I was so scared that I'd fucked up on day one, hour one. And yes that harsh language is intentional; I felt that awful about it.
My fears caught up on me. I ranted quite suddenly in Lily's startled face about all the exterior reasons which had pushed me back and I started scaring even myself. I'd gone deeper than the rabbit hole than I'd ever been as I connected the dots.
The moment I thought I had taken it too far was when I said 'and what if we're not worth the trouble? What if we tell the world, get harassed, and split up only a month after?'. It was awful, but it was something that had dawned upon me quite suddenly, simply because it had become a real, terrible, possibility.
Lily had taken it amazingly well. She shushed me quite efficiently by putting a finger to my lips. Startled myself, I remained quiet, and only then did she supply a most practical, common solution to the issue. Nobody had to know except us, after all. She even told me to keep any hints far away from our Crypton friends; she mentioned something about Luka being sneaky. But we'd see. There was no reason to rush anything. This was a first for the both of us, after all...how can I be so sure I'm the kind of person who'd work well with long-term relationships?!
Oh dear, yes, it was scary as could be. But the fear meant something, after all. It meant that this was truly special, that it was dear to me, and it showed the real depths of its roots in my heart. After all, who fears the destruction of a meaningless thing? No, this true fear was how I measured the worth of the potential loss.
Lily meant too much to me at that moment.