"Hermione!" Her mother's voice was distressed, carrying up the stairs of their home.
"Yeah?" Hermione sprang off her bed and rushed down the stairs. Normally she would go slowly, but something in her mom's voice told her it was important. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"It's Snuggles. He's horribly sick." She watched her mother cradle the tabby cat in her arms, kneeling on the carpet of the room. Her mom looked up at her with glistening eyes. "Oh, honey, I think he's going."
Hermione kneeled beside her mother carefully, handling the soft and frail cat with caution. Watching her beloved animal cough weakly and mewl in pain made tears prickle her eyes. She hugged him close, her tears making his coat of fur damp. Snuggles groaned, and Hermione stood up. "Come on, let's bring him to the vet."
"Alright. You go first."
Hermione lifted her wand and apparated to the vet office, hurrying the tabby into the examining room.
The animal doctors rushed around the room, injecting the feeble cat with drugs and medicine, checking his pulse, his breathing, getting organ x-rays with their advanced magic.
"Well?" Hermione's mother appeared behind her. "How is he?"
"I don't know. The doctors aren't telling me anything." She buried her face in her mother's shoulder. "He's dying, isn't he?"
"You never know."
She looked up, surprised to see Draco behind her mother. "What- How are you here?"
"Draco had come over after you had left, I just brought him along, figuring you would need the comfort." Her mother smiled softly, patting her daughter's back. "I'll go ask the doctor's what's going on and you can have a chat with Draco." She stepped away, into the room of flurry.
Hermione sat in one of the chairs. Draco took a seat beside her. They sat in silence for a moment.
"How are you?" Draco asked.
She hesitated. "I'm… I'm fine. Snuggles obviously isn't. And I guess that makes me not fine."
Draco looked around awkwardly. "Would you- uh, like to use my shoulder for mourning purposes?"
"Why would I be mourning already?" Her voice was panicky. "You think he'll die?"
"No! I just meant that you, uh, looked sad, and maybe crying it out would help." Draco looked embarrassed. "I didn't mean that Snuggles would surely die."
She relaxed. "I'm just jumpy, you know?"
He nodded. She leaned her head on his shoulder, looping one arm through his. "Thanks," She whispered, closing her eyes.
The door burst open and her mother stepped out, a distressed look on her face. "Hermione?"
"Yeah?" The brunette lifted her head.
"Snuggles is on life support right now. The doctors say he only has a day or two left. They want to know whether we would like to continue his life, or let him go now."
She sighed. "Letting him go now would make it less painful for him?"
"Not necessarily. They will have numbed him, so he won't feel anything, and will most likely be unconscious for the most of these few days. Letting him go now wouldn't be that painful either, since he is already on a numbing period now." Her mother kneeled in front of her daughter. "What do you want?"
Hermione closed her eyes. "Is it selfish to want to keep him? To make him suffer more days just so I can feel him breathe again?"
Her mother shook her head. "Not at all, 'Mione. He won't suffer. He won't feel any pain. I'm just worried about how you'll feel; the pain you'll feel."
"I… just let him go. I don't want to see this. I want to go home." She whispered. Her mother nodded and told the doctors to take Snuggles off of life support.
"Draco, dear, could you take Hermione home to sleep?" Her mother smoothed her daughter's hair.
Draco nodded and lifted his friend up and apparated.
She took a sleeping potion and went to sleep almost immediately. After hours, she woke up, her eyes heavy and a dull pain in her head.
"Draco?"
"I'm here."
"He's gone?"
There was silence. She sighed and closed her eyes. She felt her heart clench, the unbearable pain. She had lost part of herself with the poor tabby and now she felt empty inside.
She felt the pain and sorrow and horrible longing. But most of all, after minutes of crying, all she felt was nothing. Like her emotions had been wiped, taken away with the spirit of her cat. She had nothing left over.
Just. Nothing.
0000000000
"Hermione?"
She shook her head, clearing her muddled thoughts before looking up at Ginny. "Yes?"
"You've been staring at the same page in your book for the past hour." She sat down beside the brunette. "What's wrong?"
"I just…" She sighed. "I don't even know, Ginny. It's Draco. He's killing me inside my own head. I can't do anything without feeling guilty about him. What am I even guilty for? We knew it would never happen, that it was just wishful thinking; that we could be together in this torn up world."
Ginny was silent for a moment. "Maybe you still think there is a chance. That's why you feel bad about it, since you think that you rejected him when there was a chance you could be together, and you closed that door."
"But there wasn't. I know that. His family- it's too important to him and I can't even blame him for that since I know I would do the same too. And Harry and the problem of Voldemort, I can't back out on it, since that is the only hope for the world." Hermione ran a hand through her tangle hair.
"I don't know what to tell you, 'Mione. Some things you just have to live it out." Ginny said, patting her friend's back. "I'm sure your brilliant mind will figure something out. Just make sure your heart has its say too."
She gave a weak smile. "Thanks, Ginny. I don't know what I would do without you."
"I'm sure you'd be brilliant; just like you are now. All I've done is given you the pushes you need to show your brilliance." Ginny smiled. "Hogsmeade weekend. Want to go with me?"
"Sure. I already finished the homework for the weekend." Hermione smiled.
Ginny gave a light laugh. "Of course. Well, I want to go visit this one store…." The two girls chatted about their list of stores to hit and what they wanted to buy. "'Mione. You totally need to go shopping for clothes with me."
Hermione shook her head. "No way. You'd make me get things I can't wear in public for embarrassment, and I would never be able to make any fashionable statement. Let's just leave the shopping for clothes for you." She laughed.
"Fine. Go to sleep okay? You can get up early then," Ginny stood up and pulled Hermione up too. "And we'll leave in the morning."
"I will." She said, packing her books into her bag.
Ginny gives a nod and walks away.
Hermione sighed and raked a hand through her hair. This situation with Draco was getting out of hand. It was interfering with her studies and the time she reserved for her friends. She wished nothing had changed, and that Draco had either never been her friend, or that she had never found out about her blood status.
She walked slowly through the halls, unhurried, since it was rather early at night for her to be heading back to the dorms.
"Granger."
She turned to the blonde and heaved a sigh. "What?"
He walked up to her and followed her as she started walking again. "Nothing really. Just decided to annoy you." He had a smirk on, but to her, it looked half-hearted.
"Malfoy," She warned. "I told you to just let it go and go back to the tormenting. Not to kid about these things."
"I'm not kidding." He said. "Is my act of normalcy not good enough?"
She huffed and sped up. It was no use, since his much longer legs were faster and capable of catching up to her. "What are you still here for? Did you not understand my very obvious statements that were along the lines of 'I don't want you close to me, ever'?"
"I understood them. I just don't want to comply with them." he smirked at her frustration. "Besides, why should I listen to a Mudblood?"
"That's better," She said, rolling her eyes. "Back to the insults. We're definitely making progress here. Next up should be you sodding the hell off."
"Vulgar language is not becoming of you, Granger." The boy said.
"I really do not need you to reprimand me about my language. I could say the same to you. Now, leave."
He pushed her against the wall, his face close, and his eyes soft. "Do you really want me to leave you alone, Hermione?"
She breathed in sharply when he pressed against her. His white-blonde hair falling across his face, for once not gelled together, and his nose buried in her hair. His eyes were so deep, so soft and vulnerable, and she wanted to-
No. She would not give in to his 'soft' side anymore. That was something that always got her into even deeper trouble, and she didn't want any trouble that involved one Draco Malfoy.
"Yes, I do." She whispered. Then she shoved him away and continued walking, her knuckles white from gripping the strap of her book bag tightly. She didn't hear his footsteps following her and took that as a sign she could relax and let out a sigh.
She didn't have time for Draco's ridiculously childish acts. She needed to get her head in the game, and do some serious research on Horcruxes. Malfoy was not helping her get anything done at all.
She needed to wrap Draco Malfoy up into a tiny ball, a small, light-weight gray ball to tuck into the very back of her mind and keep from distracting her. She needed him to be nonexistent, a nothing. She folded the very idea of him in two, then three, and four, and five, and six, and eight, and nine, and on and on and on until he was no larger than a speck of dust in the corner of her vision of the world. She pushed and shoved him into the darkest recess of her mind, to keep him away and with him, all her troubles too.
And it was done, as she murmured the Gryffindor dorms password and stepped within the warm comfort of the heated room. Draco Malfoy was no more in the mind of Hermione Granger. He was nothing.
0000000000
Everyone though that Hermione Granger was a prude, a girl who never had a boyfriend. But they're all wrong. She did have a boyfriend, at least in the fourth year, she did. It was during the summer, and she had met him in Diagon Alley, and had bumped into each other. They had both apologized profusely, and ended up getting a drink together to apologize.
She remembered that he was the nicest person she had every met, like Neville; just always kind no matter how clumsy it seemed. She loved spending her days with him, even when she lied to her parents (yes lied) to sneak out to see him. She said she was going to see Drac;, Draco knew about her boyfriend, and helped her.
She had been happy, and to her, he had to. But then she found him kissing another girl. The girl had been gorgeous and jealousy immediately sparked in her. She had screamed at him and yelled and even ran up to slap him across his face before turning and leaving abruptly.
He had tried to talk to her afterwards, but after Draco had found out, he had sought him out and hexed him into leaving her alone.
She sat on the bank of the lake behind her house, feet dangling mindlessly into the clear water. She heard footsteps behind her and watched as Draco lowered himself down next to her.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked.
She sighed, looking back into the water and up at the clear blue sky, not a cloud in sight. For a moment she wanted to tell him, but from his pained expression- as if he really hated having to care about her feelings- she decided it was best that she kept her thoughts to herself. After all, she was thinking about her ex-boyfriend and Draco never seemed like he enjoyed the mention of him.
"Nothing," She said. Draco let out a sigh and opened his mouth like he was going to say something and left it there for a few lingering seconds. Hermione watched him, hopeful he would care for real, for once, and ask her about how she really felt. That he would call her out on this lie. But then the moment passed and him mouth shut, a resolved look crossing his face in a quick flurry.
"You free this weekend?" Was what he asked her, and she turned away in crushing disappointment. He hadn't asked; he was no different from the other "friends" she had had before. Then she shook her mind clear of the thoughts. It wasn't fair to Draco that way. He was a great friend, albeit arrogant and selfish, but she really couldn't expect him to suddenly care about how she felt over a breakup.
It wasn't fair of him to ask her in the first place though, but Hermione knew what he was doing. People ask about your troubles to feel as if they were comforting, useful, to you, and act as if they want to help you. But no one really wants to know how you feel and what you're thinking about. In their mind, just asking you is doing you a great service, and then they have gotten over with the "guilt" they have for not actually caring. Sure, if you said something was really wrong, they would inquire more about it, comfort you with plastic-y words and faux sympathy. But when you say "nothing" they don't see the real pain behind it, the real sorrow and anger behind your words, even as they are mumbled past your lips, frozen with sadness, even as they sit in the dead silence between you two and even as they seep into their ears and into their brains, engraving them in.
You hope they will hear it, and come to your rescue, to comfort you in your times of darkness, to be your savior from the dark recesses of your mind, which twist reality so everything seems like your fault.
But they never will, unless they have gone through it; experienced your real pain. Draco hasn't. He's always been the one to do the kissing, do the dumping; doing whatever that ends a relationship. He's never had the short end of the stick.
So she forgave him for not decoding the sorrow laced in her soft words.
"Yeah. Why?" She said. As if nothing had just happened between them, as if nothing had just gone racing through her mind in the few seconds she took to answer his question. Because that was always the safest route when something happens. Pretend it was nothing. Nothing.
0000000000
"Hermione!"
The brunette groaned, shifting in her sleep.
There was another sharp whisper, accompanied with a jab in the sleeping girl's side. This time, Hermione opened her eyes and shot up with a string of expletives hanging on her tongue. But she paused when she saw it was just Ginny, sitting on the edge of her bed, all dressed and prepped with makeup and stylish clothing.
"Gin-"
Ginny hushed her with a fierce finger slammed against her lips. She leaned in to whisper softly. "Everyone else is still sleeping. Keep quiet."
Hermione glanced around the room, her eyes grazing over the other girls in the dorm room with her. She whispered as well. "Then why are we up and talking?" Even in her whisper, she had a dash of sharpness.
Ginny grinned. "Well, so we can beat the crowds to Hogsmeade. Duh." She grabbed her friend's wrist and pulled her out of the covers. "Come on. You've got to get dressed."
Hermione sighed and pulled on a comfortable long-sleeved shirt and zipped up a fleece before pulling up blue jeans and black boots. Ginny was rummaging in her jewelry box- even though there was only at most five things, so what could she possibly be taking so long with?- and she let out a small gasp.
Ginny held up a thin silver chain with a sleek silver snake coiled around a glistening ruby. Seeing the necklace made her throat go dry. It was the one Draco had given her, the one he had said was too Slytherin and she had said was Gryffindor enough with that beautiful ruby.
"Where's this from?" Ginny quietly demanded. "I'm the only one that ever gets you jewelry. Did you buy it yourself?"
Hermione swallowed. It was true. All her trinkets were from Ginny, since neither Ron nor Harry dared to offend her with them. But she didn't want to tell her it was from Draco. She was afraid it would lead to more heartache and she wasn't ready for that so early in the morning. But she couldn't lie either. "It's a gift."
"From who? Why would someone give you something so, so Slytherin?" Ginny asked. Hermione felt her face heat up and she turned her head away. Then Ginny's eyes widened in understanding and she quickly slapped her mouth shut. "Oh my god, that sounded wrong."
"It's fine. It's from Draco. He got it for me for my birthday." Hermione mumbled.
There was a pause and Hermione was inwardly cringing at the outburst she was expecting. Instead, what came out was;"And why have you never worn it? Look at it! It's gorgeous! You have to wear it."
Hermione sighed and was about to say no.
"Don't you even try to argue. I could always go out there and go buy you the gaudiest necklace you have ever seen and force you to wear it. Now, put this on, right now." Ginny sidled over to the brunette and brushed her hair aside before clasping the necklace. Hermione almost cried at how much it was like when Draco had first put it on for her.
"Can we go now?" Hermione murmured, glancing at what the chain looked like on her in the vanity mirror.
"Yeah. Come on. You look gorgeous."
00000000000
The two girls shopped for hours, before; once again, they parted ways, Ginny for more shopping elsewhere, and Hermione for Paper & Parchment. As soon as she stepped in, she went to the front desk and asked for the key to the muggle books. The clerk gave it to her and she nearly skipped into the small room, joyful that she was to be experiencing more muggle fiction.
After selecting several that were similar in time period to that of Little Women, she hurried out and paid for them before heading to a small secluded café to indulge in them. After a while, she felt someone watching her and she turned to spot Draco only a few meters away. As soon as she looked up, he started walking her way and plunked down on the chair across from her.
There was no posse accompanying him this time, although he hardly ever did anymore.
Hermione remembered her necklace, which was hanging out sparkling in the sunlight, and reached to tuck it into her shirt. Draco was faster though, and he reached forward to grasp it lightly. He had a faint smirk on his face, his grey eyes studying the charm.
"You must miss me a lot to be wearing this." He said, turning the snake around. "I don't think you've ever worn it before."
Hermione flushed, but with annoyance. "No need to flatter yourself, Malfoy, Ginny forced it upon me."
He gave a chuckle. "Right."
Her voice rose. "She did!"
"Granger, no need to get all worked up about it. I was just making a little joke about the necklace."
But there is! She thought, you can't joke about these things. That's cruel. She wanted to reach out and slap him. But instead, she just stood up and pushed her chair in. She grabbed her bag and her books and started walking away.
She made it to the street before Draco caught up and pulled her gently into an alley.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" She asked, shrugging his hand off.
"I'm sorry for joking about your necklace." She could tell the words pained him. Malfoys never apologized. "I just, I just wanted to say that for real, I miss you."
Hermione sighed. "I do miss you, Draco. But you know we can never be friends so stop trying. We've gone over this so many times. You have family to protect and I have my own responsibilities."
"We could run away." The words coming out of his mouth were shocking her.
"Run away?" She echoed. Her words came out harshly. "Run away? You want to run away from this and leave the entire wizard community for death to- to Voldemort?"
"I-"
"You nothing.You're a coward." She stepped away from him. "I'm not going anywhere until Harry defeats Voldemort."
Draco reached out an arm. "I didn't-"
"Stop it. Just say nothing for once, alright?" She said, taking more rapid steps backwards.
"I'm-"His eyes were pleading, but Hermione couldn't let herself sink into them anymore. Remember, Draco is nothing, she told herself.
"I've got to go." She spun around and walked swiftly down the alley and merged into the steady flow of people.
Draco is nothing.