Upheaval: Reckoning
Chapter 34: What Must Be Done
The sun was setting by the time Vanguard called for a halt. Twilight felt torn between following orders and protesting. Her body desperately wanted to follow orders; she was exhausted and aching all over. Her mind wanted to press on until they found Rainbow Dash. 'That foal…' Her worry and anger mixed together like a bad milkshake recipe. The mission should have been over. Instead, they were trekking across Equestria, saddled with the impossible job of trying to keep up with the fastest flyers they had ever known. Those two might make it all the way to the Southern Barrier Land at the speed they were going. They escaped one ophidite, but they might end up surrounded by an army of the things. 'Stupid, stupid, Rainbow…we have so many things to take care of besides this!'
Applejack walked beside Twilight and looked at her worriedly. "You okay, Twi?"
Twilight nodded. Applejack also looked tired, but not as much as she was. That was mortifying considering that Applejack was walking around in barding. 'It's the conditioning,' she reminded herself. 'She's used to hard work and to that barding.'
Ahead, Vanguard Clash nodded towards a stand of trees. "We'll set up camp for tonight."
As they continued south, the rolling terrain of Macintosh Hills had given way to a flatter, more forested region. Twilight had never been this far south of Canterlot. They had the San Palomino Desert to the west and the Bad Lands to the east. She was thankful that they didn't have to trek through all that dryness, but that was a small comfort. The ground was rugged and uneven, with bushes scattered all around. Snow hadn't touched this part of Equestria.
They had a fire going pretty quickly. By the time it was dark, they were all sitting next to a steady blaze and munching on concentrated feed. As her frustrated worries about Rainbow Dash receded into the darkness with their surroundings, Twilight was finally forced to confront something that she had been avoiding throughout their trip.
She had just killed ponies.
Not just a pony. She killed several in a single stroke of lightning. The sickening smell of burned flesh nearly made her faint when it wafted towards her. She didn't dare to so much as glance at what she had wrought. Even without seeing them, her mind formed unwanted images: badly charred fur, partly melted skin, mouths open in frozen screams…she shuddered and fought back the urge to vomit.
She should have been prepared for this. She had been caught off guard when she killed her first wolven. This should have been different. She had been ready. She believed that she was ready when she asked to join Special Operations.
"Something worse than killing wolven," Vanguard had said. "Killing other ponies." He was right of course. This was worse. It was easy to picture the wolven as bloodthirsty monsters out to destroy Equestria. That wasn't the complete picture, but it let her grit her teeth and do what had to be done. But with ponies…
What was all that preparation for? When she first saw Rainbow's kidnappers, she had readily thrown aside any other thought besides saving her friend. "Pony-shaped ophidites, the lot of them," Captain Bad Arc had said. She had held out those words as if they were a shield as she had cast her spell. They didn't get to scream. She barely caught any of their features before the blast charred them beyond recognition. Perhaps that was a blessing. They were kidnappers working for the enemy, that was all she needed. She didn't want to know their names or how they ended up where they were. If she did, she would hesitate and Rainbow Dash would be lost.
All of that was in the moment of spell casting. When they followed Rainbow's reckless charge, the thoughts she had so eagerly shoved aside began to creep back. She looked for ways to delay the inevitable: she focused on the scenery, thought about how much of an idiot Rainbow Dash was, and tried to keep up with the others without looking like she was exerting herself. Sitting by the fire, she felt alone with her thoughts even with Applejack and Vanguard only a few feet away.
The justifications came to mind first. They were the ones that easily found words. The guilt was a heavy presence that accused her without having the say anything. She had to do it. Orders were orders. What was she supposed to have done? Argue with Vanguard Clash and give Rainbow's captors time to react? She would have given that jerk, Bad Arc, another reason to cast doubts on her.
"I say Third Squad should lead the attack on this one," Bad Arc said. The rest of his squad had already taken their seats in the briefing room.
"Any particular reason why, Bad Arc?" Vanguard asked.
"It's a perfect opportunity to cut your new squad's teeth. It's also their friend and one of your squad mates on the line here." Bad Arc's stare was hard and challenging. "I'd really like to see what Third Squad can do with its chosen members. After all, the youngest captain in Special Operations must have picked them because they made the cut; not because they're pretty or they asked nicely, or because they have a lot of clout in the Heartland."
Twilight bristled and was about to say something, but Applejack held her down with a hoof to her shoulder.
Twilight's hesitation would have only given Bad Arc more reasons to cast his doubts. Vanguard had taken a big risk in letting her join his squad. She couldn't afford making him look like a foal for agreeing to her request. Even if…even if…
Like a pair of hooves pressing tightly against her throat, the guilt silenced her reasons. None could stand before the fact that she had killed those ponies. She squirmed in place, then looked to the two who shared the fire with her. This was far from the first time Vanguard had killed a pony. Indeed, the first time she had encountered him, he was on a mission to do just that. As for Applejack…Applejack didn't seem bothered. She sat there next to Vanguard like a perfect soldier while Twilight squirmed and wrestled with her conscience. It wasn't fair. Rainbow Dash had done her share of killing too. As did Rarity. In fact, both of them killed a pony inside Clover's refuge. They didn't struggle like this. Was she really so weak? A miserable little chosen who balked each time she had to-
"Protect Equestria!"
Pyre Valor's image loomed across her thoughts. Her scorching presence sent even the oppressive guilt quailing. Twilight remembered that fierce gaze and the bruising grip of those hooves. Most of all, Twilight remembered the angry, mocking tone Pyre used to hurl her final words. Protect Equestria…she was doing that. She had always been doing that. Yet, Pyre challenged her as if she had only come upon the idea recently. Twilight matched Pyre Valor's angry glare with one of her own. 'I will protect Equestria, you…you nag! I don't need you to tell me!' she thought. The image of the dead ponies threatened to emerge again, but she used her growing anger to shove the thought aside. She refused to be smothered by this guilt. She will protect Equestria.
"No matter the cost and no matter who pays it!"
Twilight balked at those words. Surely there had to be a limit? Pyre had gone too far. She knew that. Too many lives had been sacrificed to break the barrier. It shouldn't have cost that much. But there was sense in Pyre's words. Not only that, they were the ones that offered respite from the guilt of having to kill ponies.
"Put it above yourself and whatever small, pathetic, personal goals you might have!"
Twilight stared at Applejack again. Small, pathetic, personal goals…trying to keep up and looking strong, worrying about Applejack's affections towards Vanguard; was that what it meant to have small, pathetic, personal goals? Were they hindering her as Pyre accused them of being?
Applejack suddenly flinched, then stared right back.
For Applejack, a certain sense of monotony helped dull the ache from what she had just done. As they walked across Equestria to catch up to Rainbow Dash, she simply let all her thoughts glaze over and put one hoof in front of the other. The rhythm settled in, just as it would back in Sweet Apple Acres: buck the tree, collect the apples, haul the baskets away…simple, demanding work that left her muscles aching by the end of the day. As the sun set, she would look forward to getting a nice long bath and lying on her bed with that satisfied feeling of another good day's work completed.
When Vanguard called for a halt, she was panting and sweating. This was the first time she had had to travel so far in her barding. There was comfort in her fatigue, though. One way to look at it, she had done a good day's work. Rainbow was still out there with Scarlet Rabbit, but it was better than being taken away by an evil snake to a life of slavery. She helped gather the wood, then stood back as Twilight blasted a blaze into being.
The sight of the fire bursting from Twilight's horn brought Applejack back to those moments. The enchanted chain was still coiled around her neck and it felt especially cold against her coat. Lassoing had always been a sport to her: fancy tricks to impress the other ponies, win ribbons at the rodeo, and to catch some critter. That all changed in those moments.
She had felt the pony's neck snap through the chain. It was as if the sound traveled through the links and made their way to her mouth. She had nearly dropped the thing in her surprise.
"I can only imagine how many…creatures he strangled to death with that thing."
Now, it was Applejack who was imagining it. This was Apple Slice's weapon. "The One Bad Apple" was no farmer and he probably wasn't a regular in rodeos either. This thing had never seen any other use other than hurting and killing others. How many enemies of Equestria did Apple Slice kill with this thing? How many was she going to add to its count? 'Am I going to be "the Other Bad Apple" or something?' she thought. She thought back to her family in the farm. She tried to explain her duty to the Legion and her defense of a pony the rest of her family considered to be bad. She didn't know if any of her words stuck. It seemed that she was plunging into whatever fate Apple Slice met no matter how much she struggled.
Applejack looked up again and found Twilight staring at her so intensely that she flinched. 'What's that look for?' she asked silently. Was it scorn? Applejack wondered how much of her thoughts her face betrayed. Twilight probably saw right through her. Twilight killed several ponies with a single spell and was the one who insisted on joining Special Operations. Compared to that determination, Applejack's doubts must come off as weakness.
"The two of you, listen," Vanguard said.
Applejack shook her head and paid attention. Twilight had also done the same.
"I'll take the first watch. Get some sleep. The both of you will take the second watch afterwards."
"Um…shouldn't we divide the watches into three?" Twilight asked.
"My apologies. Did I sound like I was making polite suggestions?" Vanguard settled into a comfortable position while the two turned in for the night.
It was likely well past midnight when Vanguard woke Twilight and Applejack up for the next watch. Twilight wondered how he was able to walk so far in such heavy armor, then go on to take the first watch without any problem. He didn't even look like he was straining to stay up. His decision to divide the watches into two also baffled her. He could have gotten more sleep if he chose to let her and Applejack take separate watches.
"Hey Twilight," Applejack said. She yawned and took a seat just a foot away.
"Hey," Twilight replied.
Silence reigned after that brief exchange. Twilight Sparkle felt ashamed. That was how random strangers greeted each other, not good friends. Surely, she had something more to say to Applejack than that? "This is some mission, huh?" She cringed at the second attempt.
"Yeah…" Applejack replied. "Some mission."
Again, they were silent. Dawn was already creeping up on them and all they had to fill the time was the gentle crackling of the fire. Twilight looked to Vanguard. He had his back turned to them. How he could sleep in that suit of his without chafing or waking up stiff was beyond her. It was too hard to even tell if he was already asleep.
"Twilight."
Twilight turned her attention back to Applejack. "Yes?"
"How do you do it?"
"Do what?" Twilight looked at Applejack in confusion.
"You know…burning through those ponies just like that, then marching on like it was nothing. I don't know if I could be strong like that."
"What?" Twilight stared at Applejack, a hint of indignation creeping up on her for a moment. When it was clear that Applejack wasn't making fun of her, she lowered her voice. "It's not like that at all. I thought you were the one who snapped that pony's neck and marched on without any worries!"
Applejack's eyes widened. "Without any-? You mean, I-but you-!"
Silence again. This time, it wasn't the empty silence of them unable to voice anything out. Understanding filled the void, one that didn't require words.
"I thought I'd be stronger by now," Twilight said softly. She breathed a bit easier now. She tossed a twig into the fire. "Strong enough to do what has to be done without flinching so much."
"I don't think it has anything to do with being strong," Applejack replied. "If it does, I don't think I want to be that kind of strong."
"No matter the cost!"
Twilight let the orange-red glare fill her vision. The blaze reminded her of the burning carnage Pyre Valor left of the wolven camp during her first encounter with the wolven, of her first fireball, and the fight between the two of them on that rooftop. She couldn't stop thinking of Pyre Valor for some reason. Pyre Valor was "that kind of strong". It was a strength that she needed; especially now against Black Rose. She had listened to Rarity's story about Lion Court and it confirmed what she had feared even back in Bastion City. Ponies served Black Rose. To fight that false alicorn, she would have to fight these ponies. "It's not a matter of us wanting to or not," she said.
Applejack stretched out her forelegs and rested her head on them. "It just ain't right," she said. "How's hurting and killing other ponies supposed to be for the good of Equestria?"
Twilight's expression hardened. The relief she had been feeling just moments ago dissipated like droplets of water before this fire. She didn't like that response, even though she acknowledged that it was the sort she would have made some time ago. They were fighting for so much here. They needed this sort of strength. Applejack had achieved so much already: hearing the Queen's voice, receiving that strange shield, that magical chain, and being promoted to vice-captain. Hearing her talk like this was...infuriating, and the fury lessened the ache from her guilt. "Then why did you join up with Special Operations?" she asked. "What did you think we were going to be doing?"
Applejack looked like Twilight had lunged at her with a weapon. "W-well, it was…it was because…"
"It's not just because Vanguard asked you, is it?"
Applejack looked away. For Twilight, that was a guilty enough expression. "That's just one reason," Applejack murmured. She stared at some far away point and repeatedly glanced back to Twilight.
The words came so swiftly that Twilight almost didn't even notice that her lips were already moving.
"That's pathetic."
The hurt look on Applejack's face was swiftly followed by an angry, defensive glare. "Oh yeah?" she asked, her voice rising. "What's your reason?"
"To protect Equestria."
"Well, I want to protect Equestria too! That doesn't mean I-!"
"That should be the only reason."
The first rays of dawn began to emerge, but the two of them greeted it wordlessly. It was a sullen Applejack who went over to wake Vanguard. Twilight felt her chest tighten. She had gone too far and she didn't even know why. Where were these sudden bursts of anger towards Applejack coming from? She had to put that aside for now. With the new day's arrival, the hunt for Rainbow was back on.
Rainbow opened her eyes to the sight of a dying campfire. She stared at the blurry image for a while, unsure of whether she was dreaming or not. Then, she rolled over and tried to get in just a bit more sleep. When it entered her mind that she didn't remember setting any camp or going to sleep, she sat upright.
"Good morning!" Scarlet said. He sat opposite of her with a wide grin on his face. "Just in time for breakfast!" He tossed her a bundle of greens. "I hope you like randomly picked grass. If you're feeling adventurous, I also found a few mushrooms over there."
"Scarlet?" Rainbow asked. "What happened? Why was I asleep?" She looked around her. They were still in the woods they had crashed into.
Scarlet chuckled. "Don't remember, huh? It was pretty hilarious! You were standing there all heroically, saying that we should go. Then, you took your first step and plopped right on your snout!" Before Rainbow could make an annoyed reply, he fell into a somber mood. "Well, now that you're up and about. I'm off."
Rainbow blinked at the sudden change in Scarlet's tone. "Wait. What? What do you mean you're off? Where are you going?"
"Off to kill Hassyth, where else?" Scarlet replied. He took one more step before Rainbow was already standing in front of him.
"No!" Rainbow said. "I've talked to you about this the last time, didn't I? You don't have to do this!"
Scarlet didn't look fazed by Rainbow's outburst. "Maybe I don't have to, but I sure would like to before I die."
"Die?" The word left Rainbow perplexed. She took a step back. When Scarlet was about to take flight, she stood right in front of him again. "Why would you die?" she asked.
"The Captain's going to kill me," Scarlet said. "By now, I'm sure he knows about me trying to race you against his orders. Even if he doesn't, he's going to find out." He looked far away for a moment, as if seeing something that Rainbow couldn't see. "I hope he just cuts off my head or something. I'm not too keen on hanging. It takes so long and you have all these ponies staring…"
"The Captain?" Rainbow asked. "You mean Vanguard? There's no way Vanguard would kill you! You're his squad mate!"
"Oh, he will. He said so. When the Captain says he'll do something, he's going to do it. He's awesome that way." The admiration in Scarlet's tone faded as he went on. "But I don't like that I'm going to die while Hassyth's alive," he growled. "I'm going to kill that snake bastard first, then go back to let the Captain do his job!"
"That's stupid!" Rainbow insisted. "I won't let you!"
"Look, I stuck around because you were unconscious and in the middle of nowhere! You're fine now! Go…be the Element of Loyalty somewhere or something!"
Scarlet flew past Rainbow. Before he could disappear into a streak of red, she had already grabbed him by the tail with her mouth. Scarlet's hind leg lashed out, smashing into Rainbow's chin and sending her tumbling several feet backwards. He paused to check on her briefly before flying off. He managed a few feet more before she was already hovering in front of him.
"You're starting to piss me off, Rainbow!" Scarlet said. "What do you want?"
"I'm not letting you throw your life away," Rainbow replied. "We're going back!"
"Don't you get it? I'm already dead! I just want to take Hassyth out with me!" Scarlet shouted.
"No, you're not!" Rainbow shouted back. "I won't let Vanguard kill you! Or Prince Terrato! Or anypony else in the Legion! This race is my fault too! If they kill you, they'll have to kill me too!"
"Get out of my way, Rainbow." Scarlet's voice dropped to a low and dangerous tone.
"No." Rainbow's voice was just as steely.
"So you think, because you caught up to me, that you're hot stuff, huh?" Scarlet raised his forelegs in a fighting stance.
Rainbow tensed. She did catch up to him. She didn't feel like a winner, though. She didn't know how she won. Did she accomplish it by being faster than him or did being the bearer of the Element of Loyalty give her an advantage? Those moments were muddled with too much urgency and high emotion. Maybe she did win. Maybe she had already proven that she was faster than him. That didn't matter this moment.
"I'm going to hit you with a right hoof straight to the face," Scarlet said. "No tricks. Just an onward rush and a straight right hoof to the face."
Rainbow raised her forelegs. A straight right hoof to the face should be easy enough to block. She had only seen Scarlet fight with a crossbow and he could be crafty hoof-to-hoof fighter, but there was sincerity in his words.
"Are you ready?" Scarlet asked. A second passed and he started to move.
Rainbow wasn't exactly sure what happened between that second and the part where she was flying from a straight right hoof to the face. It appeared as if she had blinked and he had struck her. But did she blink or was that brief darkness already his hoof closing in on her face? She struck the muddy ground, rolling past grass and loose stones before slamming back-first into a tree.
"Sorry about that!" Scarlet called out. "You were being really stubborn!"
Rainbow was on her hooves at once. Her vision was blurry and spinning, but she had her wings flapping. She instinctively flew towards Scarlet's voice. She had guessed right. Again, she was hovering in front of Scarlet before he could fly anywhere. The look of utter surprise in his face nearly made it worth getting smashed by his hooves. Rainbow let herself smile a little. Some blood leaked from a nostril and left a metallic taste on her lips.
"Just let me go already!" Scarlet cried out.
"No."
Scarlet raised a hoof as if to strike again. "I'll knock your brains out!" he snarled. "I'll break your wings so you can't follow me!"
"No."
His forelegs shook and his teeth ground so hard that Rainbow could have sworn she heard them from where she was. Finally, he relaxed. "Why not?"
Rainbow's smile widened slightly. "I don't like losing," she said. "That includes friends."