"So…. Where are we off to now?" Jocelyn said jovially.
"Oklahoma." Dean said in a grim voice.
"Oklahoma." She repeated, trying to keep the boys talking.
Jocelyn hated the silence that lengthened between the three of them, Dean and Sam in the front seat and Jocelyn in the back.
"Is everything okay?" her voice was cheerful.
"Yea." Sam answered this time and lapsed back into silence.
"How long do you think it'll be before we get there?"
"Couple hours."
'So much for a meaningful conversation.' She thought, rolling her eyes. Jocelyn wondered what was going through the minds as they watched the road disappearing beneath the car.
"Can you, at least, turn on the radio since neither of you are going to talk to me?"
"Sure." Sam leaned forward and pushed the tape into the cassette player with a click, the sounds of Keri Noble filled the car, normally Dean and Jocelyn would have fought about what kind of music they would listen into the car, Dean would have said Metallica and Jocelyn would have said Mindy Smith.
Now neither of them wanted to joke, or talk to her, they didn't want to look her in the eye.
Look at me
Look into my eyes
Tell me, do you see that I am always by your side?
Or has the world got you down on your knees?
Come to me
They arrived in Oklahoma late that night, Jocelyn felt stiff from sitting in the backseat so long, gingerly she stretched, lifting her long arms and standing on her tip toes, she sighed contently and smiled. Dean and Sam were staring at her strangely.
"What?"
"Nothing." They both said at the same time, then Dean piped up. "How are you feeling?"
"A little sore and stiff, otherwise fine." She shrugged and gestured for the booth at the front of the hotel. "Mind getting us a room?"
They looked startled. "Of course."
Dean went to the booth and began talking to the man inside, money was exchanged and a key was placed into Dean's palm.
"Sam?"
Sam didn't look at her as he spoke. "Yea?"
"You know what happened wasn't your fault."
"Yea." He sounded unconvinced.
"I just want to get back to normal."
"Me too."
Impulsively Jocelyn hugged Sam, wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling tight so that her left cheek touched his chest, Sam seemed surprised at first then laid a hand on her shoulder. A tear rolled from her cheek to her jaw as she held him.
"I'll keep you safe, Sammy." She said softly.
Jocelyn pulled away when Dean came close then hugged him as well.
"I'm fine." She said, smiling.
Dean smiled and nodded, then gestured for them to enter the hotel room.
Look at you
Look into your heart
Tell me is there room for you to make a brand new start?
Or has the world gotten to you and made you dark?
Come to me
Jocelyn entered the room and sighed, a strange fear crept into her chest, it felt heavy and was hot inside her body, gently she placed a hand on her chest and took a deep breath. She felt Dean's hands settle on her shoulders gingerly.
"It's going to be okay." She said, closing her eyes for a moment and counting to three.
Dean and Sam followed her into the room, carrying carious bags, Sam carried hers in at his insistence.
"I can't wait to start!" she said happily.
"You need rest." Dean said sternly and pointed to one of the beds.
"I can't sleep now! I need to do something, I need to…." She stopped.
"What?"
A strange queasiness came over her, she looked at Dean and Sam feeling the color leach out of her face, she placed a hand on her mouth and the other on her stomach before hunching over and running to the bathroom.
"Jocelyn?!" Dean yelled.
She made it just in time to feel the contents of her stomach leaving her body, she trembled with each heave until nothing was left in her stomach, her body shook and her heart pounded in her chest. Her throat was sore and her mouth tasted horrible.
"Dean…" she said weakly.
Dean ran in and knelt next to her. "What's the matter?"
"Sam ran in next, but stayed at the doorway."
Dean's hands were wrapped around her waist and he hefted her up. "Are you okay? Tell me what's wrong."
"Stop! I'm fine."
"You are not fine! You just threw up!" Sam exclaimed.
"Let go of me." She ordered. "Go get me some water."
Dean looked hesitant to leave. "Sam, go get water." He ordered.
"Dean, seriously."
"Shhhhh." He rubbed her back and held back her hair.
Her body was shaking, she was sure her face was red and splotchy, her emotions rose to the surface in waves, first she felt the irrational fear then panic and then sadness, a sob escaped her throat.
"It's okay." Dean rested her head on his chest, wrapping his arms around her.
"Sam! Where's that water?"
"Right here." Sam's face was solemn.
"Come here."
"Dean, I don't…"
"Come here!" he ordered.
Sam stepped into the bathroom, knelt on the floor and handed Dean the glass.
"Here you go."
Jocelyn resisted, but Dean was insistent, he placed the cup to her lips and forced them apart, tipping the cup upward a cold rush of liquid poured into her mouth, Jocelyn sputtered a moment then drank greedily. Dean stood and swept her up, holding her close to his chest.
"Everything's going to be okay." Dean whispered.
He laid her on the bed, took the glass and wrapped her in a blanket.
"I'm sorry." She said.
"No, sleep."
Her eyes closed. Dean turned around the face Sam.
"We need to talk."
"Yea."
Dean walked to the door and opened it, ushering Sam outside, once they were inside Dean spoke.
"We need to find this thing, until then I want us to take watches, I want to be sure she'll be safe."
"I c-can't." Sam said brokenly.
"What are you talking about? Of course you can."
"No." Sam whispered.
"You better snap out of this, Sammy. We need to protect Joce. She got hurt… hell both of you got hurt, I don't want to lose either of you. You got that?"
"I hurt her."
"No!" Dean smacked the side of Sam's head. "No, you didn't."
"Dean…"
"No. You take first watch."
Dean stormed back into the hotel, allowing Sam to decide what he would do, Sam followed his head hung low, his heart in his eyes. Dean could tell he was hurting but he had no idea how to fix it.
'Cuz when you cry, all your tears I will wipe away
and when you laugh, who you think got you that way?
And when you dream, when you wake up, is it me you want to see?
The nightmares came later that night, resurfacing the fear that Jocelyn felt, she could see him so clearly, could feel the pain so clearly through her nightmare.
"No!" she screamed.
Sam was jerked to awareness, for a moment he thought that she might have called out but when he looked at her he saw that she was sleeping.
"Must have been a dream."
Sam looked at her.
"No!" she screamed again and this time he knew it was real.
Sam raced to the side of the bed and yanked the covers down, Jocelyn squirmed in his arms as he struggled to wake her up.
"Joce! Wake up!"
She screamed and the sound went straight to his heart, he knew what she was dreaming about and knew that he had to wake her up soon.
"Hun, you need to wake up! It's just a nightmare."
Jocelyn could hear his voice calling out to her, distorted in the night mare, she could feel him so clearly she could have sworn he was really touching her, his voice was so clear.
"Stop!" she screamed.
Something was binding her to the bed, she could feel arms wrapped around her, stopping her moments all together. Jocelyn awoke with a scream, her body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, her heart was racing inside of her chest and her breathing came out in ragged pants.
"Sam!" she yelled and shot up into his chest. "Don't go! Don't leave me!"
"I'm not going anywhere." He said quietly. "Never."
"Don't leave me." She cried. "Please."
"Don't worry." He crooned.
"
Don't ignore me anymore, I'm sorry."
"No, you don't have to be, it's my fault."
Jocelyn sobbed into his shoulder. "I thought I had done something wrong."
"Never." He whispered.
"What's going on?" Dean asked from the room next door.
"Everything's fine, she had a nightmare."
Dean looked at Sam questioningly. "You okay, Joce?"
"Yea, thank god Sam was here."
Dean smiled and left the room, Sam looked at her. "You need to get some sleep."
"Sleep next to me?" she asked.
"I don't think…"
"I promise I won't take advantage of you." She joked.
"Oh, well, when you put it that way." He joked back.
"Please, don't leave me alone."
He looked uncertain for a moment. "Only until you fall asleep."
"Only until I fall asleep." She agreed then patted the space next to her.
Sam laid on the top cover next to her and wrapped an uncertain arm around you, underneath his hand she felt warm and soft, Sam blocked out the thought and concentrated on lulling her to sleep. Soon he found himself falling asleep as well.
"Good night, Sam."
Sam was fast asleep.