Characters are not mine.
Usually, I don't waste my time on haters, but this has to be said: If you don't like my story, maybe you should just stop reading it instead of telling me to stop writing. I really don't care about rude comments.
To everyone else: I hope you are ok out there! Remember that I'm always here for you!
(btw There are exactly 111 of you out There and I can't believe that this story touches so many people. Thanks to all of you!)
You'll see, this whole attraction thing is going to be dealt with sooner than any of you can imagine,but Jane will also have some bad moments again.
So lets see how it is going to work out:
Maura looked at Jane in the strangest way. Her eyes were wide open and she breathed through her mouth. The brunette tried to read the other woman, but she failed. Was it fear she saw in Maura's eyes? Clearly thoughts were racing and spinning in the brilliant mind.
"I'm attracted to her." Jane said again, while stepping up closer to the smaller women. "It made me realize something" she whispered while tugging blonde hair behind its owner's ear. They were impossibly close now, bodies touching and lips only one move apart. The doctor couldn't suppress a sigh of anticipation and Jane almost forgot she had to speak, the hot air arriving on her lips being too distracting.
"I know we already said we were going to get married one day." She breathed in deeply, intoxicated by Maura's scent. "But today I realized, that I want to spend every second of my life with you."
"Oh Jane." the blonde replied mostly to herself while tears of happiness built up in her eyes.
And finally they kissed. It was messy and wet and needy, taking them to a world far away.
Far away from Jane's mental state, far away from Dr Breen and even further away from Angela Rizzoli standing in front of the house, trying to find her spare key.
Later Maura would say it was her mind telling her they shouldn't be kissing like that in front of the windows with their relationship status unclear to everyone including themselves, while Jane argued her "mother radar" was finally working for once. Either way, they parted right before Angela turned around the key.
Overloaded with bags she stumbled inside, hurrying towards the kitchen once she had spotted her daughters. Almost spilling the bags' contents she placed them on the floor. "Maura darling." she said happily while embracing the blonde in a tight hug. "Good to have you back."
For a few seconds Jane smiled at the relationship that had developed between the two women. Maura was part of the family, her family, and one day everyone would know.
"That's so you, Ma!" she shouted once she had control over her face, trying to sound angry or at least a little bit sad. "I knew she was your favourite!" Angela let go of the smiling blonde and turned towards her daughter. "You know I don't have a favourite!" She wrapped her arms around the tall brunette, who was rolling her eyes. "Good to have you back, too."
The older woman took a step back and said she had to get something from the guest house, when she saw a look she couldn't quite place pass between Jane and Maura. Yet she felt like her girls needed some more time alone. Once the blonde heard the door shut, she approached Jane and took her hands. "Do you really feel like your mother prefers me?" she asked quietly.
She knew the brunette wanted to sound sarcastic, to push Angela's buttons, but she sensed some kind of truth behind her words. Just like she expected, Jane turned her head away without saying a word. "Jane, your mother loves you." Maura pressed the brunette's hands to emphasize her point. "Yeah" Jane answered. "But I'm not the daughter she always wanted. You are."
She turned towards the smaller woman, and Maura saw her own feelings reflected in the brunette's eyes – uncertainty, failure, and the feeling of not being good enough. From her early childhood on, these were the feelings accompanying her every day. Yet, she wasn't sure what she could or should say to make Jane feel better, so she said nothing, waiting for the other woman to break the silence.
"I mean" the brunette finally began "She wanted me to be girly, but I always played with the boys and got into fights instead of playing with dolls. I hated to wear dresses and I never cared about my hair. While all the other girls started to use make up and went out on dates, I played basketball and swore too much to be attractive to boys. I never brought friends home, because nobody wanted to be friends with a sweaty, uncool something. She wanted me to be smart, but I barely passed from year to year. Then I became a cop and took Frankie with me." She swallowed and looked down.
"And you, you love to wear dresses and skirts and your looks are really important to you. You are elegant, brilliant and beautiful. You are a doctor and you are just so perfect. You're everything she wanted me to be." Maura closed the remaining distance between them, took the brunette's had between her hands and pressed a firm but gentle kiss onto trembling lips. "I don't think she expected you to become a doctor."
Before they could continue talking, they heard the door being opened again. "We are not done talking about this." the blonde whispered before returning to where she was standing before.
Even though Angela sensed the change in mood, she decided to ignore it for now. She just hoped everything was the way it should be.
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It was clear to Maura that Jane's mood was near the bottom line when the brunette sliced tomatoes a little bit too thoughtfully, turning the knife from side to side between strokes. Being worried she asked Jane to take over the salad dressing, but Angela insisted on her cooking plan, even though she noticed something was wrong. At some point Jane stopped, put the knife down and left, stating she needed a few minutes.
The other women continued in uncomfortable silence, until Angela asked about what was going on. "I'm going to look after her." Maura said, carefully folding the cloth she was holding and leaving the kitchen, happy she got out of answering one more time.
She found Jane sitting on the floor of the guest bedroom, leaning against a wall, holding her hand shut around something. The blonde didn't have to see it to know that it was a razor blade. She closed the door behind her and sat down next to the brunette. Slowly she laid one arm around her, pulling her closer and placing a gentle kiss on her head.
After some time Maura closed her other hand around the one holding the blade. "Are you able to give it to me?" she whispered. The brunette just shook her head no. "Okay." She kissed her again.
"I don't want to do it. I really don't" Jane said as quietly as Maura before.
"Then why are you clinging to the blade?" the blonde asked carefully.
"Because" the detective began, still whispering "the thought of drawing stripes with a pen seems so pathetic." Maura pulled her friend closer without letting go of her hand. "Why?" Neither of them knew why they were whispering, all they felt was comfort and safety coming with it.
"Because I feel empty. I just feel empty." Jane didn't cry, and she spoke with an indifference that scared the ME.
"What happened? You seemed to be happy earlier today." The brunette shook her head again. "I don't know. It always goes like this. The happier I am one moment, the deeper I fall the next." For a few seconds Maura stayed silent, trying to find the right words to say.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you have to go through this."
Finally Jane looked at the blonde. There were no emotions to be seen. No pain, no anger, no love. "I'm glad I don't have to go alone."
And then she smiled. It didn't reach her eyes, but it was a smile nonetheless. "You don't" Maura smiled back.
"If I promise to hold your hand all evening, will you give me the blade?" She asked, careful to avoid forcing the brunette. Jane seemed to be torn. "Jane, your family is going to be here in about 2 hours. You are going to eat and talk with them and after they are gone, I am going to give the blade back to you. Can you do that?" Silence followed.
"Can we do that?" Maura tried again, slowly growing desperate. Of course she would have carried on slowly, but the thought of Angela possibly seeing them like that made her grow impatient.
"Right now you only see this one way out. But if you don't have the blade, this way out won't be there. You are not alone. I am here and I won't leave. We will get through this together. Only for a few hours. Then you are going to have that way out again. Just a few hours, Jane." Maura whispered directly into the detective's ear.
Without saying a word Jane opened her hand and let the smaller woman take the blade away. "Thank you."
Jane was the first to speak with a normal voice.
"I trust you."
AN: I plan on updating once a week on sundays.
Tell me how you liked this chapter, but please be nice. What I write about are fictional characters and events and I know I make mistakes from time to time, but I am REAL. And if you talk to me nicely I will listen to you, but if you insist on being rude and hurtful, I'll insist on deleting your "review" without really reading it.
I hope you are going to have a good week!
Take care xxx