This chapter is not what I thought it would be. I don't know if I like it but I'm posting it anyway.
You might not like what happens, but I promise that things will get better from here.
Thanks for reading! And thanks for reviewing. Your reviews mean the world to me.
Chapter 12
Monday:
Kurt opened his locker Monday morning and a note fell to the ground. He was scared it would be a threat, or that it would have something to do with Blaine. But, he picked it up, and the ripped paper read "Fag" in sloppy print. God, can't they think of anything more clever? Kurt thought.
He waited for Blaine to come to his locker, but he was taking longer than usual. Kurt shut his own locker and walked over to Blaine's. From a few feet away, he saw Quinn at Blaine's locker. Then, he saw Blaine, looking rather annoyed.
"Why would you leave?" Quinn asked Blaine.
"Because Kurt wanted to," Blaine replied. He seemed bored, like he had already explained this to Quinn a thousand times.
"So? What about what I wanted?"
"Quinn. Enough. You are not my girlfriend. You're barely my friend," Blaine said. Kurt walked to the locker and looked at Blaine, pretending Quinn wasn't there.
"The list for the glee club is up. But, I heard Tina tell Rachel that everyone who auditioned made it. Which, for some reason, made Rachel angry. But, whatever. Our first glee club meeting is tomorrow after school," Kurt informed him.
Blaine nodded his head, then looked at Quinn. "See you tomorrow, then," he said to her.
"Let's go walk somewhere," Kurt suggested.
"Let's just go sit in English or something," Blaine suggested back.
They walked off, leaving Quinn standing there.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked him as they sat down in the classroom. Blaine sat next to Kurt because he knew that the girl who sat there would be late to class anyway.
"Yeah, why?"
"Well. I don't know. You were wasted at that party, then you were incredibly hung over at my house all of yesterday, and now you don't seem to be in the best mood."
"I guess I just don't feel like being friendly today," Blaine said.
"Well, fine. You don't have to be," Kurt replied calmly.
Blaine didn't talk to Kurt for the rest of the period, and not for the next period either. Kurt couldn't find Blaine in between classes, and eventually he gave up looking. Something was wrong with Blaine.
During lunch, Kurt was the first one there. He figured Blaine might not even show up. He didn't even seem like he was in a bad mood, he seemed legitimately angry.
Blaine showed up after a few minutes. For a second, he seemed as if he was contemplating where to sit. But he, of course, sat with Kurt.
He took out his lunch and began to eat it immediately. He didn't even look over at Kurt.
"What's the matter, Blaine?" Kurt asked again.
"Kurt, I told you, I just-"
"No. What's really the matter? Clearly something's wrong. If you really don't want to tell me, that's fine, but if you're mad at me I think I deserve to know," he said. Blaine's face softened a little, but only for a second.
"You want to know what's wrong?" Blaine looked behind him. He spoke lowly. "They're still talking about us." Kurt looked back to see who Blaine meant. "I mean, not just them. All of them. Everyone. Everyone is this goddamn school thinks I'm gay," he explained. He was whispering very calmly, but Kurt could tell how angry he was. "Kissing Quinn didn't even matter. When I left the party early to go home with you, they all talked. David started telling people who didn't attend the party that I left Quinn to be with you."
"Isn't that what happened, though? You did leave the bedroom with Quinn to come home with me," Kurt pointed out.
"Okay, but that's not what people think. David's not saying that I just left with you. He's saying that I, like, went home with you," Blaine said.
"Which you did," Kurt said back. He wasn't understanding.
"But that's not the way he's telling people, you know? Kurt, what I'm trying to say is that people are under the impression that I went home with you to sleep with you. He's not directly saying that I slept with you, but that's what he's intending," Blaine whispered. Kurt blushed.
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"So, leave," Kurt said. "Go sit with someone else. Go make out with Quinn in front of the whole school. Actually, you know what you should really do? Hit me. Beat me up. Then people will know that we're not together."
"Kurt, I would never do that," Blaine assured Kurt.
"Then what will you do? If it bothers you so much, are you going to try and fix it?" Kurt questioned.
"I don't know, Kurt. Maybe I should just ask Quinn out. I mean, what else can I do?"
"You could ignore everyone and not care what people think about you, perhaps," Kurt offered.
"I don't want to be tortured. I don't want people looking at me funny because they're assuming things. I don't want David's parents to overhear him talking about it, and go on ahead to tell my parents."
"None of that will happen," Kurt promised.
"I'll figure something out," Blaine declared. They ate the rest of their lunch in silence.
"I'll talk to you later, Blaine," Kurt said as they parted.
"Okay," he replied.
Tuesday, After School:
"Welcome, ladies and gents. To McKinley's first glee club! This is very exciting. I've already printed out sheet music, we can start with Journey's song..." Blaine zoned out after a minute of listening to Schuester. He looked over to Kurt, who sat with a notebook in his lap. It looked like he was taking notes. Blaine could see fresh cuts on Kurt's writing arm. Who knows where else he cuts. Blaine couldn't help thinking that those marks were because of him.
He glanced at the notebook. Kurt actually wasn't writing notes, but he was doodling. There was a heart. Blaine tried to move over a little to see whose name was written in the heart, but Kurt felt Blaine's eyes looking at him, so he turned to a blank page.
Rachel Berry was seated right in front of Kurt and Blaine, and she raised her hand so violently, Blaine thought she might pull a muscle.
"Yes, Rachel?" Schuester called on her.
Rachel began speaking far too quickly, and Blaine was zoned out again. She stood up and asked if she could sing, and Schuester allowed it, saying that he liked her ambition.
They sat through her song and politely clapped when it was over. Blaine thought that she was good, but he didn't think anyone else compared to Kurt. Blaine also thought she was pretty, in a dorky kind of way.
All of the glee club members practiced Journey songs for a while, with small breaks to drink water and talk. Kurt would sip from his water bottle silently during this time.
During one break, Kurt went to the bathroom, so Blaine had no one to talk to.
"You sound great," he heard a high-pitched voice tell him. "I heard you from behind me, and you have a good voice," said Rachel.
"Oh. Well, thanks. You too," he said.
"We should get coffee after glee club is over today," she offered.
"Actually, I was going to go to the library with Kurt to study," he replied. "But, um, I can go to the library any time. So, yes, I'd love to have coffee with you."
"Great," Rachel said with a smile. Blaine felt uneasy about this, but Rachel was pretty, and he needed a girlfriend fast so everyone would stop talking about him and Kurt.
When Schuester ended glee club, Kurt waited for Blaine.
"Are we still going to the library or would you just like me to go home?" Kurt asked him.
"Actually, Kurt. Is it cool if I go with Rachel? She asked me to have coffee with her," Blaine asked. Kurt tried not to show the pain, but Blaine could see his face go pale.
"Yeah. That's okay. I'll see you tomorrow," Kurt said quickly. He walked out of the choir room before tears were able to stream down his face.
Kurt took a late bus home. He was still crying a little by the time he had gotten home. He couldn't see through his tears and he fumbled to get the right key to unlock the front door.
He walked over to the couch once he entered the house, picked up a small pillow, and threw it to the ground. Then, stomped on it. Then, picked it up and threw it again.
He didn't want to do anything he would regret, and he didn't want to allow himself to get angry over a boy. So, he grabbed his phone and walked out the door. He ran toward the woods and walked carefully over branches and leaves to get to his secret lake. Even through blurred vision, Kurt knew his way to the lake. He'd be able to find it with his eyes closed.
Kurt climbed onto his favorite rock and laid there. He let tears roll down his cheeks until he was all cried out. It's not fair, he thought. I was so close to having a boyfriend.
Kurt felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, but he ignored it. It vibrated again after a few seconds, and he checked it, thinking that his father had gone home to find that Kurt wasn't there.
Two new messages from Blaine Anderson
"Hey, you sounded really good in glee club today."
"Do you want to Skype when I get home so we can work on the science worksheet together?"
He typed back, "Thanks. And, yeah. Are you still with Rachel right now?"
Blaine responded, "Yes. She had to step out to take a call."
"I'll let you know when I'm home so we can have our Skype date," Blaine texted again.
Kurt calmed down and walked back to his house after a few minutes. He did some of his homework and made himself dinner.
After about an hour, Blaine texted Kurt and said, "I'm home, finally. Skype?"
Kurt replied, "Yup."
A minute later, Blaine was calling Kurt through the computer. "Hey," he said when Kurt's picture popped up on his screen.
"Hey. So, I answered the first question already. The equation is already balanced, so you don't really have to do anything," Kurt said.
"Are you alright?" Blaine asked. He was ignoring the homework.
"I'm fine," Kurt lied.
"You look like you've been crying, and you seem mad," Blaine noticed.
"Well, I'm fine."
"You're obviously not fine. Tell me what's up. Are you mad that I went out with Rachel?" Blaine asked. Kurt sighed.
"Why would I be mad about that?"
"Maybe because I ditched you. Or maybe you don't want me to date Rachel. Or Quinn. Or anyone really," Blaine said.
"What are you talking about? You can date whoever you want, I don't care," Kurt lied again.
"You left your notebook in the choir room," Blaine told Kurt.
"Um, okay? Why are you suddenly changing the subject?"
"I grabbed it for you," Blaine stated.
"Cool. Thanks, Blaine. Why are you telling me that right n-"
"I opened it when I got home," Blaine admitted. Kurt sat and thought about this. Why would that matter? Why would Blaine tell me that right now? He looked up at the computer, and Blaine was holding up the opened notebook. Kurt squinted to see what was written, and then everything hit him at once.
Blaine's name was written on almost every page of that book, in the corners or the margins. Then, on the last page, his name was written largely in a giant heart in red ink. Kurt felt nauseas.
Blaine put down the notebook and Kurt couldn't look at him.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" Blaine asked. Kurt couldn't form words.
"Kurt, look, it's okay. But, maybe you should have talked to me about it or something," Blaine said.
"There's a million reasons as to why you shouldn't have known about my feelings toward you," Kurt told him.
"Name one," Blaine challenged.
"Because it could ruin everything," Kurt answered.
"That's not true. It's good that I know. I was probably torturing you every time I talked about my confusion over girls and over my preferences and everything. You should've stopped me. Oh god I feel like a jerk."
"Blaine, shut up. None of that mattered to me. I liked when you came to me about your confusion. Because I'm your best friend and you should come to me about those things. Ugh, this is messed up. I'm going to disconnect and do the worksheet on my own. You can copy mine tomorrow if you want," Kurt said.
"Kurt, no. Don't go," Blaine pleaded, but Kurt had already pressed end conversation. He shut his lap top down and turned off his phone.
He put a note on the table just in case his father came home.
On a walk. Be back soon (ish). –K
He left his phone at the house and he ventured off into the woods. He wanted to be alone in his own world and pretend none of that ever happened.