A/N: since episode 7 didnt give us a thing and i had this finished and today is not my best day, and also angst is coming ,i thought some of you would appreciate an early post. Reviews would make me happy, if not thanks for reading anyway. :)
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"The last time this pirate lands a hand on you" resonated in her head over and over while she laid on the bed, she wanted to move, she wanted to stop him, to say something. What would she say anyway? But her body wouldn´t function, he fucked the brain out of her and she couldnt move, she couldnt come to speak and he left, once again (he kept leaving her, damn him!) but she couldnt cry anymore, she felt dumb, all she could do was try to recover her breath. Moments later she managed to move further into the bed under the cover and kept looking at the ceiling, her mind was in blank until her eyes slowly started closing, the land of dreams calling her name.
She woke up hours later, naked and sated under the cover of the bed, their bed and his last words came back into her mind "the last time" and she felt tears forming in her eyes without any effort, they slowly rolled down the side of her face until they touched the bed, her body was still exhausted and she felt the soreness in her tights and between her legs, bruises on her hips from his fingers and she had hickeys on the top of her breasts from his passionated sucking, it felt so good to have him, to feel him like that again, even if she could tell that it wasnt himself, he had never been so rough before but she felt the anger too, she couldnt blame him and just the mere thought of not feeling him never again, not feeling at all because she knew that if she ever let another man touch her, it would never feel like this because even if they werent together, her body and her heart still belonged to him and she would never want to have someone else.
"The last time", was it really their last time? tears rolling down again, her heart ached and she couldnt help a sad little smile when her mind traveled to the first time, her first time, the memory of her begging him to take her (he didnt lie about that), he was so tender and careful, he made love to her and she felt it, she felt his love, he loved her she well knew that. She would always keep that memory in her heart as the most valuable treasure. She also started picturing their little moments, there, in the same bed that she was lying alone, how awesome and safe it felt and now it was only big, cold and empty. The cuddling, the holding, the little kisses, and stolen smiles, the sweet words, the soft touching, their beautiful "i love you´s", the way her name sounded from his lips, the love in his eyes, the warmth in her heart every time she heard him say i love you, gone, all was gone. The passion and the want, how he could manage to make her feel all that? The sweet and shy innocent princess and the wanting, desperated woman the next minute, it felt good, it always felt so good and now someone else would have it, everything that it was hers, a fist forming on her hands until her knuckles were white, she couldnt bare the idea of him loving someone else, touching someone else, not even as a mere carnal need and the memory of his anger back to mind, the hurt in his eyes when she let him believe that she slept with Neal, she didnt lie but she didnt deny it either, even if she wanted, she couldnt come to speak with him fucking her hard against the door, but would she deny it? she wanted to make him jealous, to hurt him and she did, she fucking did. She couldnt stand the idea of seeing him with other woman and she knew that he lied about sleeping with some wenches, she knew it but still she was too stubborn to admit it because it was easier to be angry and push away if she believed that he did but he didnt have to imagine it, he already saw her twice, with two different man, she couldnt think of what he must felt but he stayed, he came back, he came back for her. Oh god! What had she done? – she was so hurt and scared that she wouldnt never see him again that she let her fear turn into anger, because how the person that she knew that loved her the most, would do that do her, hurt her like that but she didnt stop to think straight, he was hurt too, she hurt him first, not that she wanted to, she didnt kiss Neal or Graham but he still had to stand it, the pretending, the hiding but he did it for her because he loved her, because he loves her, she knows that at heart. She knows that what they have, or had was nothing less the love, true love. Can even true love get mess up without a chance to be fixed? Was too late for them now?.
Oh god! She couldnt help the tears and sobing escaping her body, she messed up big because she was too sturbborn to see the big picture, he came back! Wasnt that what she wanted the most? Yes, leaving her without a word, hurt alot, having 10 days of nothing but a broken heart felt horrible and she couldnt help to feel angry at him for doing that to her but once he was back, she should had listen, she should had ask, instead she let her anger control her and she lied and hurt him, how could she be so stupid!
He came back, you idiot! He came back for you"- she told herself in her thoughts- a note, did he really left a note?- she couldnt nor wanted the deny it anymore, he did! Damn! He didnt lie, she knew it, she was good at telling when someone was lying but she knew him too damn well over all and she could see the truth in his eyes, and his oh so beautiful eyes, these that made her heart melt, full of love but that now showed only hurt and sadness, and it was her, she did that to him. She felt a big need to punch herself, she made a move to get up and she groaned at the soreness in her body, she felt like it was well deserved , even if it was made out of pleasure, the pleasure that he gave her and she smiled again, he always put her first, "Swan, my beautiful swan" she loved it when he called her that, his... she was his and she wanted to be his forever.
She got up, cleaned herself and dressed up to go back to the castle, she needed to talk to him, to tell him, to beg him to forgive her. "you are nothing but a pirate" fuck! How could she be such a bitch! She hurt him when she knew it would hurt the most, a part of her felt that maybe it was better this way, tears rolling down her cheeks again, that maybe he deserved someone better than her, not a stupid stubborn little princess, who had to hide him, to keep their love as some dirty sin, maybe he could find a woman, the woman that he needed, her heart broke at the thought and she started sobing again, she remembered the pain in his eyes and in his last words before leaving, and she did that to him, she would fix it, his beautiful smiles and happiness were in her hands and she wouldnt be the cause of his broken heart, she wouldnt let him go dark and hate himself. If he would be happier without her, she would let him go but she knew that he needed her as much as she did him and she would make him feel good and loved again, it would be hard but she would do it. They never said that true love was easy after all but it was defenitely worth to fought for.
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After he left her, with hard breathing and blushed cheeks on the bed, he grabbed his stuff and left the castle, he couldnt stay there another second, he knew he wouldnt be able to sleep even if he was exhausted and sated, so he went to the tavern, and he drank , he drank until he felt dumb, wishing that he could forget, he could forget her scent printed in his skin, he wanted to forget the pain in his chest, the broken heart, his own name. Two wenches came into his table and seductively touched him and a part of him wanted to fuck their soul out of them but he didnt have the strenght to do it and he bloody knew that even doing that, he wouldnt forget her, he would probably feel worse and empty so he nicely rejected their offer and he kept drinking on his own until morning light, when he had not choice but come back, he was lucky enough that he crossed path with David.
"Wow, you look really terrible, pirate!"- he remarked with a little teasing tone
"Thanks, your highness"- he rolled his eyes
"you better put yourself together, we have work to do here, we have a mission"- David got serious
"I know, my apologies. I will get some sleep and go on to talk to you"
"Fine, i will wait then, now go! Or You gonna pass out in the middle of the stairs"- David palmed his back. And it felt weird, David, the king always kept his distance but now it felt like he almost cared, as if they were some kinda friends, Ha! He wanted to laugh so hard (but he couldnt), Emma would probably be happy about that but of course, it was too late.
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"Emma!"- Rose ran to her "i was worried about you, are you okay?"- she asked, noticing that she was a bit sore
"Yes, everything is fine. Have you seen Killian?"- she asked without preambule
"I did see him talking with your father moments ago, he was drunk , he looked terrible"- she said, shaking her head
"He was drunk"- she repeated, looking down, lost her in thoughts : he went to the tavern, did he sleep with some whore or wench? No, he wouldnt. He must be sore and sated as she was but even they werent, she knew that he wouldnt do that, she believed in him that much, only that she was too stupid and stubborn to realize it before.- "Okay, im gonna go to my room and get changed then"
"Your mother told me that she wanted to talk to you"
"Oh, right. I will see her later. Thank you"- she smiled at her friend and went to her room, her heart stopped when she passed his bedroom´s door, she wanted to go in there, to talk to him but she thought it wasnt a good idea if he was drunk and hurt, later would be.
She waited for him to wake up until lunch time, she had breakfast with her parents, thank god Neal wasnt around, he went to town, she was glad she didnt have to see his face, then she had a chat with her mother, trying hard to avoid the marriage subject and the Neal subject. She was hoping to see him at lunch but he didnt come, probably couldnt bare seeing food if he got that drunk. But she froze when she was him joining her father after lunch time, he looked bad but still so handsome somehow, and she missed him, she realized how much she missed him, the real him and them, her heart ached with a huge need to run to him and hug him and never let go, gods! She loves him so much!.
When she came to sense he was moving inside of her father´s office joing him to have a business talk, probably, so she decided to go out to the garden, she sat on the bench looking at the roses and flowers, full of beautiful colours, and shinning sky and she tried to read the book in her hand but she couldnt focus, she was antsy and nervous, damn! She needed to see him, to talk to him. Moments later, what i felt like long hours she came back inside and sat on the living room, keeping an eye on the office´s door, she jumped a little when she saw him getting out. She was unsure but she walked toward him, following on his way to the kitchen.
"Killian"- she said, almost whispering and she fasted her pace, and slightly grabbed his arm –"Killian"- she lost words when he turned around to look at her "I, i need to talk to you"- she said, begging with her eyes but he didnt keep his gaze on her, instead looked around to make sure nobody was watching them.
"Im sorry, i think theres nothing more to be said, its all done. We are done"- he said with coldness in his tone but he was breaking inside
"But"- she tried to explain
"If you excuse me, your highness, the king is waiting for me"- he turned around and went to talk to Rose and past her and came back to the office, she just stayed frozen. She didnt know what to do or what to say but she would find way, she was damn stubborn before when she was wrong, she would be damn stubborn now to get him back.
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She wanted to wait for him again but she knew that he wouldnt want to talk to her, and there was not the right place anyway, so she went to her bedroom she had warm bath, trying to ease her tension and relax her sored muscles and waited until almost dinner time, she went out of her bedroom and her heart stopped when she past his door again but this time she didnt hesitate, she went inside without second thoughts, her heart beat fast and her cheeks were blushing when she saw him shirtless, watching over the window, he turned around and they both froze when their eyes met.
"What are you doing here"- he asked with harsh tone
"I, we need to talk"- she said fast before he cut her and she walked away from the door "i, i need to talk to you, please you have to listen to me"- her voice was soft
"No, i dont. Leave, this isnt proper for a princess"- he turned around again, waiting for the door to close after she left but she didnt
"Please, i know that you are mad and hurt, just let me explain"- he didnt answer, just put his shirt on and without takig his focus out of the window and starting working on his bottons- "Killian, please. Just once"- she begged and she walked close enough to touch his arm and he backed off and turned around, facing her again.
"You have 5 seconds, what do you want?"
"I need more than that, please. Meet me at our place, after dinner"- she looked in his eyes, trying to show him that she was sorry, there was a long silence between them.
"I think that it would be a waste of your precious time, princess. Someone is coming You need to go!"- he said, walking her to the door, his touch burning her body
"No, no until you say that you will meet me"- she stopped him
"I know that you dont care about me, but do you want them to take my head off?"- he almos yelled
"I care about you, too much and thats why im here. Dont promise, i know you will keep your word, just tell me that you will meet me, please"- he just looked at her again, without a word – "Killian"- she said softly her hand going to touch his face but he stopped when he felt some noises and steps again
"Fine, i will meet you there, Once, but dont get your hopes too high, i meant it when i said that it was the last time that i touched you"-
"We will see about that"- she smirked, making him give her a serious look and he pushed her toward the door again
–"now go!". He was concern about his head, he wasnt stupid and he knew very well how to survive but he couldnt deny that deep inside he was actually protecting her. She turned around again once more before leaving and smiled at him, it was a genuine smile and deep inside he loved it.
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She ran into her bedroom again when she felt someone coming into the hallway and jumped a little when someone opened her door.
"God, Rose, you scared the hell out of me!"- she yelled, feeling her heart beating in her throat
"Im sorry, what happened?- she said, walking toward Emma, who was sitting on the bed
"I just came out of Killian´s room and i thought you were someone else"
"No, sorry, i was actually looking for you"- she sat next Emma and they both faced each other
"Why, what happened"- Emma asked her
"how are things with Killian going?"
"Im not really sure right now. What is it?"- she could tell that Rose wanted to tell her something else
"Look, i dont know what this means, maybe its nothing but i wanted to show you"- she took a little piece of papper out of her dress and showed it to Emma. "I know its wet, i couldnt save it, im sorry. Is this yours?"
"No, it is not mine"- Emma said, confused and took the paper on her hand.
"I think it says Emma, do you see it?"
"Oh god"- Emma smiled –" yes, its a note or a letter"- she smiled wider –"is his note, he wasnt lying"- she couldnt help the warmth in her heart
"Are you sure, it could be someone´s else"- the maiden asked her
"Yes, i knew it before but now this is the proof, where did you find it"- Emma´s smile fade away
"I was cleaning up the dirty clothes and i found this piece on the water, someone forgot it on a pocket, i gather"- Emma hugged Rosie.
"Thank you, thank you so much!"- she was so graceful to have someone inside of the castle that truly wanted to help her
"Why?"- she said, blushing at Emma´s affection.
"This means that he wasnt lying, that he didnt leave without a single word"- she smiled again
"but you dont even can assure that it was his, or what it said...and you said you already knew anyway"
"Yes, i did, i knew because i believe in him but this is the real proof and i couldnt be happier!"- she hugged her again "and it doesnt matter what it said, he loves me and thats all i need to know"
"He does for sure and you him"- Rose smiled, a soft look in her eyes
"Yes, i do. I love him, so much and whoever took this note, im going to find out"- she looked at her friend´s eyes –"and that person is gonna regret messing with my pirate"
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A/N: oh god, that was long and only the half of what i wanted to write, so you will have to wait until next time!- it should be thrusday, if i can. love to you all !