A/N: Im sorry for the agnst, good things will come soon...
"Emma, you have to eat something, Its been days"- Ruby told her.
"Im not hungry, just leave me alone, please"- she covered her head with the sheet
"Its been days and you are still on bed without talking or eating"
" And what are days when my baby, my little girl is gone... forever"- her voice broke and tears fell down, that seemed the only constant of her life, she was alone with nothing but tears, they were the only thing that never seemed abandon her.
"Oh, Emma. I know it hurts, I cant imagine how much but you have to be strong. You wanna talk, what happened? I didnt even know you were pregnant, why you are out of your castle, your home?"
"Thats NOT my home! And you dont know anything because you left, you left me too!"- she sounded harsh, and she knew it wasnt fair with Ruby but she couldnt control her emotions, everything was to much
"Im so sorry" – Ruby sat on the end of the bed, defeated –" I deserve that, Im such a bad friend, I wasnt there for you"
"No, no Im sorry, it´s not your fault. You have a life too... a happy one"- she tried to control her crying, but God when the pain would stop, it was to much – " I dont wanna talk, let me sleep"
"You dont want talk, its fine. You dont want hear? Why Im here, If your parents know, if they will come to find you?" – Emma sat on the bed, abruptly, she was so hurt, emotionally, that she didnt think of that... her parents
"No! I dont want to see them, I never want to see them again in my life! I gotta leave"- She pulled the cover off and stood up.
"Wait, Emma. Its good to see you up, but I asked if you wanted to know, didnt say they would come, sit"- Ruby hit the bed beside her and Emma doubted for a moment but joined her friend.
"Talk"-
"You dont need to worry, nobody knows Im here, so no one will find you, unless you want to be found."
"Not even Granny?"- Emma asked her and Ruby laughed
"Especially not her! Victor had to move away because he´s got this job but Granny didnt want for me to come with him, without marrying him first"- Emma just looked at Ruby without saying a word, she knew how important Granny was to her friend –" Well, she really wanted for me to take care of the Inn, but I didnt want to stay there
forever, so I runaway . This is the third village, then again, so nobody knows where I am, you have nothing to worry about"
"Im sorry. Family, right? They always know exactly how to hurt us"
"Yeah, they expect for us to be what they want to. But thats enough , what about you, what happened? I didnt even know you were pregnant"- Emma swallowed hard and looked away –"Come on, Emma. Its me! Maybe It will help you to talk, Where is the pirate?"
"He"- She closed her eyes, his name coming to her mind, but she couldnt say it, she wouldnt say it –"He left, the Dark One came to my parents balls and He told us he was the responsable of Liam´s death and He left to search revenge"
"He abandoned you?!"- Ruby asked, wanting to find the pirate herself
"I asked him not leave, he would only get killed but he didnt listen to me, he didnt care"- tears rolling down but it wasnt from only pain, it was anger too
"How you got pregnant"
"I found out after he left and... and I was stupid enough to want to go after him, to tell him, to ask him to stay with me"- she closed her eyes making the tears fall, trying to control herself not to break down – "with us"- she stroked her belly, there was nothing there, but for some stupid reason she found comfort on it.
"Did you tell your parents?"
"No, I hate them!"- she felt anger growing deep inside –" I asked them, so many times, to help me but they wouldnt... If they had...my baby, my little girl would be okay with me at home. I never want to see them again!"- Ruby hugged her, Emma tensed but slowly relaxed in her friend´s embrace but she didnt hug back, she couldnt.- "How did you find me? I know you said it but I wasnt really listening"
"Somebody saw you bleeding on the alley and came to ask for help, I couldnt believe it was you, I thought..."- she closed her eyes and Emma esqueezed her hand –" Victor could control the bleeding and thank god you are okay"
"Im not okay, I will never be okay again"- suddenly she realized what she hadnt asked –" He... Was he...".
"BlackBeard"- Ruby said, knowing what she was thinking.
"He killed my baby" – Maybe He didnt know she was pregnant but would he even care? –"I killed him, I saw him die"
"Yes, he was dead when we found you. He is gone , theres nothing to worry about"
"Good. I hope he is burning in hell"- She said, with so much darkness. Ruby feared that maybe It wasnt just the pain of the moment, maybe her friend was broken beyond repair, she stroked her hair and asked –" What you wanna do, you want for us to send a message to Killian, you wanna go after him?"- Emma pulled her hand away
"No! I dont wanna see him, I cant."
"Oh Emma, He loves you. Im sure he will come for you as fast as he knows what happened, he didnt even know you were with child"
"I dont even know where he is, if he is okay but if he loved me... He shouldnt had left, he should be here, and maybe... our baby would be okay"- tears rolling down again and again. "The nice princess, the Emma he said he loved is gone, she died with the baby growing inside of me, my little angel"-
she couldnt help the tears everytime she thought of her, yes, she was only 2 months of pregnancy. She only knew for less than a month that she was but the moment she found out it was a girl, not more than 10 days before losing her, she imagined her... blonde hair and blue eyes, the perfect mix of them both, and she even thought of some names but she didnt want to go too ahead, not because of fear but she wanted for Killian to be there, to help to pick one, to think, to talk, to dream about it together but now everything was gone... everything seemed gray and sad... there was nothing left, no one left.
"If you dont want Killian back. If you dont love him anymore, you can find someone else, you can have a family someday, you are young , Emma"
"I dont wanna talk anymore. I need to have a bath, so I can help you with the work. You´ve done enough for me, already. Im not a princess anymore, I will stop acting as one"-
-...-...-...-...-...
1 YEAR LATER
"Harder, harder"- she moaned – "Im close, damnit. Thats all you´ve got?"- and he moved harder, so much, it was painful, her back hitting the wall she was against, her neils scratching his shoulders throught the cloth- she moaned and her walls clenched around him, the orgasm run all over her body, he kept moving.
Once she was coming down, she swallowed hard, catching her breath, holding into him as he kept moving .- "stop. Stop"- she commanded, pushing him away, closing her legs. He looked at her, clearing exhasperated.
"What!"
"You cant come inside of me"
"What, you said you were taking care of it"
"I dont care, I wont take the chance. I will not make the same mistake twice"- she made him pulled out
"Well, Im still hard"- He looked down –" I gave you what you wanted. At least use your mouth"- She held inside the need to groan and roll her eyes and she sank on her knees and sucked him, as hard and fast as she could, within minutes he was pulsing inside of her mouth and she closed her eyes and swallowed. Soon after she stood up, straighting her dress and hair as he pulled his pants up. He moved closer to her –"That was amazing, Emma"- she moved away
"This isnt about romance, Walsh. Now, go away"- she looked at him for a second and moved away, cleaned herself up and went to the tavern where Ruby was. She sat on there, facing her friend.
"OMG, Emma"- Ruby said, throwing her hands in the air
"What?"- she asked, confussed.
"What are you doing?! Its been almost a year since you came here, this is going nowhere"
"Theres nowhere I want to go"- She played dumb.
"Emma"- Ruby groaned, leaning closer.
"What?"- she said, annoyed. She knew where this was going.
"Why you keep doing this to yourself?"
"Doing what, exactly!"
"Hurting yourself like this, keeping yourself in the darkness. Why are you punishing yourself?"- Gosh, sometimes it was really hard to understand the princess, well runaway princess-
"Im not!"
"You are... It wasnt your fault"
"Im not! Im protecting myself, I will never let anyone or anything hurt me again. And It was my fault! Who goes in a pirate ship knowing she is pregnant?"
"You did it because I loved him..."
"Exactly!- I loved him more than anything but he is gone, so is our baby"
"I know how terrible is what happened to you, to him, to your child"- she caressed her friends hand –"I know what losing them both did to you but its been almost a year and you need to try to move on, to be happy"
"How can I be happy when Ive lost what loved the most.? I still remember the day you told me my baby was gone and I still cant believe he is dead"-
It was only 2 months after Ruby found her, Victor came with the bad news, the pirate... Captain Jones was dead. Emma couldnt believe it, She knew there was a chance for it to happen, he was going after the Dark One for god´s sake but when the news go to her ears, she couldnt accept it, she cried and sobbed until she couldnt breathe anymore, she lost them both. Even If a part of her resented him for leaving, for leaving her alone and pregnant even if he didnt know, losing him broke her deeply inside. She lost them both, she lost everything She ever loved.
"I understand but what about you?"
"When I lost my baby, part of me blamed him for leaving. If he hadnt , our child would be okay but after I lost him, and what happened to our girl, I could finally understand why he had to do that. When We lost Henry, I was young and I had my parents to take care of, I had to be there for them but after what that damn pirate did to me, I was glad and relieved that he was dead, I didnt mean to kill him but If he hadnt die, I would had gone after him. Killian would had done it too, and I know how much He loved Liam. He didnt leave me over revenge, he just wanted justice for his beloved brother. I can not blame him for that"- she wipped the tears filling her face – "I just wish life would have been fair with us, We could have so much time together, a life, a family... Maybe If he took me with him"- she sighed –"Maybe I would had lost the baby, and blame him, he would blame himself forever...and maybe He would had die in my arms like Liam did in his, and I couldnt bare that... Maybe things happened how they had to happen. I just, I miss him... I still miss him so much, I just wish I had one more chance, I wish I could see him, be with him one more time..."
"I know you do, I cant imagine how much but you have to try to move on, you are young. Maybe you should go back home and find a prince or anyone, someone you can love"
"No, I understand Killian reasons to leave but I cant nor ever will understand my parents. They could had helped me and I would had stayed there, and my baby would be with me, Im sorry they lost me too but I cant go back there. Im not a princess anymore. And I cant love someone else, I will love him and only him forever. I cant love anyone"
"Well, thank you"- Ruby rolled her eyes, putting her hands on her hips.
"You know what I mean, you and Victor are all I have"
"You can have so much more, Emma"
"What, Walsh!?"- She laughed, making her friend laugh too
"What, Is he so bad?-Because if he is, why you keep doing it with him"
"I guess not, he gives me what I want"- Emma felt herself blushing a little. She didnt talk about sex.
"Then why?!"- The owner of the inn asked, exhaperated
"Why what, Ruby!"- she groaned- "For God´s sake, just ask the question!"
"Why you look so miserable before and after. Why you dont enjoy it?"
"If I didnt I wouldnt do it"- she turned her head around to see if someone was close.
"Emma"
"I"- she groaned –"I only enjoy the orgasm, Thats all I have. Only then its when the world stops and I dont have to think, I just feel and it feels damn good"
"The orgasm doesnt last more than a minute and its not even like you do it everyday, sometimes more than two weeks. Why, Why only the orgasm?"
"Because thats all I have left, because... Thats all He left me"- she swallowed hard and looked down and then up at her friend – "The only thing I have left is that feeling"
"Just that? What about the sex?"- she really wanst understanding.
"I could probably enjoy that, if everytime I close my eyes I didnt remember him, my first time, his smell, the way he moved, the way I felt... And I do it, because when the electricity runs through my body, I feel Im there with him, in our secret place...that first time, every time but when its over, I feel Im cheating on him. I promised him I was his, and no other one would ever have me"
"You just do it as a need but If you just let go..."
"No!"- She exclaimed – "How can I? I died with them, I dont want to move on, I cant"
"Emma, please! If you cant let go, you never will be happy. You deserve to find happiness, he would want that for you"
"I just want him back! Did you hear what I said. I want him back! I will never forget him. He is the love of my life, my true love"- she said loudly, not even caring if someone was around. She couldnt help the way she felt whenever they talked about it, whenever Ruby tried to talk about it.
"If you ever want to be happy... He would want for you to be happy, even if you have to find someone else"
"I cant. I just cant"- there was a pause, she closed her eyes and sighed -" I love him... but I will never love someone else as I loved him"
"I wish there were something I could do or say to help you. Maybe If you try to forgive your parents and go home, at least for a while"
"Im not ready, okay? I dont wanna see my parents, the castle is not my home... and I cant let go of him. I know its stupid because we know the Dark One cut his hand and he fell to the ocean... and he died but part of me, still is waiting for him to come. He promised he would come back, he promised he would always come back to me"- she stood up, she had to stop before she had a breakdown in the middle of the day again – "I dont wanna talk anymore, I will go to buy some stuff I need, its okay?"- she wipped her tears from her face and stroked her eyes.
"Do you wanna keep talking"- Ruby teased, trying to light the thick air.
"No..."- She said with a little smile
"Go, I´ll be fine"- Ruby, waved her hands toward the door and Emma smiled at her and left.
-...-...-...-...-
She spent some time bying the things she needed but tried her best to hurry up in case Ruby needed her. She said hello to the people she knew, she had been there for almost a year, she pretty much,knew everyone. She wasnt open or too friendly but kind enough to say hi and ask how they were doing, just polite greeting and little chats.
She was going back to the Inn with a bag full of her stuff, thinking of the things she needed to do at the end of the week.
"Emma"-
She drop the bag and froze when she heard that voice from behind. That voice she knew too well. The one that made her shiver and her heart ache everytime he whispered her name into her ear.
IT WAS HIM. NO... IT COULD´NT BE HIM...