A/N hello! So I know it's two in one day but hey! Who cares?;) enjoy, and sorry if it's really angsty- I was in the mood so...

Hi! Could you write one about Haymitch and Effie talking after the Reaping in CF? Like, Effie feels terrible about it and Haymitch is trying to explain to her that it isn't her fault or something. Thank you :)

An inaccessibility to feel

"Katniss Everdeen!"

Effie felt the first stab enter her heart as she saw Katniss shed a lone tear. Although it was silent, Effie saw the almost pleading look in the girl's face. Effie wished she could somehow make it all better for her.

She had just gotten out the the hellish arena after all. Of course, the games weren't fair- they never were. The odds were never in their favour and all that jazz. Effie was realising it now as she stepped over the the boys bowl, meeting both the men's eyes. Peeta's bright baby blue ones were longing for mercy, but seemed strong as soon as his gaze met Katniss' still figure beside her. Effie almost whimpered. He loved her, undoubtedly. It was incredibly sad. Star-crossed lovers should only exist in stories, where the worlds are as fictional as the people. That way, no-one gets truly hurt.

Her eyes met Haymitch's for a brief moment. He was staring at her, she could feel it- then again, she could always feel it. During the tour, at meals; it was seemingly constant now.

She reached into the bowl, thinking rapidly of the consequences. If she pulled out Peeta's name, would Haymitch volunteer? The thought of the mentor back in the arena for a second time made her feel hollow and emotionless. She was about as dead as those in the graveyard, just up the road from where she was standing.

A sob threatened to escape her as she drew a piece of paper from the bowl. Effie felt it mocking her, which was ludicrous- it didn't know the full power it contained. As she walked back over the the towering microphone, a fleeting thought passed her mind.

What if Peeta volunteered?

Her heart soared, but before it could get to high, she stopped it. Effie felt monstrous. She wanted a boy, with his entire life ahead of him, to be sentenced to death? No. Of course not, she loved Peeta like one of her own. So then why did she feel so content with her own thoughts of keeping Haymitch safe?

"Haymitch Abernathy,"

Her mouth spoke before her brain could catch up with her. She had a knack for doing that, her mother always said. Most of the time it was purposely, but not today. Her heart dropped into her spiked shoes as no shout of volunteering was heard for a second. 'What a metaphor' Effie thought. 'My heart on a spike for all to see'.

"I volunteer as tribute!" Peeta, oh poor, perfect Peeta, strong as a bull with his shoulders back and head held high, confidently walked up; a tremble would surely not be seen by the cameras, but it was seen by her.

Her mind was suddenly back to last year, as the screaming girl was brought away by the dark-haired man, as Katniss Everdeen took her sister's place on stage in sight of the grieving mother. Effie was sickened with herself, and more so for allowing it to happen again.

Her eyes witnessed as Haymitch seemed to be... Protesting? No! He can't! How much more pain could she go through today?!

Peeta seemed set though, on what he was planning to do. Effie realised now that he was getting Katniss out of the arena, a sacrifice if you will. Effie felt faint, this couldn't be happening, she would pinch herself and it would be a dream. 'It's only a dream, Effie,' she told herself. She remembered reading a book as a child, Alice In Wonderland Perhaps?, where a girl would fall down a rabbit hole and end up in a strange and scary world. Effie was as close to Alice as you could get right now.

Suddenly, Peeta was next to her- strong and weak at the same time.

"Wonderful!" Effie said. Oh god, was that believable? The people of district 12 must loathe her and she didn't blame them, at this moment she hated herself too.

"Our tributes for district 12! Katniss Everdeen! And Peeta Mellark..." With every word she said, she felt Peeta and Katniss stiffen up. She heard Haymitch sniff and felt the pitying eyes of district 12 on the two children next to her. There was no mercy in this world.

"Well if that's-"

"Train, now."

The peacekeepers were soon near attacking them, ushering them back into the building. Everything was a blur to Effie as she heard the screams and shouts of Katniss and her sister. Effie protested to the peacekeepers; this was unfair, and damn near inhumane. Of course, the capitol. It always has been. Effie realised she came under that label and fell silent. This was overwhelming, she felt as though she was drowning in realisation with no-one to save her and bring her to shore, as the sea of despair overtook her consciousness and all she could taste was bitterness.

It was only after the reaping where she felt something.

The train was quiet on the way to the capitol. How she hated to love her home and all it contained. Effie sat in the end carriage by herself, the 360 degree view of district 7 was a sight to behold, as the sun rose behind the trees. It made her feel peaceful, and also forgetful. She loved it.

The sound of the door opening echoed in the vast space, and Effie heard footsteps trudging towards her, slow and heavy. She tore her gaze away from the scenery to stare at Haymitch, who was stood in the middle of the room, looking above at the clouds.

"Haymitch?" Effie whispered, not quite believing the sight. After all, there was no bottle in hand.

Haymitch turned quickly. "Oh, hey princess. Shouldn't you be getting your beauty sleep?" He sat down beside her, not too far away for it to be awkward, and not too close for it to be uncomfortable. "You sure need it,"

Effie couldn't help but smile at her crossed over legs in her lap. It was natural between them- banter, sarcasm and teamwork. They tolerated but liked each other at the same time.

"I do not! And anyway it's 5:30, I needed to be up in an hour anyway,"

"So why are you up now?"

"I-" the question threw her off. Why was she up so early. God only knew how tired she was, so how come she couldn't sleep?

"I- the reaping, I feel so... Awful, Haymitch!" Effie admitted. For some reason, she felt trusting that he wouldn't laugh at her.

He nodded. "I understand, but don't best yourself up about it Princess, you do it every year,"

"Not with them! Not with you!" Effie felt the tears sting her eyes, a warning sign to stop- yet she carried on.

"You're my friends! The children, I love them like my own! Katniss and Peeta and you, you don't deserve it," tears were spilling now. She was aware her make-up was smudging, yet she didn't care.

"Hey, hey, hey," he pulled her in for a hug, something he'd never done before. She froze momentarily but then let it pass. "It's not your fault, they'll be fine trust me,"

"But they WON'T Haymitch! You and I both know it!" She was sobbing into his shirt now. The pain was unbearable. As if a monster was tearing through her, ripping at everything it could find in the most torturous ways imaginable. She was struggling to breath now, a million ways of Katniss' and Peeta's deaths racing through her mind. Finnick's trident, Johanna's axe. So, so many...

"Haymitch!" She was almost screaming from the pain. "Make it stop, please!"

She felt her body collapse and her entire world fall down. She was screaming now, in the sound proof room so it didn't matter. Haymitch did nothing but hold her and she cried into oblivion. It was remorseful and so, so saddening. Effie Trinket, human.

Haymitch brought her closer and rested his chin on her head.

"I'm sorry, Effie," she had never heard him use her name before. It was tragic and pitying and she hated him for it. But she could never hate him more for the words that followed.

"But I can't,"