I think I'm doing a good job at being a friend. And this 'friendzone' isn't even that bad. I can be with her, and it's casual. We can talk, there's no tension whatsoever. I enjoy being a friend thoroughly. It's enough of an excuse to do nice little things, with no ulterior motives. I'm not trying to woo her, I'm not being a pervert. I like thinking it's cute, if it weren't so sad.
Oh, it's sad. The moment we part it hurts. Not because of the 'if only's, not because it wasn't what I could have wanted it to be, but because when she's not here, with me, she's in my mind.
I wonder what I could do next to make her smile. I wonder how she's feeling, if she's alright, if nobody is causing strain.
I haven't ever cared so much for anything. If she were an object I wouldn't ever be in a different room, I'd admire her shine, make sure she didn't collect dust, make sure she didn't break. But thanks to the fact that she's a person, I can give her things, I can make sure she's alright. We can communicate, and do things together.
I've gotten used to the haunting to a certain degree. Instead of letting her torment my mind, I let her settle in. My new notebooks are intact, and Miku hasn't complained about me being silenced. I'm productive at work, my grades are good...
And I can spend entire afternoons with Lily.
I got to invest an entire day to her yesterday. We went to the movies. She likes those actually good romances, while I like adventure and psychology. We saw some movie which was a combination of the two... Even though I chose it, I forget the name, and everything in the movie, because I was so absorbed by the fact that she let us share an armrest and we were there together. Also, she said she actually liked it a lot, just that it was 'a little cheesy'.
No other thing made me feel like I had done such an amazing accomplishment. It felt like the most resounding success of my life.
I'm happy.