A/N: here it is, hope you like it and thank you for all the follows and favorites!
Emma woke up in the early morning, her eyes hurt like hell, she couldnt believe she actually fell asleep but she was tired, not only physically but mentally, she was tired of fighting, of hiding, of pretending. Her first instintic was to look around the room and the whole place, hoping to find him there but she was sad when she found out she was alone . Her first thought was to sneak out to the tavern like the last time he got mad but it was already day light, people would recognize her and it would be worse so, she put herself together and went back to the castle, hoping deep inside that she would meet him there.
She couldnt hide the dissapointment when she went to have breakfast and his place at the table was still empty, what she really wanted to do was to go out and look for him, wherever he was but of course, she had to behave and play the little nice princess, she fucking hated her life. She greeted her parents and took her place on the table. Seconds later as if he knew, Neal joined them, Emma couldnt help but blame him for this damn situation! If he hadnt kiss her, why he had to assume that she felt for him, was too hard to ask first, damn him! He probably didnt meant it but he ruined her day for sure, she just hoped that she could fix this soon because she didnt like being like this with Killian, she missed him badly already.
She just kept playing with her food, the last thing she wanted was to eat, she couldnt hold back anymore, she needed to know, she needed to do something, to see him, she needed him so bad.
"So, isnt the Captain joining us again?"- she asked, looking at her parents, trying to sound casual
"Well..."- David tried to elaborate when he was cut
"I saw him leaving last night, with abag"- Neal said, drinking some water, if he didnt notice the effect he had on Emma
"Wh- what... with a bag?"- she couldnt breathe –"did he leave?"- she turned around looking at her parents, begging inside for them to correct her
"Its okay, he came to me last night and told me he had a personal business to take care of"- David said, just like it didnt mean a thing, not to him at least
"But..."- she didnt know what do or say or think, she needed to be careful with her words but internally she wanted to scream and cry –"what about the mission? Is he coming back?"
"Dont worry, honey, he is a pirate, we have gold. He will make his part and finish the mission"- Snow told her, trying to confort her daughter. Silly her, thinking that Emma´s concern was about the actual mission
"But how will he if he is away? Father, you need to bring him back, he has to come back"- She begged
"Dont worry, Emma, things will work out"- David finished
"Yeah, Emma. He is just a pirate, he wont forget his pay"- Neal said, laughing as if it was funny. And Emma just looked at him, trying to control her anger and pain .
"I dont feel so well, if you excuse me"- She asked and her parents said it was okay and she got up and walked away, it was so hard to control the pain and tears threating to come down.
She went to her room, hoping she would find some kinda note or message but there was nothing and she laid on her bed, unable to hold the sobbing anymore. He was gone, he left her and he wouldnt never come back, she would never see him again.
"Emma, can i come in"- Rose asked her –"your parents sent me to bring you something to eat since you didnt have much food"-
"I dont want anything"- Emma said, not even looking up
"Emma"- she said softly and let the food on her desk- "are you okay?"
"He left! He left me. It hurts, it hurts so much"- she said, sobbing into the pillow
"Oh Emma, he didnt tell you?"-
"No! He left without saying a word, he hates me and i will never get to chance to explain him, to tell him that i love him"- she cried
"I dont think he hates you, He asked me about you last night"- Rose said, making Emma to jump and look at her
"What? You saw him, did he ask for me?"- Emma said wipping her tears
"Yes, he only asked me if i knew where you were and i told him that you went to have a ride"-
"What? Why you didnt tell me! Why you didnt look for me!"- she yelled at her friend
"Im sorry, i didnt know it was important"- she said, looking down
"I know, im sorry. This isnt your faul, its mine. Its all mine!"
"Why you say that, what happened"
"its because im a fucking princess l, and i was a coward because it didnt talk to my parents when i still had him and he is gone... and i need him, Rose! I want him back!"- she started sobbing again, even if tears didnt seem to fall anymore, the ache in her heart was to big to tolerate.
"If he truly loves you like i think, he wont stay away too long, not matter what. Dont worry, Emma, he will come back to you"- Rosie said, caressing Emmas arm. And all Emma could do was to beg for it to be real.
-...-...-...-...-...
The last 3 days had been awful, Emma couldnt do more than cry and miss him, miss him so much, she couldnt stand the idea of never seeing him again, of never kissing him or touching him again. All she wanted to do was runnaway and go to look for him but how, where? She didnt know much of the life out of her castle and even if she didnt fear, she would risk everything to find him, a little part of her still had hope that he would come back, he loved her she knew that. What if she left and he came back? she couldnt risk it. She hated her life so bad, when she was a little girl she used to dream to going to have big adventures, to travel, to meet people, to help those whom need it, and maybe this was her chance to do it, to leave the princess life but she couldnt do it, not right now. Even if she deep inside felt the need and strenght to do it grow but the thought of her parents heart breaking with her leave, she couldnt stand it, not after what happened to her family so many years ago, not after she well remembered the pain in her parents eyes, she couldnt be the cause of such a pain, not again, so she would stay for them, for a while. After that happened when she was only 15 years old, she promised herself that she would the perfect princess, the prefect daughter, she would do everything properly and she did and tried so hard but then Killian came and she couldnt do it anymore, falling for a pirate and less letting him take her maidenhead was certainly not proper but she couldnt care anymore. He changed her life, she met love because of him and happiness, she wouldnt regret loving him, maybe she should talk to her parents but how it would help now that he was gone, they for sure wouldnt go to look for him. Everything was a big mess, she just wished she could have magic to do something.
-...-...-...-...-...-.
"Emma"- Neal said, walking toward her where she was sitting on the bench
"Go away, i dont want to talk to you"- she yelled, she still blamed him but he still stayed around even if she had avoided him for days
"Please, Emma. Im sorry, i know i made a mistake, i shouldnt kiss you"- he said, sitting by her side but she turned to her other side, not looking at him
"I dont wanna talk to you"- she said, tired
"This isnt about me, right? This is about him?"- he asked, trying for her to face him but she didnt
"I dont know what are you talking about"- she said, tears forming in her eyes
"Im not stupid, we are friends, you can tell me. You both have a thing, you feel for him"
"That is nonsene, just leave!"- she said
"Emma, look at me. You can trust me, i wont judge you"- he said, sweetly and grabbed her shoulder –"we are friends, i just wanna help you, i know what losing someone that you love is like"- he told her and she turned around, tears in her eyes
"I just miss him, i miss him so much"- she said, unable to hold the sobbing
"Oh Emma!"- he said, trying to hold her close and she tensed for a second but then gave in, her head resting on his shoulder and his arms around her
"Help me, i need to do something"- she said sobbing in his arms
"I wish there was something i could do, but im here for you, you have me here"- he stroked her back and held her until her sobbing stopped. Then she pulled away, embarrassed that she just had a break down infront of him.
"Im sorry, i just couldnt control myself, this is so hard"- she said, wipping her tears from her face
"You dont have to worry Emma, i undestand"- he said softly with a little smile
"Do you?"- she asked him, unsure
"Of course, i lost people that i love too, you know that"
"I never said that i love him"- She said, not sure of how much she should share with him.
"you dont need to, i know you"- he smiled –"why dont we go to have a walk, or to ride so you distract yourself a little"- he asked her and she smiled a little, she didnt feel like it but going to her bedroom to look from the window at the see, watching every ship that came to port and knowing that wasnt him and cry wasnt a nice plan again, so she agreed and went with him.
-...-...-...-...-...-.
2 whole weeks has passed since she last saw him and the pain only grew and she didnt know how to stop the hurting. One minute she decided that she would runaway and go for him, but the next she decided to wait, hoping that he would come back. One moment she truly believed that he loved her that he couldnt hate her even if he saw Neal kissing her but the next she feared that his anger killed his love for her and maybe he was already with someone else, at least for sex and the mere thought killed her inside, she missed him so bad, he couldnt forget her that fast. But if he did, what if he never came back?
The girls spent quite the time with her in the castle, they all knew very well how heartbroken she was and having them around help, alot and there was Neal, he was really supportived too, never asked anything but just help her not to think too much or cry the whole day...also covered her with her parents everytime they noticed the pain in her eyes (or the red-ness on them). She was happy to have to good friends, they couldnt replaced or fulfill the whole in her heart but they made her smile and she appreciated that.
"Emma, you need to stop crying"- Neal said when he found her crying on the garden
"I just cant, i dont know how to stop the pain"- she said, trying to compose herself
"you will learn to, dont worry"
"I think i wont, the pain will never leave my heart but if he doesnt come back i will have to learn to live with it"- she said, sad and defeated
"Your parents are starting to notice that something is off"- he said, squeezing her shoulder
"I know, i cant help it"- she looked down
"They talked to me about finding you a new betrothed, Emma"
"What!- no!"- she said, angried
"I know, i know that you dont want to but you have to think about this"
"you are right, i dont want to"- she turned around, not facing him anymore
"you have not choice. They asked me to stay to their anniversay ball"- he said and she look at him surprise with a Oh in her mouth- "I think they want us to get close"
"What! I already told my mother, we are friends, not more"- she yelled and faced him again
"I know but think about it, Emma. We know each other, we like each other, would be so bad?"
"you missed the part when we dont love each other and in fact i have feelings for someone else"- she said exasperated
"you gonna have to get betrothed and married eventually but if you do it with me, you wont have to pretend because i already know who you are and i already know your secret"- he said, grabbing her hand and she just looked at him, processing what he was actually offering
"i cant... he will come back, i believe so"- she said, taking her hand off of his
"Its been days, what if not?- we can join our kingdoms, we can rule together! And we dont have to do anything, i wont land a hand on you if you are not interested"
"Neal"- she sighed
"And we dont even have to worry about a child, a heir for the throne, we would have to try to conceive him/her but if you dont want me, you can do it with someone and i will take them and love them as mine own"- he said grinning at his brilliant plan and Emma just looked at him not believing what he was saying –"Think about this Emma, you think you could do better than this?"
"You would actually do something like that, allowing your wife to sleep with someone else and worse! have someone else´s child?- why?"
"Because... i care about you and want to help you and this would be a win win, i dont want to pretend the rest of my life either. What do you say, you will take my proposal?"
"I"
"Dont! Dont say it now, just think about it, Emma, really think about it"- he said and stood to leave, giving her smile and waiting for something. Emma gave a quit smile
"I will think about it"- she said and he left, happy with that answer, leaving her there alone. She sighed, she wanted to find any reason to not accept this crazy plan, to yell at him a big no, to say that she could get a better life than that but deep down she knew that if Killian didnt come back soon, she would have not choice and she would accept Neal´s proposal.