Two more chapters, after this one~
Because of the content of the next chapters, this one is extra long. :D
I couldn't even hide it from my friends. Miku had asked me what was going on.
I told her. It was bursting from my lungs. My heart was crying from the repeated lashing, making me go insane, loosening my tongue.
I don't think she understood at first. Who would refuse to bond with someone you wanted to be with forever? It made no sense.
But even if I wanted to be with her forever, there was no guarantee. Life was filled with uncertainties. I wanted to be with Lily. But if we had to break up...I wouldn't be able to handle the pain.
I cried on Miku's shoulder, after hours later, returned home with the other Internet Co Vocaloids. Lily tried to talk to me, but I had a bad feeling. I locked myself in my room.
The bed was cold. I didn't sleep.
The following day, shortly after sitting down in class, Lily called me. She told me we needed to talk. My heart simply stopped. I felt it literally stop.
I hung up. Class was about to start. Miku sent me inquisitive glances but I decided to ignore it.
I was going insane, wasn't I? And I thought it was getting really bad when I thought I saw Lily walking towards me, in the hall, about an hour later.
Turns out, she really was there.
I blabbered excuses to the teachers, while Rin, Len and Miku simply watched, puzzled, as I was dragged away, by the hand, into the nearest classroom.
It was empty, thank goodness. I wouldn't know how to explain this to anybody.
Lily was in my school! What was I supposed to say? It clearly wasn't any kind of friendly visit...
Then, she started crying. She pinned me against the wall and looked at me, tears filling her eyes.
She said that life was scary. There was, really, no guarantee. And, if I fear a breakup so much, it only meant that I really didn't want it to happen. And that, that meant that it wouldn't happen any time soon.
She told me she wanted to help me, to be there for me. She said she knew it was difficult but it was worth it. She didn't care about anything but my happiness. She told me how powerless she felt, because I wouldn't let her be there for me. She said I was being silly. She said I was forgetting her; she also wanted us to stay together, and she admitted, that if we were to break up, it would hurt her, too. But there was no reason to break up so far. There was no reason to fear it. I didn't have to be afraid.
She rambled, in a disorganized fashion. But the main idea was there.
Of course, all I needed was Lily to shake me back in my place. I just needed someone to slap some reason into me.
I was being stupid. I was being silly. I was being hurtful, reckless.
And yet, there she was, forgiving, understanding.
I didn't care how she knew. All I really cared about was the fact that I had gone against her at least three different ways recently...and she was still there.
'Being sure' of the future was for those who were in an unstable situation, she said. She had never needed to be sure of how long we'd last, because all her mind was on was making me happy. It was fastened into place, unwavering.
I found that her certainty was pulling my uneasiness down. Almost too quickly, I was cemented in place, with her.
When she was done, all I had to say was that I loved her. And I smiled.
She knew me well enough to read my eyes. I had needed that. I was so thankful. I was reassured. She was there for me. And, for the foreseeable future, she always would be.
I hugged her really tight, leaning against the wall, supporting the both of us. She was also shaking, crying almost, but we both laughed breathlessly.
I was happy for the first time in weeks. I was deeply content, there in her arms.