Characters are not mine.
I'm sorry for not updating last week. As you all know, this is a recovery story for me as well. I had a really hard time the last few weeks and last week it was too much. I hope you all understand and hopefully like this chapter and forgive me for making you wait.
We'll take a closer look at Jane's dream in this chapter, but I promise you that things are going to change between Jane and Maura soon.
They got up when the sun began to light up the bedroom.
Jane was grumpy as usual, but for once it seemed like a good sign to Maura. They were still feeling sick from the shock of two nights ago, and Jane behaving as usual was a good development. They dressed in comfortable clothes, which meant baggy pants and a simple hoodie for Jane, and jeans and a silk blouse for Maura.
They got their suitcases in the trunk of Jane's car and checked the apartment one more time before leaving. Angela had promised Maura to keep an eye on the house, and so both of them started relaxed into their vacation.
As relaxed as can be, regarding the situation.
Maura drove and Jane searched for music to listen to. Maura was surprised when very subtle notes started playing. Jane had chosen light hearted music. The blonde smiled when Jane let her head drop back and closed her eyes.
The drive wasn't very long, and also not quite short, but they finally arrived at the rather small house that was build next to a forest with no other houses in sight. Maura was thinking about letting the brunette sleep a little bit longer, as she looked so peaceful, but Jane woke up by herself.
"This is it?" She asked, rubbing her eyes. "What's so special about it?" Maura didn't understand the disbelief in her friend's voice. "It's small" Maura smiled. "I thought you would prefer that. Actually I find it more comfortable myself."
They brought everything inside and Maura showed the taller woman around. The house was nice, with only one big bedroom, two bathrooms and a kitchen that was connected to the living room.
After that she prepared sandwiches while Jane excused herself to the bathroom. When she was almost finished two strong arms wrapped around her.
Jane admired the woman in front of her. She wasn't wearing shoes and was therefore significantly smaller than Jane. Slowly she lowered her head to press a kiss against the beautiful neck. Maura had her hair up in a pony tail and Jane just couldn't ignore the possibilities. "You look cute like this." the brunette whispered.
The doctor finished the sandwiches before turning around in Jane's arm. Jane's hands were holding her hips and Maura had never felt so safe. She brought her hands up to cup the detective's cheeks. Ever so slowly she brought the brunette's face towards hers. When their lips met they were opened. The kiss was slow and wet, and it was so intimate that both women had tears in their eyes.
They didn't need to say anything. They could see everything they wanted to know in the other one's eyes. Both pairs reflected unconditional love.
They just looked at each other for a long time until Jane's stomach grumbled. "I made sandwiches." , said Maura, still not being really hungry. "Thanks Maur." Jane's voice was so soft that the blonde almost didn't recognize it.
They ate in comfortable silence.
"Do you want to relax today or do you want to start talking?", Maura asked while helping the brunette clean up. "I'd like to talk."
They were both nervous.
Maura suggested sitting down on the couch and they finally decided to sit facing each other, legs tangled. The smaller woman pulled a blanket over both of them. "Where shall we start?" "How about what happened that night?" Jane asked nervously. "I'd like that. Would you start?"
"I don't know how.", Jane admitted while looking down and biting her lip. Maura reached forward to take her friend's hand in her own. "How about that dream and what you felt about it?" Jane nodded. The blonde could see the thoughts racing in the Italian head and decided to wait for her friend to find the words to say.
"Well, -", she started. "As I said I wanted to surprise you. I bought roses and one of those expensive wines you like so much. I wore a red dress, I know you like me in red." Maura smiled at her. "How did you feel about surprising me?"
"I was nervous, but I thought you would like it." She swallowed. "I let myself in, you know, since I wanted to surprise you. The lights were all turned off, but I knew you were there because your car stood outside. So I went to search for you and I figured you would most likely be in your bedroom."
Finally she looked up at the blonde. "The door was open and I looked inside. There were two dresses lying on the floor and I asked myself why it were two dresses."
Maura interfered before Jane could go on. "Why did it bother you?" "Excuse me?" "I mean, what did bother you about the dresses? Did it bother you that one of them was another person's or did it bother you that it was a dress in particular?"
The brunette thought for a moment.
"I guess it was the dress itself. You know, I never wear dresses and in that dream I finally was and you were in bed with another woman wearing dresses." She shook her head. "That sounds ridiculous. "Oh no it doesn't.", Maura said quickly. "It actually makes sense that your dreams equal your thoughts and fears. This alone shows a lot about your fears. Please go on.", she said gently.
"I looked at the bed and you were lying on it naked. She was on top of you but I didn't really look at her in that moment. She asked you if you really wanted it and you nodded. I felt pain, like in my chest. Almost like grief. Then she bend down to suck on your nipples and you said 'oh god yes'. I just asked myself why I never did that to you before. Why I wasn't able to do it. She then went lower and asked you about me-" "What exactly did she say?" "What about this Jane? You just said that I wanted to be your friend only, that I didn't want sex. That you needed it though and that you needed it then. I was sad, because, well, I don't know how to say this." She looked at her friend helplessly.
"Just say it Jane, it's me. I won't judge you." "I was sad because well, because I want to have sex with you Maur. I really do but I don't know how. I don't know how without being too vulnerable, without losing myself. I just can't." Maura had grown more thoughtful. "And there I was, telling someone I was going to have sexual intercourse with that you just didn't want it." Jane nodded. "Well I guess I would have been sad and hurt deeply if I were you."
"Anyway, she smiled and then went down on you and you bucked your hips up. When you came, you... you made that noise you did when I kissed your neck. I wasn't angry, I was just sad that it I couldn't do it to you. The other woman then got up and walked towards me. The two of you couldn't see me." "Tell me about her, please." "She was as tall as you, at least I think so. She had brown hair that was shiny and straight and looked soft. She had a pretty round face with perfect proportions. She had bigger boobs than me, they were full and looked soft, too. I remember focusing on her nipples. They were rather small and perfectly round and pink. She had a nice butt and a slim waist. Her skin was perfect. There were no spots, no wrinkles and no scars." The last few words were whispered.
"I was pretty sad, not because you slept with her, but because you chose to do it when I had something planned for you." They both breathed in deeply. "That's it?, Maura asked. "That's it."
"Do you want me to tell you what I see in those aspects you mentioned and how I feel about them?" Jane nodded.
Maura interpreted the dream and tried to make sure she emphasized that Jane's fear were irrational.
"To summarize what we've found out, you are convinced that you are not enough for me so deeply, that you wouldn't be angry at me for having sexual intercourse with somebody else?" The brunette looked down. "I'm not good at talking about my feelings." New found insecurity had crept its way into her mind.
"This isn't talking about your feelings.", Maura said quite forcefully. "This is a simple yes or no question." Jane nodded. "Yes. What you said is true. How could I be enough for you?" The blonde sighed.
Looking at the clock on the wall behind them she realized that is was almost evening. "How about we take a walk before dinner?"