I think that before, when I would picture two people dating, I'd expect them to be perfectly paired and be completely involved with the other; no separate lives. And I think that I accepted that, before, because I would always see those clingy couples at school.
But I know that it truly is different, now.
Lily and I know how to exist independently, but the connection is where it matters. We supply each other with support, affection, and happiness. It isn't tiring, it doesn't feel like I'm being ignored. It's a healthy balance, especially since we're supposed to keep it a secret.
This made the process of realizing that YES it IS really real much easier. The actual fact that I was dating Lily sunk in quickly enough, but whenever it comes back and hits me it fills me with warmth. I actually found somebody who mattered to me and I matter to her, too!
My favorite part is how sweet she's being about it. Whenever we were truly together, with nobody else, she'd hold me and close her eyes. I expected big, mean, grim Lily to be a tough one to love but I've never seen such a delicate person.
Being alone together is what I am always looking forward to. Getting a text from her while at school is fantastic, crossing her during work is a pleasant surprise, and talking to her at home is subtly romantic and slightly flirtatious. But when we don't have to mind others, when there's a door between us and the world, that's when the true definition of happiness starts to form in my mind.
The secret rendez-vous are thrilling in their own special way, even if they were, at first, slightly tainted by fear. What if we were caught? With time though, the fear ebbed away and there was nothing else left but that warm feeling of safety, comfort, and a growing love.