So, this is what really happened in the night of the Battle of the Bands and if anyone tells you differently, they are lying!
(Although Wade being abducted by aliens who messed with his brain so that he now thinks he cheated could be true too! ;)
For a moment Wade looked at her rather hurt, but then quickly turned his gaze toward his bandaged thumb to avoid eye contact with her. "I didn't cheat on you!" he whispered almost inaudible.
"What?" Zoe asked perplexed, sure that she hadn't heard him correctly.
Wade forced himself to look her directly into the eyes now. "I said I didn't cheat on you, Zoe!" he repeated loud and clearly.
"Yes you did!" Zoe insisted unbelieving. All this didn't make any sense to her. If this was true and Wade didn't cheat on her, then why did they break up in the first place? Why didn't he say something sooner and what the hell was he talking about on the bench during Tom and Wanda's wedding?
"No, I didn't!" Wade denied. "I swear Zoe, I didn't cheat on you. I never could have done that."
"What the hell was going on then?" Zoe angrily demanded to know.
Wade guiltily turned away from her and nervously bit his lips. "I … I might have let you believe that I cheated on you," he finally admitted, closing his eyes to brace himself for her outburst.
But it never came, and so he dared to open his eyes again.
Zoe was sitting motionless on the sofa right next to him, gazing at something that only she could see, while silent tears were running down her cheeks.
"Zoe?" he asked softly, not sure if he should reach out to comfort her.
Slowly she turned around and looked at him for a moment before she got to her feet and quickly left his house, banging the door shut behind her.
Wade stared after her utterly perplexed. What had just happened? Why wasn't she angry and screaming at him, telling him that he was a complete idiot for doing something stupid like that?
At first he thought about running after her, but then decided he should give her some space instead to come to terms with what he just told her and then confront her again in the morning.
xxx
Zoe couldn't believe it. How could he do something like that to her? Why didn't he just tell her that he didn't want to be in a relationship with her anymore? Sure, she would have been sad then too, but it wasn't like she had thought their relationship would last forever anyway. She always knew it would end sooner rather than later. Wade simply wasn't the kind of guy to settle down with. So why would he go that far and hurt her so much?
When Wade had told her that he didn't cheat on her, Zoe had actually hoped for a moment that they could work things out again, but this was even worse. Thinking that he cheated had been horrible, though kind of expected. But finding out that he made everything up to hurt her on purpose just because he wanted to get rid of her, but was too much of a coward to tell her in person, was the cruellest thing anyone had ever done to her.
And to think that she actually had liked him. That she had been devastated after their break up and had cried for weeks. She even had felt a little guilty that she couldn't forgive him when he begged her to do just that on the bench in front of the church. How could she have been so blind? And why did he beg her in the first place? This all didn't make any sense at all.
And suddenly all the hurt and humiliation were replaced by wild rage.
xxx
Wade carefully put the unused dressing material and all the other medical stuff back into Zoe's kit. At least his thumb felt much better now after the treatment, so maybe he would finally be able to get some sleep tonight. Although he doubted it, there was simply too much on his mind at the moment and his feelings were in a complete turmoil too.
He had no idea what was going to happen between Zoe and him next, but Wade was glad that he finally told her the truth and was sure that things could only improve from now on. He would be able to be near her again without feeling so guilty and maybe he would also dare to start teasing her again. Wade grinned at the thought. He missed doing that and seeing her all flustered and ruffled because of it.
He began turning off the many lights in the room when he suddenly heard urgent footsteps approaching his house and shortly after someone banged loudly onto his front door.
"Open up you lame excuse of a human being!" Zoe screamed, hammering her fists onto the door once more.
Confused, but also slightly scared, Wade opened the door and found a furious Zoe in front of him, somehow looking much taller in her anger.
"Why?" she yelled at him. "Why would you be so cruel to me?"
"Whoa, calm down!" Wade said, holding his hands up to appease her.
"I hate you!" she screamed, shoving him with all her might away from her. Surprised Wade stumbled a bit, but didn't back away. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he gasped out, rubbing his chest where she had pushed him.
"How could you do that to me?" she yelled again.
Wade was at a loss. He had thought things would be better between them now. That she might give him another chance eventually, but her reaction was even worse than when he let her believe he cheated.
"Say something!" Zoe demanded and slapped the same spot she already had attacked before.
"I ..." What exactly did she want him to say? "I'm sorry?" he tried tentatively.
"You are sorry? SORRY?" She hit him again, but this time Wade was prepared for it and fended her off. "Stop that! Are you nuts?" But this only spurred her on and she started to pound her fists against his chest until Wade simply had enough and pressed her tightly against his him, her arms caught between their bodies so that she wasn't able to continue her abuse on him.
"Let me go!" Zoe whined, struggling against his tight embrace.
"Not until you tell me what the hell is wrong with you," Wade informed her.
"I hate you!" she repeated angrily, slightly muffled because of the closeness to his body.
"Yes, I got that, but why?"
"Because you abject coward rather let me think you cheated on me than simply tell me that you don't want to be with me any longer," Zoe accused him heatedly.
"What?" Wade exclaimed and pushed her away a bit to hold her at arm's length so that he was able to look her into the face now. "You actually believe that is what I was doing?"
Zoe blinked at him perplexed. "What else could you have been doing?"
"You are completely insane, you know that? I didn't want to break up with you, Zoe. I was trying not to lose you!" Wade told her, shaking his head at her in disbelief.
"By pretending that you cheated on me?" Zoe asked incredulously, sounding angry again.
"Yeah well, I admit that sounds odd in retrospect, but that night on the bench I was sure this would be the only way to handle the situation," Wade admitted bashfully. "Turned out I bet on the wrong horse anyway."
"But I still don't understand why you would do something like that. I mean we were so happy together." Zoe scrutinised him for a moment. "You were happy, weren't you?"
Wade took a deep breath. He had hoped he would be able to avoid this conversation and simply go back to where they had been before the night of the Battle of the Bands, pretending it never happened altogether.
"Wade?" Zoe asked uncertain.
"I guess you better sit down," he said, pointing at his sofa. "Because this is gonna take a while to explain."
"It's not that I was unhappy," Wade started after a moment of gathering his thoughts. "I just never felt like you were really there for me."
"What do you mean? I was there for you," Zoe said bewildered and quite offended too. "I gave you the sign for your bar, remember? To show you that I'm supporting you!"
Wade groaned in frustration. This was much harder to explain than he feared it would be. "I know that you gave me the sign to show me your support, but this wasn't really about me, all you cared about is that I would win the contest," he accused her.
"That's not true! I mean, of course I wanted you to win, but only because you wanted that too. I wanted you to be able to get that bar you dreamt of," Zoe protested.
"But this wasn't what I wanted. Sure, it would have been great to win, but all I really wanted was to have fun playing with my band in the contest, with my girlfriend by my side, sheering me on," Wade explained.
"But you said you wanted to win," Zoe insisted.
"Yes, but the difference is, I never really expected to win, but you gave me the impression that I had to, at any cost. Losing wasn't an option anymore." Wade sighed deeply before he continued. "And not only that, you also made it clear that you think my band sucks and your solution for that was to force George onto me. George, Zoe! You simply must have known that I've always felt inferior to him, especially ever since you came to BlueBell, thinking he is your perfect soul mate and that you should be with him."
Zoe tried to interrupt him there and explain herself to him, but Wade wouldn't let her. "And if that wasn't bad enough already, you next suggested that I should play with Lily Ann, whom you hate and don't want to see anywhere near me. So obviously in your opinion I must suck really badly when it comes to music, and to think that I actually thought I was good at it."
"I don't think you suck!" Zoe whispered rueful, feeling bad for making him believe that. "Just your band."
Wade only huffed at that and they both fell silent for a while.
"Anyway," Wade picked up his account again. "That's when knew it, I would never be good enough for you. I would always end up disappointing you and I was sick of it."
"So then you decided to get back at me by doing the only thing that you know would hurt me most," Zoe concluded, almost wishing that she had never asked him for an explanation.
"Uhm, no, that's when I dumped George and performed with Meatball again," Wade said. "I figured if I lose anyway, I should at least lose with a clear conscience. It was because of you that I pushed Meatball away and had to go with George instead, and I hated it. You obviously don't like him, Zoe, but Meatball is my friend, and we invented the songs together. But I chose you over him and I felt bad for that. And as I knew I would disappoint you anyway, I decided I could at least do it thoroughly."
"I see," Zoe nodded numbly. She kind of could understand it now that he explained it to her, but it also made her feel even worse that she was the reason for all of this. "But I still don't understand why you pretended to cheat on me."
Wade swallowed hard, now came the really tricky part of his story. "Tansy came to watch George's performance although she told him earlier that she didn't want to do it. But you, who promised to be there, didn't show up. Once again something else was more important to you than I was."
"What? No! I was there, Wade, I promise," Zoe cried out horrified. "Just a little late maybe."
"Too late, Zoe," Wade corrected her sadly. "I was angry at you, okay! And very disappointed and I had too much to drink too. And when George came over as well to give me one of his speeches that I could do better, be better, I kinda lost it. I wanted to hurt you as much as I was hurting, and the only thing I knew would get to you is when you think I might lose interest in you and would be with someone else. That's why I left the bar with Claudette."
Zoe didn't know how to respond to this. To say that she felt horrible was an understatement.
"I figured George would tell you what I did," Wade continued. "And I have to admit it gave me a grim satisfaction."
"So you did all of this just to hurt me?" Zoe ascertained.
"Not just to hurt you." Wade clarified. "I admit that was the trigger reason, but I was also hoping to get a reaction from you. I think a part of me wanted to find out what I really meant to you, if you'd be able to forgive me. But you didn't forgive me, you just let me go and even worse, you implied that it was a mistake and that we never had a chance to begin with because we are too different."
"What else did you expect? I thought you cheated on me," Zoe defended herself.
"Yeah, but I thought you were beyond the being too different crap by now, because let's face it, we were awesome together. At least I think we were and that you'd be able to forgive me like I forgave you over and over again since all this started between us."
"What do you mean?" Zoe asked perplexed.
"Oh I don't know, maybe like when you almost kissed George just after we agreed to be monogamous, or when you put your work in front of our relationship?" Wade spat at her.
Zoe opened her mouth to argue back, but then realised that he had a point there and shut it again. "I'm sorry about that," she said instead.
"I know you are, you are always sorry, Zoe, but then you do the next stupid thing and I forgive you again because I know you didn't mean to do it," Wade sighed unhappily.
They fell silent once more. Zoe because she didn't know what else to say anymore and was trying to process everything she had heard so far, and Wade because he was emotionally spent by now. It was so damn hard to talk about all those feelings and making himself so vulnerable in front of her. But he knew he had to do it if he wanted to have a chance of getting her back.
Wade glanced over at her, trying to discern her feelings and thoughts right now, but he really couldn't figure out what was going on inside of her. She was a closed book to him tonight.
"So George knew?" Zoe suddenly asked.
"Yeah, of course he knew. I did it right in front of him, and I'm sure Tansy saw it too," Wade said, not liking at all that the conversation had turned to George all of a sudden.
"He didn't say a thing to me, and neither did Tansy," Zoe said, recalling the moment when she finally turned up in the bar. "Why didn't they stop you?"
Wade shrugged. "It wasn't any of their business."
"Maybe so, but it was my business. I would have liked to know if my boyfriend intended to cheat on me," Zoe said angrily. After holding on to her perfect picture of George for almost two years now, it abruptly had changed completely in less than three days. And the most surprising thing was that she didn't even care.
Wade shrugged again, not sure what he was supposed to say to this as he knew that if Golden Boy had interfered that night, playing the knight in shining armor for Zoe, things might have become really ugly between them and Wade might have done something even more stupid, like punching George in the face and breaking his nose in the process. And he was sure Zoe wouldn't have been very impressed by that at all.
"But why didn't you tell me all of this on the bench?" Zoe asked, after another moment of each of them dwelling on their own thoughts. "Why would you risk losing me for sure by admitting that you cheated on me if you didn't really do it? Just because you wanted to find out if I would forgive you?"
"No, I was long beyond that testing you nonsense. By then I knew that you wouldn't believe me anymore. Not after finding out about the kiss."
"Kiss? What kiss?" Zoe asked perplexed.
Wade frowned at her. "The kiss Claudette gave me in the parking lot in front of Tricky Rick's? I swear I didn't kiss her back or anything, but I know for a fact that Carrie saw it, so I was sure that it would only be a matter of time until you hear about it too. But you obviously hadn't heard about it yet when you confronted me the next morning. That's why I was trying to reassure you before you'd find out, to let you know that you mean a lot to me. I was hoping that way you would believe me when I finally tell you the truth about everything that happened. But when I saw you in the church during the wedding, I not only knew that you must have found out about the kiss at last, but that you also wouldn't believe me if I tell you the truth now. So I rather let you think that I cheated and begged for your forgiveness instead. And to be honest, I was surprised that you even let me do that."
"This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Zoe flared up. "How do I know that everything you just told me is the truth and not the cheating stuff which frankly seems so much more likely."
Wade looked at her with a mixture of shock and anger. "I know it was stupid, okay? I already told you Zoe, I was drunk that night and in a dark place. But do you really think I would have done it right in front of George and Tansy if I really wanted to cheat on you? I'm not that stupid, Zoe, I knew what I was doing." He paused a moment before he added. "Well, sort of …"
Zoe had to admit that she did believe him. Or maybe she just wanted to believe him so badly that this version of what happened sounded like the truth. She just wasn't sure if she could forgive him just yet for letting her believe he cheated on her.
"Listen Zoe, I don't expect you to forgive me or anything, at least not right away," Wade said, startling her because he voiced her exact thoughts in that moment. "All I want is that you believe me. And I would do anything to get another chance from you."
Zoe only nodded in acknowledgement. She needed some time to digest everything he had told her tonight.
"And if it means anything to you, I haven't been with anyone since you broke up with me," Wade added, hoping to make her see how serious he was about this.
Zoe looked at him sceptically. "Oh please, do you honestly think I would believe that? I saw you with that girl the other night."
Wade looked at her confused. "What girl?"
"The girl you left the Rammer Jammer with on Friday after flirting with her the whole night."
"I didn't flirt or leave with anyone," Wade denied, trying to recall the events of the night to figure out what Zoe was talking about. But all he remembered was being angry at Zoe and George, and having a great time with Jeff and Ellen.
"Oh yeah, and why did you so suddenly disappear if not to make out with that girl?" Zoe argued her point.
Wade simply hold up his bandaged hand for her to see.
"Oh!" Zoe said, looking away bashfully. That surely would explain his sudden absence. However, she couldn't resist adding, "But I've seen you talking to the girl for hours."
Wade smirked. "Okay, I admit I did talk to a girl, but that was all that happened. And I'm pretty sure her husband, who was sitting right beside her and to whom I talked too by the way, would have objected if either of us had done more than that."
"Her husband?" Now she felt really stupid, she hadn't even bothered to check if the girl was accompanied by someone, but rather jumped to conclusions right away.
"Yep, a nice guy too by the way," Wade grinned before he became serious again. "I'm surprised you did even notice that, you seemed to be pretty occupied with your date."
"It wasn't a date, but merely a business dinner," Zoe corrected him instantly.
"Business dinner?" Wade gave a mirthless laugh, making clear that he didn't believe a word she was saying.
"Yes, George wanted to talk to me about my aunt's will," Zoe clarified.
"Did he now?" Wade asked sceptically. "How very nice of him."
"Yes he did," Zoe said not wanting to give him the satisfaction of being right about George's real intentions.
"Did Tansy know about that?" Wade asked suspicious and Zoe avoided his scrutinising gaze on her. "I thought so!"
"I didn't know okay, it wasn't my fault," Zoe defended herself.
"No, of course it wasn't. You only are the innocent victim in all of this mess," Wade said sarcastically.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Zoe flared up angrily.
"Oh please Zoe, you can stop the crap!"
"What are you talking about?"
"George Tucker of course, and your incessant obsession with him," Wade spat out.
"I'm not obsessed with George!" Zoe denied vehemently.
Wade raised one of his eyebrows at her. "So I just imagined you running after him all this time?"
"I did not run after him!" Zoe negated incensed.
"Yeah right, and next you also deny that you have all these feelings for him. Damn it, Zoe! I've been right in the middle of all of this. I even heard you tell him that you still have feelings for him, and that although you chose to be with me."
"Okay, maybe I did think I still have feelings for him even though I was with you," Zoe admitted. "But you make it sound like I cheated on you which I didn't!"
"No, that you didn't, but it doesn't make the things you did any less cruel," Wade pointed out.
Zoe refused to believe that she had been like this and was sure that Wade was only trying to make her feel guilty. "If that bothered you so much, then why have you never said anything?" he attacked him instead.
Wade sighed defeated, then decided to be honest with her. "Because I love you, damn it, and I was scared out of my mind that I could lose you to Golden Boy any minute if I do anything wrong, or put too much pressure on you. Of course it hurt like hell knowing that you still care for George so much although you chose to be with me, but it was better than the alternative of not being with you at all. Do you have any idea what it was like to always be afraid that you would realise your mistake one day and run off with George instead?"
"I wouldn't have done that, I cared about you," Zoe protested, quite shocked that he would think that.
"Did you really? Because even before we were official I did everything you asked of me. You wanted to be appreciated and I made those cookies for you that you like so much, but you never returned the favour. But you know what? I'd like to be appreciated too once in a while and not always be taken for granted."
"If I've been that horrible to you, then why did you even want to be with me in the first place?" Zoe shouted at him.
"Search me!" Wade shot back. "And believe me, I've asked myself the exact same question ever since."
Zoe looked at him like he had slapped her, then turned on her heal and run out on him. She had had enough of his accusations that she was responsible for all his misery.
xxx
Wade was devastated. He wasn't sure what he had expected would happen when he told her the truth about the cheating. He knew what he had hoped would happen though. He had clang to the hope that she would forgive him and would take him back if he ever had the chance to convince her that he hadn't cheated on her. Maybe that also was the reason why he hadn't tried to tell her before tonight, to keep clinging to this hope, because now he knew for a fact that it wasn't as simple as that.
x
Had she really been that awful to him? Had she taken him for granted without ever showing him how much he meant to her? Surely she must have done something to show him how much she had cared about him. Zoe racked her brain, going through different situations. But she couldn't come up with anything that she had done for him that would have made it clear to him how much she appreciated him too. He was right. She was that horrible person that only caused him misery and pain. He was so much better off without her.
Zoe had almost reached the Carriage House when she suddenly recalled something Wade had shouted at her earlier and which know made her stop dead in her tracks. He had said that he loves her. Not loved, she was sure it was love as in present tense, and she was also pretty sure that he didn't say that by mistake. How could she have missed it when he had said it? She had longed to hear that, but never dared to hope that he would ever actually say those words to her.
And so, for the third time this night, Zoe found herself knocking on Wade's door.
"You were right, I think I did take you for granted," she said when he opened it for her.
Wade didn't say anything, but simply stepped aside to let her in again.
"I'm really sorry, Wade, that I never showed you that I appreciate you too, but you have to believe me that I do," Zoe said, pleading for his understanding.
"Well, you did break my window and took care of me when I had the flu," Wade pointed out, smiling.
"Right, but I don't think that really counts as you did the same thing for me afterwards and I also had to look after all the other flu victims and couldn't be there for you the entire time," Zoe played it down.
"Zoe, this isn't a contest of who did more for the other one, and it was never my intention to make you feel guilty. All I wanted to do is make you understand why I did what I did, so that you can forgive me and I get my crazy doctor back," Wade explained. "And I'm sorry if I sounded too harsh."
"Still," Zoe began anew, not ready to let him gloss it over now that he finally told her what was bothering him the whole time. "I should have done more than …"
Wade crushed his lips onto hers to shut her up and pulled her into his arms. They had done more than enough talking for one night and all he wanted to do now is forget everything around him and relish in having her back.
This isn't over yet, there are still a few things left they have to talk about, but I decided to give you, me, and them a little break during a blissful moment ;)