Characters are not mine.

Sooo, this one is a little bit lighter again. I got a wonderful prompt idea from a very lovely person, I'll make use of it in chapter 29/30.

Jane and Maura get physically close in this one, and we get to know about their first times. (RATING M and just in case: TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL CONTENT
I hope you'll enjoy this chapter about their relationship.

The day passed rather uneventfully.

The lead Jane was following turned out to be useless and the autopsy didn't add new information either.
They only knew the guy was strangled, giving Jane too much time to think about what had happened earlier.
Especially the fact that she didn't hear what Maura had told Frankie freaked her out.
The blonde couldn't lie after all, and Jane wasn't sure she was ready to let her brother in.

Luckily Maura had been able to identify their victim in the early afternoon, so she was getting away from her desk for at least one or two hours.
They had to inform the family, in this case the mother.

The victim was a 28 year old football player, apparently jobless and still living at his mother's house.

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For the first time in her career Jane was happy that Frost was driving, it was only when she got up from her chair that she noticed the stinging on her thighs.
If she wasn't careful she'd start bleeding again.

To her surprise she didn't cut as deep as usual.
Talking to Maura about what was going on in her head seemed to have a positive effect on her.

They stopped on the way to grab something to eat. Not that Jane was hungry, but her partner was worried.
And he was right, she hadn't eaten since breakfast.

She had just gulped down the last bite of her sandwich when they stopped in front of the small house.

Informing the family had taken longer than expected.
The mother broke down and needed medical attention in the end.

Once the paramedics had left and the pills slowly set in, she told them that her son, Billy, went to college until she suffered a stroke and was left partly paralysed. She couldn't pay her treatment, so Billy gave her his money he had saved for his education.
After some time he started taking care of her, since they couldn't afford an 24 hour nurse.

The progress she had made was amazing. The only reminder of her fate was a tiny limp.
They stayed until it turned dark outside, reassuring and soothing the poor woman.

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They drove in silence, until Jane's phone showed 2 new messages, one had already come in one hour earlier.

Lab results are back and negative.
No new leads either.
You've been gone for a long time now, call me once you are back.
Love, Maura

A smile crept up her exhausted face.
"Maura?" Frost chuckled.
"Yeah, but I got another one." she said, implying she couldn't talk about it right then.

I am going to head home now.
You are welcome to stay here with me tonight.
Call me, please.
Love, Maura

"Hey Frost, could you drop me off at Maura's?"
She didn't wait for him to respond, dialling her girlfriends number instead.
Yet she noticed the smirk on her partner's face.

The blonde picked up her phone after the first ring.
"Jane?" Panic sounded through.
"Yeah, it's me." She heard a sigh of relief. "Listen, I'll be there in about 10 minutes, okay?"

Usually she would think of Maura's worry as cute, she would maybe even joke about it, but today she knew she needed to be sensitive, this time it was more serious than usual.

"Okay." Maura spoke quietly. "I love you, Jane."
The brunette smiled again, warmth spreading through her. How had she even deserved the doctor?
"I love you, too."

Frost shook his head in amusement.
"What?" she snapped at him, not really meaning it.
She knew it was because of her suddenly soft voice.
"I'm happy for you. Took you long enough."

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Maura stood by the window when Frost pulled up the driveway as if to make sure she didn't miss the detectives arriving.
As soon as Jane left the car she walked up to the door, opening it before the detective was even close.

The first thing catching Jane's eye were Maura's red and puffy ones.
The blonde let her in, closing the door when Jane was inside.
Once she had put off her boots and jacket, the brunette turned around, seeing Maura leaning against the wall, shaking silently from crying again, her hand placed over her mouth.

"Hey." Jane mumbled as she removed Maura's hand before taking the now sobbing woman into her arms.
No words were passed except for the occasional 'I love you', 'I'm here' and 'let it out'.

At some point the tears stopped falling and Jane pulled back only enough to look at the doctor's face.
"What can I do?"

Maura smiled sadly. She lifted both her hands, placed them on either side of Jane's face and began tracing every bone and curve, almost as if to make sure the Italian was real.
After being sure she had touched every inch of skin of the brunette's features, she moved a little lower, running her thumps over her throat, making Jane gulp.

A shiver went down the detective's spine when soft fingertips traced the lining of hair on her neck.
The blue shirt revealed only a fracture of delicious collar bones, so Maura started on the little dip between them and followed them outwards, pushing her fingertips past the fabric, earning a soft moan.

She removed her hands only to let them glide down the sides of Jane's rip cage to her hips, tuck at the shirt and making them disappear beneath.
She grabbed her hips, hard, and pulled the taller woman against her, careful to not put too much pressure on the freshly wounded skin of those amazing thighs.
Even in her state of emotional disturbance she couldn't help but admire the body in front of her.
If only Jane knew how breathtaking she was.

Slowly her mind reminded her of what she actually had wanted to do.
"How many times-" she began carefully "how many times have you chosen the blade over your gun?"
She looked down, leaning her forehead up against Jane's chin.

"When did the blade stop being a pain relief and started to be a less harmful version of your gun?"
She slipped her hands further up, coming to a rest at Jane's waist.
"How many times have I been so close to losing you without even knowing?"

Jane pressed the blonde against her.
"Maura" she breathed.
She felt incredibly guilty for having brought Maura into this situation.

"I don't want us to talk about it right now. We can do that tomorrow, after your therapy session."
Jane just nodded.
She still wasn't comfortable with the idea of therapy, but she knew she needed help.
Especially when her behaviour affected others this much.

She played with Maura's hair.
"Tell me what I am supposed to do then."

Maura placed a kiss to Jane's shoulder.
"Make me forget about today. Make me forget what has happened. Convince me that you are here. Convince me that you are mine. Show me I am yours."

Jane froze. Was Maura really asking her what she thought she was?
The look that passed between the two of them then made all her worries fade.
The blonde almost beamed with love and trust, the only thing keeping her from glowing the remains of tears.
It would be okay for Jane to pull up boundaries.

The kiss was like nothing they had experienced before.

It was clingy, not slow at all, but so gentle it seemed they were sure the other one could break any moment.
But it was not only the careful hunger of their lips that made that kiss special, it was the way their arms cradled each other, the way their hips clashed together, not being able to get close enough and yet being so aware and caring of each other.

Jane finally relaxed when the sensation of utter safety hit her.
She was safe in Maura's embrace.

All she felt was Maura.
Maura's arms holding her together, Maura's hands leaving burning traces along her jawline, Maura's lips devouring her own, breathing life into her.
She felt alive. This was what life was meant to be. This was all that mattered.

Everything else disappeared, they disappeared.
This was not just two bodies touching, this was two souls touching.
All that remained was that kiss, swirling their souls and entwining them, slowly letting them become one.
Becoming one, becoming them.

Overwhelmed, a tear escaped Jane's hold, followed by a single sob.
Immediately Maura pulled away, not really fearing Jane to break, knowing exactly what she was feeling.
She felt it, too.
Yet she wanted to make sure she was fine.

They were both surprised when the feeling didn't fade after breaking the kiss.
They looked at each other, their eyes a reflection of the universe that had just started to exist.
And they were lost in that universe, not knowing if they could even speak, not trusting their own voices.

The need to connect their lips again was painfully ripping through both of them.
Maura closed the distance, desperately grabbing dark hair as her opened mouth hit Jane's.

Jane didn't know how and when it had happened, but at some point both women felt the brunette's hand lying on Maura's sternum, right on her skin beneath the soft fabric of her blouse, feeling every rise and fall of her chest, noticing every quickened beat of her heart.

The touch was so intimate Maura was convinced the detective would pull away, but instead she felt a thumb leaving it's position on her chest and drawing a line on the upper part of her breast.
She didn't know how to respond other than copying Jane's actions.

Ever so slowly she let one hand slip under the blue shirt, travelling up her abs until she reached the fabric connecting the cups of a bra.
Sliding up a few inches she laid her hand flat between Jane's breasts, focussing solely onto the signs of life.

They broke the kiss, their touch being too intimate already.
Standing there, forehead to forehead, hands on the other one's chest, feeling each other live, they felt them live.

Eventually, Jane placed her free hand onto the one lying on her chest, lifted it gently and guided it out of her shirt.
Bringing it to her lips she kissed every of the blonde's digits.
"Take me to bed" she whispered.

Maura closed her hands around Jane's head, bringing her in for a searing kiss.
At some point she pulled back, reached out for the brunette's hand, turned around and pulled her with her.
For a moment she turned her head, finding Jane's gaze immediately.
She hoped Jane would understand what she tried so hard to tell with her eyes, knowing she would ruin the moment if she spoke it out loud.

We'll only go as far as you want.
Tell me to stop when you're not comfortable.
I am going to respect your feelings, your fears, your insecurities.
I won't love you any less.
I love you.

Jane nodded, a new wave of mixed emotions crashing within her.

Maura lead her into the unlit room, turning to face her once they were inside.
Jane let go of her hand, using it to brush a strand of golder hair out of Maura's face.
She then grinned, showing off her dimples in the pale light from outside the window, as she gently pushed the blonde against the door, closing it in the progress.

"You are beautiful" Maura said while tracing one dimple.
Usually Jane would have disagreed, but that night, she believed.
They were beautiful, what they were experiencing right there against that door was beautiful.

She let her hands wander over Maura's shoulders, down her arms and finally her hands, taking them in her own.
"So are you."
Maura's smile reflected hers as they shared a short kiss.

Biting her bottom lip, Maura lead Jane towards the bed, making her lay on top of the covers.
It was silently agreed that the lights would stay off.
The faint light of a street lamp was enough to see each other, almost comparing to moon light.

Jane wouldn't have felt comfortable being ultimately exposed, and even Maura had to admit that the unnatural light of her ceiling lamp would have disturbed their encounter, not that light was a factor she really cared about.
Neither of them knew how far this night would take them, but they were okay with that.
Experiencing what they did right then was more than they could have asked for.

Maura sat up on the lower end of the mattress, taking in the sight in front of her.
Jane, sprawled out on her bed, her dark curls all over the place.
This alone would have been enough to make her hormones go into overdrive, but there was that heavy yet regular rise and fall of her chest, the blue shirt ridden up enough to expose the soft skin of her abs – she looked ridiculously sexy.

Licking her lips she moved on top of the Italian, placing her legs on either side of the brunette.
She secured a fistful of hair behind her right ear before leaning down, reclaiming waiting lips.

Even though she tried to enjoy every second of Maura's touches, Jane couldn't help but feel fear rising up within her.
The blonde felt her tense up and immediately pulled back, observing how thoughts seemed to race behind closed eyes.

This was Maura, Jane knew it was Maura.
Still she was pulled back into memories of Hoyt pinning her down, Dominic cuffing her to the bed, laying down on top of her, and Casey overpowering her.

Before the panic could spread she felt soft fingers run over her face.
This was Maura.
This was them.

Maura would want to know how I feel.
She opened her eyes to find the blonde smiling lovingly at her.
She lifted her head to place a quick peck on rosy lips, her left hand finding a hipbone.

I'm okay.

Gently she lowered Maura to lay next to her, before pushing her onto her back, reversing their previous position.
I don't have to tell her what's wrong. I can show her what's right.

She slowly spread Maura's legs, filling the space between them with her own, ignoring the stinging on her thighs.
Being on top felt so much better.
She looked down at her girlfriend who had closed her eyes, ravelling in the feeling of Jane taking control.

The brunette began to set a trail of wet kisses down Maura's throat, over one collarbone and then back to take care the other.
She was interrupted by fabric covering her path.
While the blouse had been pulled down over the right shoulder, it was still in place on the other one.
Slowly she began to unbutton the soft piece of clothing.

Maura slipped her hands back into Jane's shirt, drawing circles eventually rising up further and further.
If Jane was uncomfortable, she didn't show it.
That was until the soft hands had reached the lining of her bra.
She took hold of Maura's wrists gently but firm, guiding them out again.

She covered up this action with taking the blouse off of the smaller woman, freeing one arm and then the second.
But Maura knew. She was too aware of the woman on top of her to not notice.
She decided to let it go unmentioned, not wanting to pressure Jane any more than she obviously did herself.

She grabbed the hem of Jane's shirt, proceeding to lift it up, but was stopped yet again.
The brunette leaned down to taste her lips once more before sitting up and removing the shirt herself.
Maura made a mental node to leave undressing to her girlfriend in the future, she clearly wasn't fine with her doing it.

The sight unravelling in front of her eyes made her snap out of her thoughts within milliseconds.
Jane wore a pale blue lace bra. Maura's pale blue lace bra.
It was only now that she remembered Jane picking a set of her underwear that morning.

She had been right, the Italian in her underwear was making her mouth run dry.
It wasn't just the thought of the garment being hers, furthermore it was the fact that it was way too big for Jane's smaller breasts and therefore hanging loosely around the perky flesh, revealing her nipples as she leaned down again.

She paused before their lips could connect again, suddenly staring off into the distance.
"Are you okay, Jane?"
No reaction.
Maura raised her right hand to cup the brunette's cheek, pulling her back to earth.
"We can stop."

Hearing those words escape the doctor's mouth didn't hurt as much as Jane had expected.
She had known she would overstep personal borders that night, but wasn't sure when or if she would reach breaking point.
She had tried to prepare herself for when those words would hit her with an underlying tone of sadness, anger and blaming, but now that it had happened, it were understanding, love and encouragement that accompanied Maura's statement.

Jane nodded while her cheeks blushed, which was thankfully covered by the absence of light.
She sat back on the bed, hands brushing through her own hair.
"I'm sorry" she whispered.

Maura followed her movements, sitting down in front of her girlfriend.
"Don't feel ashamed, Jane. I didn't expect you to go further. I didn't even expect you to go this far."
Jane sadly shook her head.
"Maybe it was me who expected more of myself."

"Jane" Maura breathed, trying to soothe the brunette, but being stopped by a finger closing her lips.
"No, I want to get this out."

The blonde was surprised, but that seemed to occur often lately.
Jane had never been one to speak about her feelings, but something had definitely changed.
She added a mental note to talk about this the next day.

"Maybe I wanted to sleep with you. Maybe I wanted to have you touch me. But there is that voice in my head telling me the same stuff it did when I was 19 and partly undressed by someone else for the first time. And tried to ignore it. I tried to be stronger, but I couldn't."
She reached for Maura's hand, breathing in deeply.
"Because next to that voice was another one, reminding me of Hoyt and Dominic and Casey. I know this is you, not them, but I can't help it. I'm so sorry, Maura."

Maura just laid back, motioning for Jane to join her.
She pulled the brunette into her side, making her head lay on her chest.

"You lost your virginity when you were nineteen?" She asked with a smile, hoping to take Jane's mind away from her current worries.

While they had talked about almost everything else during the time of their friendship, sex had never been a big part of their conversations.
The blonde felt like they were finally ready to take that step, getting to know each other's stories.

Jane chuckled in response.
Her plan seemed to work.

Jane knew this wasn't just curiosity, but she decided to go with it. Drowning in self pity was no way to end that day.

"No, I didn't."
Maura began playing with the dark curls.
"Oh, so he stopped back when you were 19 and partly undressed?"

Jane chuckled again. "No, we had sex that day."
She felt Maura's confusion when the hand twisting her hair stilled.
She enjoyed speechless Maura for a few more seconds before telling the story she new would surprise the blonde even more.
"I lost my virginity shortly after my eighteenth birthday."
She began drawing circles onto Maura's abs.
"At a party."
She breathed in.
"To a boy I didn't even know for two hours."

She could hear the doctor think.
Jane was not the person known to sleep around with strangers.

"But you said you haven't been undressed before you were nineteen."
Again she had to smile. If someone had told her back then that she would be smiling about her first time years later, she would have beaten the hell out of them.
She had been so ashamed for years.
"I wore a dress, a really short one. All he had to do was pull my panties aside."
Maura giggled, too. "I never expected that, Jane."

The brunette lifted her head and removed it from Maura's chest to lay on her side, being able to look at her girlfriends face that way.
"Now you know why I don't like parties and dresses" she joked.
"Tell me about it." For a moment Jane froze. She had never told someone about that night. But then she remembered that this was Maura.
She wouldn't judge her.

"Okay" she said. "There was this boy from my school, Patrick I think, who invited everyone to his 18th birthday party. I didn't want to go, but a friend of mine dragged me along. She made me wear that awfully short dress and heals I couldn't walk with. On top of that she left me standing somewhere alone once we had arrived. I felt so uncomfortable and had already made my mind up to leave, when this boy, Marc, came up to me. I didn't know him, but he was nice and so we ended up talking for over an hour. He told me he was nineteen, and I thought he was really cool."

Maura began playing with her hair again.

"At some point he leaned in closer and closer until he kissed me. That was the first kiss I ever had and I freaked out so much that I went into shock, I think. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, and he took advantage of that. He lead me into a hallway of the house and we made out for some time. I don't know if I really wanted it, but I was too caught up to say no."

She had looked up to the ceiling at some point, and now turned back to Maura, noticing her smile had faded.
"He took his time, making sure he wouldn't hurt me. Like I said, he pushed my dress a little higher and pulled my panties aside. I was surprised when it didn't hurt, you know, Ma has been telling me horror stories since I was a little girl."

They both smiled, Jane remembering her mother's tales, and Maura imagining them.

"You know, I've always imagined my first time would be with my husband on our wedding night, and there I was, eighteen and being fucked against a wall at a party. And I didn't even mind."
Maura raised her eyebrows. "You didn't mind? I thought you didn't want it."

Jane shook her head. "I wasn't ready, but five minutes into it I realized I liked it a lot. I mean I never had a problem with using my body to defend myself, but I didn't back then and I never regretted it. Maybe that's the reason I never wore dresses again, afterwards. I just really liked what had happened that night. I was brought up to see liking sex as something bad."

The blonde seemed to be lost in thoughts. Jane let her think until she had sorted her questions.
"Why have you never told someone though?"
The brunette snorted. "Like hey ma, I just fucked with a stranger and I loved it?"

Maura nodded in understanding. She wasn't raised catholic, but even she wouldn't have told her mother.
"You didn't like the sex you had afterwards?"
Again she shook her head. "I never liked being naked around others. Even with Casey I could never give into it when I was undressed."

They stayed silent for some time, each lost in her own thoughts.
"Now it's your turn" Jane said, smiling gently.
Maura laughed. "My first time was quite the opposite of yours."
"How's that?"

And then the blonde told her story.
"I had my first boyfriend when I was 22, we had sex when I was 23."
"Oh my" Jane interrupted her. "And I always thought you were one of those girls not being able to count her encounters any more by the end of your teens."
"Yeah, that came later" the blonde smirked.

"I went to an all girls school and had no social contacts there or outside of it. Anyway, I needed almost one year to agree to having sex. I was too afraid to get pregnant. I had researched any study about the percentage of protection failure."
Jane couldn't hold back a laugh, but didn't interrupt again. That was typically Maura.

"Even though I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, I was very tense and anxious, you know how I felt about people. Of course I had read about sex before, what chemicals are released and how it makes you feel. I expected to be blown away, instead I ended up crying because it hurt too much. It got better each time, until I learned to stop over thinking."

Jane snuggled up to her, laying her chin onto Maura's shoulder. "So basically you had the first time I thought I'd have."
The blonde laughed. "And you somehow had mine."
Jane joined her giggles.

"We're a pretty good match, aren't we?" She didn't wait for an answer before kissing Maura again.
"Thanks for distracting me by the way" she said.

"You're welcome" Maura answered before reclaiming the brunette's lips.

AN: yay we made it! I always thought their stories wouldn't be what you'd expect.
I'm sorry if I confused lay/lie, it happens all the time :/ Maybe someone could enlighten me?