Characters are not mine.
I am so so sorry for needing this long to write this.
University started for the very first time for me, so I have only little time left.
I PROMISE to keep on publishing once a week. Writing this story is set into my time table, so that should not be a problem.
Before Jane and Maura can go on vacation there is still a family dinner to be held.
Let's see what happens when Tommy is a little bit insensible and Jane is emotionally raw.
Maura looked stunning. She always did, but tonight she was extra beautiful in Jane's eyes. The only thing that she didn't like that night was the pain in the blonde's eyes. The pain that she had caused. They were sitting in Jane's car in front of Maura's house, preparing for the meeting with the whole family.
"Jane we can still go back to yours." "I'm good Maura. I did this for over a year and I survived." A flash went through Maura's eyes. "I'm sorry." The brunette didn't want to make it worse but here she was, hurting her best friend again.
"Listen Maura, we'll go in there, have a good time and then we say goodbye and go to sleep." The blonde nodded. "Jane?" "Yes." "Am I allowed to touch you?"
They should have really talked about this earlier.
"Just don't kiss me, ok?" Jane took Maura's hand in hers. "I'll probably do this a lot tonight." She whispered. "Gotta let my brothers know you are mine." Maura smiled. "You are still mine, aren't you?" Maura answered with a kiss.
They entered the house holding hands. Angela was surprised, but extremely happy to see someone touching her daughter's hands. If she remembered correctly no one had done that since Hoyt. When she looked at her girls more closely she noticed the pain in both of their eyes. She knew Maura hadn't told her everything, but she would leave the girls alone to figure things out for now.
They wanted to help, but Angela had already done everything, so the two women sat down on the couch, waiting for Jane's brothers.
Frankie and Tommy arrived together, slumping down on the couch next to them. "Good to see you two.", Frankie said. "Yeah." Jane replied "You want a beer Jane?", Tommy asked. "No thanks." It was clear that Jane wasn't comfortable talking to her family.
Both Tommy and Frankie looked at their sister in disbelief. Jane turning down a beer? That wasn't possible. Jane looked at Maura pleading. Tell me what to say. Of course the brothers noticed. Frankie saw the pain and was immediately worried. He looked down his sister and realized Maura was massaging her hands. Maura was massaging Jane's hands, her scars included. He wondered what was going on with his sister.
"Dinner's ready!", Angela called. They took their places, the room was filled with uncomfortable silence.
"So Maura-" Tommy broke the silence "-you still single?" Jane nearly choked. Maura thought shortly before replying. She couldn't lie after all. "There is someone I love deeply. And sadly for you I love them more than I love you." She earned a smirk from Frankie, who was proud at his second sister for using humour on his brother.
"What about you Jane?", asked Frankie. When Jane didn't answer, Tommy began teasing her. "Look at her. She will never find someone loving her this way."
Frankie, Maura and especially Angela had their mouths wide open in shock. It was clear that Jane wasn't well and yet he had said what he had said. Maura couldn't believe it. Especially with her knowledge of Jane being afraid of not being loved after what has happened.
Everyone was looking at Jane, who was crying silently. "Hey Jane, no need to cry. I was just teasing. But you can't blame me, can you? You really don't look your best." "Tommy!" Angela hissed across the table.
"You know what?" Jane stood up. "You are right." She was sobbing now. She had never cried in front of her brothers, not even as a child, but right now she didn't care. She was done caring. She was broken and everybody could already see it. A few tears wouldn't change anything.
"Nobody is ever going to love me. How could somebody? I don't even like myself, so why should somebody else?" Angela's heart broke together with Maura's.
"Listen Janie, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that I have a son, and a family would be good for you. You just don't seem to do anything to get that. It's like you're not even trying to find someone. You're my big sister and you act as if you wished you would be alone for the rest of your life." Tommy didn't know how to get out of this, but by the looks on his families' faces told him he didn't say the right thing.
"That might be because I want to be alone. I know I'm not lovable, why would I try to get hurt?" She left the table. She was sobbing loudly and went into the bathroom. Angela and Maura cried, too, Frankie and Tommy were shocked.
Maura got up to look after her friend when they heard glass breaking in the other room. Before she could enter the door swung open and Jane stormed away from her. Maura followed her into the guest room. Jane stood in the dark room, holding a piece of glass against the inside of her wrist.
"Jane put that down please." She tried to stay calm. She wasn't allowed to make a mistake right now. "Why?" Was the answer she got. She slowly walked up to Jane. "Because I love you." Jane's face turned into a grimace before she handed the glass to the doctor. "Thank you." Maura laid the glass on the bed and took Jane in her arms.
It took some time, but finally the taller woman hugged her back. They just stood there, entwined and crying, Maura stroking Jane's head and back.
From the other side of the door frame, three pairs of eyes were watching. "Dude, Jane doesn't need to search for someone to love her.", Frankie said. Tommy looked at him, not understanding. "Isn't it clear?" Frankie added. "She has already found that someone."
Angela looked at her girls. Even though they were crying they looked peaceful. She had never thought of Jane and Maura as more than friends, but having seen the two of them together today, she knew Maura would be the best Jane could ever have.
"What's going on with Jane?" Angela sighed. "Do you think she is ill?"
Frankie hugged his mother. "Give her some time to tell us herself. Guessing won't do us any favour right now." Angela and Tommy went back into the living room, but Frankie decided to stay.
"Jane?" He asked softly. Jane and Maura broke apart. "I'm sorry about Tommy." Jane swallowed. "I'm just not myself today." Her voice was even raspier due to the crying. "I don't think it's just tonight. I just wanted you to know that I'm always here for you. And you don't have to be strong all the time. You will always be my idol. You are very loved Jane." And with that he left.
Jane spend a few more minutes in Maura's arms before they both had pulled themselves back together and decided to join the other ones again.
"I'm sorry Jane." Tommy tried. The brunette just nodded.
Angela had served dessert, and Maura forced Jane as well as herself to eat some. "Maura and I are going to go on vacation tomorrow." "That's-" Angela tried to sound light hearted but she failed. "That's great. Where are you going?" "To one of my houses. We would like to be alone and undisturbed though." It was the first time Maura had spoken to anyone but Jane that night.
The way she looked at Tommy couldn't even be described as angry. If looks could kill Maura would have murdered him in the most painful way.
After most of the food had been eaten they decided to call it a night. Jane stayed seated and just nodded her goodbyes to everyone while Maura got up. Tommy was the first to say goodbye, giving his apology again and wishing them a nice vacation. Maura hit him as hard as she could. Tommy went to shout, but Angela stopped him. "You actually deserved that.", she said.
Frankie hugged Maura, making sure she would tell Jane he was there for her.
Angela pressed the blonde against herself. "Take care of my baby. And take care of yourself too." Then she pressed a kiss to the doctor's forehead. "I will."
They spend the rest of the evening packing and driving to Jane's.
Lying in bed Maura spoke for the first time after leaving her house. "Are you ok Jane?" She was worried. At first she had just been angry at Tommy, but when Jane had stood there with the glass against her wrist, she was mainly worried.
Jane didn't answer directly, pulling Maura against her. "I'm not. But you are here with me, so it's manageable." "Thank you for being honest."
And with that they went to sleep.