Here's the next chapter, sorry guys still got exams on so I haven't had much free time lately, and thanks for the lovely person, Johnnyvin who reviewed my last chapter and anyone whose reviewed in the past, thanks! As always thank you for reading! Hope you enjoy!
Chapter thirty-seven: Castor's POV
The hours had blurred into days and the days had blurred into weeks and the weeks had blurred into months. No sunlight, just the bleak bars stretching across the tiny cell window, mocking me as I caught glimpses of the outside, there of course wasn't anything there of interest though as Azkaban was remote. I shivered to myself, touching the number on my neck, a contestant reminder of how I would never ever be free of a crime I hadn't committed, of how I would forever be rotting away in a cramped hell hole, dressed in dirty grey rags. I had lost a lot of weight over the months, my ribs could be seen poking out gently from my stomach and my face was gaunt, hollow, my eyes sunken in and my skin even more pale. They came, always they came, sucking my soul away, sucking away my sanity as I tried to cling on desperately to the idea that I was innocent but every night my Uncle Ted's face haunted my dreams, his dead, bloodied and lifeless body. The way my aunt had screamed and cried, cradling him to her. The way Tonks had looked at me, disgust fear and just pure astonishment and disbelief that I, the person she had once loved and trusted could do that to someone who had given them everything, until finally she just couldn't look at me anymore. I bit my lip, to try and distract myself, to feel something that wasn't the dementors torture, all I had, day on day was small portions of stale bread or some sloppy substance I couldn't quite identify, then hours upon hours of torture until they went away to mess with someone else. Always there were screams, cries and mumblings, insane ramblings begging to make it stop, or saying they were sorry for whatever they had done. The screams though, they were the worst, it was night and day, constant, echoing off the walls and straight into my heart. Knowing that soon I'd be joining in the chorus of screams, as soon as the dementors found me again I'd be joining them until finally I lost it and I didn't need the dementors to scream because I was finally insane. I had a sickening feeling that I wouldn't last as long as I would hope. I had lots of time to think though, through the yells and screams, through trying to piece my soul back together and calm myself when the dementors left me, about how my friends and family were doing… about what they probably thought of me now. Although both of those topics only added to the wounds, they were living life without me, happily and when they thought of me they shivered in disgust and anger at the murderer they had trusted and maybe even loved.
Luna, she was the only person that I knew for sure remained, her words helped to carry me through, my shinning light in the eternal darkness, she still believed in my innocence, it was her last words to me and the fact that she loved me that helped me to remain sane.
It was as per usual cold, the night that it all happened. I pulled the rags that I had closer together on my body and buried my head in my arms, drawing my legs up close to my chest, waiting submissively, expectantly for the moment when the dementors would come for me, as they did, most days. Waiting for the hours of hell. I ran a finger slowly over the scar on my hand, the one that I had thanks to Umbridge, 'I must not disobey', I chuckled, ending up here… it certainly seemed like I had disobeyed the command of the Ministry. As usual my throat and lips were dry and I tongued my cheek, trying to get some feeling back into myself, it had little effect. Any second now, my teeth chattered viciously and then it happened. A loud, almighty crash and then spell fire, lots of it, I caught a bright green light zoom past my spell as I scrambled back, away from the cell door. Just seeing the killing curse again brought all the memories flooding back of the night my uncle was killed. I took a few calming breaths as I began to shake and sweat slightly, shutting my eyes tightly, almost painfully so before I opened them, only to hear her voice.
"I'll take this floor!" She cackled, my mother, "See if I can find any Death Eaters on this floor! Remember kill any who try to oppose us, are blood traitors or mudbloods!" I could hear her footsteps, her cackle as another green light zoomed past my cell as I hugged myself, desperately trying to calm myself again. Staring at the floor, I tried not to listen to the screams and chuckles surrounding me, violent, jagged screams and maniacal laughter, someone was using the torture curse, it wasn't my mother though as it wasn't her laughter. She however was coming closer, still hearing her footsteps but my eyes remained on the cold stone floor, on my grime covered feet with over grown, dirt covered toenails. My hair was lanky, greasy atop my head. My glasses needing a good clean. Everything about me needed a good clean and a decent meal. "Castor?" Her voice hissed as my head jerked up, slightly more quickly than I had meant, I stared at her, right in the eye for a second, fighting back the urge to shiver. "Castor, listen… I found your wand before… you have to go before one of the other Death Eaters catches you… they'll kill you, if not only because they know that you'd never join us they'd also kill you just to shove it in everyone's faces that they tricked you and you were in fact not a loyal Death Eater and didn't kill Ted, I mean you dying at the hands of the very people you had supposedly committed the crime for, it would be a real slap in the face to the Ministry and everyone. I… I need to get you out of here, now, if you go the shoreline, you can apparate," her voice raised at the now, she was urgent, desperate and so was I. I could feel it, I couldn't last another day in here, I didn't care that it was my insane murderous mother who stood for everything I stood against, she hadn't wanted me to end up here, neither of us could deny it, I had overweighed her loyalty to Voldemort, she, his most loyal, had betrayed him for me. She'd betrayed her life's devotion in an attempt to save me. This was the first real voice I had heard in a long time, the first voice that called me by my name, instead of my prisoner number when delivering what little food I had to devour ravenously. Ignoring the dangerous shakes wracking my body I stood up on weak, skinnier than ever legs and scrambled to her, where she unlocked my cell and caught my falling body in her arms, refusing to allow myself to cry at the idea of finally having freedom, she shoved my wand into my hand.
"Castor, I know you won't ever become a Death Eater… I know… and I thought I wanted you to be one but now… frankly I don't want that life to be yours… I don't want my horrible life to be yours because you only have two fates as a Death Eater… death or ending back here insane. I still believe all the pure blood stuff, all the stuff my lord preaches but… sometimes I wonder if I should have done as Sirius, as Andromeda did. Back then I didn't see it as possible… but maybe… I could have and then I would have had a nice life. I could have changed my views eventually… when I was young I was truly convinced that this was the life I wanted, Death Eater, married to Rodolphus but now I've given up pretending and Castor I don't want you to have to pretend to be happy. Ever. If only I'd seen it then that my happiness was so much more important than what society wanted from me and the pure blood views in my head… even if it meant discarding everything I believed in… I could have had happiness," she stopped herself, realizing that she was rambling and that we were running out of time. "You can't come with me… you have to make your own way out of here Castor. I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you my sweet innocent little boy. See, there's one good thing that happened to me in this life… and that was you Castor, you managed to remind me of happiness Castor, of who I once was. Still, I'm afraid I can't… I can't change the past so I have to remain with my stubborn views which I'm too set with now to change and I have to continue fighting for the dark, a side which I have always been fiercely loyal to until you mad me betray the cause and I suppose despite these mixed feelings inside me, I will still continue to be loyal to the Death Eaters. I guess… that the idea… the small glimmer of hope that maybe my lord will succeed still shines in me and that makes me want to carry on with this cause, with the Death Eaters because I believe in my views and dream of the world Voldemort promises because maybe that will bring me happiness. Once we achieve the goal, it is my only way at getting happiness now Castor, so I will continue to fight for it just as madly. So… I suppose that on the battlefield we shall be enemies. I love you Castor," then she was gone, running away, laughing and cackling. She confused me sometimes, I supposed that she was insane, she could be so compassionate and so cruel… she still wanted to be a Death Eater even though it didn't make her happy, she was clinging onto the hope of victory for the dark… but she didn't want me to become a Death Eater because she knew that the life of a Death Eater was horrible and would be horrible for me. She wanted me to be happy, even if it meant I didn't join something she thought was right… and there was that doubt that maybe she should have left all those years ago despite her views and her wishes to become a Death Eater. That maybe then… things could have been different. Still, I knew she was a loyal and proud Death Eater and therefore, she wasn't on my side, I began to run, as far and fast as I could, away from the never ending screams and the hands that grabbed for my ankles, begging and screaming at me as I gripped my wand, it feeling alien in my hand. Finally, I breathed fresh air, feeling the wind lash through my hair and the seeing the waves whip around in a frenzy. I made it to the shoreline and cursed, I had never learnt how to apparate but I supposed now would be a better time than any to try. Keeping my eyes shut, I did as I had read, thought of where I wanted to be, I wanted to be with her. Unsure whether it was September and school had started I risked it anyway and apparated to Hogsmeade, sneaking along to the castle and staying out of sight the best I could. In my head I knew this plan was stupid, I knew that someone would catch me, especially at Hogwarts but I had to see her again. As soon as I reached the grounds I knew something was wrong, it just didn't… didn't feel right. Then, out of nowhere someone grabbed my robes and cast a spell, I found myself blacking out, in a state of shock. Events were moving too quickly.
I awoke, to a loud, booming chuckle, and a quieter but just as deadly snigger. "Students… staff we've a guest inside our halls for you today! It's a shame to say that this boy you see before you, who despite his rich pureblood heritage from two of the most noble houses of Lestrange and Black… this boy is not what you believe him to be! This boy is not a Death Eater, OUR LORD DECIEVED YOU! He fooled you all! Tricked you into thinking Castor Black, how dare the little blood traitor share the same last name as some of the most prestigious wizards ever, was a Death Eater when in fact it was all part of my lords plan! Castor didn't kill that mudblood Ted Tonks… he wasn't brave enough… he refused the fool but we still framed him, forced him to take the dark mark and none of you knew," the unmistakable voice of Amycus Carrow echoed through the Great Hall as I roughly opened my eyes and stared at the shocked eyes facing me. I was tied to a chair I noticed, wiggling my fingers, spotting my wand in Alecto Carrow's hand. She sniggered at me and I gulped, feeling chills run down my spine.
"Now… what do we do to blood traitors? We torture them, filthy things… let this be a lesson to all of you… disobey the dark lord and you will pay the price! CRUCIO!" I had just walked out of one hell and by own devices walked straight into another as my body erupted in fire and spasms. Azkaban had damaged me beyond repair, I was changed, the small pieces of innocence that I still used to have before had been lost. Still, Azkaban had taught me one thing because of that… I wasn't going to be tread on anymore, I was done only standing up for myself occasionally and being shy. Azkaban had made me stronger, that was one good thing and now… now I was ready to fight.
Okay guys! I hope you like it, thank you for reading. Please review and tell me what you think