Characters are not mine.

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONING OF SUICIDE and TALK ABOUT RELATIVES OF VICTIMS

Again, I am so very sorry for the delay. There was a lot of stuff going on, and this chapter still doesn't answer all the questions, but it's something for you to hopefully enjoy.
For me, writing about Maura and her thoughts is really hard, so I hope I did her justice.

On her way to the bridge, Maura replayed their conversation in her head.
She had to admit, her choice of words had been suboptimal to say the least.

When the bridge came to sight, she hoped she wasn't too late. Jane wasn't allowed to end it because of a misunderstanding.
Maura wouldn't be able to live if Jane was gone, especially when she thought it was her fault.
So many times she had told parents, siblings, friends that it wasn't their fault. After each autopsy of a suicide victim, she tried to explain that it was no one's fault, that it was a decision of one person, a decision to perform an act that most likely couldn't have been prevented, at least not on the day it happened.

She had always asked herself why people searched for reasons once it was too late. The majority of suicides was planned for weeks, months and sometimes even years. Yet most relatives were taken by surprise when a suicide had happened.
Sentences like 'he always seemed so happy', 'she would have never done this', 'I never suspected this' and 'I don't know why he would do this' were always mentioned at some point.
But Maura saw it. She saw the scars and bruises, wondering why no one else had before.

If a note had been left, she made sure to read it.
While she had always tried to move on and make the best out of bad situations, she wanted to understand why others didn't.
Sometimes there were no signs on the body, but the note revealed the internal suffering.

The relatives came down to the morgue at some point, wanting to see their loved ones, often talking to Maura about how they felt.
After reading the notes, they always blamed themselves. She never understood though, why they blamed themselves for the suicide, not for the pain that came before it, the pain that went unnoticed.

The worst cases were the ones without a note and physical signs of mental struggles. Uncertainty was always worse than knowing what had happened, in homicide and suicide cases.

But now, now she contemplated everything she thought she was convinced of.
For longer than twelve months, she hadn't seen how broken her best friend was. Her best friend.
Suddenly it didn't seem so unlikely, that suicides took relatives by surprise, that people could go on for years, harming themselves while nobody noticed.

And she knew. She knew, if Jane was going to jump off that bridge, she would blame herself for as long as she lived.

The bridge came closer.
It was an older one, built out of wood. For decades it was used by walkers, runners and cyclists, being too slim to allow cars to pass along.
It had been part of a lot of sad stories though.
Ever since the small river, that once ran underneath it, had dried out, the ground was spiked with big and unruly rocks. Many people had lost their lives when jumping off the bridge, even though it was barely high enough to cause serious injuries.

Maura suspected Jane choosing that bridge, if she was going to jump off of one. They had had many cases of suicides connected to it, and because it was close.
Not seeing Jane anywhere on it, Maura began praying to every god and higher power that might or might not have existed, that she wasn't too late. She even prayed to the universe, the stars and the moon, hoping that something was there, looking after Jane.

As she stepped on the humid tiles, she almost slipped but could stop herself from falling by grabbing onto the railing. Involuntary, she looked down onto the rocks. Her heartbeat sped up while she looked around for signs of Jane's body, without having given herself a prep talk on how to proceed or how to react on her findings. Forcing the tears to stop blurring her vision, and her chest to stop quivering, she searched as hard as she could, but Jane was nowhere to be seen.

Maura hurried to the other side, nearly slipping again in the progress. She scanned the other side a little bit less carefully, her feelings overpowering her concentration. Realizing Jane wasn't there, her knees gave in and she fell to the floor.
At first it was relief that took over, but after a few minutes of crying away the stress, a new rush of panic washed through her. If Jane isn't here...Where is she?

The panic didn't stay long. Once she accepted that she had no idea where the brunette could have gone, the cold set in.
She had been so convinced of finding Jane at that bridge, that she didn't think of what to do if she wasn't there.
She had used up all her energy on running, panicking and crying, that all that was left was numbness, and the cold creeping in from everywhere. It took her a few minutes to realize it was the cold air that made her shiver.

She remained sitting with her knees dragged to her chest for some more time, before getting up and slowly walking back to Jane's apartment upon noticing she didn't have her phone with her as well.
She couldn't decide on whom to call, checking every person she knew on her way through the cold streets.
She definitely couldn't call Angela. The older woman would be sick of worry and most likely make everything worse in the end. Korsak and Frost were no option either, Jane wouldn't want to work with them afterwards. If she is still alive.
She pushed that thought aside. She has to be alive.

Frankie seemed to be the best option. She finally stood in front of the apartment complex she had run away from not less than 2 hours earlier.
The door was closed.
For a moment she thought she'd have to use a public phone, having left both her phone and keys inside, but then she realized she didn't have any money with her either.

After full six minutes of panic, she remembered putting her spare key back into one of the pockets of her pants after unlocking Jane's door using it. Thanking herself for that action, and for choosing pants in the morning, she got the key out and went inside.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Frankie took off after the third ring. "Maura?" he said, obviously tired. But Maura didn't answer.
She didn't know what to say, and even if she did, she couldn't find the strength to speak.
"Maura, I was just about to go to sleep, what happened?"
Maura's breath came out shaking, before she spoke with desperation showing in her voice, "It's Jane. Please come to her apartment. I...I don't know what to do."

A few encouraging words and fifteen minutes later, he arrived. When Maura had told him there was no need to call an ambulance, he had immediately worried less about the state his sister was in.
Still he remained anxious. Having Maura calling him for help was a first.

His internal alarm was set off further upon noticing the door standing open a few inches.
Removing the piece of wood that kept it open, he closed it after walking inside. He turned on the lights and climbed the stairs up to an also opened door.

The apartment was brightly lit. As far as Frankie could see, every light was turned on, an almost grotesque contrast to the seemingly sleeping woman lying on Jane's couch. Slipping through the door, he immediately noticed her state of distress.
Maura's hair was messy and covering half her tear stained face, her right hand holding onto her cellphone tightly.

Gently he knocked on the door frame, not wanting to startle the blonde. He didn't succeed.
Maura sat up abruptly, a hopeful "Jane?" escaping her mouth. "Frankie", she exhaled clearly disappointed once she recognized him.
"Can I come in?" he asked calmly. As calmly as possible. He was a detective after all, by now he had understood that the opened doors and turned on lights were meant for his sister.
"Of course", she answered, shaking her head sadly.

Even though she knew it wasn't too late to hope for the best, she tried to prepare for the worst, and expecting Jane to show up when she knew it was Frankie who had been on his way to the apartment, was clearly not preparing for the worst.
She sat back down and soon Frankie followed her.
He didn't ask for Maura to explain, he knew she would speak up when she was ready. He didn't need to wait for long.

"I think she thought I was breaking up with her." Her voice was higher than usual. "She... she ran away and I didn't process what was going on quickly enough. I don't know where she ran to. I-" a sob forced it's way out, "I searched for her. I was sure I knew where she would go, but she wasn't there."
New tears were falling as she shook from sobs and breaths.
Frankie reached out for Maura's hand, but she pulled away before he was even close.

"What if she gave up?", she whispered, her head turned away from the Italian.
He thought for a moment, trying to order his words, before returning, "You don't like to guess, and your reasons to do so are good.".
She turned around to face him. "What I don't like, is Jane being outside, without her phone and gun, in her current mental state, because she misunderstood me and thought I was leaving her."

He reached out again and was met with no resistance this time. Her hand was cold in his, still shaking from both the freezing air and panic.
"What did you tell her?"
He knew she was having a point. Jane had always been one to overreact in form of running away instead of facing the problem at hand, at least when it came to emotional situations. But that was also why he was almost sure she was okay. She ran away to get out of situations, to be able to think – not to act.
Of course he couldn't be absolutely sure, but he also knew they weren't able to do anything at that point, so he decided to keep Maura talking until Jane either came back or was found.

She had just told him about the night she took the brunette to the emergency room, around 4 am, when her cellphone rang. Without looking at the name displayed, she took off.
"Isles." Her voice was shaking.
"Hello Maura." The warm voice of Angela appeared on the other end. "She didn't want me to tell you, but Jane is here. I don't know what happened, and I'm sure I don't want to know, but she looked horrible, so I thought I'd call to let you know."

Maura couldn't answer. Her fingers were wrapped around the phone, her knuckles turned white, as she shook from the relief that washed through her.
"I'm on my way" she finally got out before hanging up.
She placed her hands on her thighs, locking her phone in place, leaned on them, and breathed out heavily, dropping her head in the progress.
"She is at my guest house." She pressed her upper body off of her legs and stood up completely shortly after. "I'm going there. Now."

Frankie stopped her by grabbing her arm, holding her back. "You can't drive like this. I'm taking you."

AN: I hope you can forgive me for leaving it at that, but I'm not really sure how to go on. Do you want to go on with the confrontation between Jane and Maura, or would you prefer reading the conversation between Jane and Angela first? If you could either PM me or tell me in a review, that would be really great of you!

As always, tell me what you think, talk to me about anything, and be nice ;)
I hope you have a great or at least okay week,
Alex