Acid Words

Summary – James and Scarlett talk about something important...words.

Note – After Season 2 Episode 6

Disclaimer – I do not own or pretend to own anything from either the Fallout games or from Nuka Break, the web-series (but I'm very happy to be a huge fan!)

"Damn it." I cursed and tore my helmet off, the sand scratching my throat as I sucked in the unfiltered desert air. It didn't help - I still felt sick to my stomach, and this time it wasn't 'cause I had been poisoned by a bald inbred asshole.

"James?"

"You okay buddy?"

"Fine." I said curtly, stopping in my tacks. Didn't really matter much since I was covering our rear. "Keep goin', I'll catch up in a minute." Or five.

"But James..."

"Go on." Added Scarlett, shooing Twig as he hesitated. She at least waited until he had disappeared over our current sand dune, joining up with Larry and Bonnie, before coming over to me.

"And you - what's wrong?"

"Ever wish you could take back words?" I asked bitterly, staring into her eyes. Their pure brown did the opposite of what I wanted and made me think of another pair, but ones almost pure white.

"This reaction is about words?"

The look on my face must have convinced her that it was more than it seemed since she frowned, actually thinking about what I had asked.

"Yeah, I have. But words are words - you just have to get over it."

Heh - words are words. Except these were made of acid and were etching themselves into my brain.

"When Twig said he couldn't come to rescue you, I said I was 'bringin' hell with me when I return.'- but it wasn't just me. Two of us went to get you, and..."

"Ben." Scarlett's breath was a like the whisper of a lash.

"Those words shouldn't have been part of it. 'I' and 'me'. There were two of us."

"You didn't mean it." She tried to argue, seeing now what words I meant.

"And then," I added bitterly, interrupting. "Then I told him he was all that mattered, the only family that I had left. After I had...had already written him off. The only good thing is that he never heard the first part."

She winced, putting a hand on my shoulder to comfort me, but it felt trapping, heavy - I shrugged it off.

"Look, you're not the only one."

I cocked my head at her, and she let out a large sigh.

"I regret something I said too. Bonnie and Larry heard it."

I looked at her. "Ron, Twig, and Penelope - but they haven't mentioned anything."

"They won't. I'm more concerned about Larry."

"Fair enough."

Silence stretched between us, and I was the one that finally broke it.

"What was it?"

"I said that no one else would die because of me...and then I was overjoyed when Ben tackled Daniels."

"...he would have been happy to know that..." I finally muttered after a few minutes, hearing slight sniffles and watching Scar wipe at her eyes.

"And he knows you would have died protecting him." She finally said, after the tears. "That's why he gave you an order. It was him protecting you too."

"I know." The words dropped out of my mouth like stones. "I knew it when he ordered me. I still feel like I failed him, like I caused his death, thinkin' the way I did earlier."

"It's not your fault."

"Not yours either."

"It doesn't stop it though, does it? Knowing we're not at fault."

"Stop the pain of losin' him, the pain of 'what ifs' echoin' in our heads?" I looked at her and saw the same truth written on her face. "No. They'll never stop."

"Come on then." She shouldered her weapon, nodding her head in the direction we were wandering in this time, trying to find Bonnie's home. "First round of drinks at the next bar are on me. We might not be able to stop them, but we can drown them out for a but."

"...at least until it doesn't hurt as much." I agreed, through I honestly had doubts. I had the feeling that this was going to be something haunting me for a long time.