Characters are not mine
When Jane woke up, it was already bright outside and in her bedroom.
Her head hurt and her mouth was dry.
Slowly the previous evening came back into her mind.
"Shit."
As soon as she had said it, she heard a soft knock on the door.
Hiding her face behind her hands she waited for Maura to enter the room.
"I called us both in sick" was the first thing the blonde said.
She then sat next to Jane, careful to leave enough space between them, so the brunette wouldn't feel trapped.
"I brought you water" she said gently. "I'm sure you are dehydrated after this night."
Jane slowly let her hands drop and took the glass off Maura, not looking at her friend. She took a few sips, but noticed immediately that her stomach felt like she was going to throw up again.
She was nervous like hell.
"Listen, Maura" she began. "Can't we just forget what happened?"
She spoke so silent, so pleading, it broke Maura's heart all over again.
"Jane, I'm sorry that I had to find out this way. But I promise I don't judge you, I will never judge you."
She took one of Jane's hands into her own.
The brunette broke the contact abruptly.
"You won't judge me?" she asked angrily. Maura was taken aback by the anger in Jane's voice.
Had she said something wrong?
"How can you even look at me?" Jane's voice was dripping with disgust.
It dawned Maura now, that the anger wasn't directed at her. But how did Jane dare to think about herself as disgusting? Now it was Maura's voice that broke the silence quite forcefully.
"THAT is why we can't forget it."
She got up to kneel down in front of her friend.
"Jane, I know you want us to act as if I never knew, and I promise we will do just that."
Jane, who was trying to avoid Maura's eyes the whole time, now looked straight at her. Hope was shining in her eyes.
"This won't change our friendship?"
Maura shook her head. Jane let out a sigh of relief, even though she didn't trust her friend completely.
"But I need you to do two things before I can go back to normal."
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Jane tensed up again immediately.
Maura promised her to start with one thing and let Jane time to go through with it. Jane had agreed.
"So", she said self conscious. "What is it?"
"I need to look at your thighs."
Jane's mind went blank.
"No. No!" she said. "Why?"
Maura sighed. She had known this would be hard.
"Look at your pyjamas Jane."
Jane did as she was told. Fuck. Her pants were again bloodstained.
"Jane. You are still bleeding. I think you might need stitches. Please let me look at them. I will just give them stitches and then we never talk about it again."
Jane just shook her head no.
"We can do this the hard way" the blonde threatened. She didn't want to push her that hard, but her safety was priority right now.
"What's the hard way?"
"I'll take you to the nearest hospital, where they will make you talk about it to strangers."
After some time of silence Jane still seemed unsure of what to do.
"What are you so afraid of?" Maura asked. "I've seen wounds like these before and I have stitched you up multiple times."
Jane finally talked. "It's not about the wounds."
Maura was confused now. Jane noticed and began to explain further.
"It's not about the wounds, it's... well, it's about the scars, ok?"
Maura didn't understand. Jane groaned.
"I haven't been doing this-" she pointed at the stains "-for the first time. I don't want you to see how often I did this. I don't want you to judge me."
There were a few tears running down the detective's cheeks. Maura brushed them away.
"Do you trust me?" she whispered. Jane nodded.
"Trust me now."
Jane knew that Maura was right. There was no reason not to trust her. It was too late to go back now anyway.
Jane carefully pulled down her pants while Maura was still kneeling in front of her.
To her surprise, Maura kept looking at Jane's face, not her legs.
The brunette undid the bandages, but still Maura was only looking at her face.
"You can look now" Jane said shyly.
Maura took Jane's face in her hands and kissed her forehead before looking her straight in the eyes and whispering "Thank you.".
She slowly lowered her gaze, until she reached her friends thighs.
They were red from irritation and covered in fresh gashes, red marks and already pale scars.
Oh Jane, Maura thought, noticing that the oldest scars were at least one year old.
Jane obviously felt uncomfortable under her gaze, so she focused on the fresh cuts, being as quick as possible.
"You need stitches on three of these." she said without any emotion showing. She had gone into her doctor mode. The blonde got up to pick up the supplies she needed from the bathroom. She kept them at Jane's since Jane got beaten up quite often.
When she returned with the box of tools in her hand, the brunette was crying.
Maura decided not to react on it, fearing Jane would lock up again.
While she proceeded to work on the wounds she explained what she was doing and how Jane could see if she needed stitches.
When she was finished she bandaged her friend up again.
After putting the box aside, she sat on the bed next to Jane and took her into her arms.
"I've never felt so helpless and vulnerable in my entire life" the detective sobbed.
"You've been so brave Jane" Maura tried to soothe her. "It was so brave of you to let me do it."
She combed Jane's hair with her fingers.