Two Sides

I wasn't planning on writing a tag for Nothing Gold Can Stay but I was listening to this song and this fits with Jane and Lisbon's dilemma perfectly and I had to write this. In this I am looking at both their sides equally. I'm not trying to take sides. I've seen so many with just Lisbon's point of view. I needed to ilnclude Jane's thoughts. I also look at their reactions to Vega's death. The lyrics are in italics. The song is I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys.

Disclaimer: Don't own show, if I did I wouldn't have Vega die and let Wylie and her go on their date. Don't own the song. I just have it on my iPod.

Lisbon stared as Jane walked away where they were standing in the cemetery. She wished she could do something to stop him. She had always known him to walk away from his pain and deal with it alone. Why couldn't he share it with her? Why did he have to leave? Leaving wasn't going to fix anything. Michelle Vega's death was hard for her. She needed support too. Why was he being selfish like this? She didn't know where he planned to go, but either way he was leaving. She wished he would stay. He couldn't do this, just leave! After all she did to stay and not continue on that plane to D.C. She loved him but this was too much. He expected her to quit just like that. It was her job. It was who she was and had been for years.

Jane couldn't deal with this, being in this sad place of death, where a young life was blown out in an instant by an uncaring man, a greedy man all for money. He knew Lisbon would be angry at him for leaving like this. He didn't want to hurt her like this. It wasn't fair he knew. What happened to Vega could have happened to Lisbon easily. It could've happened at the house in Louisiana if he hadn't pushed her out the way. He was scared, he couldn't handle this job anymore. He couldn't handle seeing Lisbon in it anymore especially with the more dangerous cases they had to deal with lately. It was never been this way in California with the exception of Red John. He wished he could get her to understand his fears. He wanted to see her way of looking at her job of enjoying the moment but he just couldn't. He knows what his reaction would be if Lisbon was killed. It would be the same as Angela or maybe worse. He wouldn't survive it a second time.

It wasn't fair for Vega to die like that with her future full of hope. This brought back the horrible memory of finding Charlotte, who had no chance of a future, a bright future. Red John had stolen it very like the bank robbers did of Vega.

Lisbon gained enough composure to come back to where the team was located, where Vega's resting place would be. She wished she could've talked to the young agent more to be a guide, or just be a friend. Now it wasn't meant to happen. She knew Vega would be in heaven, it was only right she was. She had always believed in the afterlife of there being light. A second chance. It was in her soul she believed. A beautiful place. Thinking of Jane she wished he was able to believe it would lessen the pain, the guilt he would carry. The guilt she knew he would always carry for Angela and Charlotte's deaths. She wanted to reach to out to him in this time, but right now she would have to deal with her heartache of him leaving.

"Where's Jane?" A voice from behind her said. She turned around and saw Abbott.

"He left. I believe to clear his head. This is traumatic for him. Losing Vega like this." It was all she could say. "I can imagine." Abbott said in a knowing voice.

Jane ran like he did that fateful day he killed Red John. Why was he doing this? Leaving again. He knew it wasn't fair to her. She would've been better off with Pike. Pike was stable, good, and whole. Pike had plans, unlike him. He thought about going on the plane. He knew it was too late but he wanted to tell her how he felt. He needed to tell her. He had wanted her to stay but now he was leaving like he did in Las Vegas and South America. This wasn't supposed to happen. A death so brutal. He wants to stay, he wants her, he needs her. Why couldn't he deal with his guilt? He wishes he could find the peace for good. He wants her safe. He doesn't want to see her in a coffin, like Vega. Her job always put her at risk. He recalled Ted Randolph's words, "I destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me. By the time I realized my mistake, it was too late." He was doing the same thing now. He was now destroying the best thing. He was letting his fears take over. Can't he just be happy? He had been for months. He was too late once again. He probably lost her for good now.

He continued running and then slowed to a walk. Why couldn't they just talk? Why did it have to come to this decision? Trying to decide on their life. He needed to be stronger and not worry so much. It hurt so much what just happened between them.

All of a sudden he remembered young Jason Wylie was in the same position losing someone important to him, even if it hadn't been a chance, but there was that hope. He knew the young tech had a liking for Vega and was friends with her and possibly almost more.

He knew he couldn't convince her to leave her job she loved so much. He had to accept what her job was even if it scared him to death every time she went out in the field. He could deal with risking his life, it meant nothing. He wanted a life different than the FBI and wanted to convince Lisbon there was other possibilities. However, she wanted her way to stay working.

Lisbon went to her car and got in the driver's seat. She and Jane were doing so well. They were both being honest. They were working as a team at work. He was including her in his plans. They were enjoying themselves. Her brothers approved of him. Jane helped her reconcile with them. He reassured her they never hated her, but missed her. Then the assassin case came up. She knew he was worried about I. She tried to reassure him. Then he took her off and and led her somewhere else, she felt so angry that he wouldn't allow her to do her job. Instead, all he wanted to do was ridiculous plans such as sailing around the world and bee keeping. She didn't know what the answer was.

Then again, she supposed she needed to really listen to his fears and see what he was feeling. Put herself in his shoes, but he needed to do the same. Put himself in her shoes. He was still leaving her. It didn't make it easier to think about. They were losing what they had, the goodness, the light, all because of this dark moment. It was obvious both their fears came back with a vengeance.

Lisbon arrived at her house and instantly sat in her chair and put her hands on her face and cried. She cried for Vega, for Cho, for Abbott, for Wylie, and for Jane. They all lost this week. It would be hard for all the coming days of Vega's death. They all had been affected equally and each would deal in their own way. The days would be dark and hopefully there would be light at the end somewhere.

She knew there would always be a distance with Jane and the pain he suffered, the guilt he felt. He still wore his wedding ring. She wasn't sure if he would ever be able to remove. The past few months she never let on about. She had been so used to him wearing it, sometimes she forgot he was wearing it. It would never completely go away. It was the same in a way for losing her parents but she had a better grip, she had her faith. She loved Jane and all his imperfections. Right now she was hurt because of his words.

Jane continued walking along the road. He wanted to be with Lisbon. It scared him; it was true. He didn't lie when he revealed it in the plane. He just needed to think. Soon he saw a glimpse of an animal

walking towards him. He walked and realized the animal was a dog. A beagle. The small dog came up to himlooking at him with sad eyes. In a way it reminded him of Lisbon's eyes as he left the fear he should've seen of him leaving and not coming back.

The dog jumped up on his legs. Jane then realized the dog was missing its right back leg. At that instant, he realized the dog didn't seem to let his disability affect him. He realized the dog was like him, broken but he knew he had to keep going and didn't let a disability control him. It was then Jane knew what he had to do. He walked towards Lisbon's neighborhood, dog following. He went to the door and knocked. She answered. "Hi." She answered with tear stain cheeks. "I thought you were leaving."

"I was, but I changed my mind. I would rather be here with you. I'm sorry. " He then hugged him incredibly tight. She looked at him expectantly. "We need to talk." They both went inside and prepared to talk.

This episode was so emotional and I felt for all the characters. I feel very proud of this tag. I never planned this but I think this turned out very well. I hope you enjoy it. I had to include the dog in this since the dog will be in the next episode. It would be great to hear your feedback. Thank you.