Characters are not mine.
Here's Maura's counterpart to Jane's letter.
When she turned up at Jane's her tears hadn't subsided.
Jane heard a knock at her door. She was nervous, hoping that Maura had read her letter, hoping that she would say yes to her wishes. She needed her. Slowly she opened the door. In front of her stood a crying Maura, make up smudged, hair a mess.
"What-" Jane didn't get any further. Maura stormed inside, shut the door and pressed Jane into the wall. Their bodies were completely flushed together and Maura grabbed the detective's hair. Then she brought their lips together, again and again and again. "Yes to all" she said between kisses. She then withdrew a little bit. "Under one circumstance" Jane just nodded. "I am allowed to do the same." The brunette nodded again.
Sobbing they lowered each other on the floor. Maura sat down next to her friend, entwining their fingers. They looked at each other deeply, so many emotions passing between them. "How on earth did I deserve someone like you?", the brunette whispered unbelieving. She placed her empty hand on Maura's cheek, as if to confirm that she really was there.
"I'm yours, Jane." "What?" There was no way Maura was as willing to give herself to Jane as Jane was to her.
"I'm yours." She simply repeated. She had prepared a speech, but that could wait until later. Instead she brought their hands up and kissed every finger gently.
Tears slowly subsided and both of them calmed down again. After a few more minutes Jane stood up. Maura remained on the floor, looking up at Jane. Without saying anything the brunette went into the kitchen, checking up on the casserole she had prepared. It was about finished, so she started to set the table, noticing that the blonde watched her every move. She remembered being pressed against that wall, receiving the hardest and yet sweetest kisses. She couldn't help the warmth shooting down her body. How had they gotten to that in just three days?
She placed a good amount of food on Maura's plate when two gentle arms wrapped around her waist from behind. "Thank you Jane.", Maura whispered before letting go and sitting down. When Jane asked her if she wanted some wine she said no, wanting to do what she had planned completely sober.
They finished dinner without talking. They both cleaned up and then moved to the couch.
"Maura, I-" Jane started but was silenced by one of Maura's fingers on her lips. "I want to say some things first." Jane just shook her head. "Maura please." The look of pain on Jane's face made Maura worry. "Ok Jane, you've got my attention." Jane breathes in loudly, grabbing her friends hand for comfort. She looked down, guilt showing in her eyes. "You did it again." It wasn't a question, it was a statement that left the blonde's lips. A lonely tear rolled down Jane's face. "I'm so sorry" she sobbed. Maura pulled her friend towards her. "Don't be sorry.", she said while pressing a kiss to Jane's forehead. "It's ok."
She let Jane cry into her for some more time. "Don't you wanna know why I did it?" Maura shook her head no. "Jane. This is one of the things I wanted to talk to you about." Jane was confused. Did her friend change her mind? Was she going to lose her now? She felt another attack rising within her, but she tried to stay calm until Maura had said what she wanted to say.
"Jane this will take some time. I would like you to just listen." The brunette nodded. Maura stroke her friend's hands reassuring, careful not to touch the scars. She didn't want Jane to run now.
"First of all, since you need to know this the most, you don't need to tell me when you harmed yourself again. I feel honoured that you trust me enough, but please only do it when you really want to." She shook their hands to emphasize her point. "I don't need to know why you did it. It is your way of dealing with your thoughts. Even though I am your friend, and even though I love you, I don't need to know what you are thinking. These are the darkest sides of you, and you can share them, but you don't need to." Again tears were streaming down Jane's face. "I hope we can lighten them up together, but until you are ready for that, I just need to know when you need stitches." The brunette nodded.
"Now to the rest I wanted to tell you." She hesitated. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Seeing Jane looking at her waiting, she decided to go on. "First off all, thank you for that letter. I really, really appreciate it." She swallowed. "I understand now why you didn't tell me and I want you to know that I'm not disappointed in you for doing so. Still I feel guilty and I always will." Hurt flashed through Jane's eyes.
"I don't think I'm the reason you harm yourself Jane, but I will never forgive myself for not seeing sooner, for not being there for you. I guess that is what you called me breaking with you now. And I'm ok with that. I want to go through this with you together. You are the most important person of my life." Jane cried even harder now.
"You called yourself messy, unattractive, loud, swearing and poor. That's not how I see you. To me you are unique, yes you are loud, but in a good way. You swear a lot, but you do it to let frustration out, something I have never been able to do. You might have not as much money as me-" Jane rolled her eyes at the understatement. "-but Jane, what you are missing in money you have in love. You have a big family, you have so much love surrounding you and you have so much love to give. You don't know what I would give to have that instead of money. And believe it or not, you are attractive Jane. You are to me. And I know words won't convince you of this, so I'm planning on showing you when you are ready." Oh how she wanted to show Jane how beautiful she really was.
"I know you think I'm perfect, but I am not, Jane. I'm insecure as well. We are equal more than you think." She swallowed hard again. "I love you Jane. And I don't mean that in a platonic way. I love you. And nothing can change that. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I wouldn't survive without you. And self harm is not just common with teenagers. Look at you. That's why adults don't open up about it to anyone. What you need to see is that you don't harm anyone but yourself. Your body belongs to you and you don't ruin anybody else's life by harming it. I won't say that it is ok to do it, but Jane, it's better than giving up. I don't know if you have realized it already, but self harm often is a way to go on. From what you've told me, it certainly is for you. I want you to find another way to go on. I want you to recover."
How? The question was written on Jane's face. "I would suggest therapy, but I know you wouldn't go. I will try everything though. I will try everything to help you recover." Thank you was mouthed by the brunette. A tiny smile formed on Maura's lips.
Jane couldn't help but notice the missing google talk. She was thankful for her friend to talk in a language she understood, but still she was confused by the unusual behaviour.
"I meant it when I said I was yours. I know you want to start a relationship when you have recovered. I am willing to wait no matter how long it will take. I also want you to know that it doesn't matter to me. You harming yourself does not define you, and that's why I would take the next step any time. But I will wait. For years if I have to. Because I'm yours. I don't want to be with someone else, I don't want to be touched if it isn't you touching me. I don't want to have sexual intercourse with anyone but you. I hope you feel the same about me. Because I'm yours. I don't want to be with anyone ever again. And I don't care if we do that as friends, lovers or wives. Because I'm yours and as long as you are mine I don't care about what we are. I love you Jane. I am yours."
Jane's mouth was opened in shock. Her eyes were wide opened and her eyebrows were raised. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Slowly she found her voice again. "Maura Isles, did you just propose?" Maura giggled softly. "If you want it to be that. I'm giving myself to you. I wanted to say that I want to be with you as long as you'll have me. If that includes marriage for you, yes I did just propose. It's just mentally. I don't have a ring. I don't expect you to marry me. I just want to make sure we be there for each other as long as we physically can. Of course only if you want."
Jane nodded while tears forcefully left her eyes. "Yes", she sobbed. "Yes."
She had feared Jane would run, but she wanted her to know that they were equal. They belonged to each other. "Jane, I'm moving your speed now. What do you want us to be?" "Like right now?" Maura nodded. Jane thought for a moment.
"I want us to be friends right now. Well, actually no, I don't." Maura waited patiently as Jane over thought what she had said. "I want us to be us." She finally said. "What does that mean?" "Mainly that we do what feels right and see where it takes us. I want to call you my best friend right now. I think I'm not ready for a relationship." Maura nodded understanding and reassuring. She would do whatever Jane felt was right.
"I want to be close though. I want to touch you and kiss you. Do you think we could make out without turning this into a relationship? I liked what we did when you came here." She blushed. Jane Rizzoli blushed and she wasn't ashamed. "I'd like that." Maura answered before kissing Jane gently. "I'm willing to take whatever you give. Do you want to talk about what happened with Casey? I forgot about that before."
Jane grew extremely serious, looking away from the blonde.
"Stay with me tonight?" She didn't want to talk about it. She hoped Maura would understand.
She got up and took Maura's hand in hers, leading her to the bedroom.