So here's the next part so you don't have to worry too much.
Characters are not mine.
When Jane opened her eyes the first thing she noticed was Maura.
"What happened?" She noticed Maura's red eyes and the stains of tears on her cheeks.
"What happened?" She asked again, more worried this time. Maura raised her hand towards her mouth, sobs escaping her. Jane let her cry for some time, trying to remember what happened. She remembered her dream, she remembered crying, she remembered cutting and finally she remembered Maura standing there. But what happened then? She didn't remember passing out.
Maura had finally calmed enough to speak. "You cut yourself Jane." Jane nodded. She already knew that but she wouldn't stop the blonde who was sitting next to her on the bed. "I woke up when you were in the bathroom and I couldn't let you do it without trying to stop you."
"I opened the door and you were in some kind of trance, you didn't even notice me." Jane stared into space. "You were shaking, you cut so deep I could hear it." Maura spoke so high pitched, Jane didn't even recognize her voice. "There was so much blood and you cut over and over again. And then you stopped." Maura had no colour in her face.
"And then you saw me and we were both in shock I think." Jane nodded. "I remember until then." Maura didn't look at her. She couldn't. It hurt too bad. "You stopped reacting. I washed your cuts and it should have hurt but you didn't even flinch. Your cuts were too deep for me to help you, so I took you into hospital." Jane tensed. "Don't worry, they treated you anonymously." Jane relaxed slightly again. But the strange feeling of sickness that spread through her whole body didn't leave.
"I had to carry you to my car because you couldn't walk. I had to carry you into the hospital. You passed out while I drove. They stitched you up and you had a blood transfusion. You lost so much blood." She was sobbing uncontrollably again.
"What about you?" Jane asked, seeing how bad her friend looked. Maura turned away. "Maur?" Maura tensed before she screamed at Jane. "YOU NEARLY DIED! You nearly died Jane!" Jane felt sick. How far out of control had she been? "You promised me you weren't suicidal." She got quieter. "I'm not." Jane said. Maura's reply was only a whisper. "You almost killed yourself tonight." That was when reality sank into Jane.
"If I hadn't woken up-" Maura's voice broke. "-if I hadn't woken up you would be dead." Tears began to escape Jane's eyes. Maura was angry, and what happened with her then was way more than anger. "You can be fucking happy that it's Saturday and you don't have to go to work!" She got up and left Jane lying in her bed. Jane needed some more time to think. She stayed in the bed.
Maura was in the living room when she yelled "And you can be fucking happy that your mother is on vacation." And then she added. "WHAT IF I HAD TO CALL HER, TELLING HER HER DAUGHTER HAD KILLED HERSELF?"
Some time of silence followed.
"What if I had woken up in the morning and found you dead on the bathroom floor?" The blonde mostly spoke to herself, but Jane could hear it anyway.
Jane was crying. Not only because she almost died, but because she had hurt Maura so much.
Finally she got up and went towards the living room of Maura's house, spotting the blonde staring out of a window. She got up behind her, but didn't touch her. "Thank you" she whispered. "Thank you for saving my life." Maura turned around, eyes fixed on the floor.
"Jane, when you didn't respond any more, I was so scared. And there was so much blood. And then you passed out and I thought I'd lose you. When we arrived at the hospital I was convinced I'd lost you and it was all my fault. I was there but I didn't stop you. And when they took you away from me I lost consciousness. I was so scared." Jane's heart stopped when Maura told her she had passed out because of her.
"I'm so sorry Maura." Maura looked straight into her friends eyes. "Me too." She made her way out of Jane's reach and sat down on the couch. After an awfully long time of silence Maura spoke. "You had a nightmare. What was it about?"
Jane already felt stupid for having reacted to the dream like she did. Maura noticed Jane's struggle.
"I know I said I didn't need to know what you think, but that has changed. I need to know every fucking thought because otherwise I'm going to get you into a hospital. I can't live being afraid you might kill yourself by accident."
Jane sat down next to Maura. "I need help. I will go to therapy, I promise."
"That doesn't mean anything if you don't do it for you. I don't want you to do it for me." Jane breathed deeply. This was it. She was losing Maura.
"I'm so fucking stupid."
"Would you mind to tell me why that is?"
Jane took Maura's hand in her own, and Maura let her.
"I had a nightmare. About you. You and another woman." Maura already saw where this was going. "Jane", she breathed. "I had planned something special for you. I wanted to surprise you and I had roses and wine and I even wore a dress." She smiled shortly.
"I entered your house by myself and found you in bed with another woman. She was asking you if you really wanted it and you said yes. She played with your breasts. And then she asked you again, asking you about me. And you said I only wanted to be friends and that I wouldn't want to sleep with you, but that you needed sex. Then you said you needed it now." Maura's expression went from angry to concerned.
"She ate you out Maura, and you came and I was standing right next to you. And you looked so happy and this woman was just perfect. She was so beautiful, I wasn't even mad. I don't deserve you. I can't give you anything you want, you deserve."
Maura got up.
"What are you doing?" She got no answer.
Maura stood in front of Jane.
"Did she look like me?" Jane just nodded. There really were a lot of similarities. "I'm not perfect Jane." She looked down herself, inviting Jane to do the same. "I have scars too." She used one hand to run a finger over the thin line on her neck. "But most of them are on my soul." New tears built up.
"I always wanted to be perfect. But I am not perfect. And that is ok. It took a long time for me to accept it." Jane forced herself to look at Maura's face.
"And as you can see I have hands that are perfectly capable of pleasuring myself. I would like to have sex with you, but I can live without it. Do you really think I am that needy of sexual intercourse?" It took some time for Jane to answer. "It's just that you dated so many men since I met you, and you slept with most of them. You had one night stands so often, I thought it was important to you to have sex."
Maura could suddenly see where Jane's insecurity came from. She nodded. "I slept with these men, yes. I like sex very much. But I have never had a deep emotional relationship. I have that with you. And that is so much more amazing than having sex. I love you Jane. And you are not perfect, but I love you. And your idea of perfection isn't my idea of perfection. I want nobody else but you."
"You still want me?" The look on Jane's face and the pain in her voice were heart wrenching. "Oh Jane."