RMN - Hen Party

"No, seriously, could we buy this place that cheap?" Nabiki asked intently.

"How the hell did you hear that in your sleep?" Yamato demanded.

"That's not important right now," the newly minted genin waved it off. "What's important is answering the question so I can buy the building and ensure I never run out of hot water in the middle of a shower again!"

"Sure, but the Hokage has blocked the owner from selling the building several times before, so I doubt the information will do you much good."

Nabiki grinned evilly before waving over a Ranma clone and whispering in its ear.

The clone nodded and held out a hand.

Nabiki happily forked over a few bills to the clone before he vanished out... the wall? "What the hell did you do to our living room?!"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Huh?" Naruto woke up for a second and glanced around before hitting the button to turn off his alarm which hadn't been ringing and then falling back to sleep.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Anko rolled her eyes. "Don't get your panties in a bunch. I'll be showing you how to fix it after breakfast."

Nabiki nodded thoughtfully. "Knowing how to fix walls is a handy skill for genin to have."

"Exactly!" Anko said brightly. "Part of your lessons will be in fixing shit you broke with a jutsu!"

The clone in the kitchen tossed in his two cents, "Anko-sensei, you are in all ways superior to the idiot we blew up."

Anko preened.

Yamato shook his head, amused.

"Two or three egg omelet?" the clone asked.

"Three," Anko and Yamato chorused, never passing up a free meal was one of the first things all ninja were taught after all.

Nabiki chuckled. "Not quite what he meant, but I agree with you two, a three egg omelet would be best."

The clone opened the fridge and pulled out several eggs the size of melons.

"What kind of eggs are those?!" Yamato demanded.

"Chicken," Nabiki replied.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"How big's the chicken that laid them?" Anko asked, amazed.

"Six foot four," the clone replied, not looking up from the mixing bowl.

"Where do you find a six foot chicken?" Yamato asked, stunned.

"Forest of Death," Nabiki and the clone chorused.

"Yeah, that'd do it," Anko replied. "But I'd think some of the local wild life would end up eating them before they managed to get that big."

The clone nodded as he flipped an over sized omelet. "And you'd be right. Took me several tries to figure out what I needed to do to keep them alive in there, but after that it was smooth sailing."

Nabiki caught a plate of food and put it in front of Anko, just in time to catch another two as the clone started on the next servings.

"So what was the trick?" Anko asked.

"Seven foot ten rooster," the clone replied.

"That's an enormous cock!" Yamato exclaimed.

"That's what I said!" Mihoshi said brightly, coming out of the bathroom dressed in her Galaxy Police outfit, which really resembled the bunny outfits designed by Hugh Hefner too closely to be coincidence.

"Ranma help you shave?" Nabiki asked hopefully.

"Yep!" Mihoshi replied. "See? No hairs sticking out," she said, pointing to the sides of the crotch on the unitard.

Nabiki nodded, happy to have avoided that chore as she felt she had way too many lesbian dreams for comfort as it was, without adding additional material from real life to fuel them.

"Then I helped him shave," Mihoshi finished.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"What would require him to be sixteen and would be enough to distract Nabiki?" Neji asked thoughtfully as he tried to puzzle out Ranma's reasons for (ruining his life) helping out his teammate.

"Marriage!" Tenten suddenly burst out. "Orphans can't get married until sixteen since they lack parental consent!"

"Would you say he and Nabiki are close?" Gai asked thoughtfully.

"Well, they do live together..." Lee said thoughtfully, unaware of the way everyone else's eyes had widened at his announcement.

"Ranma!" Tenten called out, startling everyone.

"Yo!" the clone replied, bouncing off a tree and landing nearby, taking in the situation. "Ah, showed them the first technique, I see."

"Yes, they all agreed to keep it a secret," Lee assured him.

"How fast can you do that technique?" Neji asked.

Ranma seemed to flicker, vanishing and reappearing on the other side of Neji, a flash of blue light fading across his abdomen to the group's shock and horror.

"You've killed him!" Tenten gasped.

"How do you figure?" Ranma asked, confused.

"You didn't just cut him in half?" Gai asked carefully.

"Of course not. The rock cutting blow cuts rock, not flesh," Ranma said as if it should be obvious.

"Then what good is it?" Neji snarked, hoping he hadn't wet himself and trying to cover up his fear.

"Cutting flesh is easy. I even have techniques that ignore armor and just affect the flesh behind it," Ranma replied. "I chose the rock cutting technique as a test for Lee because it is difficult to learn and has many uses."

"By learning a difficult technique he showed he had potential," Gai said suddenly.

"Exactly! There is a ... precision in energy use that my art requires to use it to its fullest extent," Ranma explained. "Cutting flesh requires little precision, even less is needed if you don't mind destroying anything in the way, but to split rock alone and affect nothing else, leaving a perfectly smooth surface… that requires talent."

"What are the other uses for such a technique?" Gai asked curiously.

"You can free people sealed in stone without worrying about harming them, for one," Ranma pointed out. "Countering earth techniques that use stone without using a lot of energy. Me personally, I use it for construction work. Anyone can shatter stone, but using that technique you can cut stone and build things in a small fraction of the time anyone else would need."

"It's even more impressive for needing neither chakra nor handseals," Tenten pointed out.

"Swift, silent, and all but undetectable," Ranma grinned. "I could build a house around a sleeping nin and not wake him."

"I will still beat you," Neji swore, flames igniting in his eyes.

"Yes!" Gai roared proudly. "That's the way, Neji! Let your Flames of Youth explode!"

Neji was instantly mortified.

Ranma chuckled. "Neji, I'm about to show you how far you have to go, but after that I'll tell you what you're doing wrong and how to get stronger, ok?"

Ranma handed a handful of forms to Tenten. "Hold these for me, please," he asked before covering his eyes with his hitai-ate and putting his left hand behind his back.

"Nobody's that good," Tenten complained as she saw where this was going.

Ranma smirked at Neji. "Any time you're ready."

Neji didn't hesitate to throw himself at Ranma, his hands leaving glowing trails of chakra in the air as he attacked.

Ranma almost chuckled. With Neji leaking chakra the way he was, Ranma could almost see him through the blindfold without bothering to sense chakra at all.

The fight was brutally one-sided.

A battered and bruised Neji hit the ground just seconds after the start. "How?!"

Ranma put his hitai-ate back on his forehead. "Let me counter that with my own question: why?"

"What?" Neji asked, confused.

Ranma chuckled. "Why do you keep challenging me with the same style when I beat it so many times before?"

"Gentle Fist is the greatest taijutsu art in the world. It has been refined and perfected by countless generations of Hyuga," Neji protested. "I simply need to increase my speed and skill."

"There is a saying: when all you have is a hammer, all your problems look like nails. You, Neji, only have a hammer. You need to get more tools."

"It is flaws with my technique, not my style, that is the problem!" Neji insisted morosely.

"Fine, take me to the most skilled practitioner of the gentle fist and if I beat them then you have to admit I'm right and start adding to your toolbox," Ranma said. After a moment of thought he added, "Oh and stop being a dick to Hinata."

"Agreed," Neji said quickly, looking forward to seeing Ranma forced to admit the superiority of the gentle fist.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Why do I feel a chill?" Anko asked as Ranma sat down at the table.

Nabiki chuckled as Ranma's orange juice froze solid.

Anko raised an eyebrow. "An ice bloodline?"

Nabiki giggled, despite her best efforts, and reminded herself to have Ranma teach her the Soul of Ice as well. "Something like that."

Anko pushed her glass closer to Ranma and pulled it back once the juice started to freeze. "Now that's handy," she commented as she sipped her slushy drink.

"So Ranma did a good job?" Nabiki asked Mihoshi.

"Oh yeah, his hands were a little cold, but I feel a lot better now and I'm sure he does too!"

"No problem shaving him then?" Nabiki asked as Ranma mechanically ate his eggs, ice and all.

"He held very still and I got it done without cutting him once!" Mihoshi said proudly.

"Seconds?" the clone offered cheerfully, glad to see someone else have to deal with girl problems for once, even if that someone else was himself.

"Where did all the eggs come from?" Mihoshi asked.

"The chickens guarded by Ranma's giant rooster," Anko replied.

"You have a giant rooster?"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Ranma sighed as Neji and Lee moved the downed trainer off to the side, to sit with the other taijutsu trainers he'd taken out. "Listen Neji, I think I've made my point."

"One final one, I swear," Neji promised. "If you beat the clan head, I will have to admit you're right."

Ranma frowned but nodded. He couldn't help but notice that the last several fights had been with unsealed Hyuga and Neji had definitely enjoyed the one-sided matches. Tenten had set down the papers Ranma had her hold and watched the fights with rapt attention, enjoying the sight of well-formed males doing battle. Unnoticed, one of the defeated trainers had picked up and read the papers and they'd been passed along to each defeated Hyuga in turn, garnering increasing approval and attention.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"You're late!" Sakura screeched.

"I was up late training with Ranma and overslept," Naruto replied.

"Isn't Ranma part of the team that injured their jounin?" Sasuke asked thoughtfully.

"Yeah, his team put the first guy in the hospital so now they got two other ones and man did they look beat coming in last night!"

"If you injure your sensei you get more and better ones?" Sasuke asked curiously.

Elsewhere, Kakashi felt a sudden chill.

Options

* "It's the standard paperwork for forming a new clan," one of the Hyuga pointed out. "If he beats Hiashi, I say we sponsor his clan and engage him to one of Hiashi's daughters."

"Shouldn't he have a wife already listed if he's applying for clan status?"

"He's got two listed down already. Nabiki and Mihoshi, so a third shouldn't be a problem. Just pencil her in."

* "Dodge!" - Boom option

* Tired of Naruto? Fine then just skip ahead to something else!

Typing by: Ordieth!

AN: Been a while since I worked on this one. Not sure where the previous chapters are.