This chapter is dedicated to every one of you that are still kind enough to read despite my long absences between updates. I sincerely appreciate your patience and support.
3D, Dragondar and Navarre, your reviews and cheerleading has the power to light inspiring fires from exhausted coals.
This posting would not be possible without the amazing beta talents of Twiliteaddict and Gasaway Alley. Thank you so much ladies.
We pick up with Bella and her thoughts on her metamorphisis...
"A what?"
A tattoo?
Of all the things I imagined would be different with my body after the change, having a tattoo was certainly not at the top of the list. It wasn't even ON the list. I felt the weight of everyone's interest burning holes into me and experienced the familiar crush of embarrassment, but it lacked something ... gone was the shaming rush of heat that always resulted in my blushed skin. The feeling was terribly odd.
One difference at a time Bella ... I thought, trying to calm myself. The relevance of a mystical tattoo was enough to handle for the moment.
Edward's anxious eyes were riveted to mine, prepared to react to even the slightest indication of a freak-out when I looked in the mirror. I barely recognized the reflection staring back at me. The rippling power beneath the surface of this woman's form, practically shimmered off of her in waves. Her skin was mother-of-pearl and her eyes ...
My eyes.
Gold.
Golden Eyed Queen.
Xandru had called me that once.
My fingers reached up, delicately brushing the thick flutter of lashes lining my eyes, and I leaned in closer to the mirror. What was I looking for? A contact outline? Mascara clumping? The shape of my irises were much larger than they used to be. When I looked closely, I noticed a thick edging of black encircling the gold. The lining made the color appear brighter in a very unnatural, disconcerting way. No way I could pass for human with these.
My eyes looked like Leah's when she went wolf.
"Carlisle, my eye color and shape, could it be due to the wolf ... erm ... DNA in my blood?"
"It's quite possible. There are quite a few biological factors involved. You are a one-of-a-kind combination of human and supernatural beings. Anything goes in a genetic pool that deep." Carlisle's confident tenor tamped down my burgeoning nerves.
With a swish of my robe, I lowered the silken lapels over my shoulders far beneath the blades, and carefully examined my mirror image. The bright fiery plumes of the wings etched down my back, and looked as if I had been born with them. A birthmark.
Birthright.
Alice appeared at my side and lit up the looking glass with her proud, beaming smile. She talked to my reflection, her eyes wide with wonder, buzzing with a million questions. Yet, she only asked one.
"How did you do it? The visions, those horrible awful visions are gone!"
Sharing Alice's visions of Edward dying exposed us to a depth of pain that would forever bind us. Turning to my dearest friend, I whispered back,
"It was a gift. " I knew my mysterious Deity had fixed the problem. Now I wondered if there was a price to be paid for Alice's peace? Fear prickled along my skin like tiny marching fire ants as I thought about the quest he had bequeathed me; Find The Source.What would the consequences be if I failed in my new mission?
I can't think of that particular pickle right now. I reached for my new mantra like a lifeline; One thing at a time.
Alice was no longer in pain and could be in my presence which was all that mattered for the moment. Dredging up a calm I didn't think I had, I looked deep into her eyes in an attempt to erase the mar of worry for the future we glimpsed. "It'll be all right Alice. I can explain the rest later."
Wrapping her arms around me, she hugged me tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you Bella. I'm so amazed by you." Nodding towards the mirror, she chattered like an excited squirrel with a nut.
"They are positively gorgeous, Bella. Don't you just love them?"
Honestly, all supernal responsibilities aside ... I kinda did. I'd always wanted a tattoo - of course not one this large, but, "I guess as changes go, this one is not so bad ..."
Just then, Jacob and Leah ran into the room with Em and Rose in close pursuit. Skidding to a stop, Jake uttered a wholly shocked, "What the blue blazes is that?"
"Those blazes aren't blue ... more red tones really." Emmett blurted out matter-of-factly, then backpedaled after Edward shot them both a glare that seethed, don't upset my woman.The exchange made me grin.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Jake muttered.
"They are totally bad ass tho' Bells - so they weren't umm ..." Emmett shuffled his feet as he stammered in a very un-vampire like manner and pointed at my bare shoulders, "there before?"
"Certainly not." Edward, Jacob and I stated simultaneously. We all looked at each other with surprise at our unanimous reaction to Em's comment. I watched my family's reflection from behind me in the mirror. Esme was the first to snicker, covering her mouth and giggling behind its polite shield. Rose smirked. Carlisle wore an expression of amused wonder. Jasper winked lazily. At last giddy nerves bubbled to the surface, bursting the cork off the bottled tension in the room, giving way to the effervescent champagne of laughter. With a mild sense of relief, I turned from the reflection in the glass to look at them all head on.
What I saw made me want to blink and rub my eyes like they do in cartoons when they don't believe what's smack dab in front of them.
And I thought the wings were strange!
"Oh my God," I whispered, grabbing Edward's arm tight enough for him to wince in pain.
"Bella, what is it? You look as if you've seen a ghost."
Shocked by what I viewed around them, I struggled to find words. Colors, kaleidoscopic curlicues, riotous rainbows of color. Each loved one was wrapped in vibrant cushions of aureole light. Esme was mostly surrounded in emerald greens, whereas Carlisle was brilliant gold. Alice was bright sunshiny yellow, and Jasper was a cool blue sky. Emmett and Rosalie emitted fiery tones of oranges and pulses of red surged between Jacob and Leah. I turned to look at Edward whose aura shone a bright jewel-toned pink - the exact same shade that always surrounded us during our lovemaking.
For someone surrounded in pink light, he had a pretty serious look about him as he waited with feigned patience for my answer.
"I...I think I can see everyone's aura."
"How fascinating," gushed Carlisle. I raised my eyebrow at him, but held my tongue as I could see his chagrin at his outburst of curiosity, but he quickly switched gears and his impeccable bedside manner loosened my tightly wound nerves. "It's not unusual for humans to have the ability to see auras, so it stands to reason, given your bloodline, this would be one of your more 'enhanced' abilities with the addition of vampire venom to your system."
Carlisle's conclusion made sense. I distinctly remembered Renee going through a phase where she thought she could read auras. Perhaps she really could. Stranger things have happened. I most certainly was proof positive of that.
"I imagine there is much to be discovered in the extraordinary abilities you may possess as the days progress Bella … in all my centuries of experience, I have never heard of a witch as powerful as you changed into a vampire. Just know we are here for you and will help you come to terms with each new upgrade as they surface."
"That's all well and good, but I must say, this one is a little … distracting." I did appreciate Carlisle's logic and kind attempt to minimalize my fears about my new abilities. Edward squeezed my hand in support and sympathy. I had plenty of support around me, so getting my knickers all in a knot over something I had no control over was not going to do me any favors. I needed to pull my head together and simply learn to accept things as they come. In fact, now was as good a time as any to relax and center myself, perhaps find a way to tap into my power and dial down the aura-vision.
"I just need a moment … can you stand back Edward? Please?"
A shadow of doubt slipped across his face, but it was only the lowest caste ghost of his protective nature. Looking deep into the darker ribbons of color rolling and weaving within his aura, I discovered these tints were actually shadow-like recreations of scenes of our most intimate moments - both of us in a the large claw foot bathtub in the cabin, the few times we made love, running together in the In Between - they were all there for me to relive, looping over and over in a graceful cadence.
One thing at a time Bella!
In an attempt to stay on task, I avoided getting sucked into the past like Alice down the rabbit hole by pulling back and refocusing on Edward's face. He smiled at me and said,
"There you are. Lost you for a moment there, Beautiful. Where did you go?"
"Someplace I hope to revisit later," I purred back.
Sighing and giving him a playful push backwards so he could give me some room, I braced my feet and exhaled a meditative breath to anchor myself , clearing away the worry, the fear, the pride - all the negative energies threatening my stability. Once emptied, I focused on the ancient font of power under my feet, surrendering to Gaia's will. I needed to reconnect with Mother Earth before I could invoke the Goddess.
I now understood how to work with the power given to me through my blood and connection to the Goddess. This knowledge has always been within me. Once a dormant seed, it sprouted tendrils of possibility when Edward Cullen first walked into my life. It whispered to me from the ancient stories told around many the bonfire by the Elders in La Push. Wrapped me silently in its comforting arms while I read the histories of the mythologies and legends I poured myself into during the heights of my depression after Edward left. Roots pushed deep and grabbed sure to Mother Earth like a mighty Oak when my power was shown to me by the spirits of my ancestors; Adrastea, Aesa, Leda and Marie. They were gone now to the All. In their lessons, I learned the All was not so much the Christian ideology of Heaven, but the Beginning and End of Everything. Souls were sent out from it and returned when their work was done. I coped with their moving on by honoring their lessons. The ways of the Striga.
There was not a breath of sound in the room except for the low steady duet of Jake and Leah's hearts. To deepen my meditation, I looked beyond the tense and anxious faces of my family and took in the details of the room we were all in. It was large double parlor with leaded glass windows that cast prisms of rainbow-hued light over the herringbone inlay pattern of the hardwood floor. Rich, red and black velvet draperies hung at the sides of the large windows, a dramatic contrast to the walls covered with a cream on cream velvet flocked wall paper which had a regal mylar pattern. Standing proudly along the walls were built in shelves of blackened mahogany filled with books, some new and others - not so much. Carlisle had once told me the Denali Coven members were hundreds of years older than he was, so it was not surprising the room was furnished and decorated with such an eclectic blend of historical elegance, and obviously containing original pieces and not reproductions. Some leather bound codices were laid out on a working table in a sunny northern corner of the room. I pictured Carlisle there, poring over them for information while everyone waited for us to awaken. Always the scholar. From my peripheral vision I noticed the heavy drapes begin to sway as if someone had opened a window in the room.
The Goddess was here!
A small zephyr stole across the floor as She came to greet me as Air, one of her many elemental forms. She weaved around my legs like a familiar cat, a sultry sirocco stretching, spreading around my calves reaching up, up, up along the silk of my robe. Looping between my arms, two playful streams met and hovered over my chest, funneling together into a singular cyclone of power, poised with its tip at the center of my breast bone. Edward's anxiety rang like a bell within my body, and I knew he was reaching his limits for staying back. My hand shot out , palm forward, halting him from causing a breach in this sacred process, no matter how well meaning. At that very moment, the Goddess knew I trusted, and that I was ready.
The tornado touched down by slamming into my chest with a fury, then disappeared into my body. I squeezed my eyes shut as the intensity of all that power rushing through me was getting the best of me. It rattled around inside like a caged beast, looking for a way out. I visualized the wind plummeting to my feet, felt the gravitational pull as it drained itself into the earth, returning to the pulsing hot heart, the core of Life itself. My heart filled with love. Forgiveness. Understanding. The power She gave to me drummed the staccato beat of an adrenaline rushed heart within my iron chest.
"Use it wisely," She whispered on the wind, echoing all around the room as I felt her pull away and leave me.
The beat of my internal drum slowed its powerful pace, until it settled into the slow steady lubh dubh of a heartbeat, finally fading into silence.
I opened my eyes.
The last remnants of wind rustled the curtains and playfully flipped through the hair of my family. The brilliant splashes of color and light around them were gone and left in its place were the wan pale faces and dark eyes of my vampire family attempting to ignore their own starvation. Had no one eaten since the battle? Dear Goddess. They needed to feed, but they were all waiting to see that my needs were met first.
I turned to Edward, truly now seeing the shadowy purple half-moons resting beneath his eyes for the first time. I reached out and placed my palm against his cheek.
"You need to hunt. Perhaps we should take care of that?"
Placing his hand over mine he brought it to his lips and lightly kissed the end of my fingertips before placing our hands over his silent heart.
"Always thinking of others instead of yourself. At least we know that hasn't changed." He gave me a wry smile. "You are the Newborn in the room. How about you?" he asked softly. He dove, again, into the depths of my eyes to mine out any secrets I might still be keeping from him. My answering smile told him there were none. Carlisle cleared his throat to get Edward's attention, who gave him a quick nod of permission to carry out whatever his Sire's silent request was. I watched him leave the room then turned back to Edward to question why with a lift of my eyebrow.
"Carlisle and I had blood at the ready for you, should you need it. Are you feeling any hunger pangs at all? It would be an intense burning in your throat."
I closed my eyes to listen and divine my body's most base needs, but found only one thing I burned for. The room receded into a dark void as I focused on my most tantamount desire.
Him. All I wanted was Edward.
Something stirred within my stomach; a dense weight stretched and reached, urging me towards him. Folding myself into his embrace, his hands shifted from my shoulders, easing deliciously down my arms to rest at the flare of my hips.
"I'm okay, Edward." I whispered into his ear while he gathered me to him. I then realized he was not cold anymore. In fact, our body temperature must now be in tandem since he felt like any other human I had ever embraced.
As I held him the heat between us seemed to grow. The warmth spread across my body, turning my bones to rubber, causing me to swoon a bit and lean into him. Then the strangest thing happened, Edward's scent seemed to intensify, wrapping me up in a haze of... blinding need. My skin buzzed every where his touched mine, wiping my sense of propriety, hell ... my very reality receded into non-existence. I had no care or the ability to even acknowledge the presence of our family in the room. I pulled my hips towards him, feeling his hard erection press against me. His need strenuously and unabashedly echoed mine. Gone were his family, Jacob and Leah. Our bodies swirled in a vortex of lust and want and bated breath.
We rode completely on instinct.
Nuzzling against my lover's neck, drunk on his phantasmagorical pheromones, I could not resist brushing my lips against his Adam's apple. His hands moved from the curve of my spine up into my hair, gathering it roughly as my teeth scraped delicately against his once impermeable skin.
When the first drop of his venom touched the tip of my tongue, I wondered perhaps if "delicate" was the appropriate word to use as I had broken his skin! He sighed in surrender and muttered a low moan.
"Yessssssss..."
Sweet merciful Magdalene; his taste!
More! I needed more! My lips clamped a vise-grip over his ripened jugular, sweet like fruit, his venom flooded across my tongue as I drank in great pulls. He tensed against me; unmoving, soundless, waiting.
Willing.
"Don't stop..." he pleaded fervently.
Shouts of protest rang too soon in my ears like an underwater dream and strong arms banded around me, ripping me violently from him.
How dare they?I righteously gnashed in my mind.
Screams erupted from my throat, scorching even my own ears with it's shrill levels. Anger thundered through my veins like a runaway horse as I struggled against my captors - Leah and Jake held fast even though the urge to phase was rising off them like heat off hot pavement. Leah and Jake. I can't hurt Leah and Jake. They are my family. My hands heated up and began to throb with the need to release defensive magic. I was not the only one being held under duress, Edward was growling and thrashing within the iron grip of over half of the Cullen's. The blinding haze of my primal need to be back at his throat dissipated, and I sobered with guilt soaked clarity; the ragged wound at my lover's neck bore irrefutable witness to my violence.
I did that? What the Hestia just happened?
Esme and Alice stood in front of me, the anguish on their faces echoed that of Edward's as he fought to reach for me.
Turning to Carlisle, who had returned in time to help restrain Edward, Esme asked him gently to let go.
"Esme …"
"Carlisle … she can't kill him. She won't kill him. Perhaps this is what she needs instead of blood."
"I think we should rule that out before she … " The word kills Edward loomed unspoken, a hulking thundercloud of fear in the room.
"Carlisle …" Edward ground out. His fists were clenched, his shirt torn from the struggle to get to me. "If she's not interested in the blood you have, you must promise me you will not interfere with her needs."
My throat constricted with the onslaught of emotion I felt for Edward's earnest plea to his father. This man walked through fire for me. He worked his necromancy and brought me into a new existence - forever with him. Now he was willing to be my … egads.
My sustenance?
I had so many conflicting emotions about this situation. I was horrified by my actions, but also angry with everyone who kept us from what we both obviously wanted. Didn't he want this? Did he truly want me feeding from him? When I fed from Edward, the act seemed completely natural. This too scared me. Feeding this way didn't fit into my paradigm as an "ex-human", wolf or vampire.
What the hell was I?
"Bella … Bella darling, please, you have to know I'm okay with however this turns out."
"What if she drains you? Rosalie hissed.
Edward whipped his head around to his sister so fast I didn't see it move.
"If she can't feed, she can not exist without pain. Why wouldn't I put my existence in her hands? She has put hers in mine countless times. She saved you all and still you don't trust her?"
The depth of this drama was all too much. A dry sob escaped me, and Leah and Jake loosened their hold on me. One of them rubbed slow steady circles over my back for comfort. The mood in the room shifted quickly from wary tension to heartfelt empathy. Edward's brothers loosened their grip on him and, with a nod from Carlisle, and when they let him go, he flew to my side. Like a flower searching for sunlight, my entire body relaxed and leaned towards him.
Carlisle approached us with respectful caution and reached in to draw a packet of blood out of his breast pocket to present to me.
"Human or animal?" I whispered.
"Animal. Edward wanted to try that first before we resorted to human blood."
Leah and Jake stiffened in an attempt to hide their ingrained disgust. I don't know why they would even entertain the idea I would be okay with drinking human blood.
Did they not know me at all?
"No. No human blood, it's not even an option."
Nodding his head and smiling indulgently, my father- in- law was obviously pleased with my decision not to take human blood. "Wise choice Bella, it will be easier to control the cravings if you've never had it." He passed the blood pack to me and I pushed it back into his hands.
"I don't mean any disrespect when I say this Carlisle, but … I'm not drinking out of this bag like some kid with a mini sip. Especially with you all watching me as if I'm some sort of science experiment. If I'm to try animal blood, it will be after a successful hunt - there's no time like the present to learn this part of my nature - you are all starving and need to go, so I will simply come with."
I was answered by silence and uncomfortable glances between everyone else in the room. Not one would look in my eyes, but Edward. He stood there, in his ripped shirt and disheveled hair, a wry smirk inching his beautiful mouth into that lopsided grin I so loved. He took my hand to lead me out of the room,
"You heard her folks. Let's go."