Naruto VIHM3!

Part 1 Fragments chapter 50
Part 2 More Fragments chapter 31

The Hokage sighed heavily as he arrived at T&I headquarters and discovered Inoichi hiding in the center of a group of nervous ANBU. "What happened this time?"

"No idea," Inoichi replied, eyes darting about. "Exploding tags and poisoned senbon seem to be Naruto's latest tactics. I think it's his version of subtlety."

Anko laughed from the sidelines where she was drinking a cup of tea while sitting on the ceiling. "I love the kid's idea of subtlety." A half dozen of her snakes were slithering around the room tasting the air for intruders.

"Naruto, come out right now and I promise if we can't settle this to your satisfaction I'll come up with something horribly embarrassing for Inoichi to do to make it up to you."

"What?!" Inoichi exclaimed in shock.

"I am, of course, assuming one of his clan is at fault once more, as I know you would not want to risk my wrath over something trivial," the old man said with a trace of iron in his voice.

"Hai, Hokage-sama," the fish masked ANBU said from behind Inoichi, causing him to jump and squeal like a little girl.

"Who?" Sarutobi asked, knowing it wasn't Naruto.

"Ino Uzumaki," the ANBU said proudly. "Release!" The fish masked ANBU fell to his knees and shook his head. One of Anko's snakes slithered forward and morphed into Naruto. "And Naruto Uzumaki."

"Naruto..." the Hokage trailed off. "I'm stumped. Normally I can read a situation at a glance, but how did you get one of your classmates to marry you and assault her own father on the same day?"

"And how did you fool my snakes with a henge?" Anko demanded.

"The Ino that was left behind in my head, I adopted," Naruto said to the Hokage, before turning towards Anko, "and what do you mean fool your snakes?"

"My snakes are experts at telling when someone is under henge," Anko explained. "You'd have to alter your scent and heat signature to fool them."

"Let's continue this back in my office," the Hokage said, seeing Inoichi looked to be in shock over something that had occurred.

One quick shunshin later...

"Ok, Naruto," the Hokage said, taking his seat and lighting his pipe, "what happened this time?"

"Sakura-chan tried to hit me because she wanted my seat, so Ino-chan took over her body and then Ino Yamanaka did some jutsu with the word purge in it and now I have Sakura as well as Ino in my head!"

"The Ino in your head can use Yamanaka jutsu to take over others, just like Inoichi's daughter can?" the Hokage asked carefully.

"And unlike Yamanaka-san, it doesn't leave a body empty and defenseless," Naruto agreed.

"But how did Miss Uzumaki take over Fish-san?" Inoichi asked. "ANBU are trained to resist jutsu like that."

"She did the handsigns and I grabbed him so he couldn't escape," Naruto replied.

"Of course you did," Inoichi said with a groan as he figured it out. "And since she shares chakra with you she can take over anyone who has less chakra than you."

"So Sakura Haruno's body is currently comatose at the academy?" the old man asked.

"Ino found two of her in her head and had one in a headlock when she got purged," Naruto explained. "So I have Ino and Sakura in my head right now."

"Which explains why you tried to off him," Anko said cheerfully. "Now, how did you fool my snakes?!"

"I can't take the girls continually arguing and fighting! Wait... that's not fighting." Naruto stood there silently, his face red, a drop of blood beading under his nose, and a far off look in his eyes. A moment later he passed out.

"Anything to say Inoichi?" the Hokage asked dryly, not bothering to hide his amusement.

"My Ino is a little angel," Inoichi said desperately, trying to repress the knowledge that a copy of his daughter had just made Naruto have a nosebleed and pass out.

"And?" the Hokage asked as Anko cleaned up Naruto.

"And I owe him... a jutsu?" Inoichi guessed.

"And some training," the Hokage agreed. "However, I want to know how Naruto now has yet another passenger in his head."

Inoichi shrugged. "It's long been suspected that Haruno had a bit of a split personality, which would be required for this to happen. The decision to keep or erase the Haruno personality in his head is his, so I claim no responsibility for that mess. On the plus side, this saves Haruno-san a couple of years of therapy."

"How will this effect Naruto?" the Hokage asked seriously.

"Unknown as of yet," Inoichi admitted. "If he was anyone else, I'd worry about his health and mental stability. However, having been inside his mind, I can say he's uniquely suited to host a number of other minds with no danger of contamination or any concerns about chakra depletion, especially considering the training you've given him in chakra composition."

The Hokage sighed. "I knew I was forgetting something. I never did arrange for that training."

"I'll take care of it," Inoichi said. "I can't teach him any clan jutsu, but I do have a large collection of non-clan jutsu I've collected."

"Something non-destructive, please," the Hokage requested. "Keep in mind his poor control and large reserves."

"His control has improved," Inoichi pointed out, "but I can think of a few information gathering jutsu I wish I had when I was his age."

"I'll leave you to it then, but I would suggest you make time in your schedule to talk to your daughter about her use of clan jutsu on Naruto, unless you like being attacked by a devious prankster who is rapidly gaining in not only skills but also in accomplices," the Hokage said with a smirk.

Anko picked up Naruto. "I'll just take him back to his place," she said with a fake smile.

"Anko," the Hokage called out before she could leave.

"Yes, Hokage-sama?" she replied as innocently as possible.

"Buy him ramen and he'll tell you anything," he suggested.

"Thanks, Hokage-sama," she said cheerfully before vanishing in a swirl of leaves with the unconscious boy.

"I better catch up before she does something... unwise," Inoichi said.

The Hokage chuckled after Inoichi left. "Never a dull moment."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"How did you fool my snakes?" Anko asked, handing a large bowl of ramen to the academy student.

Naruto accepted the bowl eagerly. "I just used henge."

"Henge only effects the eyes," Anko said. "To fool them you would also have to have the same scent and heat signature as a snake."

"Yeah, henge," Naruto said between bites of ramen.

"Henge only effects sight, it's a visual genjutsu," Anko disagreed. "It only effects the one sense."

Naruto henged into a snake. Anko looked at the henge closely, noting it had impressive details. If she didn't know any better she'd have thought it was an actual snake.

Then he slithered up her leg.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Inoichi sat in the dojo inside Naruto's mind and drank tea with the mind clone of his daughter. Despite his best efforts, he soon found himself responding like she was his daughter and not just an echo of her. "You shouldn't have enough chakra to suppress a jonin," Inoichi said, shaking his head.

"Why not?" Ino asked, knowing the earlier excuse in the Hokage's office was just a smoke screen to hide clan secrets.

"Because you are getting the vital component from... oh," Inoichi said. "Ok, that makes a big difference. I forgot to account for Uzumaki vitality... A Yamanaka with Uzumaki vitality would be incredibly hard to block. I wonder how the genetics would-"

"Daddy!" Ino interrupted. "No setting up Naruto with me... even other me!"

"I'm here to teach you a jutsu," Inoichi said, changing the subject.

"Really?" Ino asked excitedly, completely missing the fact that her father hadn't agreed with her.

"Really," he assured her. "I may not be teaching you clan jutsu any more, but you know I do collect other techniques that I find even slightly connected to our specialty."

Ino perked right up on hearing that. While not being able to learn any new clan techniques was a bit of a sore spot, the chance to learn something Ino Yamanaka didn't know was enough to make her grin widely.

Looking at her former self through Naruto's eyes (literally), she'd seen how little effort she actually put into being a ninja, as opposed to how much effort Naruto did and was more than little ashamed. He'd proven so many of her previous opinions to be wrong that she now looked on her other self as a deluded fool and was looking for as many ways as possible to distinguish herself from her.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Things were just getting good!" Sakura complained, cocooned as she was in several furry red tails.

"There is a time and place for sexual activity," the fox said, amused.

"Here and now," Sakura agreed.

"You have no concept of restraint, do you?" she asked.

"Bondage? Count me in!"

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Anko held up the limp snake. "Why does he keep passing out with a nosebleed? He didn't even slither anywhere interesting yet."

Typing by: Ordieth