Clipped
"I like my girls in spandex," Xander remarked as Buffy and Willow cooed over a poofy princess dress.
"As if!" Buffy shot back while shaking the dress. "And I don't see you picking something that revealing."
"Can't afford it," Xander admitted. "Or I would wear something manly and uncovering."
"Really?" Buffy asked doubtfully making Willow wince.
"I've got two dollars to my name at the moment," Xander said a bit bitterly. "Not all of us have parents who see holidays as a reason to celebrate or spend money on their kids."
"Two dollars," the shop's proprietor said, startling the teens. "She picks out something revealing and manly, and I'll let it go for a flat two. You up for it?"
"Sure," Xander agreed, "as long as it's manly by a man's definition and not some poofy shirt girly crap that they claim is manly."
"Errol Flynn was manly and he wore poofy shirts," buffy said, making Willow groan. "What?"
"He was a Nazi Spy or at least a sympathizer," Xander said with a scowl.
"And he was a poofter," the shopkeeper added. "Ethan Rayne," he introduced himself receiving the teens names in turn.
"What's a poofter?" Buffy asked.
"Gay," Xander replied.
"Well... that doesn't mean he wasn't manly," Buffy said firmly.
Ethan and Xander exchanged looks and shrugged.
"He had balls," Xander admitted. "But he was also evil scum who I don't want to dress like, regardless of orientation."
"How about He-Man?" Buffy asked.
"Ahh, the traditional fur loincloth leather harness and sword look," Xander said. "I always joked it was the gay barbarian in bondage look, but it is manly, says so right in the name."
"Sadly I lack that and Conan, upon which it was based," Ethan admitted. "The closest I have is Hawkman."
"Bondage harness with tight pants," Xander said. "That isn't a bad idea."
Buffy saw the far off look in Willow's eyes and grinned. "Feel up to it, Xan?"
"If it fits, I'll wear it," Xander promised.
"I'll go get it," Ethan said vanishing into the back only to appear a minute later with a large and bulky package.
"That looks like a lot more than a harness and pants," Buffy said, seeing the size of the bag.
"He's called Hawkman because of the wings," Xander told her, passing Ethan two dollars. "They are attached to the harness. Thanks, man," he said sincerely.
"Don't sweat it, my parents were skinflints too," Ethan waved it off.
"Do you have a Hawkwoman outfit?" Buffy asked, getting an idea.
"I should," Ethan agreed. "But I thought you were going as a princess?"
"I doubt even my mom would spring for a two hundred dollar costume," Buffy admitted. "However I was thinking Willow could dress as Hawkwoman."
"It's only forty to rent for the night," Ethan pointed out, "Fifty with insurance. Let me get the Hawkgirl outfit for your friend to look at while you decide."
"I was planning on going as a ghost," Willow said absently, obviously interested.
"Hawkgirl is a good costume without being too revealing," Xander encouraged her. "Come on, be my wife for one night?"
"Ok," Willow agreed instantly. "I'll take it," she told Ethan when he returned before he could open the garment bag.
"And I'll rent the princess outfit with insurance," Buffy added.
"Excellent," Ethan said. "Let me ring everything up."
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"Why does your outfit come with a red and blonde wig?" Buffy asked.
"There are two different versions of the character," Willow explained. "Ones a reincarnated princess and the other is an alien."
"Dibs on the red wig!" Dawn said.
"It's not one I'll need," Willow admitted, handing it to Dawn who put it on under her cowboy hat. "You look good as a redhead."
"Thanks," Dawn said.
"So you decided on Cowboy over ninja?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah, but I'm keeping the throwing stars," Dawn said adjusting a bandolier of stars. "You can never have too many weapons."
"True," Buffy agreed, making Willow giggle as she put on the blonde wig.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
Joyce opened the door and paused, her eyes running up and down the barely dressed figure in front of her. "Did someone order me a stripper?"
"Evening Mrs. Robinso-I mean Summers," Xander said blushing beneath his mask, and visibly down across his chest as all he wore was a leather harness across it with a black and yellow hawk's head symbol in the center.
"Xander? You're a Stripper?!" she exclaimed in shock.
"It's my costume, I'm a superhero," Xander stuttered out, Joyce's sudden pout making his black leather pants feel a size smaller.
"Come in," Joyce said, blushing heavily as she turned away. "I'm going to go get some coffee. Girls! Xander's here!" she called out before retreating into the kitchen.
"Be right down!" Buffy yelled back, over Dawn's excited squeal.
Xander adjusted himself, happy to find that leather pants did a good job of concealing his, ahem, condition. "Suddenly stripper seems like a great part time job," Xander muttered softly.
"Xander!" Buffy called out pausing at the head of the stairs. She gave a quick once over and wondered if there was a way to get Angel to dress like that.
"Xander!" Dawn yelled, face a bright red after she spotted him and only a quick grab by Buffy prevented her from falling. Willow was just a step behind and Buffy had to work to keep Dawn and Willow from tripping as they zoned out going down the stairs.
"You girls look magnificent!" Xander said cheerfully. "Wills, you make a good Shiera and I see you are going for the traditional blonde alien version."
"The latest version where she's a redhead loses their back story," Willow said. "They aren't even married anymore."
"And Dawn you are... You dressed as my old west partner?" Xander said in surprise.
"What?" Buffy asked.
Willow took a good look at Dawn in her red-haired cowgirl outfit wearing a bandolier of shurikens. "She does look like Cinnamon, doesn't she?"
"Who?" Buffy asked.
"Hawkman comes in two flavors," Xander said.
"Alien and eternal warrior," Willow provided, wondering why Buffy was suddenly looking red faced.
"Hawkman the eternal warrior," Xander said taking a dagger off his belt and holding it up. "Was killed with a magical dagger that causes him, and his wife, to be reincarnated over and over."
"One of which was Hannibal Hawkes and Katherine Manser AKA Nighthawk and Cinnamon," Xander explained.
Dawn took the dagger and clipped it to her belt. "Come on Nighthawk, there is work to be done," Dawn said in a fake western accent.
"Let me use the little Hawk's room first," Xander said. "Be back in a minute."
Willow clipped a ray gun onto his belt. "Back up weapon," she said cheerfully.
Once Xander had left Dawn turned to Buffy. "Thanks for not letting me fall."
"Ditto," Willow added.
"Just try not to walk into anything," Buffy teased. "I know leather pants can be a bit distracting."
"So, wife?" Dawn asked.
Willow knew of Dawn's crush and she could sympathize having crushed hard on Xander since she was Dawn's age, so she never gave her a hard time about it. "Yep, but just the one life while Cinnamon was his partner and girlfriend who had been married to him in a lot of lives."
"Really?" Dawn asked hopefully.
"They started off as king and queen of Egypt," Willow assured her.
Dawn smiled happily while Buffy rolled her eyes.
"Are you dressed as his medieval wife?" Dawn asked Buffy.
"What?" Buffy asked before realizing what she meant. "No, I'm your average ordinary medieval lady of the seventeenth century."
"No weapons or powers?" Dawn asked.
"Completely normal," Buffy assured her proudly.
"So you're planning to die of the plague or while giving birth too young?" Dawn guessed.
"What?" Buffy asked confused.
"Medical treatment was pretty cruddy back then," Willow supplied. "Most of the women died in childbirth while really young or from sickness."
"They didn't wait to get married until they were eighteen or twenty?" Buffy asked.
"Eighteen would almost be considered an old maid back then," Willow said. "Twelve was considered the age of adulthood by many cultures, it's why Jewish girls have a bat mitzvah at twelve. Boys don't get their bar mitzvah until they're thirteen, which I think is unfair."
"Twelve?!" Buffy exclaimed.
"The age varied by sex and culture, but by fifteen most were considered adults and were usually married and having children. Calendars weren't standardized and there wasn't a government keeping records of birth and deaths the way we do now. They were still working all of that out and the church was easily bribable, so, the records they did have weren't exactly ironclad proof of anything. We've come a long way since then," Willow said.
Xander returned as Willow finished up her speech. "Plus they lacked indoor toilets and Twinkies. Everyone ready?"
"Yes!" Dawn cheered grabbing one of his hands. "Let's go!"
Typing by: Stephenopolos