This is the last chapter!
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Chapter 30
"I can't do it, Blaine," Kurt said nervously on the bus ride home from school. He and Blaine decided he would tell his dad the truth. Kurt even thanked Tina and Mercedes for dropping by, and he apologized for getting angry.
Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand and squeezed it. "What's bothering you?" he asked soothingly.
"How am I supposed to tell my father what's going on? How am I supposed to look him in the eye and tell him how I feel like there's something dragging me down every step of the day? I don't want to see his disappointed face."
"Please don't worry. The goal here is to get you some help, and we agreed that telling your dad was the first step," Blaine reminded him.
When they got home, Kurt ran up to his room, and Blaine followed, although he didn't know why Kurt was going up there. Usually they went straight to the kitchen for a snack.
"What are we doing?" Blaine asked with curiosity.
Kurt found the box where he kept his razors. Blaine's heart started beating really fast when he saw what was in Kurt's hands.
"What are you doing?" Blaine asked angrily.
"Follow me," Kurt said back.
They ran downstairs, Kurt was holding the entire box. He put on a heavy coat and boats, and Blaine did the same as well. He ran out the door and Blaine shut it behind them, he didn't bother locking it because he had no idea how far they were going.
Kurt walked around the house to the backyard, and marched toward the woods. Blaine caught up to Kurt and went to hold his hand, but then he stopped himself because Kurt was holding that box so tightly.
They walked silently through the woods. Kurt was thinking in his head that it was nice that Blaine followed him without questions.
They reached the bridge that went over the stream. The water was frozen, however. Kurt strolled right over the bridge, then turned around to wait for Blaine, who went right over it, too, with no problem. Kurt laughed under his breath, remembering how scared Blaine once was of going over that piece of wood.
They reached the secret lake, and Blaine laughed. He looked at the rock where he and Kurt had their first kiss.
He looked over at Kurt and smiled, but Kurt was too busy to notice. He was digging in the ground.
"What's going on, love?" Blaine asked tenderly.
"I'm burying this box," Kurt replied with determination.
Blaine kneeled down to help Kurt dig.
He placed the box in a deep hole, and covered the hole with dirt and snow. Kurt made sure the hole was completely out of the way of anyone's path, so they wouldn't accidentally stumble upon it. Not that anyone knew of the lake, anyway.
"Thanks for helping, Blaine."
"Not a problem. Were all your razors in there?" he questioned cautiously.
"Yeah. I don't want them anymore. I don't want to rely on them," Kurt answered simply. Blaine could tell that Kurt was trying to act strong, but putting that box to its death was not an easy task for him to do.
Blaine hugged Kurt and held him tight. "I'm very, very proud of you, Kurt," he whispered into his ear.
Kurt released himself and began to walk back to the house. "Oh, wait!" Blaine called out. He waked over to a tree. "Come here."
Kurt followed Blaine's orders and walked over. "What?" he asked.
Blaine whipped out a key. "Let's carve our initials." Without waiting for a response, he started carving a B into the tree. He, then, drew a plus sign and handed Kurt the key.
"Put a K," he ordered.
Kurt did so without hesitation. He gave the key back to Blaine, and then Blaine drew a (sloppy) heart around the initials.
"That key is ruined now," Kurt pointed out.
Blaine shrugged. "It was my house key. I don't need it anymore. My home is wherever you are."
Kurt blushed. They walked home hand in hand.
After they finished their homework, they mindlessly watched TV, sometimes dozing off during the commercials. When they heard Burt pull into the driveway, Kurt suddenly became wide awake. He sat up straight on the couch and let go of Blaine's hand because his own got too sweaty.
"Relax," Blaine said quietly and calmly. "Everything's fine."
Burt barged in and said hello to the boys. "You okay, son, you look a little sick?" Burt said to Kurt.
Kurt's eyes widened a little bit, but his dad didn't notice. "He's just tired," Blaine said in response for his boyfriend. Burt figured something was wrong since Blaine had to speak up for him.
He nodded his head. "Okay, I'm going to go have some dinner. You two hungry?"
"We ate, thank you," Blaine said politely. Burt walked into the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge.
In the living room, Kurt sat on the edge of the couch. Blaine rubbed his back but Kurt could barely even notice.
"I'll go upstairs to your room while you talk to him if you want," Blaine suggested.
"I'm gonna go talk to him right now," Kurt said, standing up. He was shaking, but he seemed determined. Blaine stood up too.
"Oh, God, okay. I'll be upstairs. I love you so much." He kissed Kurt on the lips and left.
Kurt walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. He didn't talk or even look at his dad, who was eating cold chicken.
"Okay, what's going on? You haven't been this nervous since you came out," Burt joked.
"I don't want you to be upset or scared or disappointed. But, I have to tell you something," Kurt began. Burt pushed aside his plate and sat up straight, giving Kurt his full attention.
He continued without waiting for a reaction from his father. "I don't really know how to say it. But, for the past few years, I've had a problem. I got really sad for a while. Like, permanently sad that wouldn't go away. And, I didn't know how to handle it, so I kind of just took my anger out on myself. I began self-harming," the words were barely audible, but Burt was playing such close attention that he still caught it. "But, I've decided to quit doing that, because it wasn't good for me and it made my friends upset and it made me feel self-conscious. Blaine and I thought it was important to tell you because maybe there is something that we can do." His mouth was extremely dry, and he took a sip of the glass of water that was sitting on the table, not caring that it wasn't his.
Burt rubbed the back of his head. "Obviously that's not something every parent wants to hear, but I'm glad you came to me before things got any worse. I hate feeling like I need to borrow money that isn't mine, but since Blaine's father is offering to pay most of your college funds along with Blaine's college, I'm going to have to take it. And I'll use the money we've been saving up to get you a good psychiatrist or therapist or whatever it is you'll need to get better."
"Wait, what? Blaine's dad is paying for us? Since when?" Kurt questioned.
"Oh, yeah, I spoke with him one day while you two were at school. I wasn't going to take the money, but right now it seems like the best option," Burt explained. "But, don't think about that. Let's focus on you. It's good that you told me, I'm very proud of you." He got up and hugged Kurt, then sat back down. "I'll look into whatever help you need, kiddo," he promised.
Kurt got up and thanked him, then ran to his bedroom.
"How did it go?" Blaine asked immediately.
"Did you know that your dad is paying for our college?" Kurt snapped.
"Since when?"
"Apparently he talked to my dad about it. He said he wasn't going to take the offer from your dad, but now it seems like the best option," Kurt stated.
Blaine shrugged his shoulders. "Well, my dad doesn't need all that money, anyway. I sure don't mind."
"He's trying to buy his way out of your life, Blaine," Kurt exclaimed.
"So, let him. If he doesn't want to act like a father anymore, that's his choice. There's nothing we can do about it, so we might as well accept whatever he is offering," Blaine said bluntly.
Kurt sat down on the bed. "I would have never imaged that this was how my senior year would turn out."
"What do you mean?"
"Every year of high school was the same for me. Walking around from class to class alone, coming home to an empty house, being miserable all the time. Then, you showed up and everything changed. You provided me with friendship and adventure and love. I mean, we started the glee club together and even ended up living together. You brought color to my life," Kurt said.
Blaine tried to hide his smile but he couldn't. He didn't even know what to say. Kurt leaned in and kissed Blaine on the lips briefly. He could feel how warm Blaine's cheeks were.
"Thanks for being there when I needed someone the most," Kurt whispered.
Blaine smiled again and reached for Kurt's hand. They lied on the bed together in comfortable silence.
June 16
Kurt and Blaine made it through the rest of their senior year without any problems. Blaine had seen his parents a few more times because he knew once he went to New York for college, he was never going to come back. His father had no problem paying for their tuition. That way, Burt could pay for Kurt's therapy, which helped him a lot.
The last time Kurt self-harmed was sometime in January, before he buried his box at the secret lake. As he went to therapy, Blaine could see color come back into his face. He could see the sparkle in Kurt's eyes that he had only ever seen in pictures.
"Where should we go out to eat after graduation is over?" Tina asked the group.
Blaine looked over at Kurt. "How about the pizza place?" he suggested, and Kurt laughed.
"Yeah, that sounds good," Mercedes commented.
Blaine put his varsity jacket over Kurt's shoulders. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you, too."