Chapter 24 — my rain / Land

she held the door open for him. the yellow-orange light of the entrance to the restaurant faded was bright on her frame and cut off a ways past her. the girl had her onion-colored hair in a ponytail. her scarf was wrapped around her neck, draped over the wide collar of her dark purple wool coat. her fingers were buttoning it up quickly. he could see the tiny, dark spaghetti stain on the top of her blue blouse, and then she closed up the gap by putting the button through its slit. she smiled at him. he looked down at her royal blue skirt and black tights. he looked back up and nodded.

"thank you," he said.

she followed him outside. he opened his coat to her, and she huddled into it. she wrapped her arm around him and pressed against him. his hand clasped her shoulder and then slid down to her arm.

the holes in the street in front of them were full of water and reflected the city lights. across the street was a bar and another restaurant. she made a comment, earlier, about it being funny how on one side was an italian restaurant and on the other a mexican restaurant. she said she curious to know which came first and whether the one that came later felt as though the other was competition or not. he said that people who want italian food are not in the mood for mexican food, and she agreed.

the mexican restaurant was closed now, but the sign and name above the entrance was still bright. the road was dark, except for where the water reflected the lights. she shivered against his body.

"we should call a taxi before one of us catches a cold," she said.

they were walking toward the end of the sidewalk.

"yeah," he said.

they waved their free hands, her left and his right. raindrops fell on the skin of their hands and the back of his neck.

"it's too cold for rain," he said.

"mmhmm."

"there aren't enough taxis in this city."

"well, you should do something about that."

"i work in the administration of justice. you really think i can do something like that?"

"you've brushed shoulders with the president, haven't you?"

"yeah, but."

"well, there you go."

"and you think the first thing i'd have him demand is more taxis?"

a taxi cab pulled over to them. they made light conversation with the driver and gave him the address. he sat behind the driver's seat and she sat on the passenger side.

"you really make me seem fat sometimes, you know that?"

he looked at her. "i do? how?"

she was looking forward, toward the seat. "you always order something light. sometimes soup, this time a salad. and then when i get the spaghetti, i feel like i'm eating for the both of us."

he chuckled. "i don't plan my diet to make you feel better about yourself."

"you could use a few extra pounds too, you know," she said.

she poked her finger into her belly through her coat a few times, pressing it deeper each time, above the bellybutton. she was still looking down now.

"and if you gained a few extra, it wouldn't bother me," he said.

she looked at him hard.

"what do you mean by that?" she asked.

he looked out the window to his left. he rested his elbow on the door and held the back of his hand against the cold glass. "i just mean, you shouldn't think that eating a big meal is a problem."

"so you do think it's a big meal, huh?"

"that's not what i mean, it's just. it doesn't bother me. you look fine. beautiful, really."

he watched the city lights go by. there were few people out tonight. he looked up from the buildings. there were dark clouds over the city. the rain was starting to get heavier. drops landed on the window and slid down. water distorted the view of the city lights.

"you would probably say that to any girlfriend of yours," she said.

he shook his head and turned his body toward her. he glanced at her legs. "there isn't any other," he said. he looked up at her face. she was close to the door and looking out the window. he scooted further from his side, until the seatbelt started to get in the way.

"natalie and i took a trip out of town one time, to see a friend," she said. "it was a long drive. we talked a lot. we did not get back home until it was late at night. it was raining hard for the last few miles. natalie was nervous driving under those conditions, but i kinda liked watching the rain attack the land. i love the energy in the air."

he unbuckled his seatbelt and moved toward her. his body was touching hers. he rested his head against her left shoulder, nestling in against her neck. "you're my energy," he said. "you're my rain, and i want to attack you until you understand that you are an object of beauty, the living wonder i behold."

her shoulders shook while she laughed. "is that you trying to hit on me?" her left hand traced across his lap, until she found his hand. she gave it a light squeeze and then clasped it. "good thing you didn't win me over with your pick up routine," she said.

her right hand went underneath his chin. she gently pulled his head up from her lap with the tips of her fingers. he followed her suggestions, until her face was close to his. "you're a good man," she said. her breath puffed at him. it smelled like the spaghetti sauce from the restaurant. her eyes scanned up and down his face. she pulled him in for a kiss.

he shuffled around a bit and reached his free hand toward her neck. he gently stroked her linen scarf. she smiled through their kiss.

she got out of the cab when they reached her apartment. he went home alone and listened to the rain. the cab still smelled of her fragrance. he still smelled of her fragrance. he felt the material of his sleeve. it was almost like her scarf. he went home and went to bed.

bewitched

but with no touch

brightness only within

dreams, empty dreams

be ready for

despair, no for desire

because now i do know at heart

there is nothing there

and i find myself standing and

looking out to the shining glare

Yomotsu sat cross-legged on Mercy's bed. He was wearing sweat pants and a shirt that read "SEE NO EVIL." They were at that point, a point Yomotsu quickly reached with others, where dressing up was pointless. She did not expect him to put on an appearance for her, and he could not even see what she was wearing anyway. For all he knew, she was walking around the place in her underwear. It did not sound that way, but he noticed that he heard Mercy a bit differently than he did others.

Something was messing with his senses. He tried to grasp her, but he couldn't; she eluded even his awareness. His senses tuned in so sharply to some aspects of her that other aspects and her general person sometimes slipped past him. It was strange how focusing on the subtleties of one particular element of Mercy left him blind to other elements—like focusing on an image so closely that both what is being zoomed in on and what the whole originally was become pixelated and difficult to determine.

Perfume's Complete Best played quietly but happily in the background. During track six, Mercy fell onto her bed, to Yomotsu's right. He heard stretch out her arms out behind him and rest her head on the pillow. Her legs must have been stretched out past him. He speculated she was fanning her toes out, perhaps stretching them out and then pulling them back in. One leg might be crossing the other, over the knee. She might have been smiling or non-expressive.

"Cleaning is such hard work," she breathed out, with a huge sigh.

"But the reward is worth it nonetheless," Yomotsu responded. He fell back, so that his head fell onto the pillow next to Mercy's. He kept his legs crossed, however, lending himself to a laying position peculiar to most who are not Yomotsu.

Her body remained still. "If only we could enjoy the feeling of the reward as we do our work," she said thoughtfully. "If only we could feel the payoff as we did the right thing—think of how much easier it would be to make the little sacrifices. It would be so easy—justice, you know."

The way she said "justice"—! how the "j" was pronounced robustly, how soft the "s" sounds in the middle and end of the word were! Such a fluid and passionate intonation!

"Ah, say that word again," Yomotsu could not help respond.

"Hm?" She giggled curiously. "You mean justice?"

"Yes! Justice!" Yomotsu whispered back.

She laughed. "Only if you say it again—I think you say it better. You say it with authority and strength. You say it in such a cool way."

He would not have that. "No, no, no! What you say is true, but you have such a tenderness to how you say it! If I had to live off one sound, what could be better than the sound of justice, as you deliver it?"

She took a deep breath and, with more energy than last time, called out. "Justice!"

Yomotsu grabbed his chest with his hand. He placed his hand on his heart. He threw the other hand in the air, clenched in a fist. "Ah, justice!"

She giggled again and moved so that she was on her side. She must have been looking at Yomotsu, which made him feel weird but good. He remained with his legs crossed and his back flat on the bed.

"I've never heard someone say 'justice' with so much meaning, except for the 12th himself," she said quietly.

Yomotsu smiled. "Please, please," he insisted. "Do not compare me to that brilliant and handsome man."

She exhaled loud enough for Yomotsu to pick up the sound and feel the sound work its way through his emotions. "He certainly is brilliant and handsome," she agreed. "He gives me so much hope. Him and Lunatic, of course… Just, in different ways. Lunatic seems like such a great partner for the 12th. They must be best friends outside of their crimefighting, too, with how great their teamwork is! But while Lunatic seems like the perfect friend, the 12th seems like more… Something more. If that makes sense?"

He paused to let the thoughts press down on him. "A lot of sense," he murmured. "79 rains worth."

She waited for an explanation, and when there wasn't one, she asked, "79 rains?"

"That's how much our Katamari was worth," Yomotsu explained.

"No," she said after some short recollection. "I'm pretty sure that was 74 rains. Or something like that."

"It was definitely 79 rains," Yomotsu insisted.

Mercy gave up. "Either way, that's a lot," she said. "Which is great. I'm glad you understand it, because I don't. I don't… understand these feelings. I don't understand why I feel so strongly toward the 12th, in a way that I have never felt about anyone, even—"

Yomotsu sat upright.

She reached up and placed her hand on his shoulder, to stop him from getting up.

"It's okay," she said. "Him and I are still friends. If I can't be honest with my feelings, it will just make the situation even more confusing. But even as I say this, they're evolving. They're expanding. And I guess… We'll know soon, huh?"

Yomotsu nodded. "Yeah. We'll understand our feelings soon. I'm sure of it."

He said "justice" with such confidence and strength because it was his ground. Justice was the foundation for his life, his means and his ends. For Mercy to say it so beautifully, why—Yomotsu heard what she was saying, but he was missing the details of her voice. He could only appreciate her sweet tones so far; he was too preoccupied trying to figure out what foundation or ground or serene land inspired her to say the word "justice" with so much love. He was so wrapped up in this mystery that his senses remained in a fluctuating mess. Yomotsu still could not determine what she was wearing, so he assumed that she had to just be in her underwear. He thought about reaching over and touching her arm or leg, to find out if there were clothes there, but he thought better against it.

"And even if we don't understand our feelings, I'm sure they'll compel themselves into action, recklessly and out of necessity, to whatever end they may be destined."