Grace's next year was not an easy one. She fell into despair without Tony and tried to ignore it by drinking. She gained weight eating fried and sweet foods too often, trying to pretend her grief could be pushed aside through things that tasted good, but weren't good for her. She eventually stopped making her art. It was nearly halfway through the year when she realised she was no longer living and simply going through the motions. She looked in the mirror one morning and cried, crawling back into bed and sleeping through the day, ashamed of how she had dealt with Tony's death.
By halfway through the year, Loki had gathered the courage to tell Odin that Grace was more than simply his friend. Odin had begun asking his sons to dine with him every evening and Loki stayed a little later to make his statement each evening, often fretting througout the day as he attempted to decide just what he would say. Odin sat patiently through each statement and would thank Loki for what he said. He was calling Odin 'father' more consistently, though never in front of anyone but Thor. He had spoken of his time with Grace, of his feelings at Frigga's death, of the time he was imprisoned by Thanos, and of the short time he had spent on the throne. He said little of what he found when he fell from the Bifrost or of what found him. He felt particularly vulnerable during his conversations with Odin and initially dreaded them.
A few days before Grace's yearly visit, he finally brought a matter long on his mind to Odin as his statement, "I do not know what I will do when Miss Grace dies- she sings the song of my soul and I believe a part of my heart will die with her. I wish there was a way to make her one of the long-lived and I hope to some day begin reading the books on old magic to seek a solution to that end."
Odin said nothing, merely nodded. Then he asked if he might have his moment to speak. Loki took a shakey breath and then nervously consented.
"I did not love you as I ought to have when I first brought you here. You were right to say that you were a relic collected with the hopes of uniting the realms. It was your mother who showed me you were our child, no matter where you were found, and your brother who proved to me you were a part of our family." They parted ways that evening without commenting on what they now knew about one another.
The next day, Loki revealed that he intended to honour Tony's life with one of Asgard's traditions when Grace arrived and wanted his guards dismissed so that she could grieve privately. Odin told Loki that when he returned from Thanos' prisons, his reaction as a king was to believe that Loki had been treated too leniently and ought to have been returned to Asgard's dungeons while his reaction as a father had been sorrow and horror at what Loki had endured.
On Midgard, Grace travelled to New York City the day before the anniversary of Tony's death and, in the morning, took flowers and a picnic basket to the cemetery. She planted the flowers around all three Stark graves and sat with her lunch, slowly eating, quietly telling Tony about the difficulties of the last year, asking for strength to keep moving forward. She almost begged for forgiveness for having failed him, but then realised that Tony would understand. She returned to Stark Tower, retrieved her suitcase, and waited with Pepper in the penthouse. Pepper had fared well during the year, putting her energies into representing Tony at various charity events that were made possible through is donations, including the opening of a new homeless youth centre in Detroit that specialised in helping LGBT youth. Grace had joined her for that celebration, but she had stayed away from most of the others.
Thor arrived, briefly greeted Pepper, and took Grace to Asgard. Loki met them on the bridge, his arms open. Grace set her suitcase down and stepped into his embrace, relieved to have some place to shelter while she struggled through the day. Thor took her luggage to Loki's room while Loki took Grace to the gardens. Thor joined his father in a high room overlooking the courtyards Loki and Grace were wandering through. Odin wanted to see what the pair would do when left alone.
Loki led Grace to a bench among flowers that looked like hibiscus and settled close beside her, "So, my dear Miss Grace, how has your year been?"
"Rough- how about you tell me about yours first?"
"Difficult, but likely not in the same way yours was. Odin accepted your challenge. I have been addressing him consistently as 'father' when we are only among family. I have spoken of most things that I have kept hidden from him. And as of two days ago, he began sharing with me. It is difficult not to react, but trying to keep from being hurt or angry at the moment has felt like an enormous accomplishment."
"Do you want to share any of what he's told you?"
"He did not love me when he brought me here, but learned to in time through the love of my mother and my brother. He also has told me that he differentiates between how he treats me as father and as king. You and Thor were right assuming such. I feel quite foolish not to have tried to listen in this way before."
"We're all fuck-ups one way or another, sweetheart."
"I doubt you have ever made as much of a mess of your life as I have."
"You haven't heard what I did this past year yet."
"Oh my- it has been that bad?"
"Loki, I spent the better part of the first 6 or 7 months after Tony's death so drunk that I don't remember it. It got so bad that I finally looked in the mirror one morning and decided I'd just fucked up so bad there was no reason left to be alive. I wasn't getting the support I needed from Tony's friends. Steve checked in on me once in a while, but I tried to keep him from knowing what was going on in my head. Bruce was occupied by his research that every time I called, he would tell me he'd call back later and then forget. Pepper was so busy with the foundations and charity stuff that she just didn't have time for me. The day I decided to die, I called her and she told me she'd call me right back- 5 minutes, tops. She didn't call back until two days later. When I hung up, I went into the bedroom, lined up all my options, and just sat there trying to figure out which one to use first. You know what stopped me?"
"Memories of your brother?"
"No. He'd had his dark days, too- I thought he would understand, given how many times I sat with him with a gun on his lap. So no, that didn't do it. I saw the pictures on the wall over the bed- the sketch of you, actually. I just couldn't get past the fact that you'd be devistated by me killing myself and you'd probably go off the deep end and do something really desperate. I didn't want you to throw your life away and so I decided to keep mine." She nestled against him, her head resting on his shoulder, her arm on his back.
It took him a moment to think how to respond, "I...I am honoured to hold such a dear place in your heart to be able to change your mind." He folded his arms around her and they sat quietly in the garden together, listening to the sounds of the birds and the rustle of the leaves in the light breeze.
High above them, Odin watched the pair while Thor reclined on his couch, "They are closer than I would like. Did you know he believes she is one of those who sings the song of his soul?"
"I have long suspected it, but neither of them has told me for certain. She spent many hours alone with him while in mourning and was dependent on him during Anthony's memorial. I do not believe she would have handled the week so gracefully had she not had him at her side."
"Do you believe he loves her as you love Jane?"
"I do not know. If he does not now, he will likely in the future."
"He has indicated he would like to begin reading stories of the old magic to find a way to extend her life to that of ours." Odin looked to Thor expectantly.
"I did know about his wish to research the possibility of such a thing. Have you ever heard of such sorcery?"
"I have not- not, at least, in the magic of our people. I do not know if there is something in the lore and magic of Jotunheim that he might find. I hesitate to let him begin this reading, however."
Thor sat up and approached Odin to stand beside him and watch the couple still cuddled together in the garden far below, "Father, I have told Loki that I would stand beside this decision of his. He needs to read these things so he does not feel helpless as he watches her grow older. I believe that a Loki feeling helpless will be far worse for him and for the rest of us than a Loki who has his nose perpetually in a book. He cannot perform any spells so long as his cuffs still bind him- the books will only serve to keep him occupied. I see no harm in this."
Odin gazed down to the garden, "For one week for the next few years, it seems he has found something very dear to occupy his time."
"Indeed, but her life is likely more than half over. She will not be in his life for long if he cannot find a miracle in the library."
Grace and Loki sat together until the sun began to set, when he led her to a different part of the garden where a small paper lantern sat on a low table in front of another bench.
Loki gestured to the lantern, "When someone we love dies in Asgard, we release a lantern into the sky for them after we have sent their pyre over the edge of the water. As we did not do this for Mr Stark last year, I would like to do this for him as the dusk falls."
She sat down on the bench and nodded slowly, a bit overwhelmed by the gesture, "Please, yes." He sat beside her and brought the lantern closer, showing her how it was built and how to light it. He then handed her the tinderbox, teaching her how to make a small fire in it so she could light the wick. She lit the lantern and held it in her hands, watching it flicker.
"Do you have anything to say to him as you send the lantern to the sky? The thought is that the light meets him and he knows those who he left behind are thinking of him."
"I don't know. I guess I don't know if he's out there or not...I guess it couldn't hurt, right? If he isn't out there, it's not going to matter, but just in case he is..."
"Saying these words do not have to help the dead, so long as they help the living."
She touched the top of the lantern gently, her finger tracing along the upper edge as she thought, "I guess I want him to know that I'll get by. I didn't do so well for part of this year, but I'm going to be OK now. And I love him. And I miss him so goddamned much."
"Whenever you are ready, release the light."
Grace took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly, lifting the little lantern out in front of her before releasing it and watching it drift up out of the garden and over the city, "Goodbye, Tony."
He placed one arm around her shoulder and took her hand, waiting a moment before asking if she would be alright. She nodded, and then started crying, curling up against him, her legs across his lap as she clutched him, her sobs shaking her entire body. He stroked her hair, held her tightly, and whispered gentle condolences to her.
When she was calmer, she relaxed her grasp and sat up, Loki wiping the tears from her cheeks and kissing her forehead, "This is the sweetest thing anybody's done for me since he died." Their faces still close, she moved in to kiss him, but he slipped his fingers between them and rested them gently against her lips, "Wait, Miss Grace. Only if you truly wish this. It must come from your heart, not a feeling of indebtedness." She gently moved his fingers and kissed him with more passion than she ever did in their goodbye kisses. He was breathing shallowly, a slight shudder in his breath, when she pulled away from him, "Miss Grace... Does this mean something, or is it just a kiss?"
"It's never just a kiss, Loki. Never. A kiss is everything words can't really get across. It is trust and kindless and every feeling I can't figure out how to say. We're closer than friends. I don't know what to call us, but we're something different. I can't think of another way to say it better than with a kiss. And I'm not going to wait until I'm about to die before I show you."
He held her hands and kissed her forehead, "I understand. And I think you are wise to not wait until the end of your life. If you wait, you may miss your opportunity."
Still watching up in the palace, Odin spoke to Thor, "Has she ever kissed him like this before?"
"Not that I have seen. They kiss goodbye at the end of each visit, but it has never looked like that."
"I will tell him tomorrow that he may begin his research. If they are close enough for a kiss such as that, her death will lead to stupidity on his part. I would rather avoid having to imprison my younger son again."
"A wise decision, Father."
Meanwhile, Loki and Grace had retreated from the night's chill to the warmth of Loki's chambers, a square of dark fabric pinned to the doorframe. She noticed the little fluffy penguin on his pillow as she tucked the blankets up to her chin and poked its belly, smiling. Loki took the plush and set it on his nightstand, inching closer to her so their foreheads touched.
"You said to snuggle the penguin whenever I need to be reminded that you thought of me...and so I have, every night. Tonight I have you beside me." He hoped for a response from Grace, but realised that she was already sleeping. He took her hand and held it close to his heart, falling asleep shortly after.