A/N : Sorry about the delay ! My stock of chapters already written ended with chapter 12, so from now on it should take a little longer between the updates... But I hope you'll enjoy the chapter anyway. Angst and nightmares ahead !

Chapter 13 : Pour me something stronger

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Pour me something stronger,

Pour me something dark,

Pour it up so high,

So I can't feel my heart.

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The towers of Eurwen stood in the lingering haze of this April morning. The singing of the birds lulled the sound of the gentle breeze as the sun cast its light on the wings of the mist. It felt like a dream, a memory, a piece of a far off past only disturbed by the crunch of paces on the lane's mudd. Emma's. The young princess was making her way to her home while it didn't even felt like one to her. Oddly enough, she had felt home on this wild beach of the stars, gazing at the sky in the pirate's arms. But home was no longer there, home was gone. Emma was back to being a wanderer, her life would go on. No more smiles, no more innuendoes, no more Killian Jones. The mere thought of it made her ache, and she decided to banish his name to the haze she was winding through.

But wouldn't this make it all worse ? His memory would always be lingering in the air, wrapping her, penetrating her.

Maybe she should just burn it. Yet again, ashes would remain, everlasting memory of the infuriating pirate.

Maybe she couldn't get rid of him. Maybe it all happened for a reason. But she couldn't quite guess what it was. For what's the point of pain if not enjoying happiness ? Emma couldn't feel happiness, she was doomed by the sole feeling of pain.

She was burning.

And she hoped he was burning for the pain he put her through.

The immaculate walls of the castles were closer, the towers higher. She was almost there. She didn't feel any apprehension, but she couldn't shake this strange feeling nestling in the pit of her stomach. It all felt wrong. Coming back to them after stabbing her sister. And yet, what could she possibly do ? She had nowhere else to go. The only place she wanted to be in was Killian's arms, and she knew it wasn't possible. She had to forget about him and the Jolly Roger, the way the waves lulled her to sleep. Eurwen was her home. She was to spend her life behind those castle walls.

If she didn't end up locked up in a cell.

She forced herself to go on, letting her feet carry her to the gates. She wanted to enter the enclosure so as to join the gardens, hoping no one would be there. She crossed the gate, looking at the swans gently gliding on the shimmering lake. She remembered how she liked to watch them when she was a little girl, naively thinking they were linked to her, that just like them, she would someday fly away to a better place. And then she saw them mating, sliding on the water two by two. Her nanny had told her swans mated for life, and she had thought : Why ? What's the point ? Why can't they stay all alone ? Now, almost twenty years later, she understood. They couldn't stay alone because it was too painful. Each minute away from him was like a dagger diving in her flesh, cutting her soul to pieces.

Pain was all she got.

A few more steps and she'd be in the gardens.

She was in the gardens.

She had almost forgotten the beauty of Eurwen in spring. Hortensia, amaranthus and cardamine mingling in a colorful tableau, their scents floating in the air and carried by the warm breeze of spring. The green and caressing carpet underfoot, the dance of the butterflies, bright colors fluttering in motley sparks. The cristalline sound of the fountains reverberating from afar and blending with the voices of the nightingales. All of this draped her like a good old blanket exhaling lavender, the ones her mother used to wrap her with when she got out of her summer baths in the lake.

And suddenly, here she was. Her mother. Sitting on a bench, in the shade of an old cherry tree, her eyes locked on the branch of lily of the valley she was fidgeting. She was wearing a long and white dress, and Emma immediately noticed the streaks of gray among her dark hair. Was she the reason why they had appeared ? A soft melody passed her lips, and her cracked voice rose in the air.

May you bring love,
And may you bring happiness;
Be loved in return,
To the end your days;
Now fall of to sleep,
I'm not meaning to keep you,
I'll just sit for awhile,
And sing loo-li,lai-lay

Emma swallowed and took a few steps forwards as the harmony died away, drawing in a deep breath. But there was no need to try and be discrete. She was her mother. A mother knows when her child is around.

The flower dropped from her hands when her brown eyes met hers. She got up with difficulty, using her left hand to give her an impulse as her other hand tried to reach the young woman standing before her. Shock marred the Queen's face and her eyes were already filled with tears when her fingers brushed her daughter's cheeks in disbelief.

"Emma ?" she lowly asked.

Emma didn't even recognize this voice. It was so broken, fragile, cracked. She silently nodded, a half-smile spreading across her face. Snow smiled and brought a hand to her mouth, tremors coursing through her body. Her shoulders shook, and all of a sudden, her arms were wrapped around her daughter's neck.

"We thought you were dead", she weakly let out. "Emma we thought we had lost you forever, dear gods you're here..."

The princess could feel her mother's teardrops rolling down her spine and dampening her collar. She was taken aback by the hug, surprised by her mother's reaction.

"I'm so sorry..." she whispered.

The Queen untightened her embrace and her lips parted in a sad smile. "We both know you're not sweetheart."

"Kaly..."

Snow shook her head. "She's doing fine. Let's not talk about that okay ?"

The princess nodded, unable to say anything. Her mother's eyes roamed her, full of worry, probably looking for an injury or a scratch.

"I'm fine mother", she answered her silent questions.

"Where... Where have you been all this time Emma ?"

"I-"

"Don't lie to me, we know you've been abducted by a pirate. Witnesses saw our guards' bodies in the snow the day after you ran away. This pirate killed Duncan."

Of course. She thought Hook had killed him. If she only knew... But a little voice told Emma not say anything, that it would hurt her. She had just come back, it'd be too much to handle for her. Instead of throwing the ugly truth at her, Emma took her mother's hand and gently tightened it.

"Does it really matter ?" she softly asked. "I'm here now, it's all over. I'm sorry I ran away, I'm sorry I hurt you and Kaly... I... I needed to be alone. I was caught in a snowstorm and the pirate abducted me."

"But why keeping you for four months if all he wanted was a ransom ?"

"He... He told me the longer you didn't hear from me, the more you'd pay him."

"And you escaped ?"

"Yes."

Knowing that her daughter wouldn't say anything more, the Queen smiled and caressed Emma's cheek. A strange emotion emanated from her being, and Emma wondered if this was what regret felt like.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart..." Snow let out between two sobs. "Your father and I are so sorry for what we put you through, for lying to you. All we wanted was to protect you, but it was selfish of us. We did it for us. Not for you. You had to grow up without a heart and... these are years you'll never get back. Emma if you only knew how much we regret this decision..."

Emma gulped and couldn't take her eyes off of her mother's, so... cloudy. She realized she had started to feel when she was with Hook, on the Pirate Island. Shame, fear, pain... Somehow, he had managed to trigger all these emotions in her. And for a few hours, she had been experiencing sorrow and grudge, she had been mad at her parents for what they did to her. But now that she was standing in front of her crying mother, all the grudge had vanished. She just felt exhausted, as if these new feelings sucked the life out from her body instead of making her feel more alive.

"Let bygones be bygones", she said.

Her mother nodded. "Thank you for coming back."

They left the shaded gardens and headed to the castle, their hands entwined.

And Emma knew that the remaining six months would be the longest of her life.

The atmosphere was suffocating. The air exhaled whiskey and rum, the spirits mingled so as to create a sultry scent of despair. The flames of the candles were barely alive, weakly flickering, struggling. Killian was leaning against the door, a half-empty bottle of rum in his hand. He closed his eyes and brought the neck to his lips, and the spirit flew down his throat, burning his stomach, blazing every inch of his core. He grimaced and sighed, his eyelids still shut.

"What have I done..." he murmured. "Of course she ran away, how the bloody hell could she love me ?"

He hung his head and left the door, miserably failing to walk straight. "Hey, it's me, Captain Screweverythingbuttheprincess !" He drank straight from the bottle again before throwing it on the floor. The glass scattered loudly and the very sound coursed underneath Killian's skin, reached his heart and smashed it. He had hurt her. He had made her bleed. He had thrown a bloody bottle at her. The glass had cut her flesh, and he could still see her expression of awe and the terror in her eyes.

"You fucked everything up Killian..." he groaned. "You're the most pathetic fucker of them all."

He could feel his blood boil, pound in his temples. He could feel the wrath shaking his limbs and penetrating his bones. The thought of Emma hurting incensed him. Not only was he a coward, he was a monster. A beast. A vengeful beast who didn't deserve to be loved. He deserved the words she had thrown at him, he deserved her disgust, her anger, her hate. Not her love. She should've given him to the authorities. He would've been hung high and his pain would've vanished. She would've been rid of him. He would've been shut out forever, unable to hurt her. And yet she let him be, she let him live with himself. Now all he got was this self-loathing and the memory of Emma's look as he yelled at her.

His eyes turned to his desk and he took a few steps towards it. He pushed a notebook aside and observed the inscription on the wood. Emma Elea of Eurwen. He had carved her name into the mahogany almost six years from now, right after he left the masquerade of Eurwen. Because it took him only a heartbeat to know he was hopelessly in love with her. He had written her name so as to look at it everyday and remind himself that she was his only hope. But now that everything had crumbled down, what was the point of looking at the wooden letters ?

All of a sudden, he planted his hook on the wooden surface and crossed the name with all his might. His breath grew frantic, feverish, erratic. He pushed the chair with force and shouted. The piece of furniture waltzed across the room and crashed against the bed. A mad look lied beneath his lashes. He rushed to the chest of drawers and wiped all the items away with his forearms, causing them to roll and collide on the floor. He tore the papers apart, he ripped out the sheets, he grazed the wood. A chaos of sharp sounds of materials breaking invaded the sultry air, and soon, the cabin turned into a battlelfied. The one that opposed Killian and his demons, the apex of his misery. Out of breath, he sunk to the floor, his head and back falling against the door. He closed his eyes.

And all he could see was the lethal dance of his dashed hopes in the darkness of his eyelids.

"Killian !"

Emma woke with a start and her heart was racing in her chest. Pearls of sweat covered her forehead and she felt like her breath was stuck in her lungs.

"What the hell was that ?" she said, trying to calm down. She had seen him, she had felt his misery, she had even smelled the scent of rum. She was there, with him, she had seen him fall apart. But this was only a nightmare. Right ? "Nothing but a nightmare", she tried to convince herself. It was still dark outside, and she could here the owls. No lark yet. Dawn was still far away.

She sat in her bed and rubbed her forehead. "Nice welcome gift", she mumbled.

A soft noise caught her attention. The door opened slowly and reaveled a slender shadow. "Hey sis", she whispered.

"Kaly", Emma sighed. "I-"

"Don't", her sister intervened. "Our parents told me. Don't beat yourself up... Well I know you couldn't actually do that but, you know. "

Emma's lips parted in a sad smile and her sister joined her on her bed. She sat next to her and rested her head against her shoulder. "I heard you scream", she said. "Care to tell me what it was about ?"

"Nothing."

"Killian is the new word for nothing ?" Kalyana quipped with a mischievous smile. "Sounds like an interesting nothing to me."

"Yeah... It was a nightmare. Nothing more."

"Nightmares often reveal a whole lot about the things buried in us. What happened ?"

Emma found herself suddenly captivated by the sheets and he way they waved underneath her touch. "I saw him drinking his pain away."

Kalyana frowned, and her voice grew softer. "What pain ?"

A few seconds remained silent, until Emma's cracked voice filled the space between them. "A pain caused by me." She gulped and lowered her head.

"It was only a nightmare."

"I know."

"But it comes from something that bothers you... Is he the one who abducted you ?"

Emma's brows furrowed in surprise. "How do you do that ?"

"Do what ?"

"Read into me."

The young girl laughed and moments of pure innocence overwhelmed Emma, memories of a stolen childhood she had spent wondering how her sister could be so gleeful. "I'm your sister. And I happen to have a heart so..."

Emma shrugged. "After all I did to you, you just pop up here as if nothing happened and you hug me and take care of me. Why ?"

Kaly 's eyes fluttered and a wide grin curled her rosy lips. "Again. I'm your sister, duh."

Emma tilted her head to the side so as to rest it on her sister's. "I've never met anyone as kind and empathetic as you. Except for mother."

"Well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it ?"

"I rolled quite far from the trunk then", Emma deadpanned.

"Don't be silly, I'd be like you if I hadn't my heart. You didn't choose this... And from what I understood it'll be all over in six months. Just... keep holding on. And try not to think too much about this Killian. Even though I'm pretty sure he's a hot nothing."

You have no idea.

She kissed he sister on the cheek and motioned towards the side of the bed, but Emma gripped her arm. "Wait... Would you like to stay here for the night ? Just... In case I have another nightmare."

Kalyana grinned. "Of course."

She lay next to her sister and buried her head into the pillow. "Goodnight Emma", she murmured.

"Goodnight Kaly".

6 months later

October

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He couldn't feel. He was numb. His mind was like limbo, a misty maze of incoherent thoughts. He had reached the point of no return. Wrath had been replaced by despair and then by the nothingness. He was at his worst. It was so much more than a heartbreak. He was dying.

Literally.

Killian Jones lay on his bed, too weak to keep his eyes open more than a few minutes. His body was shaking, and empty bottles of rum were scattered on the floor. His sheets smelled like whiskey and sweat, the strange mixture dampening the fabric. Dawn filtered through the panes and floodlit the mayhem of the cabin, clothes and items still blending on the wooden floor.

The pirate tried to sit up and take another gulp of rum, but he failed to reach the bottle at the end of the bed. A sharp cough escaped from his mouth and shook his body. The rosy light of the rising sun revealed the pallor of his complexion and the dark circles framing his eyes. He looked like death warmed over, the spark in his eyes nowhere to be found.

The door creaked open and Smee's silhouette entered the room, worried and fearful. "Captain, is there anything I can do ?" he inquired.

Killian let out a dark laughter interrupted by a few coughs. "Very thoughtful of you my dear Smee, but there's nothing you can do."

"I... The men and I... I'm worried they start a mutiny."

The Captain lay back and closed his eyes. "Let them. I'm gonna die anyway."

Her heart clenched. She gasped for air. An electric waved coursed through her body. She was sore. Sore and afraid.

It wasn't a dream.

And now, she was sure that the nightmare she had had six months ago wasn't one either.

Dawn was barely there, the sky was still stained with shades of orange and pink that splashed on the clouds. But Emma didn't care. Killian was in danger.

She irrupted in her parents' room, an ominous hunch carrying her feet to them.

"Mother, Father", she called while shaking them.

"Emma what..." his father groaned with sleepy eyes.

"I need to know more about the prophecy."

"Are you serious ?" the king implored.

"Why now Emma ?" he mother inquired, worried.

"I... I have a bad feeling. I had two nightmares and... I think they are more like visions or something."

"So now our daughter's a seer ?" Charming lowly deadpanned.

"Charming !" Snow said pinching his forearm.

Emma sighed. "This is serious Father, someone I know is in danger."

"Okay then, tell us about these bad dreams", Snow softly said.

Emma sat on the side of the bed. She didn't really know where to start... Hey mom, dad, there's this hot pirate who abducted me and I kinda tried to get him to fuck me and now he's dying because of the deal you made me take twenty three years ago...

"You were right mother", she began. "I was abducted by a pirate. His name is Killian, Killian Jones. Or Captain Hook. Anyhow, he abducted me but I agreed with all of this... I guess I wanted to try and live something else, I wanted to feel something... And... I don't know how he managed to do it but he unlocked something in me... I can feel. I can feel pain, sorrow, fear... Is there a way to break the prophecy or something ?"

Her parents looked astonished, but her mother's softened and she smiled.

"Love", she said.

The king cocked an eyebrow at this wife. "What ?"

"You love him Emma."

Charming shook his head in denial. "She can't love him, he's a pirate !"

Really ? Was this the only thing that came to his mind in such a tragic moment ? "I can't love him because I have no heart, father."

"Yes but he's a pirate !"

"Charming..." Snow sighed.

"How could I love him if I have no heart ?" Emma asked.

Snow grimaced. "Your father's not going to like it."

"Spill the beans my love, I don't even know how it could worsen."

The Queen took her daughter's hand in hers and caressed it with his thumb. "He's your true love honey."

Emma's eyes widened as his father rubbed his forehead. "What a great way to start the day", he groaned, burying his head into the pillow.

"True love can break any curse..." Snow added.

The princess closed her eyes, remembering each moment she spent with Killian. The warmth she felt when he was around. The way his look burnt her skin. The way hers nostrils remembered his scent, even when he was so far away from her. The way her heart ached when she had told him all these disgusting things. And, at last, the pain that his misery caused her.

"The nightmares..." Emma said. "I had two nightmares about him. I saw him drinking and hurting the first time, and last night I saw him in really bad shape. He coughed and looked so frail... He said he was going to die, and by the looks of it, I think he might."

"Emma I don't understand", his father began. "Why returning home without him six months ago ?"

"Because he's a pirate", Emma deadpanned.

Charming tilted his head. "You know what I mean. You know you could've brought him here, no harm would've been done to him if you hald told us you loved him."

"But here's the thing, I don't !" Emma yelled. "I mean... I can't. I don't feel any love for him I just... I just know I can't stand the thought of him suffering."

"You're not telling us everything Emma", Snow noticed.

Emma hesitated for a few seconds before letting the truth pass her lips."Rumplestiltskin came to me the day I came back."

"Wh-"

"I know you made a deal with him the day I was born. And of course, he didn't forget to claim his favor. He asked me to hurt Killian, to tell him... horrible things. We left in pretty bad terms."

"Then come and join him."

"But the curse will be lifted in two days, can't this wait ?" the King asked.

"Killian can't afford it. He's dying", Emma reminded him. "But what good would it make ugh ? He must hate me. If I come to him like this... Still... heartless, it won't serve anything."

"Then get your heart back", Snow said.

"WHAT ?" The King exclaimed, emerging from the pillows.

"There's a place where your heart is and another where it should be. By your lover's side. We made a mistake twenty three years ago, it's time to fix it. Come to him, explain him everything, and then ask him to help you get your heart back."

Emma frowned, utterly lost and confused. "How will this help ? Shouldn't I get my heart before seeing him ?"

Snow shook her head. "You couldn't get it back on your own, not where it is."

"But he's too weak..."

"He is Captain Hook, he will make it through." Snow paused and bit her cheek. She had to fix it all, to give her a shot at happiness. The prophecy would end in two days, but the love of her life hadn't much time. If Emma had seen him in her dreams and felt his pain, it only meant one thing : only her love would be able to help him. She needed to get her heart back as soon as possible.

The Queen lifted her chin and took a deep breath. "I'll tell you where your heart is."

A/N : Aaaaaaaaand another cliffhanger. I'm definitely evil. Especially because I have no idea when the next chapter will be up because I haven't even started to write it. Thursday maybe ? I'll try to write it for Wednesday though.

About this chapter, I feel like it's a HUGE mess because I had so many things to answer or to make her parents hear about. But I really wanted to try this structure (awakening/nightmares) and the amazing song 'Pour me something stronger' from the series Nashville helped me a lot. By the way, the song that Snow sings is 'Sleepsong' by Secret Garden. It's beaaautiful.

Thanks a loooooot for all the kind words and reviews and everything. You rock :)

A little review ?