There he was. The Doctor. Love for him swelled from both sides of her heart, drowning out –for the moment- the part of Rose that whispered, kill.
"Let me see you?" he asked, a note of pleading in his voice. When she froze, afraid to make any movements, he continued, "It's all right."
With shaking hands, she raised the visor, the conflicting impulses to throw herself into his arms and to pull her gun on him fighting for control.
He smiled, and it broke her heart.
"Hello." His voice was so soft, so filled with love and understanding.
Inside, Bad Wolf howled and Rose laughed.
"Doctor, I can't-" Bad Wolf had won the voice, but Rose controlled the hands.
"Shh. It's all right. I understand," he comforted her, voice suspiciously thick.
Her hand crept toward her side.
"Doctor! Please run –" slowly, slowly the gun rose. Didn't he see it? Didn't he know what she was meant to do? "Leave!" she screamed, her hand horribly steady. She tried to turn it, to point the gun at her own head. Hadn't she done it once already? Killed herself so as not to kill him? But then she realized – that was what the suit was for. A spacesuit meant to deflect space debris would have no trouble with a bullet. But, they'd been building this since before she was Melody. How long had they known?
When she'd seen him on the TARDIS, in the first few days she'd spent in this body, he'd seemed so infinitely sad. She knew why. She felt it. Not only was she trying to kill him, she was going to succeed. Here, and now. Because time was fixed.
Tears streamed down her face
"Please, please," she begged him, though for what, she wasn't sure. Even he was helpless in the face of the reapers. She'd seen it. "Please…"
"It's all right," he assured her again, the only thing he seemed able to say "Don't fight it. Some things are meant to be."
The sound of her scream was drowned out by the rapport of her gun.
He stumbled backwards, almost falling from the force of the bullet. Oh god. She'd shot him!
He hunched over, legs unsteady. Wheezed in a breath. Looked up at her. And smiled.
Forgiveness. From the man she loved as she murdered him.
"I guess this really is my last chance so say it." He took a deep breath; fought his way up right. The gold of regeneration leaking around the edges. "I – "
Twice more she shot him, devastatingly accurate. Once in each heart. He reared back, stumbled; fell, and went still.
The regeneration energy evaporated.
Rose laughed once, and went forever silent. The Doctor was dead. Numb, River turned away, stepping back into the cool stillness of the lake water.
Dead. Dead! The Doctor is dead. Her mind gibbered over and over while in the deepest part of her, Bad Wolf howled.
The conditioning was still there. Would always be there. But, now satisfied, it no longer held any power over her. She could meet a past version of the Doctor, (she would never be meeting a future version) and he would be perfectly safe from her. Because – oh, god! – she'd already killed him.
Gentle hands caught her. Stripped her of her suit and redressed her in her clothes. They took her from place to place. Made her sit; instructed her to eat. She did what they wanted; what did it matter now? She was dead. Had been since she pulled the trigger. Her body just hadn't caught up yet. Only one thing got through to her from beyond the haze.
"...there you go, Sweetie. Home, safe and sound. You did such a good job. Why don't you sit down? There's a good girl. Oh, I know. You've had a bit of a shock. Life takes us that way sometimes. But don't you worry. It'll fade soon enough. You can do whatever you want, now. Won't that be nice? We won't bother you again…"
She closed her eyes and drifted off; looking for the silence of death.