She smiled. "Thank you,"

Then Effie did something unexpected. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a hug. Instantly, he put his arm around her waist and kept her close, feeling her filled chest on his. He gulped and pulled away so she wouldn't feel his arousal.

Coughing, Effie straightened herself up and clapped her hands.

"I think it's time for dinner don't you think?" She said with a smile, and flounced away- leaving Haymitch chuckling behind her. He certainly hadn't had enough to drink today if he'd felt caring towards Effie Trinket.