Forests of MU

"And how are you planning to fund all of this?" Hermione asked.

"Kidnap Malfoy, and ransom him back to his parents," Harry said.

"What?!" the bushy haired witch exclaimed.

Harry chuckled. "I was only joking."

"Oh, thank heavens, I thought you were serious," Hermione said.

"Not now, Padfoot," Harry stopped his godfather from speaking. "Of course I'd never kidnap an entire person."

"Well good," Hermione said before frowning. "Wait, what do you mean an entire person?"

"One, intentional splinching 'accident' and I'd have all the hostage I need to insure both Draco and Lucy would pay any amount for its return. All I need is a specifically targeted travel jinx, a small box, and a pair of tongs."

"Tongs?" Hermione asked.

"I'm not touching Malfoy's twig and berries, for any amount of money," Harry said.

Everyone stared at Harry as they realized what his plan was.

"We're not worthy!" Fred, George, and Sirius chanted, falling to their knees and prostrating themselves.

The door to the meeting room opened behind them, showing the three pranksters worshiping Harry, while Hermione and the two younger Weasley siblings looked at Harry in horror.

"That's pure Evil!" Hermione exclaimed.

"No, pure evil would require me to procure some honey and a ready supply of carnivorous fire ants," Harry corrected her. "But you have a point."

Hermione narrowed her eyes, not falling for it.

Harry grinned. "I really should take the kid gloves off. I mean wizards and witches are all very... limited compared to those of us who were raised in the muggle world. I'm sure that even though you were thinking it was wrong to use honey and ants in this manner, another part of your brain was coming up with something that was even more effective."

They stared into one another's eyes.

"Protean charm and Icy Hot?" Harry guessed.

Hermione squeaked, "You learned legilimency?!"

"No, I just know the way your mind works. Now personally I'd go with a Hibachi grill, but Icy Hot would do the job."

"You're insane!" Hermione accused him.

"I'm not talking about summoning The King-In-Yellow here," Harry pointed out. "I'm not even talking about using the unforgivables, which the proper use of a deck of spelled playing cards would make worthless anyway."

"Marbles," Hermione disagreed. "Get the proper spin and you can reflect the spells back, playing cards would simply stop them."

"Space expansion charms twisted about," Harry corrected.

"Ok, that would work better than using crystalline structures to guide the spell back the way it came, probably easier to charm too," she admitted.

"Area effect spells would still be a pain, but it takes the unforgivables out of the equation," Harry agreed. "Are you sure you didn't want to join us?"

"Us who?" Dumbledore asked cautiously, revealing he and the order had been listening.

"Since you guys are breeding for laziness and incompetence, I thought I'd go the other way and start a society based on common sense," Harry said, deciding it actually sounded like a good idea and something to shoot for.

"Breeding?!" Hermione exclaimed, blushing bright red.

"I'm not saying we institute a policy or anything," Harry assured her, mistaking where her mind was going. "I'm just saying we encourage and surround ourselves with competent intelligent people who can pour piss out of a boot."

"Yet you're bringing Sirius," Hermione pointed out, shoving a set of mental images to the side.

"I also plan on actively teaching common sense and I need an example of what not to do," Harry replied.

"Was I just zinged?" Sirius asked. "Felt like I was zinged," he said confused.

"Nature vs. Nurture?" Hermione asked.

"If I can find someone competent to help," Harry tempted her.

"Well..." Hermione wavered as she considered what kind of world they could build.

"We could have spells in place that made politicians tell the truth," Harry said. "A society where intelligence and competence were as highly regarded as breast size."

Hermione blinked snapping out of it. "As regarded?"

"I'm trying to be as realistic as possible," Harry replied. "That means I have to shoot for achievable goals, which means dealing with reality and reality is that looks do count or should I bring up your crush on Lockhart?"

Hermione groaned. "I thought he did all those things he claimed!"

"Because he was pretty," Harry said softly. "If he hadn't looked that good you'd have taken a closer look at his claims."

"Ok, fine," Hermione conceded. "I suppose getting guys to acknowledge brains as well as breasts is as far as we can reasonably push it."

"Smart birds always did have the best ideas for having fun," Sirius admitted thoughtfully.

"Harry, we have not been breeding for incompetence," Dumbledore said firmly.

"Who's the minister?" Harry asked dryly making the old wizard wince.

Typing by: Stephenopolos