Hikaru knew instantly that whatever Haruhi had said to Kaoru was making him act strange. It was obvious over the next few days that his twin was on edge, giddy even, despite his blatant efforts to cover it up. No one else around them seemed to be aware that anything was different at all, but Hikaru just knew.

Often he would get the feeling of being watched as he sat in class, and every time he would glance across at his brother from the corner of his eye, he would see Kaoru staring at him with an implacable expression. And every time he would catch the pink tinge that would seep into his cheeks when he seemed to realise what he was doing. The whole situation made Hikaru uneasy and, after a week of it, he decided to confront Haruhi, and demand to know what was going on.

His chance came one afternoon after the Host Club wrapped up, and Kaoru disappeared into the bathroom, looking pale. Hikaru set aside the tea tray he was carrying and, without a word, grabbed Haruhi by the hand, leading her out of ear shot of the other members.

He turned to face her, ready to use verbal force if necessary, but was taken aback to find her wary smile in place of the expected confusion.

"You're worried about Kaoru right?"

Hikaru swallowed hard, not sure on what to say.

"Uh…" he cleared his throat and straightened up. "Yeah. You realised too then?"

Haruhi laughed softly.

"Of course. He may as well be wearing a neon sign."

Hikaru couldn't hold back a giggle at that. Catching himself and remembering he was meant to be on the offensive, he cleared his throat again and made his expression stern.

"What did you guys talk about? Whatever it was, it's had this effect."

Haruhi smiled and shook her head, holding up a hand.

"Sorry Hikaru, but I don't kiss and tell."

Something in Hikarus gut twisted painfully at her words. He knew it was just an expression, so why was he feeling angry?

The hand Haruhi was holding up came to rest thoughtfully on her chin.

"Hmm... That may have been a poor choice of words."

She seemed to get lost in thought then, and didn't notice Hikarus nostrils flare, or his eyes widen in displaced anger. Poor choice of words indeed. Hikaru was unable to stop the image of Kaoru and Haruhi together from springing up in his mind, and he felt a heat under his skin that he didn't understand. More than ever he needed to know what happened.

"Haruhi, tell me." Was his voice shaking, or was it the blood roaring in his ears? "Whats making Kaoru act like this?"

Haruhi had come too, and was now well aware of Hikarus emotion. She held up her hands again, very much on the defensive, but she still didn't budge.

"Look, Hikaru, I know you're worried, but trust me," she brought one of her hands down to rest lightly on his shoulder. "Kaorus just got a lot on his mind. He'll come to you when he wants to okay?"

She went to walk away, but Hikaru stopped her.

"Why cant you just tell me?" his voice cracked. "I'm worried about him…"

Haruhi sighed.

"It's not my place Hikaru. Just, trust me okay?" she gently misplaced the hand that was on her arm and gave him a warm smile. "It really isn't anything you need to worry about. Besides, if it's really getting to you, why not ask him yourself?"

She walked away in the direction of Hikarus abandoned tea tray, leaving Hikaru to stare at the ground. Why didn't he just ask Kaoru? To be honest, the thought hadn't even crossed his mind, and it worried him. The twins had never kept secrets from one another, and never felt like they couldn't talk to the other about something that was bothering him.

The memory of summer surfaced in his mind, and he felt a chill run through him. Wasn't that exactly what he was doing though? Keeping secrets from Kaoru? He swallowed the thought down, rubbing his face just as his brother was walking up to him. He gave a wordless smile, aware of the tension beginning to creep into the atmosphere, and returned to packing away the room.

That night he slept restlessly. Thoughts flew around his head as he dozed in and out of shallow sleep. He could feel Kaorus breathing through the mattress beneath him, and he knew his twin wasn't at peace either. More than once he almost spoke up, to ask him about the last few days, and to confess to his lies, but every time his voice caught in his throat and he just couldn't get the words out. So he feigned sleep, occasionally grunting or moving an arm or a leg as if he were dreaming.

He reasoned with himself. On one hand, the twins were back to being with each other twenty four/seven. Back to how things had always been between them, which is exactly what Hikaru had wanted. On the other hand though, something was bothering Kaoru, and therefore it was bothering Hikaru too. Something that Kaoru couldn't talk to him about, which actually hurt Hikaru more than it annoyed him.

He risked a peek at his twin, and saw between his thick lashes that Kaoru was wide awake and staring at the roof. The urge to say something swelled within him, but he bit it back. He was supposed to be asleep, what was he going to say? Utter despair crept its way into his chest, and he was forced to turn an involuntary whimper into a strangled sigh, jamming his open eye shut again and hoping Kaoru wouldn't notice.

Abruptly, he felt the mattress move beneath him, and he couldn't stop himself from peeking as Kaoru edged out of bed, obviously trying not to disturb his twin. Where was he going? The bathroom? No, he walked straight past the door! Was he sleep walking? No, Hikaru had just seen him wide awake. What was going on?

Silently, Hikaru watched as his brother slipped out of the room. A midnight snack maybe? Surely not, he ate so much at dinner it was a surprise his pants didn't split. Then where on earth…

Hikaru decided to follow him. Noiselessly, he slid out of bed and tip toed across the room, quietly opening the door and sneaking his head around out to the hallway. Kaoru was just disappearing around the far corner, so Hikaru crept as silently as he could over the floor boards, a thousand excuses for if his twin caught him running through his head. He reached the corner just in time to see a door half way down the next hall close. The guest bathroom? Why was he going in there?

Slowly, Hikaru made his way towards it, internally praying he wouldn't be heard. Not even thinking about what he was doing, he pressed his ear against the wood. He could hear an unsteady breathing on the other side, and he realised Kaoru must either be very close to, or even leaning against, the door. It dawned on him that he was in fact spying on his brother, and his stomach flipped, not entirely in distaste. He'd never, ever, felt that he had to spy on his own twin before, and the new experience was both shameful, and slightly exciting. He fought to control his own breathing as a feeling of eagerness grew within him. Of course, it could just be that Kaoru was having a late night shower… but what if it wasn't?

He heard movement on the other side of the door, and a few seconds later the sound of running water drowned out his twins breathing. Before long he felt the cool tendrils of steam from the other room around his ankles, and was surprised to find he was somewhat over sensitive to it. In fact, he was wide awake, excited and insanely curious. He pressed his ear harder against the door, sliding slowly towards the old-fashioned key hole, silently thanking whatever god may be out there that his mother was a traditionalist.

For a while all he could hear was the running water, and his excitement started to waver. Maybe Kaoru really was just having a shower. A pang of disappointment ran through him, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He wasn't sure what he wanted to happen, but whatever it was, it wasn't something as mundane as a shower in the guest bathroom. He was about to give up and go back to bed when a sound caught his attention.

Was that a moan?

He pressed his ear harder against the wood, his curiosity flaring up again. The sound of his brothers heavy breathing floated to him from the next room, occasionally interrupted by a whimper or a gasp, and Hikarus eyes widened in alarm as it dawned on him. Was Hikaru… was he masturbating? The word seemed to rebound around and around inside his head as new sounds seemed to scream their way into his ears. Splashing water, wet skin against wet skin, his brothers moans of pleasure… they crashed over him like a tidal wave.

Yet Hikaru didn't pull away.

His mind was crying at him to leave, to go back to bed, but he couldn't tear himself away. As he sat and listened to his twin pleasuring himself in the next room, he became aware that somehow, his own body was reacting. A warm, tingling feeling burst within him, spreading slowly out from his navel, and he felt his heart beat a little faster. Sweat beaded on his skin as he fought to control his breathing. What was he doing?

His twins voice from the other room brought him back to the present.

"H…ru…"

What? What was he saying?

"H… ru…"

He sucked in a gasping breath. A name? Was he calling someones name? Whos?

Hikarus skin was well and truly on fire now, and he felt his body shiver. His mouth watered, his heart pounded, what was he doing?

A gasping whimper from the bathroom made his fingers curled against the wood. He was desperately turned on, and a feeling of shame and disbelief engulfed him. He was listening to his twin brother masturbate, and it was turning him on. What kind of pervert was he?

Yet he couldn't move. His ear was still pressed against the wood, and his whole body was twitching, begging to be touched, pleading for sensation.

"Hi…karu…"

A whine escaped him. Had Kaoru just called his name? Surely not… yet…

"Kaoru…"

He was almost silent, his voice so quiet he wasn't even sure he had said it. His mind was reeling, his body uncontrollable. Before he could think to stop himself, his fingers had curled under his waist band, clutching hesitantly at his swollen arousal. Maybe this was all a dream? Surely it was all a dream…

He moved his hand.

It has to be a dream.

On the other side of the door, Kaoru called his name.

It has to be a dream.

Hikaru bit back his voice, wanting to cry out his pleasure, wanting to give in to the heat and the excitement. He leaned into the door, unable to support his weight on just his knees. His free hand splayed on the wood, scratching at the grain. His twins voice grew louder through the key hole, his breathing getting more and more erratic as he built towards his climax.

Hikaru had abandoned all rational thought as he lay waste to his body out in the quiet hallway. All he wanted was to hear more of his twins sweet voice, to hear his name called out drenched in ecstasy.

"Kaoru…" he forced himself to whisper. "Kaoru… oh fuck…"

He longed to see his brothers face as he heard what could only be his orgasm through the door. His hand moved furiously, desperate to join his twin. Hikaru barely had time to stuff his fist in his mouth, biting down hard as he reached his own climax. Stars burst behind his eyelids, and his mind went pure white. Of course he had masturbated before, but never had he experienced such intense pleasure as that. His body shook and convulsed, and his breathing was ragged and sharp as he slumped against the door.

A moment passed as he came down from the high, and as his mind cleared, he once again became aware of exactly what had happened. His heart beat heavy in his chest, and the sudden silence seemed to resonate in the empty hallway. He realised his hand was still resting against his thigh under his boxers, and he yanked it out as if he'd been electrocuted. Staring at the creamy white substance clinging to his fingers, a dreadful sense of horror started to dawn over him.

What had he done?

He scrambled to his feet, forgetting about the noise he was making. His head was reeling, his heart was racing, his legs were shaking. The sound of the shower was still drifting through the door, and it brought the fact that Kaoru was just on the other side of it back to his attention, making him freeze. He was a mess, floundering, unable to catch a coherent thought in his mind.

He had to go back.

Clumsily, he stumbled back along the hallway, hardly daring to believe what had just happened. Their room seemed to be such a long way away, even though it was only around the corner, and he was sure that any second his parents or a maid would appear in front of him and demand to know what was going on. The thought of trying to explain sent an icy shiver up his spine. How would anyone explain that?

He finally made it back to their room and all but crashed through the door. His wild eyes glanced around the darkened walls, searching for something, anything.

Bathroom. He had to clean up before Kaoru got back.

Before Kaoru got back.

He lunged at the bathroom door, clinging onto the handle for dear life. His whole body was shaking, his skin crawled and his head ached. He couldn't believe… he didn't want to believe what he had just done, and he forced the reality back.

In the bathroom, he leaned over the sink, the faucet pouring hot water and creating a thin mist around his head. Almost desperately, he splashed his face with the scalding liquid, washing the evidence from his hands at the same time. Almost on the verge of tears, he wrenched his boxers off, lobbed them into the laundry basket, and splashed himself with water until he was clean. His head spun in the confined space, and he crouched on the tiles, unable to deny it any longer.

He had masturbated to his twin brother.

Guilt and shame crashed over him, and he felt tears sting his eyes. What the fuck was he thinking? What the fuck had he done? What the fuck was he going to do now?

Right. What was he going to do now?

He clutched onto the question, needing to hold on to something, anything, to keep him from breaking down. Kaoru was going to come back soon, he needed to get back to bed and act like he was asleep. If Kaoru ever found out about this… No. He wouldn't.

With a new determination, Hikaru hurriedly patted himself dry. Hopefully Kaoru would go straight to sleep and not notice the state he was in. He repeated that thought to himself over and over as he climbed back into bed, tossing and turning a few times in a vain attempt to get comfortable and make it seem like he had never left. His heart was still pounding in his ears and he couldn't close his eyes while he waited in the silent darkness, and it wasn't long before he heard the sound of the door.

He almost held his breath, but managed to force himself to keep breathing steadily, scrunching his eyes shut and turning his head away as Kaoru gingerly slid in next to him. He prayed and begged that Kaoru wouldn't notice that he was awake, and was relieved that after only a few minutes, he was soundly asleep.

That night, Hikaru lay awake as far from his twin as he could get. It was the first night he could ever remember not having at least his pinky finger brushing against his brothers skin.