Chapter 52

Darry couldn't worry about a speeding ticket for he needed to get home. He needed to get back to his family. He doesn't know why but he couldn't get something that Claire had said to him out of his head. "I can't be everything to everyone but at least I can hope to be something to someone." It just kept running through his head over and over again, but there was probably a good reason for it. And that reason was because this is exactly how he felt with his family, especially Sara. As he sped down towards the east side of town he was wondering what was going on at home right now. Was Sara still in her room? Was Sodapop still disappointed in him for taking off? Even though he didn't hear it from him he could read it in his facial expression. He saw that look in his rear view mirror as he was driving off, so he knew. And what was Ponyboy thinking about all of this? That kid sometimes scared Darry with how quiet he had become and how much he was distancing himself from him and the family. And then his thoughts turned to that of the gang. He was hoping that they had all skedaddled for the rest of the day. It would make things a lot easier if they weren't there. But as Darry got closer he thought he remembered the boys talking about catching the stock car races over at River's Edge Race Track later this afternoon so maybe they did that, but if they did, then who stayed home with Sara he thought. Darry slammed the steering wheel with his right hand and cussed. "Dammit!" Like any other time that Darry was nervous or annoyed he ran his hand through his hair. He continued to stay focus on the road, and unlike when he took off earlier that afternoon he had no destination in mind, but now he only had one destination to head towards.

Back at the Curtis residence Sodapop had sent Ponyboy off to go to the races with the boys. Pony wanted to really go, along with Soda, but someone had to stay home with Sara, so Soda did as most any parent would and put his brother's needs before his own and took one for the team. The team he thought, remembering hearing his father say a million times that there was no I in team, and that's how it was with their family. They had to work together to stay together. Sodapop sat on the couch and thought about how things would be so different if they were still here, but seeing they weren't he knew what he needed to do. It had been almost two hours since Darry had banned Sara to her room and Sodapop thought that was just long enough to be alone to think things over. So he pulled his young but old body up off the couch and heading down the hall towards her room. As he approached her door he could hear some low, soft music playing. . He vividly remembered Darry turning her radio off and demanding it to stay off, so why was she pressing her luck he thought. He carefully turned the knob of door and slowly pushed it open. Once the door was opened he slid into the child's room. Once inside the room he found that the soft music wasn't actually coming from the radio at all. Sara was playing her Mickey Mouse record player, that Two-Bit and Dally gave her for her birthday a few weeks ago. Sodapop couldn't help but smile for he knew what his little sister was doing. Darry said turn the radio off and leave it off. He didn't say anything about the record player. Trying to hide the smirk he was wearing he placed his arm up to his face and released a pretend cough to help concealed it from Sara. As he approached her bed where she was curled up in a ball, laying on her left side squeezing the stuffin' out of Mr. Bear and watching him like a hawk but she said nothing. It tugged at Soda's heartstrings because he could tell that she was hurting, physically and emotionally and he let it happen. He didn't really even try to stop Darry, why he thought? As he lowered his weight down on the bed it moaned as if it was speaking for Sara. He shifted a bit so that he could get a better view of his sister's watering blue eyes. He didn't speak but just the simple gesture of wiping a river of tears off the little girl's red cheeks sent her into full hysterics.

"I want Momma." She cried.

Soda's heart broke into a thousand tiny little pieces at the request and it was all he could do but to cry right along with her. But somehow he managed to hold it together. "Sorry Babygirl, but you're just stuck with me for now."

"It's not fair Soda." Oh how many times had he thought that same things? Far too many to even keep track of but he was older than Sara and he needed to come up with a way to make her realize that it wasn't fair, but that life still went on. He started to rub her upper arm but to his surprise the little girl pulled away from his touch.

"Sara?" He tried to reach for her again but when he did she inched herself further to the wall. "Sara?"

"Why Soda? Why does everything always so wrong for us?" The same question that Soda has asked himself before coming in here now was being asked by his six year old sister, and what was there to tell her.

"I don't know why Babygirl." He tried to reach for his sister again, but again she pulled away. "You know Sara someone told me once that things sometimes go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they go right. So maybe that's the case here with us." But Sara didn't want to listen to any advice that some wise old owl had given Soda.

"Well that's just stupid. Whoever told you that is just plain stupid." Sara was getting so frustrated and angry that just about anything was probably going to come out of her little mouth.

Soda sighed debating on if he should reveal who he had heard it from and by the deep scowl that was wearing helped make that decision. "Sara that someone was Momma. I wouldn't consider her to be stupid. Now would you?" Sara's eyes bugged out some at the answer so she just shook her head but changed the subject back to what they were originally talking about.

"I still hate it Soda! I hate them not being here! I hate you and Darry missing out on your life! I hate everyone always having to work so hard! I hate Darry being in charge of me, and I hate him spanking me! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! Do you hear me? I hate it!" She screamed and cried. Soda didn't care that Sara was trying to pull away from him for he wasn't gonna give up that easily. He knew the childe needed some comforting and he was pretty sure he could provide that for her. He crawled over the bed and grabbed Sara into a hug. At first Sara struggled and was punching and hitting but Sodapop let the little girl get it out of her system, and besides she wasn't hurting him any, and just maybe it was doing her some good. After only a minute or so of her struggling she finally gave into Soda's hold and fell into his chest, letting he body go limp. She was done yelling but she was still crying. Soda caressed the back of her head and her hair. He let her cry but held her tight. Once Sodapop could tell that her sobs were easing up some he whispered in her ear.

"Hate's an awful powerful word Sara. It's not good to hold all of that hate inside of you."

"I don't care, it's true, all of it." Sara said rubbing her runny nose of Soda's clean shirt.

"Well, I think you're mistaken. I think you do care, a lot actually. That's why you've got all these tears." Soda paused and pushed his little sister back some so he could read her expression, but Sara only dug her face deeper into Soda's shirt. But he was alright with this because he knew his suspicions were right. "Sara you're wrong about all of this. Darry and I aren't missing out of our lives. We are actually living it. Yeah it might of not been as planned, but it's working and I wouldn't want it any other way, and neither do you, as long as we are all together, that's what counts and matters." He continued to rub the little girl's back trying to soothe the sobs outta her. "And as for us working hard, I choose to do what I am doing Sara. No one made me. And Darry works hard because that's who Darry is. He has always worked hard since I can ever remember." Soda continued to caress Sara's soft silky hair and gently placed a kiss on the top of it before he continued with the most important part. "And you love Darry and you know it. And he loves you! And I know that you wouldn't want to live anywhere else with anyone else. You're not fooling me with that nonsense that you were yelling about earlier." Soda brushed her auburn hair out of her blue eyes and gave her his all-knowing look. "As for the spanking you've got to learn not to push Darry to his wit ends. Because if you don't Sara, you're gonna have a lot more of those coming." Sara picked her head up faster than a tornado and was about ready to rebut Sodapop's statement, but Soda was quick and he placed his index finger right over her lips. "Sara, let's just say if Dad was here and you pulled that on him, the yelling, the talking back and not to mention the little shove, well don't you think that even Dad would of done what Darry did?" Soda didn't make contact with his sister's eyes but he felt her head nod on his chest. "We can't change what happened to Mom and Dad, but we do need to move forward and try to make the best with the cards that we were dealt. Ah, I know you don't play cards Sara, but one day you'll understand that sometimes you are dealt a really shitty hand, but that doesn't mean you give up. You keep pushing forwards and believe it or not, sometimes in the end, you have the winning hand. And when you do, it feels so great Kiddo. But then sometimes you still end up with the same shitty hand that you started with. But you don't give up, Curtis's never give up! We just keep trying. Do you understand?" Sara didn't know what it is about Sodapop's smooth, gentle low voice, but it was starting to soothe her some. She tighten her hold onto Soda's waist and nodded her head up and down. "Now, do you think you're calmed down enough to talk about what happened earlier?" When Sara didn't answer or even nod her head Soda tried again. "Sara I think we need to talk about what you said you were gonna telling Mrs. Roberts." Sara loosed her tight around her brother and slid back against her pillows. Soda let her go on her own will thinking that she was ready to finally talk things out. But when Sara didn't say anything or even make eye contact Soda knew that he was gonna have to do more of the talking. "Because I don't think that is really how you feel about things. I think that you were just mad at Darry. Mad because he didn't tell you about Mrs. Roberts, mad because he bosses you around and mad because he spanked you." Sara really didn't want to talk about this and she was proving so with her stiff body language and lack of comments. "You know Sara this serious. If you even mention anything to Mrs. Roberts tomorrow she will take you away in a heartbeat. That's not what you want is it?" Soda needed to hear his little sister admit that this in fact wasn't what she wanted and that she just said those words out of anger. But he was getting a bit nervous for his sister wasn't saying anything. She wasn't confirming it nor denying it and that scared the shit of Soda. Sodapop Curtis never raises his voice at any of his siblings without meaning to, and in this case he was scared and he meant it. "Sara Marie Curtis, I want an answer dammit!" Well the tone, and the pitch and the sternness sure got Sara's attention but not in the way that Sodapop was hoping. Because before Soda knew what hit him, Sara had jumped up off her bed like she was some kangaroo and was darting for her bedroom door. Soda instincts switched on and he was jumping right up after her. She had a head start on him and he could hear her running through the hall and into the kitchen. "Sara!" Sara was just about at the living room entry when she slowed down just enough to peek over her shoulder to noticed Sodapop slipping on the clean hardwood floors. She noticed that he was stumbling and she didn't waste any time. She had her escape route all planned out in her head but as she started her engine again she only made it three steps towards the door when her engine stalled dead into a six foot one inch, one hundred and eighty pound house.

"Ugg!" Was the only sound from the little girl. She tried to gain some grip with her feet but the house had her stopped by a strong grip of her arms. "Let me go!" She demanded.

"Nope! You're supposed to be in your room." Darry looked up to see what had Sara running in the first place and when he spotted his younger brother slowing down through the kitchen he only could guess what had Sara running through the house when she had heard it a million times not to. "I'm guessing by the look on Soda's face that your presence out her isn't because he said so." Sara turned her head to see a flustered looking Sodapop and instantly felt a twinge of pain but it quickly went away as he marched closer.

"No, I didn't tell her that she could leave her room, she took it upon herself to make that decision." Soda spoke roughly. Darry picked Sara up from under the armpits and swung her around and faced her towards the hall. With as much strength and force that he picked her up with, Sara was surprised at how gentle he placed her back down on her feet. Once she was facing Soda and the hall Darry reached down and placed his firm hands on her shoulders.

"Then you best get back to that room." When a frown appeared across Sara's face, Darry returned with a raised eyebrow and then a very small, light and easy tap to her bottom. Sara let out a little whimper and then reached around and slightly rubbed at it. "Go on now." Darry instructed. Sara's eyes darted between that of Darry's icy grey and Soda's chocolate brown. When she could tell that both were set she knew she best not be arguing if she knew what was good for her. She let out a small audible sigh and shuffled her feet back towards her room. When she was just about to turn to enter she heard Sodapop yell down at her.

"And you best turn that music off." Darry eyes shifted off of that of Sara's and onto Soda with some surprise. Once Sara had disappeared Darry couldn't hold back any.

"You mean to tell me that she had the gull to turn that radio back on after I told her to turn it off." Darry was shaking his head, but Soda couldn't resist the small smirk that was growing on his lips. He let out a chuckle as he reached for the chicken from the fridge. But just when Darry thought he was calming down he could start to feel his blood boil up again. "I'm glad you find this situation so amusing Sodapop." Soda moved over to rinse the chicken off when he stopped in front of Darry.

"I'm not laughing at you or the situation Dar. It's just that kid sister of ours is going to be a force to be reckon with. She didn't have the radio playing. If you remember correctly you told her to keep the radio off, so she did." Soda turned the water on and away from Darry when he added, "But you didn't say anything about her record player." Darry couldn't help but smirk at the news.

"That kid." Darry started getting out a roasting pan for the chicken while Soda continued to rinse it off. After Darry shook off the fact that Sara in a way didn't disobey him he had to ask what was weighing on his mind. "Did you get to talk with her about what she said?" Soda grabbed some olive oil from the cupboard and started rubbing it over the chicken so that she would turn a nice golden brown, but as he did so Darry could see him scowling and it had nothing to do with the job he was attending to. "I take it by that scowl you're wearing that it didn't go well then huh?"

"That's why she was running from me. She wouldn't talk to me." Soda was transferring the chicken from the cutting board to the roasting pan when he added. "I tried Dar, I really did. But I just don't know. It's not like her to stay closed up like she's being. I mean usually she'll tell us what she's thinking, but not this time." Darry had grabbed some potatoes and handed them to Soda to wash off.

"I know you tried Pepsi. But what has me worried is if you couldn't get through to her how the hell am I?" Soda finished scrubbing the potatoes and poked some holes in them and handed them back to Darry. He placed them in around the chicken when Soda moved off towards the living room.

"You've gotta try Dar. Who knows maybe she'll tell you what she is thinkin'." Soda gave Darry a reassuring pat on the shoulder and then disappeared into the living room and towards the door. His head swiveled and he shouted over his shoulder. "I'm gonna go take a look at that gearbox. I noticed yesterday that it was acting up some. If you need me I'll be under the hood." Sodapop was just about out the door when he heard Darry holler back at him.

"Hey Soda, where's Ponyboy." Darry had been so consumed with Sara that he hadn't paid much attention to where Ponyboy was. But when he poked his head into the boy's room and found it empty he wondered where he might be at.

"I sent him off to the races with the boys. Told Steve to have him home by eight the latest."

"Before he left did you happen to check to make sure his homework was done?" Soda shook his head at the fact that Darry was always worrying about that kid's homework.

"Told me that he didn't have any, something about finals coming up." Darry wasn't too happy to hear that as he moved away from the door he mumbled under his breath.

"No homework my ass. If finals are coming up than there's plenty of studying needing to be done that's for sure." Darry strolled back towards the hall where he dreaded having this talk but knew that it was necessary. As he approached he heard little mumbles coming from the room that he had his eyes set on, but was relieved that there was no music playing. At least she listens to Sodapop he thought. As he got to the door he pondered if he should knock or not, but deciding that they had already gotten into it about who's room it was he rattled his knuckle on the door trying to show is sister that he did respect her space. But at the same time he tapped he also thought it was important to announce himself. "Sara, it's me. I'm coming in." Even though he wanted to respect her space he wasn't going to ask for permission to enter. He wasn't gonna give in that easily. Darry opened the door to find his sister sitting on the floor leaning up against her bed looking through an old photo album that she must have gotten from the hall closet where they keep a lot of their family's heirlooms. Sara barely lifted her head up to acknowledge that Darry was even in the room. He stood over her for a second debating his next move. He wasn't sure what prompted it but he lowered himself down to her level and sat right next to her. She still didn't respond so Darry spied over her shoulder as she flipped through the pages. Darry had noticed that this particular photo album was mostly of just him and Sodapop as young kids. Pony was in some but he was just a baby and Sara, well she was only a figment of their parent's imagination at that time. As Sara flipped through Darry wondered what attracted her to picked that particular one, was she looking for something in particular he thought. As she was nearing the last page there was a photo of the five of them, Mom, Dad, Him, Sodapop and Ponyboy. Sara stopped and studied the picture, Darry could barely remember it being taken. As Sara was studying it she finally spoke.

"You all look so happy." Her voice sounded so sad to Darry.

"Them where good times." Sara still hadn't made eye contact with Darry, he could tell that she was still upset with him, but that was Sara. They sat in silence for another minute or two before Sara spoke again.

"Do you ever wish I wasn't born?" Darry was thrown off balance with this one. He forcefully placed his hands of her shoulders and gave her a little shake.

"Sara Marie Curtis how can you say such a thing? That thought has never, ever has crossed anyone in this families mind, and that should include you!" Darry didn't mean to raise his voice but he needed to make sure that he got his point across. He noticed that Sara had flinched away from the force that he was holding her with but he needed her to know that it wasn't true. As he started to let go of Sara he could see her enrage with anger.

"You're a liar! Pony would say that you were a hippie crite." If Darry wasn't starting to get angry himself he would have burst out in laughter by the word hippie crit. But instead the two just started getting into another shouting match.

"The word's hypocrite and I am not a liar."

"You are too! I heard you tell the boys that if you knew what you know now you would have been praying every day that I would have been a boy." Sara had him there. For he did say it after he told her to stay in her room, but like Sara he was angry when he said it.

"What were you eavesdropping on us again? You know how I feel about that Sara!" Even though the child was right he was still upset at the fact that she was eavesdropping on them.

"No! When you slammed the door closed it didn't latch and it cracked open. I was just getting up to close it again when I heard you."

Darry was now starting to feel bad that he had just accused her of something that she didn't do. She he knew the best thing to do right now was to confess that maybe he didn't mean it after all. "Alright so I did say that, but you misunderstood what I was saying." Darry tried to defend his error but Sara wasn't giving him an inch to breath. "Sara I was angry and upset with you. I didn't mean it." He tried to move in to comfort her, but she just pushed him away again. "Would you stop pushing!" He demanded. "That's the second time today young lady. You don't have the right to push me. I didn't mean anything by it. I'm sorry that I said it and that you heard me say it. It wasn't right of me." If Darry wasn't gonna move away from Sara, Sara was gonna move away from her. She jumped up and moved over to look out her window where she noticed that Sodapop was under the hood of their truck. Darry just let go but wasn't gonna stop trying to talk some sense into her. "Sara it isn't any different than what I said and what you said you were gonna tell Mrs. Roberts."

Even though Sara wasn't looking at Darry she still sputtered out her true feelings. "You're wrong Darry! I wasn't saying that out of anger. I was serious. And when I hear you say stuff like that it only makes me know I'm doing the right thing." Sara finally turned around so that she had direct eye contact with her brother, making sure he heard exactly what she was saying. "Seeing I wasn't the boy that you wanted then maybe you can trade me with Mrs. Roberts for one." She then turned back towards the window but ended her little spiel. "You can't change my mind. So you can just stop trying." Darry had now lifted himself up off the floor and moved up behind his sister. He knew that he wasn't getting anywhere with her and that maybe he hadn't given her enough time to cool off afterall. He had hoped that by talking to Soda would have calmed her down enough like talking to Claire had calmed him, but it didn't look to work that way this time. He didn't know how to make up for what he said. He couldn't take it back now, but he could keep trying to make it better. Darry walked up behind Sara and placed both hands on her upper arms holding her in place so that she couldn't get away. He was going to make sure that she listened to what he had to say.

"Sara, I made a mistake. I shouldn't of said that, and you're right I have to learn to start trusting you more and telling you things like when Mrs. Roberts is coming. I've learned my lesson. But I have to say that I don't think you have learned yours. I'm not sorry that I had to spank you. You need to learn that you can't talk to me like that anymore, not even when you're mad. I'm your guardian now, not just your brother. You need to start respecting my authority. When I tell you to do something that's what it means, and I expect that you do it." He took a deep breath and continued knowing that he had to get it all out. "You also need to understand that sometimes I'm gonna do things because I think it's what's best. We've already been over this before, and I'm not gonna stand here and preach it to you again." Sara started to interrupt when he stopped her. "It's part of growing up! And you need to learn to accept that." Darry paused and moved in a bit closer so that is a voice that was barely above a whisper, which caught Sara off guard some. For every time Darry was scolding her he always used his powerful, authoritarian voice, but not now. "And the faster you do the better off you'll be. But Sara this is the last time I'm gonna say this. If your attitude doesn't change towards me and the situation we are in than your bottom is gonna be awfully sore. Because that seems like the only way I can get through to you these days." He stopped again and took a deep breath and wondered what the little girl was thinking now that he had just treated to spank more often if she continues behaving like she has. When he just felt her body stiffen he knew he needed to follow through with the point he was trying to get at. So he tried to offer some comfort with rubbing his hands up and down her arms. "Sara, you know that's not what I want to have to do, so please just work with me a little. You're a good girl, but sometimes that temper of yours gets you in worst predicaments than where you were at the beginning. If you could just learn to try to control it than you would be better off." He knew he needed to close this as best as he could. He needed to reassure this kid that what happened is now in the past and it was time to move forward. "You know we can't get along without you Kid. So I hope that you will think long and hard about what you want to say to Mrs. Roberts tomorrow." Darry let go of Sara's arms and took a big step back away for her. Even though he was moving backwards his eyes were still on her back. "Because we all love you, more than you probably know. So I'm hoping you'll do the right thing tomorrow." And just as Darry was about to turn to slip out the door he stuck his head back in and said, "Because Sara, I love you; I have loved you all along. From the minute you were born, and I wouldn't want another annoying little brother. I already have two. But You Sara, you'll always be my one and only sister. And I know you, and I know that there's no other place that you would want to be than right here. This is your home." Darry stood there in hopes that his little sister would turn around, and possible rush into his arms, or even just flash him her million dollar smile. But as he stood there waiting his hopes were fastly fading. It wasn't gonna happen right now, but there was hope that it could by night, or even morning. Darry let out a heavy sigh, loud enough so that she could hear his sadness, but not even that got her attention. She just stood there and starred out the open window at her other older brother, just watching him work. Darry finally gave in and closed the door behind him as he left. He was sure hoping the little girl would come around, but with her stubbornness, he didn't really know what to expect. He needed something to do so he started puttering around the house, fixing things that were on his to do list for months now. He worked quietly for about an hour or so and soon his brother joined him back in the house.

The second Soda laid eyes on his older brother he knew that things hadn't gone very well with their sister. He debated in his head to let it go or to bring it up, but Soda couldn't leave it alone. This was too important to leave alone. "I see that things didn't go well." He spoke as he moved over to their kitchen sink to try to wash off some caked on grease.

"What makes you say that?" Darry asked while filling in a crack that was making its way across their kitchen ceiling.

"Because you're fixing things that you've been meaning to fix for months now." Darry just smirk and shook his head at his brother.

"Yeah, well let's just say she's standing her ground." He said as he wiped at the excess compound that he had just lathered up on the crack. Soda stood there watching while he wiped his hands dry. He stood quietly just watching his brother work and when Darry was finally satisfied with what he had done he lowered himself down from the step stool and pushed Soda over so that he could clean the tools off in the sink. As the brothers stood shoulder to shoulder, one with his back towards the sink and the other looking out toward the window, one finally broke the silence between the two.

"Don't worry Brother, she'll come around by tomorrow. I'm sure of it." Darry wasn't so sure, but just gave his brother a nod of the head as he watched him shuffle outta the room.

"I hope you're right little brother. I hope you're right!"