Chapter Eight

Calvinball But With Explosives and Killing People (Part One)

Calvin tackled Hobbes to the ground and began strangling him, "What the hell is wrong with you!" Calvin screamed, "You dragged my kids into this...are you crazy?" Hobbes nodded and lifted his paw in the air, "Yes" he replied, "Don't you remember? I was tested for being mentally insane over everything that has to do with you and your life." Calvin punched Hobbes in the face, giving him a good shiner in his right eye, but Hobbes barely even noticed; "Besides they've seen too much" Hobbes continued, "Once the portal hits...you kinda talk about it and we can't have that with X trying to enslave humanity." Calvin threw Hobbes to his feet in order for him to give an explanation as to what was going on, but before Hobbes could give one, Calvin already knew everything that he needed to know.

The castle in the middle of Jessop was the Bastille. The streets of Jessop were now taking after it and as such were the streets of Paris. Hobbes, Walter and Yutz were dressed as if they were in 1850's France. Calvin looked himself and his kids over and saw that they were dressed in the same way. "What's happening?" Calvin asked, too confused to be angry at this point. "Zip is changing things" Walter answered, "There's only one thing we can do. We have to get inside that castle." Yutz nodded in agreement, "How?" Yutz asked, "Zip has the place guarded from top to bottom, we'll never make it!" Hobbes looked to his right and saw his house, which remained relatively unchanged, "Yes we will" Hobbes declared, "Come on, this way." Hobbes then led everyone inside his house without a moment's hesitation.

Hobbes began rummaging through the kitchen; Calvin assumed that Hobbes was creating a sandwich, for in times of crisis the tiger at some point or another began thinking about food. Hobbes pulled out a jar of mayonnaise, a pickle, a candle, spices, a Ghost Pepper, rat poison, Drain-O and a small dose of powder cocaine from his cabinet. Calvin immediately laid his eyes on the poison, the Drain-O and the coke, making his eyes bulge out of his head and his mouth drop. "Are you crazy?" Calvin screamed, "I am not taking any of that Hobbes, its illegal." Hobbes rolled his eyes in annoyance and turned towards Calvin's kids, "Is he always this stupid?" he asked. Will and Grace nodded and spoke in unison, "Yes" they answered. Calvin huffed, rightfully insulted, "Will, Grace, come on guys really, you're agreeing with him?" Will and Grace nodded again, "Sorry Dad" Will replied, "But you are kinda stupid when it comes to these things." Grace laughed, following Will's lead, "Yeah. You've become a little bit of an old carpet bagging nerfherder." Hobbes, Yutz and Walter laughed at this, liking the phrase, "Oh yeah" Hobbes exclaimed as he raised his paw for a high five, which both children immediately took without question, "They're good."

Hobbes began mixing everything that was on the counter into small glass jars and handed them to Yutz, Walter and Calvin, "Bombs" Hobbes explained before Calvin could retort, "They're bombs, Calvin. You can relax now." This news did make Calvin breathe easier, but that didn't make him more or less angry for now he was holding a bomb. "You've got to be kidding me" Calvin said, not really caring that he was talking to himself and being ignored, "We're going to die. I knew it. I knew it all along. Hobbes was going to be the death of me and when I'm dead, he's probably going to eat me, or better yet, roast me over a hot fire while he makes sweet love to Tamilia dressed in a Roman toga." Hobbes, Walter and Yutz caught this and stared at Calvin as if he were mentally insane. Hobbes was deeply hurt and extremely confused but didn't show it, at least not directly, "What have you been doing?" Hobbes asked," You don't know me at all do you?" Hobbes immediately became serious, for there was still time for such things, "I guess you were right. You really have changed. As for me, well, I know I wouldn't do that. I would never do that." Hobbes moved closer to Calvin, now directly in his face, "If any of you end up dead I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Especially your kids Calvin, if they died...I would shoot the guy who killed them and then I would blow my own brains out and that my friend is the motherfucking truth." Hobbes picked Calvin up and unsheathed his claws and barred his teeth, "So get your damned facts straight before I forget that you're my friend!"

Calvin nodded and Hobbes gently set Calvin down. Hobbes shook his head and laughed sarcastically, it was full of pain and regret. "Maybe I should've let you become a Killjoy" the tiger said, "At least then we would know who the fuck we are. Now I don't even know what I am, I don't even know who you are. Have we really changed that much Calvin? Are we that different?" Calvin nodded and repeated what he had said all along, "Things change Hobbes" he answered, "It's part of life. I know it's sad. But it's the way things are. Know that no matter how hard you try- you can't repeat the past." Hobbes pulled out a zipper and opened it, Will and Grace's room was on the other side. Hobbes pointed towards it, his face said everything else.

Calvin stepped through the zipper, Will and Grace obediently followed Calvin, leaving their bombs behind. Hobbes smiled, it was smug, as if Calvin had done exactly what he wanted, "Can't repeat the past?" Hobbes said sarcastically, "Why of course you can!" Hobbes laughed as he snapped his fingers. In an instant everything went black.

Calvin woke up and looked around, Will and Grace were no were to be found. He looked himself over and screamed. He looked around and found himself in his old room back in Kansas. He ran to his mirror and staring back at him was the ten year old boy from twenty years ago.

A second later Hobbes appeared and threw Calvin back into the portal. Calvin was once again back in Hobbes' living room, dressed like an 1850's Frenchmen, only a lot shorter. Calvin stood up and immediately jumped on Hobbes, sending the tiger to the ground.

"What the hell did you do to me?" Calvin screamed as he punched Hobbes as hard as he could in the teeth.

"I turned back time" Hobbes answered, "I needed you buddy. I'll promise I'll turn everything back once this is all over."

Calvin shook his head in disagreement, "No. You listen to me Hobbes and you listen good. I can't be the nine year old boy anymore. I have a life! I have a job and a family that I have to take care of!"

Hobbes threw Calvin off easily and brushed himself off. Charlie appeared next to him, smiling from ear to ear, "How's it going kid?" Charlie asked, Calvin's eyes widened in both confusion and anger, "You're alive?" he exclaimed, "But Hobbes said that-" Charlie lifted his paw, stopping him, "Hey Hobbes came back. Who says I can't?" Walter rolled his eyes; Yutz was also getting nervous, "Can we just get out of here please?" Walter begged, "I'd like to get this over with as soon as possible!" Hobbes nodded in agreement and dragged Calvin, literally, out the door.

Once they were in the street Hobbes turned to the others and gave them all the information they needed, "We're going to play Calvinball- Only this time with explosives, guns and killing people. Anything goes. This is the world we're talking about here." Calvin shook his head in disbelief but everyone else nodded, ready to attack.

Mr. X was standing in front of the castle, patiently waiting for them. Next to him was Zip and Avery Johnson, both of whom were quivering at the sight of this man, if he was a man at all that was before them.

Mr. X was wearing a large trench coat and a fedora. In his mouth was a cigar, under the glow of which, dark yellow eyes could be seen. His hands were gloved, his feet were inside combat boots. Mr. X only had to give one command and everything that ever was would be over in a matter of a minutes. He turned to Zip and Avery, "Bring me the boy" X commanded, "Do whatever you want to the others, but get me that boy!"

Zip and Avery nodded, gave the signal and rushed forward, a massive army behind them and X smiling demonically as he watched his grand masterpiece unfold, a fantasy turning to reality.