Author's Note: Chapter 5!

Emily

Everything in her line of vision was blurring together, like the answer to those annoying questions empirical shrinks are so fond of asking.

'Who do you think made you this way?' 'Who are you afraid of?' 'Why?'

There was only one answer, to each and every question, one she could never reveal.

' A'

She could distinctly remember herself sitting on that love seat, rendered mute by those to which she could provide no answer; the concerned, yet curious look in Dr. Sullivan's eyes. "I can help you," she'd always said, "but only if you let me."

"No," Emily'd thought, "you really can't. He/she/it... is unstoppable."

Shaking her head, Emily sighed, shutting her mind off from any further thoughts circling this particular melodrama. She pressed on, the rhythmic thunking of her sneakers acting as a temporary solace, any other zany thought quickly sequestered by the sound.

Running often times helped clear her head, and on this particular day it was no different. Her thoughts now, instead of what they had been prior - dreams of the haunted 'A' times - only concerned her puppy, Bailey, and how she was pulling quite aggressively on her leash in attempts to sniff the bypassing dog. The owner - a petite brunette with a gymnast build - shot Emily an apologetic shrug as her tugging efforts quickly surpassed those of the tiny Maltese and they carried on down the road. Bailey watched them go, her tail wagging, as Emily softly pulled on the leash again. "Come on now Bail, let's go." The dog obeyed, trotting after her owner as she picked up speed again. Her sprint that she started with was now reduced to a light jog, as she turned the corner towards her apartment building, one that, luckily, allowed pets.

The morning dew had gained a luminescence in the emerging afternoon sun, dripping delicately off the sharp blades of grass: a photographer's dream.

Emily continued up the block, soon reaching the building and going in through the underground parking.

"Travis? What are you doing here?" The man looked momentarily startled, running his hand awkwardly over his buzz cut. The two were standing face to face in the apartment's entryway, unsure how to proceeded. As the silence slowly elongated, Travis now picking at his overgrown stubble, Emily bent down to let Bailey loose. The labradoodle went immediately to the couch, curling up in the middle.

"I-" Travis began, although he was quickly interrupted. "Em! you're home!" Hanna strutted into the room, wrapping her arms around her friend after kissing her fiancé primly on the cheek. "Paisley's in the kitchen, probably making a mess by now, can you go keep an eye on her? I need to talk to Emily." Travis nodded, looking relieved to have escaped the conversation. Once the women broke apart, the redness in her friend's eyes, that Emily failed to notice before, was wet with the tears that had collected along her sclera. Her physicality too, changed suddenly. With her shoulder's slumped and crumpled expression, her entire body looked frail. "Han, what's wrong?" Emily guided her to the couch, nudging a lazed Bailey off as she did so and sat in the space once occupied. Hanna sat across from her, taking deep, successive breaths as Emily grabbed her hands, forgetting momentarily to ream her out for not calling in over a week. "You can tell me anything Han, you've always known that." Hanna nodded, swallowing, once, twice, three times, before speaking. "I had a miscarriage."

An audible gasp escaped her.

At that moment, the air seemed heavier, becoming suddenly a weapon of mass destruction, with Emily unable to take in a proper breath. It seemed as if it too, was grief stricken, ostensibly in mourning, hanging low around them.

"Hanna," she breathed after a beat, "I'm so, so, sorry."

Hanna found out she was pregnant in August of this year, her and Travis both elated. She hadn't wasted a minute, right away making announcements on a fancy computer program and presenting them to the girls - Aria, Spencer and Emily - at their annual dinner party.

Hanna fell into Emily's embrace, crying silent tears. Emily pushed her friend softly, holding her at arms length. The tears peppered her cheeks, like stars in the settled moonlight.

"Oh Han," it's okay, you can try again." This hadn't done anything to sooth the distraught blonde however, as she ignored the tears and wrung her hands in distress. "Maybe it wasn't meant to be," she murmured, her voice wet as another chocked sob grabbed ahold of her throat, cutting off speech.

"Don't say that Hanna," Emily whispered, wiping at the fallen tears with the pad of her thumb and stroking her hair. "That doesn't work," Hanna moped, referring to the presumably soothing gesture.

"Travis was doing it last night, trying to coax me into a sleep that wouldn't come. He stayed up all night with me, telling me things like 'we'll try again' and how lucky we are now to have a heathy, happy, daughter in our lives to begin with.'"

"You ARE lucky, Paisley's even luckier to have you two as parents."

"Yeah, I know but Em, Paisley's turning five in a few, short weeks. FIVE. I can't believe it."

Emily couldn't either, it's amazing how time flies. She didn't say that though, couldn't. Instead, she said: "She's not going anywhere any time soon."

"But I wanted so badly for her to have a sibling, before the age gap was just too large. This is the perfect time. You don't understand Em. When Travis and I found out, she was with us. You wanna know what she said? She said, she couldn't wait to be a big sister. She said she would help change the baby's diapers, and play dollies with her. She couldn't wait to do all those things. "Mommy, I'm gonna be just like you and care for her and love her every minute of every day, like you do to me," she told me one night, snuggled deep within the covers. We even had her name picked out, Emily. Abigail. Abigail Meghan. Abby for short."

Emily didn't know what to say, just rubbed her back in soothing circles. "I'm so very sorry."

She knew though, upon saying it, that the words were not enough, would never be. There's an empty void in Hanna's heart now, one that may never be filled. And Emily couldn't help but think, although maybe it was
just an old reflex, that A had something to do with it.

That thought left just as quickly as it appeared, what with Hanna stifling another loud sob next to her.

Author's Note: Uh Oh! Is 'A" back? Did they have something to do with this? Or is Emily just being irrational?