A/N: "What did we do? What did he do? What'd he tell you?" Ahhh, only Alex Meraz could make such boring words sound so terribly sexy. XD Sorry about the last chapter, guys. Fanfiction was being DUMB and kept uploading chapter nine for some reason. I was braced for all the nasty reviews I'd get asking, "DOES SHE LOVE PAUL? WTF?" Heh, well you'll find out. I'm evil like that. :] Thanks to all you guys who reviewed!
SheEatsHearts: Wow, I didn't know bananas turned blue in UV light. But doesn't everything turn blue in UV light or is that a blacklight? O_o and your name is awesome!
96: You stole mah man! How dare he get married without me! Just kidding, I'd rather have Alex Meraz. Unfortunately he's also married. I JUST CAN'T WIN! -sob-
Eclipsia Black: You are awesome. I love your reviews, they make me grin from ear to ear, quite literally. :]
I really do appreciate everyone else who reviewed/alerted/favorited. I just don't have time to write everyone down right now, but thank you so very very much! Mucho loving to you! Mwah!
Do forgive any spelling mistakes and whatnot. I'm too lazy to go back and check it right now. Please enjoy! _
Chapter 11
It all felt so strange, this love thing.
Paul loved me.
Paul loved me.
Paul loved me.
I wasn't sure if I should be happy about it, angry at him for deceiving me, or sad because I didn't know if I could ever love him like that. It was Paul for crying out loud! He was like my brother, my right hand man, my long lost twin of sorts. He had been there for me during the worst part of my life, he stuck with me through the gross puberty stage and still told me that I was beautiful every single day, he even still wanted to be friends with me even though I had shunned him for years because of the way he acted.
I didn't deserve his love. I didn't even deserve to be his friend.
He had taken a beating from my so-called boyfriend and still found a reason to smile at me about it. Granted, it was probably because I sounded like a strangled ostrich, but he still smiled. He always smiled, even when he was in pain, because he didn't want other people to feel bad for him. He might have acted tough but he was just a normal guy.
Ina, you'll always be my bestest friend, the seven year old Paul had told me as we licked melting popscicles on his front porch. He had said something similar later on, when he was taller, more chiseled, and with a deeper voice.
Paul smiled sadly at me and shrugged, hands in his pockets. "I guess it's okay if you don't want to be around me anymore. I guess I kinda deserve it. But you know I'm always here for you, because you'll always, always be my best friend." I nodded, fighting back tears as I turned around and walked away.
Paul had given me everything, and had never asked for anything in return. I realized that I had been selfish when it came to him. As he grew older, he grew more confident and had started relating his feelings to me. I couldn't handle it. More tears came when I thought about the way that I had treated him, and he had loved me. He still did.
I heard a knock on my door and the handle turning, but of course it didn't open because it was locked.
"Sis?" Jathan's voice came floating in through the cracks.
"Mm?" I mumbled, not wanting him to know that I had been crying.
"Paul wants to see you. Can he come in?"
My heart jolted in my chest and I almost choked.
"S-sure," I answered weakly. I crawled out of bed, using my blanket as a cloak to hide my face and shuffled to the door to unlock it. It swung open slowly and I shuffled back to my bed and sat down.
"Sis, will you be okay?" Jathan asked. I nodded, peeking at him through a hole in the blanket. I bit my tongue as he moved aside to reveal Paul standing behind him, his face pale and gaunt looking. Jay nodded to him and Paul walked in, shutting the door behind him.
"Ina? Ina what are you thinking right now?" he asked quietly, coming to sit beside me on the bed. He gently tugged the blanket back and I let him, but bowed my head forward to hide my face with a curtain of hair. I sniffled quietly and kept my eyes on the floor as he tucked my hair behind my ear, gasping when he saw my puffy red eyes and tear streaked face.
"Aw baby," he sighed, pulling me to his chest. I choked as more tears started streaming down my face like a waterfall. He was too kind.
He pressed his lips to my head and wrapped both arms around me, rocking back and forth.
"What's wrong, baby?" he asked, his voice slightly muffled. I pulled back a little and wiped my nose with my shirt, eyes flickering up to his face then back down to his chest. I grunted and started wiping the tears off of his skin but he caught my hand and held it gently.
"Don't worry about that, I'm here for you to cry on. Just tell me what's wrong, okay?"
My stomach felt like it was doing flips inside of me as I took a deep breath.
"I don't really know what's wrong," I said, my voice shaky. My eyes flickered back up to his face, and, of course, he smiled. He wiped my cheeks with his thumb, then looked at me, his eyes gentle but tortured at the same time.
"Your best friend slash enemy just said that he loved you?" he mused. I shrugged.
"That I guess, and my…imprinter guy almost killed you and looks pretty psycho right now and I don't know if I want to be with him if he keeps going postal like that."
Paul chuckled and shook his head.
"I feel like…like I should be with you," I said quietly. He raised an eyebrow at me in confusion, but looked slightly hopeful. I felt horrible that I was about to dash that hope. "It feels like it should be the most natural thing in the world to be with my childhood friend who knows everything about me. Get married, have kids, all that stuff."
"There's a but isn't there?" he asked sadly.
"Yeah there's a but," I sighed.
"Listen, Ina. You get to make your own choice. This imprint thing doesn't have to be what everyone is telling you. Nature intended it to go both ways, but what does nature know? If you don't want to be with Jake, you don't have to. I'm not saying this just because I want you to be with me. I think you should be free to make your own choice. Imprinting is stupid," he said, smiling a little. I scowled and nodded in agreement.
"But in Jake's defense," he continued, sighing, "he really is a good guy."
"But!"
Paul held a finger to my lips to silence me.
"Yeah, he did sort of beat the crap out of me, but it was because he was scared. He was worried that I hurt you, or touched you in some place secret. He did it because he loves you. I think imprinting is stupid, but at the same time it's the most amazing thing that could ever happen to someone. I feel horrible because of the amount of people that will have to just settle in life, and aren't able to find their soul mate, the person that is the perfect match for them. But he found his. He found you, and he's the luckiest bastard I've ever had the displeasure of being jealous of."
I snorted and shook my head.
"You're so weird Paul. You're not supposed to be trying to make me forgive him. You're supposed to be telling me bad things so that I'll fall in love with you," I giggled. He frowned.
"Why would I do that? Jake doesn't really have anything bad about him. I think the worst thing he's ever done is fall in love with Bella, but he's over that now. He loves you, and if I didn't see it with my own eyes I wouldn't be telling you this. He imprinted on you. I know that no matter what, no matter how angry he gets or how stupid he is sometimes, he will never ever hurt you. Ever," he said finally.
"And if he does," he added while clenching his teeth, "his ass is mine."
Dangit Paul, why do you have to be so amazing?
I sniffled and swatted his chest half heartedly, making him laugh.
"Hey, it's not the end of the world for me. I know that if this imprinting stuff didn't exist that you would most definitely be my chick," he said.
"Oh? What makes you think that?" I asked warily. He waved his hand in the air and smiled.
"Truth or dare wasn't a lie. I know you liked kissing me as much as I liked kissing you. The only reason you stopped being friends with me is because you were confused about your feelings, and my sexy ass visiting you every day was not helping you stay in friend mode," he chuckled.
Ah, arrogance. I remembered why I didn't like him in the first place. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"You arrogant jerk."
He smiled and I sqwuaked as he picked me up and put me in his lap, then leaned back against my mattress with his hands on my back. He moved my legs so they were on either side of him and smiled.
"I quite like this position," he smirked. I scowled at him.
"What do you think you are doing, mister?" I hissed, struggling to get up. His grip tightened on my back and he pressed my chest against his. So not only was I in an awkward position with Paul, my butt was sticking up in the air. I was not about to lay on him though, no telling what dirty scheme he had brewing in that overly large head of his.
"I ask one thing of you before you go back to Jake. Kiss me?" he asked, his eyes sparkling playfully.
"WHY would I do that?" I growled, glaring at him.
"Please?" he whined, "Just this once. I've loved you my whole life and I've only kissed you once. I think I deserve something to remember with all the pain I'm going to go through because the girl I love is with one of my best friends." He pouted and gave me the eyes. Oh no, the eyes were not going to work this time. "Please? Just once? Just a friendly peck? My heart longs for you," he sighed dramatically.
"I think you getting to almost rape me will suffice for the rest of your pain filled existence. Now let me go."
"Awww, but I didn't get to kiss you on the lips."
"And you never will. Not without forcing me to anyway."
He pouted and turned his head to the side. "On the cheek then. I won't let you go until you do! And no one can interrupt us this time."
I rolled my eyes and glared at him before clamping my hand over his mouth for extra safety. My heart beat faster and faster as I leaned down, eyes glaring at his own.
I had almost reached his cheek when my hand was suddenly pulled away and his face turned so that I ended up kissing him after all. My eyes widened as his closed, and he flipped us onto our sides and pulled my right leg up around him, his scorching hand clamped around my thigh like a vice. He used his other hand to hold my neck so I couldn't get away and kissed me harder, with more passion than Jake had ever shown. Paul was just a passionate being, I realized, thinking back to all fits of anger and how he put his all into things he liked. I just laid there with my arms crossed and waited until he was done, ignoring the small part of me that actually liked it. So maybe I did have a teensy crush on Paul all my life, but I wasn't about to admit it. His reckless ways were a little more than I could handle, and I didn't want to sacrifice our friendship for something that was not guaranteed to work out.
He finally pulled back and sighed. "You promised me a kiss," he whined, looking at me sadly.
"And you promised that it would be on the cheek," I growled. He smirked.
"I never promised that. Just suggested it to get us started. Now come on, pucker up just this once."
"You've had your fun. Now let me go."
He pouted, then smiled as he raised his lips to my cheek.
"Believe it or not, I actually have experience with this kind of thing," he whispered, moving his lips to the other cheek.
"What, the experience of rape or being a manwhore?" I said smugly, glaring at him while willing my heart to stop throbbing uselessly. He kissed the right corner of my mouth gently, then the left, his warm breath tickling my skin. I took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling to think of the worst things possible. Drowning puppies. People being killed in mudslides. Human centipedes. I shuddered at that thought and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force it out of my head. Curse Natalie for showing me the preview of that horrendous movie on her Ipod while we were on break one day. Apparently Paul mistook it as a shudder of pleasure, because I felt him smile against my skin.
"With a little bit of prodding—" he kissed the lower extreme of my bottom lip, "—I can get you to do whatever—" another kiss on the top lip, "—I want," he breathed, lips mere nanometers from mine. The heat from them was intense, and I mentally smacked myself for wanting to get closer. Against my better judgement, my eyes fluttered closed and I felt Paul's lips skim across mine. He unfolded one of my hands and pressed it to his chest, his heart beating rapidly under his flushed skin. My heart was beating at the same pace, although something inside of me screamed at me to stop. I decided to ignore it and pressed my mouth a little harder against him. He moaned and pressed my hand hard against his chest as he attacked my lips, forcing them open. I tried to abandon all thought but something wasn't right. His heated lips weren't the right shape, or size, or something, but whatever it was just didn't feel right. They were too hungry, too needy, too desperate. Paul took my bottom lip in between his teeth and sucked on it before pulling away from me, panting heavily. I opened my eyes and nearly flinched at how dark they were, at what feelings they held. He smirked and I blushed.
"That was…steamy," he panted, his eyes slowly returning to their normal caramel color. "But you're going to hate me for it."
I cocked an eyebrow at him in question and he jerked his head to the left. I looked over to see Jacob standing in the doorway, his mouth hanging open in shock and shoulders trembling. I scrambled away from Paul and braced myself against the wall, pulling the blanket up around me even though I was fully clothed. I felt utterly disgusting as I watched the emotion on his face flicker between anger, confusion, and extreme, desolate sadness. Paul leisurely got off the bed and stretched, then licked his lips. He walked over to Jake and patted him on the shoulder.
"Payback's a bitch," he hissed, throwing another smirk at me before walking out. Jake just stood there, eyes wide, mouth agape, and stared.
"J-Jacob," I stuttered, reaching an arm out to him as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Now I knew why something had not felt right, why something was nagging at the back of my mind, begging me to stop. Paul knew he was there, but didn't stop because he wanted to get Jacob back for what he did to him last night.
Jacob's mouth slowly closed and his expression became deadpan, devoid of all emotion as he continued to stare at me. I felt like his eyes were boring into my very soul, my horrible, disgusting soul.
"Jacob I—"
"I have nothing further to say to you," he said flatly, turning and walking out of my room. I heard Jathan yell something before the front door slammed.
It was then that I realized that I had cheated on my boyfriend. Maybe he did have anger issues and was a little overprotective, but his flaws were nothing compared to what I had done. I was the worst kind of person.
Sunday was spent by me laying in bed, punishing myself with silence so that I had to relive the experience over and over again. I vaguely remember Jathan coming in and asking me something, but I just pretended I was asleep. Mom brought in a bowl of soup a little while later and kissed my forehead, her beaming smile torturing me as she asked when Jacob was going to come over again. I rolled over and faced the wall, covering my head with a blanket to hide from her questions. After she left, I just stared at the bowl of soup and made sure I knew how good it smelled and how I deserved not to eat it.
Sleep was not an easy escape. I dreamed of Jacob's tortured expression all night long, and felt, if possible, even worse in the morning. I trudged into the bathroom to take a cold shower, yet another lame punishment, and walked back into my room to throw on whatever was clean. I skipped wearing a jacket and just grabbed my backpack and walked out, not bothering to say goodbye to my mother, who was sipping coffee at the kitchen counter. As soon as I walked outside a cold wind blasted through me and I shivered, gripping the straps of my backpack even tighter. The steel grey sky adequately reflected my mood. I thought about walking to school, but the thought of passing Paul's house sickened me, so I quickly unlocked my car and backed out of the driveway.
When I got to school I had to stomp on my brakes to keep from running over Leah. She stood in my usual parking spot with her arms crossed, an angry glare directed straight at me on her face. She moved aside so that I could pull in and then wrenched my door open and yanked me out by the arm.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she yelled, throwing me against the car.
"I thought you were different, Ina, I thought that maybe you could help Jake, love him even, but boy was I wrong. You're worse than scum, I can't even begin to describe what piece of filthy trash you are. Whore doesn't even cover it," she shouted two inches from my face. I stayed quiet and soaked in her words.
"What, you don't even have the balls to take up for yourself? You're pathetic. Don't you ever come near Jake again, don't come near any of us, not even Embry, or I will personally see to it that you live the rest of your life in agony," she hissed through clenched teeth. I nodded and she stalked off. I knew I probably had a bruise from where I had been slammed against the car, but I ignored the pain and grabbed my backpack out of the car, halfheartedly slamming the door shut and walking up the hill to school. People were staring at me and whispering, but I looked at my feet and kept walking. I actually entered Mr. Sampson's class early for once, and he was as surprised as I was by it. He handed me a pile of papers and rambled something about make-up work before walking away and starting class. It seemed hours before the bell rang, and I shuffled to the next class without stopping by my locker. The next teacher also gave me a pile of work and sent me out in the hall. I just stared at it until the bell rang, which made my teacher quite angry, but I didn't care. On to the next class.
Lunch soon came up and I sat outside on a bench to rifle through some of my work. English would be easy enough to do, just had to answer some questions and write a few essays about The Picture of Dorian Gray. Math was impossible as usual, so I set it aside to work on later when I had my book. I actually laughed when I got to biology. Compare and contrast the differences between the cells of a wolf and the cells of an oak tree. I heard a cough behind me but ignored it until Embry came and sat on the bench beside me.
"Need some help?" he asked, pointing to the massive pile of papers I was holding down with a heavy rock. I shook my head.
"Paul is such an ass," he sighed, leaning back against the bench. I cocked an eyebrow at him in question. Embry never cursed, so it was weird to hear him say that.
"It was my fault," I mumbled, looking down at my lap.
"No, Paul had to egg it on like it was nobody's business. He thinks with the wrong head way too much," Embry growled. I wasn't surprised the whole pack knew about it already, just surprised that Embry was willing to take my side.
"Ina, I'm not mad at you. Paul basically forced you to kiss him, and he's been replaying it in his head over and over while Jake is in wolf form to mess with him. If anyone should be mad at someone, it should be at Paul," he explained. "Jake is really hurt—" my heart twinged painfully, "—but he's not mad at you. He's just afraid that something like what happened with Bella will happen again."
My heart thumped against my chest, making me cough, at the mention of Jacob's name. I felt even worse now that I was being compared to Bella. Bella, the girl I had despised for breaking Jacob's heart into a million pieces. I was the same as her.
Embry sighed and put his arm around me, giving me an awkward side hug.
"You're my cousin and I love you. I'll always be on your side, kay?" he said reassuringly. "Jeez, you're freezing!" he hissed. He quickly took off his jacket and wrapped it around me.
"Em, I don't need this," I grumbled, fighting to take it off.
"You'll wear it and you'll like it. Be a good girl and do as I say," he commanded, smiling as he patted my head before walking off. I watched him go, his towering frame graceful even with all its bulk, and felt comforted. Embry had warmed me even without his jacket, and I was glad that he, if no one else, still believed in me.
The rest of the day was, in a way, boring. I didn't really pay attention in any of my classes, just sat there and stared at a speck on the wall, or a particularly nasty looking spot on the floor. The final bell finally rang and I went to my locker to get all of my school books to haul in my backpack, then trudged outside. I glanced hopefully at my car to see if Jacob was standing there, but he wasn't. I noticed a small crowd of people standing around my car and I pushed my way through them, then stopped in my tracks.
Someone had slashed all four of my tires and wrote "Bestiality" across both sides in big, red letters. I heard Embry's voice behind me as he shooed the people away, then came to stand beside me. He sniffed the air for a moment, then growled.
"It's Bella."