Characters are not mine.

Okay, I guess I should apologize for not publishing this in time, and I really am sorry that I've kept you waiting.
Since I'm having a bad phase again, I think I should go from updating every sunday to updating whenever I've finished a chapter. Pressure isn't the best way to motivate me, and I am almost sure I'd update more frequently, if I wasn't so stressed out about the date I'll publish.

This chapter contains the usual TRIGGER WARNING for self harm and angst, but other than that this chapter is mostly filled with love.

Let's see how our girls deal with the situation:

They drove in silence, Frankie lost in thoughts about how to act once they arrived, and Maura contemplating how to fix what was obviously broken.
Both wanted to make sure Jane was okay, both wanted to hug her and never let her go again.

Even though he tried to stay calm and optimistic to reassure Maura, he was worried nonetheless. Of course, Maura was worried about different points, but after hearing what had happened merely a few days ago, he felt the overpowering need to protect his sister, to show her he was there for here. Yet he knew that Maura needed to speak to her first.

Pulling up the driveway of Maura's house, he decided on leaving Jane and Maura on their own, and on looking after his mother instead.

Maura felt some of the tension in the Italians body disappear, an action that left her more nervous than she had already been. He seemed to have a plan – she didn't. Could she just go and see Jane, or would Angela want to talk to her first? Would Jane even want to see her? Would she want to talk, to be touched, or just remain close? Would she be asked to leave before getting a chance to clear the misunderstanding?
She got out of the car with shaking legs supporting her just enough to walk without falling.

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"Jane? What are you-" Angela fell silent once she noticed her daughter wearing nothing but sweatpants and a t-shirt. Jane was obviously cold, her arms covered in goosebumps, shifting her weight from one leg to the other as if to generate body heat. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, pressing against her ribs. Her eyes were locked on the floor, her head bend forward to conceal the fact that she had been crying. But Angela noticed in a matter of seconds.
"Janie" she breathed. J
ane had never come to her mother to seek comfort, especially not at night. Even as a child she would rather stay awake after a nightmare than slip into her parents' bed to feel safe. Hoyt left her with severe nightmares, Angela knew, even though her daughter had never told her, that so many others did leave her sleepless for sure, too. Jane's behaviour hadn't changed at first, but after some time, she had finally found someone to feel vulnerable around – Maura. Angela had to admit that she was a little jealous, after all Jane seemed to trust her friend more than her own mother, but she was relieved that her daughter wasn't alone anymore.
Seeing her standing in front of her door, hugging herself and crying, Angela knew it was Maura. If Jane was not turning to Maura but her mother, the only reason would be that the problem was the blonde herself.

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They walked up to the door of the guest house, anxious over what was awaiting them on the other side of the thin piece of wood.
Frankie reassured Maura one more time by gently grabbing her upper arm, and then knocked. It took Angela only a few seconds to unlock the door and open it.
The older woman seemed genuinely surprised at the sight of her son next to Maura.

"Come in" Angela said with a stained and tired voice. Suddenly they remembered it was almost morning. Frankie and Angela were going to have to go to work in just a few hours. "Where is she?" Maura asked, looking around for a sign of the brunette.

Angela stopped her by walking in her way, crossing her arms.
"I need to know-" she started "I need to know if you meant to hurt her."
Maura stopped dead in her tracks. I could ask the same question. "Of course not. I would never hurt Jane intentionally." Would you?
Angela relaxed a little bit, but still the tension was apparent. "Why did you leave her?"

Something in the older woman's face changed. While it's features had been hard and displaying anger before, it was slowly softening. Maura wasn't sure how to read the expression that formed on the Italian's face, but when Angela reached out to touch her arm gently, she knew it was love.
Not the love Jane held for her, but the love of a mother. A love she had never really experienced before.
"Jane is my daughter. I'd do anything to protect her, so I have to ask." She lifted her hand to Maura's face, wiping a tear away. "But you are like my daughter, too. I want to hear both sides. I can't stand to see either of you being hurt."

Maura chose to ignore the irony of Angela's words; after all it had been her who got Jane to break down at work. "I didn't leave her. And I'm not planning on doing so. This is a huge misunderstanding."
Angela sighed, dropping her hands to her sides. "I hope so. I let her into the main house, go and fix whatever went broken."

The tiredness became more and more prominent, leaving the Italian woman without the strength to keep up the façade of anger. She had promised herself to be hard to Maura. No one was allowed to treat her daughter so badly that she turned to her mother in the middle of the night.
But soon she had settled on getting her message along without being unfair to the blonde doctor.
Now she felt like she had been too gentle with her, but she was simply too worn out to act differently.

When morning came she'd be able to re-evaluate how to act based on the outcome of the night.

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Maura entered the house carefully. Her own house, her home.
Yet it felt like she was walking in on a highly fragile situation, threatening to break into millions of pieces any second.

She was left confused as she noticed Jane standing in front of the fridge, picking out food to add to the pan that stood next to a pot containing boiling water.
She could tell the brunette had been crying, her eyes were swollen and red, but in contrast to her fears, she was seemingly fine.

Jane had noticed Maura.
She had noticed the first sound of her key opening the lock.
She had waited for that sound since the moment her mother had left her on her own in the giant house.

It had taken the blonde longer to arrive than she had expected, leaving her fidgeting and growing more nervous with every passing second.
There had been numerous possibilities on how to react. Crying, screaming, playing it off, ignoring what had happened, laughing it off, leaving...but now that Maura was there, Jane had no idea on what was going to do the least harm, so she kept herself occupied by continuing the cooking she had started to distract herself, and hoped for Maura to take the first step.

For a few minutes, the only sounds were the ones of boiling water, stirring vegetables, and the fridge being opened and closed a few times.
Then the sound of high heels clicking was added. Maura approached Jane slowly.
"You scared me", she said while stopping in a safe distance, not wanting to make the brunette run again. Jane tensed up, but returned to focussing mostly on the food. A deep breath followed.
"I...I searched for you." Her voice was breaking, causing Jane to stop in her movement, still turned away from the blonde.
"I thought you would jump." Sobs were ringing through the room. Jane tensed up once again, leaning onto the counter for support.

She couldn't let Maura cry without trying to make it better, but she wasn't sure if she was able to do so without ripping her own heart apart.
"I told you I wasn't suicidal." she finally pressed out.
Suddenly she felt Maura's body behind her own, heat passing between them without physical contact.
"I know. But what happened in my office made me question it."

Arms were reaching for the counter, coming to rest next to Jane's, forcing bodies to collide. Jane inhaled sharply. "I'm sorry." she whispered.
Her head dropped forward, an action she regretted the moment she felt Maura's warm breath on her neck. "I'm sorry for what I said."

"I'm sorry for the things I said, too." The blonde could feel the sob travelling through Jane's body before it escaped.
"Jane, turn around please." Maura begged. The woman in front of her just shook her head.
"Don't be sorry. This is too much for you, I get it. It's okay. It would be too much for me, for sure. Just give me some time to go back to friends again."
As much as Maura wanted to believe in the calmness that accompanied Jane's words, she couldn't ignore the pain that was in there as well.

"Did you harm yourself tonight?" she asked, not being sure if she really wanted to hear the answer. The way Jane's body shook against her was everything she needed to know and more. Her stomach dropped at the realization that she had been the one to trigger her friend.
"Turn around." she said again, this time more demanding. She had to fix as much as possible.
"Don't do this to me." The Italian sounded more vulnerable than ever and she hated it, but she couldn't keep up her façade anymore.

Maura reached out to lower the temperature of the pan. She then placed her hand on Jane's hip, causing the brunette to flinch.
How had it been possible for her to hurt Jane that much? Her words were not supposed to damage the tall woman. Nothing coming from her was supposed to hurt her friend.
"Turn around, please" she repeated again, this time encouraging the taller woman by guiding her gently with her hand. Finally the brunette turned around.

"Why do you hurt me like this?" she asked while looking at Maura, not bothering to build up a wall. It was too late to hide from the blonde anyway.
Maura sighed sadly, drawing small circles with her thumb on Jane's abs. "Because I didn't mean to hurt you. You need to see that."
Jane dropped her gaze. "I got it, Maura. You need a break. And that's okay. I want you to be okay, and if you need a break from our relationship, then that's what I want, too."

Maura grew frustrated. Why was she so bad with words when it came to talking about what was on her mind? She had never experienced any trouble when it came to speak in front of big audiences like conferences. And yet this situation rendered her speechless.
"You still don't understand. I should have chosen different words, words that aren't as misleading."

Jane grew louder. "No, Maura. I knew we started this way too early. It's okay. I just need some time to think."
Maura smiled gently, sensing she was finally able to get through to the detective. "Jane, I didn't mean I needed a break from our relationship when I said I needed time. I wanted to tell you that I took 4 weeks off of work. To have more time for you. I never wanted to leave you. I want to be with you." She spoke slowly and quietly, letting go of the counter to smudge the trails of tears on Jane's cheek.

At first the brunette didn't react at all. Maura wasn't even sure she was still breathing.
She didn't move, didn't breathe, didn't blink.
Then her brain caught up.
"Wait" she started, anger noticeable in her voice, "you were going to tell me, that you -Dr Maura Isles- took off a whole month to help me get through this? You want to deepen our relationship like that? You staying home to take care of me?"
The blonde nodded, slightly intimidated by the tone of Jane's words.

The detective's jaw clenched, and with a sudden movement she broke out of Maura's lose embrace.
Why is she that angry? Is she offended by me trying to help her like this?
She walked towards the dining table, leaning onto a chair, her back again facing the blonde.
Maura followed her, not knowing if it would be better to let Jane have more space, but wanting to show her she wasn't leaving.

"I'm so fucking stupid" Jane whispered, jumping when Maura's hand made contact with her shoulder.
When the hand stayed, all the tension left her body, causing her to drop her head forward and round her back, new tears making her way down her face. She hated herself for that reaction, but around Maura she had no other choice. She literally melted in her hands, emotional walls included.

"Don't beat yourself up over this" Maura pleaded as she stepped more to Jane's side, wanting to see her face. Her view was blocked by dark curls. "It wasn't your fault. I should have known you'd misunderstand me. I guess anybody would have."
Jane whimpered. "But I should have known. I should have let you talk. I'm such a fucking coward for running. I know I don't need to run from you and here I am."

The hand began to draw circles.
"Jane, I overreacted, too. It's okay. We are going to get over it."
Suddenly Jane's head turned towards Maura, eyes opened wide.
"I fucking cut myself because of this" she hardly got the words out, her voice shrieking from trying not to sob.
"We're going to get over it" the smaller woman repeated.

"I'm going to have to live with these scars for the rest of my life. You're going to have to live with them for as long as you'll be there with me. We're always going to be reminded of me hurting myself because of my stubbornness. This will always have an impact."
Maura guided Jane around once again, lifting her hand to caress the brunette's cheek.
"I am to blame just as much as you. If I had just told you I was going to stay home with you, instead of using the most common break up line, you wouldn't have run away."

Jane's face was pulled into a grimace. "You will never be the reason for my scars, at least not in my opinion. Don't say stuff like that. I fucked this up, not you."
A small smile appeared on the blonde's face."You didn't fuck this up. You are suffering from a mental condition. You cope by harming yourself. And that's not your fault, nor is it mine."

Thoughts were racing behind Jane's eyes.
You can't keep blaming my mind for everything. This IS my fault. My fault, my fault, my fault. How can you even look at me? I can barely live with myself and you tell me you love me. How can you love when you know what I did? How can you say these things when I've just put you through hell. I can see how much you've been crying. How can you-
"Jane" Maura pulled her back to reality.

"It's going to be morning soon. We've got 4 weeks to work this out ahead of us. Let's eat whatever you were cooking when I came here and then go to bed, okay?" Jane, agreeing that they wouldn't be able to get over what had happened that night, nodded and went towards the kitchen isle.
"It's nothing special. Just some spaghetti and vegetables I found around here."
Arms wrapped around her from behind. "I'm sure it's fine."

They ate the slightly overcooked food in silence and without really tasting it, both feeling the tiredness of the night's events taking over.
They fell into Maura's bed, Jane dressed in the pyjamas she had already been wearing, and Maura in a shirt and thick pyjama bottoms, still feeling cold from running around the streets earlier that night.
They left some space between them, but turned to their sides, looking at each other as the sun began to rise.

Maura reached out to tuck a strand of black curls behind Jane's ear in the dim light, suddenly overwhelmed by emotions once again. "I'm so thankful for you being here" she whispered as she left her hand lying on the side of the brunette's head.
A gentle smile appeared on Jane's face. "I'm so thankful for YOU being here" she replied, shifting closer to the blonde.

They smiled at each other, even though it was apparent that they were completely worn out.
Mentioning for her to rock closer, Maura took Jane into her arms, pulling her in as close as possible. Soon they found a position they could both sleep in – Jane lying on her side and resting her head on Maura's chest – and fell into a deep but dreamless slumber as the world outside started to wake up.

AN: I hope I satisfied all of you regarding the talk with Angela/Jane&Maura.
This chapter, as usual, isn't as good as I would have liked it to be, but I guess I'll never be completely fine with my writing, so I hope I did okay at least.
As always, leave your reviews, ideas and stories (you can always PM me of course), I love reading them.
I hope you are all doing well and having a nice week ahead of you.
xx