Warning: Some sexual and drug references

Chapter Four

Calvinball and Cookies

Calvin and Hobbes appeared almost instantly in Jessop. The streets were filled with various imaginaries, all of them at one point Calvin's creation. Even Walter was there sitting on a small bench, waiting to see what was going to happen.

Calvin looked around; he recognized every one of them. There was Yutz, a large purple and slightly furrier version of Big Bird and Animal mixed together. Yutz was Calvin's second creation, he frequently comes to Calvin's assistance, but lately he's been busy being mayor of Jessop, something that he takes very seriously ensuring a fair ruling for every citizen, including Walter.

"Well as I live and breathe" Yutz exclaimed as he walked up to Calvin, shaking his hand violently, "It's been a long time boy!" Calvin laughed, remembering that Yutz was a people person, "Yutz!" he said, as he pulled him into a hug, "How have you been?" Yutz broke the hug and smiled; "I've been great" he turned to Hobbes, "Trying to keep this guy out of trouble is getting harder every day." Hobbes shrugged, "What are you goanna do huh?" Yutz pulled out a cane and hit Hobbes on the head as hard as he could, "Hey what gives Yutz!" he yelled, clutching his head, "What'd I do?" Yutz huffed, "You didn't bring him soon enough."

Hobbes huffed, "As if that's my fault? I was busy." Yutz nodded, not really believing him, "Uh-huh. Sure, what were you doing?" Hobbes pulled out a letter and handed it to Yutz, "My job" Hobbes replied, "that came in for you three days ago." Yutz smiled, "Thanks. I was out on a business trip." Hobbes raised his eyebrows, "Does business mean business or does business mean seeing your girlfriend?" Yutz yawned nonchalantly, "Who says it can't be both?" Hobbes sighed, "Yeah, and I'm the one who causes trouble."

Calvin pulled out a soccer ball, "Hey Hobbes" he said, "Wanna play Calvinball?" Hobbes turned towards Calvin, in truth, the last thing that Hobbes wanted to do was play Calvinball, but then he remembered his promise that he made long ago when he decided to take Calvin on. "Alright" Hobbes said as he leaned down and took the ball from Calvin's hands, "What are the rules this time?" he asked. Calvin lifted his head up as if in deep thought, "How about you can't touch the ground." Hobbes smiled, put his fingers together and whistled, causing Calvin and himself to levitate up in the air. "How's that for not touching the ground?" Hobbes asked, "How?" Calvin exclaimed, "This is impossible!" Hobbes rolled his eyes, "Kid, look around you. I think we've passed impossibilities a long time ago."

Calvin laughed as he ran towards Hobbes, who proceeded to pass the ball towards Calvin, who kicked it towards Yutz, who upon catching it, only stood there looking stupid. Hobbes and Calvin looked at each other and then tackled Yutz, picking him up and throwing him in the stream. Yutz then stood up and threw the ball at Hobbes, landing it square in the tiger's face. "Good" Hobbes said as he whistled again, causing Yutz to levitate, "Welcome to the Calvinball tourney." Yutz looked around and saw a large baseball bat, he then swung at Calvin, "Three points for the kid's head!" he screamed as he ran towards Calvin, who ducked and pulled out a crochet mallet that he conveniently had in his back pocket for just such an occasion. Calvin saw a bucket that was sitting on top of a box next to Hobbes, pulling out a second ball, while at the same time dodging Yutz yet again, Calvin aimed the ball for the basket and swung.

Hobbes seeing the ball, picked up the basket and held it like a catcher's mitt and began shouting like a sports announcer "It's the bottom of the ninth...Calvin has just made the final shot, if he makes this he wins the Calvinball tourney. Will he make it? Only the next few seconds will tell." Just as the ball was about to fall short, Hobbes caught it and slammed it in the basket, creating a large hole in the bottom of it. "And that's the game folks!" Hobbes declared, "Calvin has just won the Calvinball Tourney, along with a fifty dollar reward and a large triple hot fudge sundae after dinner." As soon as he said this, Hobbes whistled again, bringing them all back to the ground. Calvin walked over, his eyes beaming with excitement at the prospect of fifty dollars. Hobbes rolled his eyes and reached for his wallet, pulling out a hundred dollar bill. "Can you break this?" Hobbes asked jokingly, Calvin smiled, "Are you kidding? I can't even break fifty! The most I got is five cents." Hobbes laughed heartedly, "Well now you have one hundred and five cents. Take care of it now, money don't grow on trees."

Calvin nodded as he put the money in his small wallet that he kept with him. Yutz sighed deeply, "Well boys" he said, "It's been fun. But I've got mayoral things to take care of." Yutz walked down the street, heading towards the castle, "Hey Hobbes" Yutz called as he turned around, "Yeah?" the tiger returned, "Say hi to Tamilia for me!" Hobbes nodded, "I'll be sure to do that Yutz."

Calvin raised his eyebrows in confusion, "Who's Tamilia?" he asked. Hobbes shook his head, "Tamilia's my girlfriend Calvin." Calvin took Hobbes paw as they began to walk down the street, "You have a girlfriend?" Calvin continued, "When did this happen?" Hobbes shrugged, "Can't remember honestly. I was too focused on her to even remember what day it was." Calvin nodded, "So when can I meet her?" he asked somewhat eagerly, Hobbes laughed once again, " She's coming over to dinner tomorrow night, you can meet then." Calvin hung his head in disappointment, "But I have night school tomorrow remember?" Hobbes sighed deeply, remembered Calvin's mother's new system. "Can't you just skip it?" Hobbes replied, trying to give Calvin a second option. Calvin shook his head in disagreement, "But you're the one who's always telling me to stay in school so that I won't become a socialist fascist who-" Hobbes cut him off with a paw over Calvin's mouth, "I never said that!" he cried, "I love the socialists!" he continued nervously, "they're my friends." Calvin laughed at this as Hobbes removed his paw, "What about all those anti socialist rallies that you went to two years ag-" Hobbes stopped him once again and leaned in, "Be quiet Calvin...they're watching us!" Hobbes looked around suspiciously and moved forward still holding Calvin's mouth shut until he reached his front door.

"So this is your house?" Calvin asked, stating the obvious, Hobbes rolled his eyes as he pulled out his keys, "Yes Calvin" he answered annoyingly; "this is my house. Do you have any more obvious questions that need answering?" Calvin smirked, "No I'm good." Just as they were about to go inside, Walter appeared, "Well, well" the worm began, "what do we have here? It looks like a violation of the Imagination Code, Rule 75." Hobbes huffed, "Oh shut up Walter! I told you, there's no such thing as the Imagination Code." Walter laughed, "Yet. There's no such thing as the Imagination Code yet. But there will be. As soon I send this to a publisher" Walter pulled out a ridiculous large book, almost five inches thick, "it will be required reading for every imaginary in all of Wackadoo. You wait and see." Hobbes nodded sarcastically, "That Code of yours is bullshit Walter. You're just doing it to annoy people." Calvin moved forward towards Walter, "I'd like to hear it" he started to say before Hobbes hushed him again, "No you don't!" he stated quickly as he pushed Calvin inside the house.

Walter laughed, "Seems that someone is overprotective." Hobbes turned back to Walter, "Walter, you say another word and I'm going to send you to another dimension!" Walter shrank back at this, but still held his ground, "Oh, I see" Walter replied, "you're jealous because the boy actually wanted to listen to what I had to say aren't you?" Hobbes immediately grabbed Walter and brought him close to his face, "Listen to me you annoying pompous prick" Hobbes began, "If you're going to fill Calvin's head, at least fill it with something useful. You're good at telling lies, teach him to lie, teach him to cheat, teach him to steal for Christ's sake. But don't, for the love of God, please don't make him you. Calvin doesn't need your political views thrown at him and he certainly doesn't need a dissertation on imaginaries." Walter huffed, "Why not?" he asked. Hobbes snorted in Walter's face, "Because idiot. The Council specifically said that creators can't know everything about their friends. To protect them once the creators become too old, remember?" Walter nodded, remembering the bylaws, "What does that mean for you Hobbes?" Walter asked sincerely, "You're pretty attached to Calvin. What are you going to do when he grows up?" Hobbes sighed deeply, for Calvin growing up was the last thing that he wanted to think about, "I don't know Walter. Probably do what I always do- deliver mail."

Hobbes placed Walter back in his tree. Walter turned around to leave, but before he left completely he spoke again, "Hobbes the mailman. Is that all you're going to be when this is over?" Hobbes shrugged, "What else would I be?" Walter laughed heartedly, "I was thinking Mayor of Jessop, or perhaps Grand Chairman of the Council. Yeah that's it- Hobbes the Tiger, Grand Chairman of the Council." Hobbes rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, "Thanks Walter...you're still a pompous, annoying prick, but thanks." Walter smiled, "That's okay" he answered, "It's what I'm here for."

Hobbes walked into his house to find Calvin jumping on the couch and screaming like a banshee. Hobbes could only assume one thing; Calvin had found his secret cookie jar at the top of the refrigerator. Why were they a secret? Hobbes made cookies with a special ingredient, a tiger sedative, that upon eating it made him extremely relaxed, raising his testosterone and causing him to become hyper aware. "Great" Hobbes thought to himself, "I'm goanna have to have The Talk now. Every parent's nightmare!" Hobbes stopped himself, for even though he didn't say anything, he just realized that in his head, he called himself Calvin's parent. Hobbes looked up at the ceiling and proceeded to have a conversation with the voice in his head, "What are you doing?" Hobbes asked, "The same thing that you're doing" the voice answered, "Looking up at the ceiling and trying to think of ways to avoid The Talk with Calvin." Hobbes nodded to himself, "Good" he continued, "then maybe you can give me some advice?" he asked hopefully. The voice only laughed, "Afraid not. I'm just as clueless as you are." Hobbes huffed, "Some conscious you are!" the voice laughed again, "Isn't that a paradox, the conscious having a conscious?" Hobbes shrugged, "Again, not a conscious-imaginary friend. There's a difference." The voice huffed, "its apples and oranges Hobbes. Apples and oranges."

Hobbes stopped talking to his head and turned to Calvin, who was still jumping on the couch, now sporting a small mustache and his arms covered in small hairs. Looking down, Hobbes saw that Calvin's hand was also in his pants, moving sporadically. "Hey Hobbes?" Calvin asked as he looked down at his hand, "What exactly am I doing? Cause whatever it is I like it." Hobbes was about to throw up, he could only imagine what real parents had to go through. "Umm" Hobbes began awkwardly, "That's called masturbating Calvin, and it's a very, very bad thing." Calvin immediately stopped, but the jumping still continued, "You see" Hobbes continued, "when you're older your body starts to change and-" Calvin began laughing, cutting Hobbes off, "You're funny" he exclaimed as his head became heavy and fell to the ground, "Very funny."

Hobbes rushed over and pulled Calvin to his feet, only for him to fall once again, "You okay Calvin?" Hobbes asked, concern showing in his voice, "Me?" Calvin answered hazily, "Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just a little woozy, I think I'm goanna take a nap now...good night Mom!" Hobbes rolled his eyes as Calvin slammed his head on the floor, obviously still under the effects of the sedative.

Hobbes made a mental note never to make cookies again, or at least to keep them out of Calvin's reach.