Chapter 16: Reeling Thoughts

"Is she alright?"

"She's not going to die is she?"

"How did unleashing that much power not kill her?"

"The fact that she is alive in itself is a miracle. By all our research and historical references, using that much psionic energy at a single time should have caused her to burn out like a star."

"That was one of the scariest things I've ever seen. The shockwaves nearly blasted me off my feet!"

"Is she going to be okay?" Naruto asked the present medic over the chatter of the others.

"Physically, she is recovering swiftly, and should be back on her feet within a few days. Her hearts and mind however, might take longer, if they fully heal at all."

"The way she reacted…." Sakura looked quizzically, "Were the two of them …. together or anything?"

The medic hesitated, "No. But they were as close as two beings could get otherwise. Their entire military careers were spent side by side, back to back on the battlefield. For nigh on three centuries the pair of them were amongst the very best of our combat teams; entire platoons failed to defeat the two of them in training sessions, so long as they worked together. The Executor would act as long range offense, taking out groups of enemies from a distance with powerful attacks, while the Praetor would be protecting her from anything that managed to close the distance. Those that evaded the Executor, always failed to evade the Praetor. If they were surrounded, they would fight back-to-back, protecting each other at all times. The harmony the two of them had was unmatched, no team could hope to communicate and execute as swiftly or efficiently as them.

In social settings, the two of them were the closest of friends too. They told each other everything, and trusted each other explicitly with their thoughts and feelings. They were closer than family.

For the Executor, the fact that she was not protecting the Praetor, in her mind she sees it as a betrayal of their partnership, and their friendship. In her mind, she believes she is responsible for his death, as well as feeling the pain and sorrow of his loss at the same time."

The shinobi present were silent. Many of them knew the feelings the Executor of the Protoss must be feeling at that moment….. or at least how she would be feeling if she were conscious. The pain and grief….. it was a truly terrible experience.

"But, she'll be okay eventually. Right?" Hinata asked.

"Thankfully, miraculously, the damage her body sustained was not extreme, so she is expected to regain consciousness within the next two days. Until then, it is best that she not be disturbed."

The shinobi nodded, and silently left the medical bay. There was no talking the whole walk to the hangar, nor the shuttle ride down to the surface. It wasn't until they were halfway back to their quarters in the Forward Operations Base that the silence was broken.

"This is a disaster," Shikamaru stated dully, "The Protoss just lost their second-in-command, and their leader is out of action too. Every time we seem to achieve a victory, the price is just too damn high."

The others nodded mutely. Naruto looked over at his fiancée; tears were silently falling down her face. At first he was surprised; he had forgotten that Xelios had been the first Protoss to show kindness and befriend her. He put his arm around her shoulders, doing his best to comfort her.

"We need a new plan; something to go off of. We need to -."

"Shikamaru, stop. Please," Naruto put up his free hand, "Not today; it can wait."

Shikamaru nodded slowly, "Yeah….. yeah you're right. It can wait until tomorrow."

Sasuke looked around at his teammates' faces. Shikamaru was glum, Hinata was silently crying, Naruto's free hand was clenching into a fist. He looked over to his right; Tenten was clearly trying to remain stoic, but was only half succeeding. The Praetor was the reason she had her position as lead engineer; he had been the first of the aliens to believe in her. Sasuke leaned over.

"Hey, Tenten, can we talk?" he asked her softly, soft enough that others couldn't hear, "I have some ideas that may be of use. It could help take your mind off of things if you want."

She didn't answer.

"It's okay if you don't," he continued, being uncharacteristically nice, "If you want to wait until tomorrow I understand."

Much to his surprise, she looked at him, and nodded, "No, let's see what your ideas are."

Sasuke nodded, and the two of them headed off in the direction of the robotics bays. The rest barely noticed them leaving. The Protoss they passed by were even more silent, if that was possible. Sakura looked up; the clouds above them were dark grey, as if even they were depressed.

A few hours later Naruto found himself slumped on a couch in his office. Sakura had taken Hinata out in an attempt to cheer her up, leaving Naruto alone with his thoughts. He looked out the window and sighed; so many thoughts running through his brain and yet not a single thing truly on his mind.

'I am so lost,' Naruto looked up at the ceiling. His thoughts turned to the Hokages that had protected Konoha before him, 'What would they do right now?' he thought of the events of the last war, and his talks with his dad, 'Dad, I really need your help right now. What would you do if you were here? I don't know what I'm supposed to do.'

There was a knock on the door.

"Enter," he didn't even look up to see who had come in.

"You okay brother? I don't think I've ever seen you this downcast before," the person's voice seemed so far away, even though he was only across the room. Naruto's eyes opened to look at the visitor; Gaara was leaning against the doorframe, arms folded. Naruto leaned forward, resting his face in his hands.

"I wish I could say I was, but right now … I'm not," he admitted, "I don't know what I'm doing Gaara. Everything I try keeps going from bad to worse. I tried to cautiously discover what the Gantrithor was, and that got Hinata captured, and strained the relationship with the Protoss before we even knew anything about each other. I tried to defuse the situation, and find a diplomatic approach with these new alien beings, and we end up in open hostilities that cost dozens of lives on both sides. I try to end the hostilities as best and as quickly as I know how, and that gives the Zerg the opportunity to massacre even more on both sides and threaten the village with total destruction. I barely hold off that invasion, losing more than two hundred lives in the process, and I had to drag you and your village into this just to keep Konoha from being destroyed. And then, right when I think things might be getting better, that there just might be a glimmer of hope approaching if we stay strong enough, these bastard aliens snatch it away and make the whole thing explode in my face. And now, because I keep failing, we're preparing for an inevitable siege, hundreds of lives have been lost or ruined, and the Protoss have lost both of their commanding officers in a single go. No Kage from any village has failed this spectacularly before."

Gaara walked over, "Hey, don't put so much pressure on yourself. There's no point to it. No truly good leader succeeds all the time. Every single Kage before us has failed at things too; you expect yourself to be far too perfect. Take it from me, a perfect leader does not exist in this world, nor will they ever."

"But I'm supposed to be the leader of my village," Naruto looked up at his friend, "We're both Kages, you know we are supposed to be the protectors of our people – the strong, fearless, wise guardian that the villagers can look to in times of crisis. How can I possibly live up to that when I can't make a wise decision even when the whole village is at stake, or be strong enough to protect them when something threatens their safety?"

"Naruto, this isn't because you're weak or anything, so don't even think that. This is a threat different than anything we could have possibly thought of, and worse than even Obito or Madara. I doubt the First or the Fourth, or any other Kage would know what to do. You've been doing everything you can, and that's all anyone is asking of you. Believe me, things could be a lot worse. You've kept Konoha from being destroyed by a force that could have easily obliterated it had it been defended by weaker shinobi. And as for dragging me and my shinobi into this – there is nowhere else on this earth we would rather be right now."

"I'm going to get you all killed at this rate-."

"You aren't the cause of anything that happens to us. The lives of the Suna shinobi are my responsibility, not yours," Gaara cut him off, "We decided to come here and help you win this war; the consequences of that decision are not yours to bear."

"I don't know anymore Gaara," Naruto leaned back and looked up at the ceiling, "Our strongest defense and our strongest offense hasn't done anything but keep us barely alive. Is there even a chance for us to win at this point?"

"You sound like you've already given up."

"What's the use? We can fight as valiantly as we can, and die as courageously as we always do, but in the end we'll still die, and every Zerg we kill will simply be replaced by a thousand more. What can we do against an enemy that never slows down or tire, and hates us down to their dying breath? I'm not sure I can stand the sight of all my friends fighting and dying for nothing."

Gaara gripped him by the shoulders, "This is not the Naruto I know. The Naruto I know would never say things like that. Have you forgotten what you mean to the shinobi of this world? You are Naruto Uzumaki, the strongest shinobi to ever live in both body and spirit. You are Naruto Uzumaki, the unbreakable will. It is because of you entire nations have forged true bonds of friendship with one another, and finally broken the cycle of war and hatred that has plagued us since the beginning of time. It is because you changed the hearts, minds, and lives of so many thousands of people that this world has known true peace for the first time in history. You inspired confidence, loyalty, and trust in us all, making us stronger than we thought was even possible. We have followed you through everything; let you lead us through hell and back, and all that time, no one gave up hope, because you constantly inspired it. We didn't give up on you then; we won't give up on you now, so don't give up on us when we need you the most."

"Shikamaru, what's wrong?" Temari looked across at his vacant expression, "You're never this distracted when we're eating together."

"Hm? Oh, it's nothing. Just got a lot on my mind, that's all."

"Liar. Nothing distracts you when we're together. If whatever it is is troubling you so badly that you can't carry a decent conversation, I want to know what it is."

"It's nothing. The war's getting to me a little bit, that's all."

"Liar," Temari said again, "War doesn't get to you like this. Stop trying to brush me off; I know you too well to fall for that now."

Shikamaru sighed, "I'm just thinking about that last fight, and how it could have gone a thousand different ways which could have actually ended in a real victory for once. I could have used a different strategy. One that wouldn't have cost so many lives for almost nothing."

Temari looked over at him, giving him a sad smile.

"Hey, it wasn't for nothing. You denied them their most versatile fighters on both the ground and the air. Besides, you didn't know what they were up to; how could you have known about those huge things?"

"That's the thing; I did know about them. The Protoss briefed me and gave me all the information they had on the Zerg in their databases. I knew perfectly well that there was a possibility of facing ultralisks, and I chose to rule out that possibility. I could have prevented all those deaths those things caused if I had been more careful."

Temari paused, "You feel guilty, don't you?"

"Well, yeah. I'm supposed to be the perfect strategist; the one who prepares for all possible scenarios. They died because I made a mistake. A mistake I know Asuma-sensei would lecture me on if he was here, and a mistake I know my dad would never have made."

"Shikamaru, even geniuses aren't perfect. You know that."

"Yeah, but it's a drag being the only genius left in Konoha. At least before there were two other geniuses to consult with if I ever needed to. Now, I'm alone. There's no one else left but me."

Temari shook her head, "You're looking at this all wrong. Your dad, Neji, and the rest of Intelligence may be gone, but that doesn't mean you're actually alone. The rest of your friends are here, as well as friends from Suna, the Protoss, and you've got me. We might not be geniuses like you, but we're still here, and we will help you in any way we can. If you're a genius you should know that by now."

She moved over and gave him a hug. Shikamaru leaned into her, laying his head on her shoulder, "Thanks."

She smiled down at him, "Not everything's a drag you know."

Sai put an easel in the ground, pulling out a medium sized square piece of canvas from a bag. He kept all of his art supplies in a new supply bag that had a separate compartment for each paintbrush, pencil, or anything else he needed. After everything, it was nice to just to be able to slow down, capture the beauty of whatever happened to inspire him in the moment. It was the perfect time for it too. The sun was still in the sky, only just beginning its decent down towards the horizon behind him, and just the gentlest breeze, strong enough to ruffle the leaves of the trees nearby but not strong enough to disturb the canvas upon the easel. If yesterday hadn't been so terrible, he would consider today to be one of the most perfect days this year. He put a pencil to the canvas, lightly sketching out the shape and form of what he intended to draw. He heard light footsteps in the grass behind him.

"Hey," a tall blonde girl walked over to him, "What are you doing all by yourself out here?"

"Hey Ino," Sai continued his sketch, "Just starting a new painting. Something to help pass the time I suppose."

Ino nodded, looking over at the sketch.

"That's an interesting design," she remarked, "Why are you drawing if it's a painting?"

"Well, this is a rather special painting, and I want to make sure everything looks perfect before I start."

"Oh. What are you painting?"

Sai paused to look at his friend.

"Well, I figured, when this is over, we're going to want something to commemorate those we lost. A memorial, like the one we have for the Fourth Shinobi World War. I thought that a picture of the Praetor would be a nice addition to it, since if it weren't for him probably none of us would be alive right now."

Ino smiled and nodded.

"I like that idea."

Sai gave a small half smile as he went back to the sketch.

"Although," Ino walked behind to the other side of him, "I've never seen you actually giving much thought to this sort of thing."

Sai looked at her questioningly, "What do you mean? What sort of thing?"

"Well, you're actually thinking about what's going on, and the feelings of others. I mean, I don't think I've ever seen you show real respect to people who've died. You always just seemed to not care about any of that."

Sai paused again, his hand stopping in the middle of drawing a line.

"I didn't think about that," he admitted slowly, "It just seemed like a good thing to do."

"That's what I mean though: you're actually being considerate of other people's feelings. I've never seen you do that without having to think about it and stuff."

Ino looked at her friend's face; he wasn't passive, in fact he had a small frown as he thought about it.

"I suppose you might be right. It's been a long time since I've really felt anything for anyone; so long I didn't even recognize the feeling at all."

A semi-awkward silence fell between them as Sai continued to work. Ino stood there, not sure what to say to keep the conversation going.

"Ino, what do you think happens when we die?" he asked, breaking the silence.

The question was sudden and unexpected Ino was completely taken aback.

"Wha- uuhhhh, why do you ask?" she stared at him.

"I couldn't sleep last night; the subject kept me up," he explained, "I thought about it a lot, and the answer never came. The subject even began to become a little scary when I thought about it too long."

"Why now? You've never thought about it before."

Sai stopped painting, his arm falling to his side.

"Have I ever told you what it's like? Not having emotion?" he asked her quietly.

Ino shook her head, moving a little closer, "No, you haven't."

"The Foundation tries to destroy its members' ability to feel; their ability to have attachments to anything and anyone. In a way, they succeeded, but in reality, what they tried to do isn't possible," he said softly, "When I lost my brother, I coped in the way he told me to: shut down the grief, and never acknowledge it. After a while, I truly lost the memory and knowledge of how feelings actually felt. Even if I felt anything, I had no idea what it was, so I shoved it into the back of my head, and never thought about it again. But ….. no matter how hard you fight, there's always this small part of you that remembers what it's like to be happy, to be sad; that part of you does things to your mind. It rages inside; it makes you grim. Cold. Indifferent. You become isolated from everything that exists in the world. Nothing more than a shadow lost in darkness. The small part of you that rages even shows when you kill, because it's the only way to let it out, and you don't even realize that's what it is. That's the great irony of the Foundation's mantra: their success hinges on their failure. In the end, even if you plan every move you make with utmost care, you still don't think about a thing you do. You become a machine with the clothing of a human. You exist, but have no reason to. You live and breathe, but time has no meaning, and life passes you by as you sit and watch without a thought. Being like that…. it kills any meaning death has; if in death you feel nothing, what difference is that from how things are now?"

Sai fell silent again. Ino didn't dare say anything though, not wanting to interrupt.

"But, when you begin to have things you care about again," Sai looked directly at her, "People you care about, things change. Death suddenly becomes less welcoming of an option. You think about it, in depth, for the first time. And, the uncertainty, the inevitability of it, it can be scary to truly think about. Is that really something you would want? When you have things to live for suddenly, is death really such a nice option?"

Ino nodded, understanding what he meant. She had given the subject a lot of thought too, a long time ago.

"So, what do you think happens when we die?" Sai asked her again.

"Well," she spoke slowly, choosing her words as carefully as she could, "After the war… it really hit home that my dad was dead; that he was never coming home. Every day, I would look at the door and out the window, expecting him to be coming in the front door… but then I remember that that's never going to happen again. For months, whenever I was in trouble, or just needed advice, I would go and look for my dad in his office. And when I walked in the door, I always remembered that his office will never have him there again, that no matter how many times I walked through that door, no matter how hard I wished, that room was going to remain empty forever.

That's when I started to think about what actually happens when we die. I was angry with him, angry that he could just leave, and just rip out a piece of me so readily. I would sit there, for hours at a time, drowning in this whirlpool of emotions and thoughts. I would rage and storm, then cry, then just sit there miserably, not sure how or what to feel. That's when I realized, that no matter how long it took, I would see him again, and we'd be a whole family again. I just had to wait."

"But how do you know?" Sai asked, "How do you know we endure after death and not just cease to exist? How can you be so certain?"

"With some very simple reasoning," she smiled, "When I thought about how sad I was, I realized I wouldn't know the feeling of sadness if I didn't have memories of happiness to go by. If I never had a happy memory of my dad, how would know what a sad memory was? I couldn't know one without the other. No sadness without joy, no pain without pleasure, no death without life. If I know life, then I know death. If I know death, then I must have known life first at some point. So that means there's life after death, just as there's death after life. So, I know that even if I have to wait, one day I'll see my dad again. After I figured that out, I was able to get past my dad's death, because really, he's not dead, and either way, I'll see him again, just like I'll see all my friends and family who've died before me."

"But you have to wait."

"Yes," Ino nodded, "I have to wait. But that's something you do when you care about someone."

"I see," Sai nodded softly. He turned and smiled at her before returning to the painting.

"I should probably go, I'm probably distracting you aren't I?"

"No, no it's fine. Stay, please. It's nice to have company when you work sometimes."

Gaara helped his friend back on his feet. Naruto gave him a grateful hug.

"We're not out of this fight yet," Gaara encouraged him, "The Mizukage is on her way, and in a few days we'll have an army at our backs that can withstand anything."

Naruto nodded, "You're right. We will fight and fight, never give up, never surrender, until either we succeed, or we're all dead."

"Well, we're not all dead yet, and I'd love to see those alien bastards try it."

The two Kages stared out the window, looking out over their base, and towards the enemy they could not see beyond.

Unbeknownst to them, the enemy was staring right back. The Broodmother stood in the ruins of the hatchery Temari and her team had destroyed, observing the still mutating buildings replacing those lost. She turned to speak to one of her swarm's queens.

"The final experiments; how soon until they are ready?" she asked.

"2 of them are fully grown, and we can begin producing more soon," the queen reported, "The other 2 are still growing slowly. One strain will be done soon, but the other requires a substantial amount of biomass before it shall be large enough for combat."

"How long?"

"A week. Two at most."

If the Broodmother could smile she would, "Good."

Author's Note: Hey all, sorry it's been so long between chapters; things are really hectic with finals and all. But I promise that things will be picking up significantly when finals are over. Anyways, hope you enjoyed and I'll see you all later!