Neither Loki nor Grace spoke much as they packed the car for the trip back to New York City. She was solomn, dressed in comfortable clothes for travelling. She checked the hotel room twice after everything was in the car to make sure she had everything out of it and then went to check out. The woman at the desk offered her condolences, knowing that the very public funeral was to follow that afternoon. Grace gave her customary tip and joined Loki back in the car, their drive to the airport silent.
It was not until they were on board the plane that Grace spoke more than a few words. She rose from her seat and opened a cupboard full of quilts and comforters and piled them on the floor. She sat down on them and patted the pile beside her. Loki joined her and waited. She kissed his cheek and leaned back, pulling one of the quilts over her. He followed suit, using his arm as a pillow, and she nestled against his chest.
"Today is going to suck, Loki. Why am I going to this thing again?"
"Because you feel you must? You do remember that he said you did not have to, do you not?"
"Yeah, but I know the way the press reacts to things- there'll be a big scandal if I'm not and they'll make it seem like Tony and I had some big falling out or that I was just after the Stark fortune when he adopted me. I've heard all these lines before. I'd rather just go and get it over with."
He stroked her hair, "I will do my best to help you through, but you must tell me what I ought to do- I fear I will do something that offends Midgard's funeral customs."
"Just hold my hand and let me cry into your shoulder if I need it. Nothing fancy. Soft words, gentle touch...you've got this."
"Will we have much time to prepare after we land?"
"No, but that also means I won't have as much time to freak out about this, either."
"So just enough time to take a light lunch and dress."
"Pretty much, and to get to the church...well, cathedral. St John's is impressive, to say the least. It'll make the Depot look shabby by comparison."
"I have not seen the Depot since you showed me it in its ruin- I would imagine it quite grand now that it is your home."
"It is...and while we used to do civic buildings all fancy, religion has always had an even showier side. Home of god and all that, got to be as spiffy as you can get it, I guess."
Loki noticed something disappointed in her tone, "This is not something you like?"
"Not when the religion talks about helping the poor and there are still people starving in the streets and kids living like I did. What good is promising a heaven or threatening hell to someone starving to death? Oh yes, once you finish starving, if you agree with us, you won't be hungry anymore or in pain, but if you don't, you know, it'll only get worse. I'm sure that makes someone a faithful and honest convert." Grace's voice was bitter and angry.
He kissed her forehead, "You have been deeply hurt by this."
"Yeah."
"Does Midgard hold a single belief of what happens after one dies?"
"No. There are hundreds of religions and there are people who believe in nothing at all or who are happy not to know. And in Asgard?"
"Some believe in a great feasting hall in the afterlife. Many of the warrior men believe they will go there to live out their days celebrating their lives. There are those who believe in a realm of pain for the wicked, or a realm of peace for those who simply need to rest."
Grace sighed, "And what do you believe?"
He was momentarily silent, never having been asked the question before. When he replied, his voice was soft, "I thought so rarely on what came after death until Thanos. When he had me, all I wished for was an end. Relief. Whether or not I existed after mattered little, so long as the torture ended. I would hope there was some sort of peace after life, and that one could contact the living if needed, or perhaps find comfort in company, or the illusion of company. I see little point in existing for all eternity with nothing to achieve, nothing to strive for. What would the purpose of such an eternity be?" He pushed his fingers through her hair, giving her a moment before asking, "And you, my dear Miss Grace?"
"I don't know. I want to believe that Tony's out there somewhere, watching over me, and that I will some day see him again, but I'm just not convinced. I can't make myself believe in something that seems so improbable."
"I understand. I question as well. Though we thought at one time that there was no life outside of the nine realms and have been proven quite wrong in that. Not knowing the answer to such a big question, though, is difficult, even when one lives 5,000 years."
"Well it's good to know this isn't only a human question."
Loki shifted to curl more comfortably against her as she tugged the blanket over him, "No, we ask the same things. And I will do my best to comfort you, but please ask- I do not always read situations very well."
She closed her eyes and smiled, "You seem to do just fine with me, darling." They napped together on the floor for the rest of the flight.
Back in Stark Tower, they found themselves in the middle of a flurry of activity, everyone preparing for the funeral or preparing for the inevitable media circus that would follow. There were security guards mingling with S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and members of the armed forces in the lobby drinking coffee while they waited to escort the procession to the cathedral. Upstairs, Natasha and Maria were trying to keep Pepper on track, getting her dressed, helping her remember her notes for the remarks she was going to make at the service, and hiding the bottle of wine she had opened earlier in the morning whenever she set it down. In the common room, Steve, Bruce, James, Sam, Clint, and Thor sat in their suits, nervously trying to figure out just what they were expected to do, JARVIS reminding them each that they had no official duties, as there was no coffin to bear, thusly no palbearers, and none of them needed to say anything if they did not want to. Steve, however, insisted on saying something, and the others agreed that if they were going to have him speak on behalf of the Avengers, they at least ought to be with him when he did.
Phil met them in the parking garage with a cart for their luggage and updated Grace as to the whereabouts of the rest of the motley band of Tower residents as soon as she was in the elevator. She asked him to let them know that she and Loki would join them in the common room as soon as they had dropped their luggage off and changed into their funeral clothes.
Their preparations were mostly done in silence, Loki choosing his new silk suit over the suit he had brought with him. Grace had him zip her into the black off-the-shoulder dress she had purchased in Chicago. She hooked the long green earrings through her earlobes and changed the studs up the rest of the ear to match- black onyx, emerald, peridot, and diamonds, all set in gold, little black stars with garnets set in their centres in her tragus piercings. She wore a cameo choker at her throat on a black velvet band.
Loki had never seen her wear makeup, but she painted her lips dark red and highlighted her eyelids in pale green. After she was finished, she went to her jewelry box again and picked out a pair of cufflinks.
"Can I ask you a favour?"
He nodded, "Anything."
"Tony gave these to me the week before he died- he knew you'd like them...will you wear them instead?" She held out her hand, a pair of square black cufflinks with a light blue stone in the centre on her palm.
He took them carefully, "Of course. I did not think he wore them."
"He didn't. They were Harold's." The meaning of the gesture suddenly took more significance. Loki realised that Tony, once his enemy, had given Grace a pair of his revered father's cufflinks fully intending they would be gifted to him.
"Your brother was a good and kind man, Miss Grace. To gift such a thing to one once the enemy..." His voice trailed off as he replaced the lavender cufflinks he had worn in Chicago. He then stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her waist, "Of course, he had trusted me with a far more precious treasure years ago. I do not understand why, but I am grateful he allowed us to know one another, rather than simply barring you from me. Given what I have done, he would have had every right to. It says great things of his character, that he did not simply forbid our friendship. He could very easily have done so and had the power to enforce it."
She nodded and leaned into his embrace, hoping not to start crying before the memorial service had even stared, "I think that's the best eulogy I'm going to hear all day. Thank you."
He held her for a few moments and then asked if they ought to join the others. She moved a few items into a beaded clutch purse and they then left the apartment for the common room. When they arrived, Natasha and Maria had managed to get Pepper down from the penthouse without the bottle of wine and she was reading through her eulogy yet again, trying to get through it without crying. Steve was consulting with his fellow Avengers on just what he was going to say. Their conversation tapered off as Grace entered the room.
She waved, "Hi, guys." A few heads nodded in return and Bruce waved back. Thor came over to greet Loki and Grace slipped over to where Maria was leaning on the bar near Phil, "So is Nick hiding somewhere around here, too?"
"He decided it would be best if he stayed publicly dead and is going to show up in the crowd at the cathedral more anonymously. He asked me to come to the Tower to make sure no one needed anything."
"How have things been the last few days?"
"Decent. I've spent a lot of time trying to keep Pepper from going off the deep end. She's a mess."
"I figured she might be. I don't think I would be faring so well, either, if I had stayed. The distance helped me refocus. I think I'd be a blubbering, drunk mess otherwise."
"So I have to ask, you and Loki...are you...?"
"Very close friends. We've spent a sum total of less than two months together in all the years we've known each other and yet it feels like we've been friends for ages." Maria turned to Phil, "Cough it up- I told you they weren't dating." Phil opened his wallet and handed her a $10 bill, "You win this time, but you just wait, I'll be right someday." Grace shook her head and laughed, "Good luck with that- I haven't dated someone of the male pursuasion in well over a decade." A short time later, JARVIS announced the arrival of the limousines that would carry them to St John's and they filed into the elevator, determined to all fit in one trip. It was a large elevator, but still quite cramped. The ride down was quiet. When they arrived in the lobby, the S.H.I.E.L.D agents had dispersed to their cars, ready to provide an escort, their military counterparts having already left to secure the route. No chances were being taken that one of the many enemies Tony had made over the years would interrupt the funeral procession, the service itself, or the after-party.
Grace shared a car with Loki, Thor, and Pepper. Pepper clutched her notecards and tried to breathe steadily as they neared the cathedral- Grace held her hand, "We'll get through this." Pepper simply nodded in reply.
As they left the cars and approached the church doors, the photographers, both amateur and professional, filled their vision with flashes as they pushed for better shots. The S.H.I.E.L.D. escort attempted to keep the gawkers behind the rope barrier and mostly succeded. Phil lead the way, his agents flanking the others. Grace and Pepper, right behind him, held hands and tried to focus their attention only ahead.
Once in the cathedral, they were escorted down the asile, all eyes on them as they took the seats in the front row reserved for family. Grace sighed in relief as she saw the names of everyone following behind her printed on a sheet at the end of the pew. Loki slipped to sit on Grace's other side as they all arranged themselves.
Grace squeezed Pepper's hand, "We'll get through this. And I have tissues in my purse."
Pepper managed a nervous laugh, "Oh Grace, honey, I think I distributed at least a whole box among the boys with jacket pockets. Phil's so stuffed with kleenex I'm surprised he's not walking funny."
Grace stiffled a chuckle as Father Francis rose to greet everyone, "Friends, I bid you a sad welcome. We are gathered here, and gathered through the wonders of technology around the globe, to mourn the passing of Anthony Stark, often considered more legend than man. I hope to capture a little bit of who he was in this memorial service in this grand cathedral. But Tony was not a man of intense faith- he was a man full of questions and driven by seeking. I can't summarise his life through words alone. He left us a montage of his life, so often lived in front of the public camera, to allow us a glimpse into those moments we were less privy to. Please, join me in getting to know the man behind the mask just a little better."
With that, the song "Hard Times, Come Again No More" began to play and images from Tony's childhood played across the screen during the first verse. Moments with his parents, driving off in the family car for the first time, and then clips from Harold and Maria's funeral. Then the clips shifted to Tony at parties, interspersed with clips of Stark weaponry in all its devistating glory. During the second chorus, clips from early days with Grace, including her adoption day in front of the judge in Detroit, played across the screen. Their lives, including more and more moments with Pepper, showed on the screen, and then more recent history, including his return from Afghanistan, his famous hamburger press conference, pictures taken with Grace as they travelled and with Pepper curled up on the couch. A Christmas with the three of them in front of a sparkling tree. Tony standing at the bar in his penthouse with the Avengers. Video he took after he realised he was dying, sitting in front of the camera talking to it. Pepper standing beside him in front of Father Francis, she in a short white dress and veil and he in a suit. A close up shot of them exchanging rings.
As the montage rolled on, moments of Tony's weakness and his bucket list adventures on the screen, Pepper could no longer control the stream of tears flowng down her cheeks and she broke into sobs on Steve's shoulder. Murmers rippled through the attendees as they realised that they were just getting the word that for the past few years, at least, Tony Stark had been married.
Father Francis stepped forward after the video had finished, "While only a few minutes long, I hope that the clips Tony chose and assembled for this have at least given you an idea of what was truly important to him in his life. While you saw images of him with family and friends, there was very little of him as Iron Man and I think that is something we have to be mindful of as we move forward and remember him. He was a brother, husband, and dear friend before he was a hero to anyone else. To the young woman he adopted from the streets of Detroit, he was a hero, but not because of a metal suit. To many of the rest of us, he was a hero when he decided to take Stark Industries away from weapons manufacturing and into clean energy research and reached out to those less fortunate. And while he believed he could find or make solutions to just about every world problem, he did not believe he had the answers to all of life's biggest questions and was always curious, always seeking."
He paused before continuing, "Tony asked that I remind you that he requested the music and video for this day, so if you do not think it appropriate memorial material he says, and I quote, 'I'm the dead man, it's not like you can do anything to me now'. Our first song today comes from the Pogues- please stand and join with the Shout Out Louds as they lead us in their cover of 'Streams of Whiskey'."
Grace rose and knew that, to her brother, this song was a hymn- a song that took the place of traditional religious music in the mind of a man who did not see anything sacred in the songs that were written for a religion he could not figure out how to embrace. She sang loudly, putting her soul into the song in the same way that she and Tony used to as they stood around the penthouse bar on a Saturday night, looking out at the city, their glasses raised to the sky as they played their favourite songs and their favourite board games.
Father Francis thanked the band and asked Pepper and Steve to join him. She was leaning heavily on her friend as they stepped up onto the stage and was shaking as she was introduced.
She set her notes on the small podium Father Francis rolled in place for her, "I...I...I knew Tony through some of the worst times of his life. From the death of his parents to when he went missing in Afghanistan to watching him fly a nuclear warhead into a portal to another world, I was always there in the background, waiting to brief him on what had happened while he was away or to help him pick up the pieces when he came home. It was never easy, but I also never expected it to be. I was the personal aid to Tony Stark, my job, at first, was to wrangle the playboy and try to keep his image somewhat respectable. I expected to fail miserably at that and I think I did, but what I did not expect was that I would find in him my closest friend. I did not expect to discover that his ambition, his vision, and eventually his conviction to change the world, was something that drew me to him as though he was a magnet and I had no choice but to be pulled to his side. I...I..." Her voice trailed off as she had to stop to gather her thoughts and try to keep from crying yet again, "I learned so much from Tony, including what it meant to love someone with your whole heart." She broke down and Steve stepped to her side. She cried on his shoulder for a moment before gathering herself long enough to continue, "Tony was the most important thing to ever happen in my life. I miss him more than I can ever say." She left her notes at the podium and retreated from the stage, sitting down next to Grace, who held her tight and tried not to sob too much with her.
Steve stepped up to the same podium after Father Francis introduced him, the Avengers joining him in silence, "Tony Stark. Self-appointed leader of the Avengers, a man who believed in the potential of every team member and was willing to provoke us into the reaction he thought we should be having to a situation, whether that was to take on an alien invasion head-on or to simply think that everything was not as it appeared. While many of you only saw it in brief moments, Tony had a way of completely disarming someone with his blunt honesty. He never sugar coated anything, bad news or good, and was always willing to break the rules if it meant it would get better results. Many people have taken that to mean that Tony Stark did not believe the rules applied to him, but I think it was more that Tony Stark saw rules as man made and did not see why they could not also be man un-made.
"He was not only a fellow Avenger, but a brilliant inventor and valuable friend, especially to the band of misfits that all of us are. We aren't perfect people, even though we all have special skills. When I met Tony, I had just been recently unfrozen, my knowledge of this time period was practically nothing. Tony, a veritable fountain of information, had no problem telling me just when I was out of my league, but also had no problem sitting me down in front of his laptop to make sure that the next time someone referenced The Beatles, that I knew that not only was it spelled with an 'a', but that the musical phenomenon shaped a generation and beyond. He taught me that it isn't always dishonourable to keep secrets, take information from where you need to take it even if it isn't easily available, and that sometimes acting on behalf of the greater good means leaving everything behind- even your life. I don't know if I could have made some of the decisions he did that I later came to respect, even if I thought he was wrong at the time. Or even crazy. And I already miss that deeply. There will never be another Tony Stark."
Steve and his fellow Avengers returned to his seat and Father Francis removed the podium, addressing the assembled mourners as he did, "Tony's life is often told more as a story than as a biography- there are half truths and legends about him that make him far more than just a single person could ever be. This is why he has asked me to have Gaelic Storm sing their song 'Don't Let the Truth Get in the Way of a Good Story' as our next hymn- and yes, please do stand and sing along if you know the words if you wish. He also asks me to tell you all that the only reason he ever found this band was because Grace was so enamoured by a song of theirs about a drunken donkey that he let her talk him into attending a concert. When he left, he bought every CD they had produced at the time."
Pepper could not stop crying long enough to stand, but Grace once again rose and joined her voice with the band. She loved that her brother had requested music they had both held so dear to be a part of his memorial service. She knew that she would later probably hear the songs and find some sadness behind them because they would remind her of the memorial, but she also knew that they would, regardless, remind her of Tony, and she would have to remember the happy times they had spent listening to music together, singing badly and having impromptu dance parties on the plane, or driving through the city with the radio unreasonably loud, their windows down, laughing as they thought about the fact that the song they were playing ended with the phrase, 'Everybody raise a glass to Darcy's ass'.
When the song was finished, Father Francis once again took centre stage, this time to ask if there were any other people who wanted to eulogise the deceased. Grace was afraid that there would be a long queue of people and they would be there for hours, but instead only a few people stepped forward- James Rhodes, a few ex-girlfriends, Phil, and a couple of people who worked in Stark Tower. They kept their remarks brief. Father Francis transitioned between their comments and ended with a video of Tony himself sitting on the couch in a battered grey sweater that was just a little too big, obviously something he was comfortable in, even if it looked like it had been to hell and back, the edges of the sleeves a little frayed, a run at the collar, and a few holes in the sleeves.
"Hey, everyone. I know, it's kind of weird for the dead to speak at their own memorials, but what are you going to do about it, really? So here I am. I know I look a little worse for the wear, but this is what happens at the end of your life- you start to think about the things that really matter- about the sweater you found in the back of your dad's closet, about the little girl you fell in love with when you first saw her in the shelter, about the woman you're going to leave behind who has saved your soul, and about the friends who have saved your ass. So here's my final message to you here- go out and love each other. I'm serious. It sounds like fluff, I know, like some bad, cheesy line from a movie, but it's not. It's true. And I'm telling you this because I think I figured it out a lot later than I should have. But go out and hug your friends. Kiss your kids. Make love to your partner or to someone you just met. But live every moment. Really live it. Because some day you're going to realise that you're dying and it might not be as far in the future as you think it will be. This certainly wasn't what I expected. Now get out of here and embrace living."
Father Francis raised his palms to the gathered mourners, "Go in peace, and may you be blessed with rich lives, rather than simply long lives." With that, he stepped from the stage and people began to mingle, the press drifting through to try to interview celebrities, a few attempting to reach the front row and finding themselves turned away by S.H.I.E.L.D. agents who guided them back to the rest of the cathedral with a firm reminder that the family had requested privacy and they could get a sound bite later. Grace sat quietly, her fingers laced with Loki's, her head resting on his shoulder, tears trickling down her cheek. Father Francis was spending a little time with each person in the front row, shaking hands, giving hugs, and making sure that everyone had the support they needed and knew that they could always call him if they needed something.
Grace rose and hugged him, "Thank you, Father, for the lovely service. And for letting Tony speak for himself, as unpolished as he was. I wasn't so sure about coming today, but it was worth it."
Father Francis smiled, "If only it did not come as the result of such a deep loss. I am happy to have served your family in this way. Please, if you need anything, the offer stands to simply call." He shook Loki's hand and then left to attend a press follow-up. The cathedral was emptying and the agents who had been keeping the odd little family undisturbed were ambling about, attempting to be unobtrusive, and waiting to escort them back to Stark Tower. Without much more delay, they filed to the limousines and returned to the privacy of the penthouse. Pepper immediately sought out her wine and a few others sought the bar as well. Grace went to sit on the balcony, followed by Loki and Thor.
She stretched out on a long wicker sofa, "Thanks, both of you, for being here. It means a lot to me."
Loki sat at her feet, Thor gingerly occuping a metal folding chair, "It is an honour, Grace, to be able to be present at Anthony's memorial. We do things very differently in Asgard and I have been not only honoured to take part in this as his friend at arms, but also to observe Midgard's funeral customs."
"Well, we don't usually do the burial service and memorial quite like this, but since it was Tony's wish to do them in this order, we did. Usually people have a funeral first and their casket is up front for all to see, sometimes even open, and then we all trek to a cemetery to put the person in the ground with a short graveside service. Then people do a funeral dinner or funeral lunch. At least in the United States. Different countries have different customs. I guess you can say that the after-party thing is uniquely Tony, though. I've never heard of anyone doing that before."
"I am intrigued that your people have so many differing customs. In Asgard, we are but one nation and one people. Our customs differ only a little. For example, had Anthony been one of us, he would have been laid out by the women of the family in a boat, his sword at his chest, flowers surrounding his body, dressed in fine garments. The boat would be brought by his male kin and launched into the water, archers with torch-bearing arrows waiting on the shore. As the boat drifted towards the edge of the world, they would fire their arrows into it, lighting him aflame with the purpose of releasing his soul to wherever it goes after death- our mythology says it drifts free to another plane in which he would feast and celebrate for all eternity. After his pyre falls over the edge of the world, his family and friends would retreat to a hall where they would feast and drink all night in celebration of his life and in mourning of the loss. The closest family would be given a week of time at home until they were expected to resume their lives. A shroud would be pinned over their door for a year, though this custom has largely faded to pinning a square of fabric on the doorpost to indicate mourning. It is encouraged that so long as that fabric is pinned at the door, friends do their best to bring food and comforts to the family as they adjust. This has been difficult as of late, thanks to Malekith's invasion of the realm. The dark elves devistated our people and we had to send many boats out to the world's edge. There were hundreds of families suffering great losses that have resonated these past years, many families finding it harder to keep their homes, feed their children, or even to continue living. Our people are doing their best, though, and their plight has not gone unnoticed. Asgard attempts to take care of her own."
Loki spoke just above a whisper, lost in his thoughts, "Did you place such a shroud on the palace gate when you thought I had left you? Either time?"
"The first, yes, there was a shroud placed over the gate. Father and Mother both grieved deeply, even though Father rarely let it be known. When I saw you die on the plane, I knew Father would not believe your death. I pinned a shroud over the door to your room. The gate was draped for Mother, but in my heart I let it stand for the both of you. Knowing now that it was you on the throne and not Father, I better understand why it was that you insisted the shroud to stay in place longer, despite the tradition. Father has still not removed it and it stands as a constant reminder of the loss of Asgard's queen. It seems, for once, you and he agree on something."
Grace sat up and placed a hand on Loki's back, "Are you OK? It looks like you're thinking deep thoughts and they're making you sad."
He forced a weak smile and kissed her forehead, "I will be fine, Miss Grace. I simply cannot help thinking about what you have lost." He took a deep breath and tried to look Thor in the eye, but found it difficult and instead stared at the ground, "You have always come looking for me, never letting an argument rest or a conflict go unresolved. Even when I did not want you to and my actions led me far astray, you still sought to bring about a resolution. Even when I did not deserve it. You have always been somewhere, searching or waiting, ready to help me clean up the messes I have made. I have always known that you would come to my rescue, that you were watching over me. That you deemed me worthy of saving even when I simply wanted to be thrown away. And I have, though this week, come to realise that this is what Mr Stark was to Miss Grace. That this is what she has lost. I have tried to imagine just what it would be like to suffer such a loss and all I can feel in it is an absolute emptiness and unabating sorrow. Is this what you felt when you thought me dead?" Thor nodded. Loki continued, "I...I... Brother, please forgive me."
Thor rose and circled around the back of the couch as Loki dropped his face to his hands, unsure if he did the right thing or not. Thor reached out and hugged Loki from behind, resting his chin on Loki's shoulder.
"Little brother, I have been waiting to hear those words for so many years."
"I cannot yet ask this of the All-Father, Thor, so do not expect my relationship with him to be any less frosty when we return."
"I expect nothing of the sort."
Loki's relief showed clearly on his face and he held Thor's arms, leaning back into his embrace, "You do know it is in my nature to cause trouble- it is inevitable you will have to come find me again someday."
"And come find you I will, as I always have."
Bruce stepped out onto the balcony and interrupted the conversation, "Hey, er...sorry to break up this touching moment, but Steve wants everyone to know that the after-party starts in a few hours and he's ordering pizza so we can eat and have time to get ready if we're going. So if you have pizza requests, come in so he can take them."
Thor patted Loki's shoulder as he stood, "Come, Brother, Grace- one of Midgard's delicacies awaits and we must defend it against the onslaught of anchovies that Sam is likely to request."
Loki nearly laughed and offered his hand to Grace, "Shall we?"
"Of course- especially if there's an anchovy threat. We must protect the pizza from their salty fishyness."